an Oldie but a goodie:

Men Should Listen

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells, "PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

11 Signs of PMS

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You add chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing with everything you say.

5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that reads, "How's my driving--call 1-800-***-****."

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

11. Three little letters (M, E, and N) send you into an uncontrollable rage.

Definitions By Gender

THINGY (thing-ee) n.

Female: Any part under a car's hood. Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n

Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger."

Male: What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal. Also good for mooning.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.

Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.

Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.

Male: Anything that can be done while drinking.

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.

Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

Male: Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2&1/2 min.

And finally, my favorite

Cosmetic Surgery

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?"

God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live."

Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it.

She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?"

God replied, "Shirley! I'm sorry but I didn't recognize you!"

Some of these are fab - the differences between men and woman made me chuckle!

the first one was pretty funny

This made my day!

Excuse me Sbk ; but please allow me to add this:

Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. Has Mr. In it;

Female has Male in it;

She Has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;



It is normal then to find men inside women !

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend most of their time trying to go back between the legs of a woman...... Why?

because: IT'S HOME SWEET HOME !!!!!!!

Very good zaza!

Giggles from grey cold Swissland!!!!

Giggles from grey cold Swissland!!!!

Is it still cold and grey in Swissyland? Getting warm and sunny here in the Pool!