Frankly, I'm disappointed by the response. I was hoping someone would have supplied a contact number by now.

I will have to ask the maid if she knows a good gardener, though, I'll have to wait until the wife gets home because the maid's English is deplorable and I don't speak the lingo.

Guess you'll have to fire the whole lot of us your majesty,

Yes good servants are getting hard to find, maybe you can start a servant forum for maids, gardeners,

I think your just stirring the pot,

No, I am an American. Remember us?

Ahhhhhh......that explains everything dearie.

OK, folks, let's wrap this up (for poor amanda's sake lest she gets to look more foolish than she does already)

I don't have a hi-so Chinese wife.

I have never had a gardener or, a maid.

I couldn't give a rat's arse who comes to Phuket, or, not.

I'm an oilfield worker presently offshore in the Bay of Bengal.

The motivation for my little prank was to try and liven up my local sub-forum which was one step away from dying of boredom. If you look at the number of views, I think it worked. Hopefully those attracted to the two spoof threads, also looked at the others.

I hope I have given entertainment to some, and to those that were outraged, angered, shocked, I hope you won't hold it against me.

My sides hurt so much during this thread that I've decided to come clean (though most people had rumbled me, American females excepted)

Well, in the words of the immortal Douglas Adams "So long and thanks for all the fish".

It really has been a fisherman's dream.

Let me put it another way. The price the gardening companies charge is outrageous, mainly because the company takes the lion's share of the money. If I hire an individual, not only is it a lot cheaper for me, but, the gardener gets the whole lot, which is a lot more than the poor gardener that works for the company.

that is correct. our land is smaller and our single story house has a big footprint. initially i planned to hire a company, got several quotes each 4,000 Baht/month for 3 times 4 hours a week. hired a fulltime (6 days a week) gardener for 7,000 Baht who did a good job and most of the time i sent him home after lunch. unfortunately i had to fire him months later as he requested several times "a couple of free days" to go to his village which always turned out to be "couple of weeks". then a year ago our live-in maid suggested to hire her newly wed husband as a gardener and we are quite happy with his service. no such thing like specific working hours or specified lunch break. all we want is that the garden looks neat, and it does.

Some neighbours returned to the uk for eight months and offered my Thai husband 500 baht per month to take care of their garden and clean their pool. They even asked if I had a Paypal account so that they could transfer the 500 baht monthly. Nice couple.

How much work did they expect.. If its a once a month whip round, grass cut, thats not really that odd IMO.. I have a guy on the estate who does a day garden work for 500 and once a month would be ample for the smaller place I now have.

My last villa had large full on landscaped grounds.. Twice a month a full team would turn up.. 8 to 10 of them.. Trucks, tools, etc etc etc.. 2k baht per month.

The pool however I would leave to a specialist.

It was probably just insensitive to offer market rates to a neighbour tho.. But I dont see those rates as being unusual.

The payment idea was just daft tho..

How much work did they expect.. If its a once a month whip round, grass cut, thats not really that odd IMO.. I have a guy on the estate who does a day garden work for 500 and once a month would be ample for the smaller place I now have.

My last villa had large full on landscaped grounds.. Twice a month a full team would turn up.. 8 to 10 of them.. Trucks, tools, etc etc etc.. 2k baht per month.

The pool however I would leave to a specialist.

It was probably just insensitive to offer market rates to a neighbour tho.. But I dont see those rates as being unusual.

The payment idea was just daft tho..

They expected the numerous plants/palms in their garden to still be alive when they returned to Thailand. So once a month wouldn't do would it? They also expected him to clean their pool, (I have a pool and am fully aware it requires cleaning at least once a week) and if it had been raining, just so they'd get their money's worth, they expected him to clean down their sandwash.

Now. You tell me. As a White Man. Would you do all of this for a derisory two quid a week? Would you, as a White Man not be offended by this er, 'offer'? Request to pay per month by Paypal (My god ...) notwithstanding.

By the by, I have recently discovered that the going rate for pool cleaning alone is 3k per month. A friend also has to shell out 800 baht for one day's grasscutting.

So next time anyone here needs to go back to wherever they came from to earn some more money, do think twice about asking your put upon neighbours to take care of your house/garden/pool for peanuts/free whilst you are away.

Sir Burr,

Yeah, I can probably give you a few references. Not sure because you're down south, but my people can ask around for someone good.

If you're interested, send me a PM on the other channel. I don't check in here often.

Let me put it another way.

The price the gardening companies charge is outrageous, mainly because the company takes the lion's share of the money.

If I hire an individual, not only is it a lot cheaper for me, but, the gardener gets the whole lot, which is a lot more than the poor gardener that works for the company.

But, and this is a big but; I'm only willing to hire a gardener that is hard working and knows his business. My hibiscuses and roses are my pride and joy and I wouldn't let just anybody with a pair of secateurs loose on them.

Iv'e read the post and I'm not sure but I know one thing I wouldn't let just anyone with a pair of secateurs loose on my hibiscuses

How much work did they expect.. If its a once a month whip round, grass cut, thats not really that odd IMO.. I have a guy on the estate who does a day garden work for 500 and once a month would be ample for the smaller place I now have.

My last villa had large full on landscaped grounds.. Twice a month a full team would turn up.. 8 to 10 of them.. Trucks, tools, etc etc etc.. 2k baht per month.

The pool however I would leave to a specialist.

It was probably just insensitive to offer market rates to a neighbour tho.. But I dont see those rates as being unusual.

The payment idea was just daft tho..

They expected the numerous plants/palms in their garden to still be alive when they returned to Thailand. So once a month wouldn't do would it? They also expected him to clean their pool, (I have a pool and am fully aware it requires cleaning at least once a week) and if it had been raining, just so they'd get their money's worth, they expected him to clean down their sandwash.

Now. You tell me. As a White Man. Would you do all of this for a derisory two quid a week? Would you, as a White Man not be offended by this er, 'offer'? Request to pay per month by Paypal (My god ...) notwithstanding.

By the by, I have recently discovered that the going rate for pool cleaning alone is 3k per month. A friend also has to shell out 800 baht for one day's grasscutting.

So next time anyone here needs to go back to wherever they came from to earn some more money, do think twice about asking your put upon neighbours to take care of your house/garden/pool for peanuts/free whilst you are away.

No once a week visits is way to much.. I imagined a once month grass trim and throwing 500g of salts / chlor in the pool and fishing out any leaves... For that couple of hours work monthly the number is about right and about what I would pay my handyman guy.

3k a month in my last house had pool cleaner come every other day (it was totally excessive, but done by the past landlord) thats hardly the same as an unused pool that just needs 5 mins to rechem it.

But the comparison to what I (the assumed white man) would work for is just ludicrous.. When the local handyman can make 500k USD per annum tell me, then we can discuss the alternatives they have open to them. The work that I can do and the work he can do dont really come into the equation do they.

And as to asking neighbors how much I would charge I would think thats very un neighborly.. How Thai to imagine what you can immediately earn from your neighbor.. Personally I would collect a neighbors mail, and give them a hand simply as they are my neighbor's.. If they bring me a bottle of wine or something then fine, but the idea of asking for money from them, seems as low as offering 500 baht to me. Course that wouldnt extend to doing the garden, I dont even do my own, but I would gladly keep an eye on a workforce and check up on the property for them, no payment required, I would hope that they can do the same when I take my vacations.

How much work did they expect.. If its a once a month whip round, grass cut, thats not really that odd IMO.. I have a guy on the estate who does a day garden work for 500 and once a month would be ample for the smaller place I now have.

My last villa had large full on landscaped grounds.. Twice a month a full team would turn up.. 8 to 10 of them.. Trucks, tools, etc etc etc.. 2k baht per month.

The pool however I would leave to a specialist.

It was probably just insensitive to offer market rates to a neighbour tho.. But I dont see those rates as being unusual.

The payment idea was just daft tho..

They expected the numerous plants/palms in their garden to still be alive when they returned to Thailand. So once a month wouldn't do would it? They also expected him to clean their pool, (I have a pool and am fully aware it requires cleaning at least once a week) and if it had been raining, just so they'd get their money's worth, they expected him to clean down their sandwash.

Now. You tell me. As a White Man. Would you do all of this for a derisory two quid a week? Would you, as a White Man not be offended by this er, 'offer'? Request to pay per month by Paypal (My god ...) notwithstanding.

By the by, I have recently discovered that the going rate for pool cleaning alone is 3k per month. A friend also has to shell out 800 baht for one day's grasscutting.

So next time anyone here needs to go back to wherever they came from to earn some more money, do think twice about asking your put upon neighbours to take care of your house/garden/pool for peanuts/free whilst you are away.

No once a week visits is way to much.. I imagined a once month grass trim and throwing 500g of salts / chlor in the pool and fishing out any leaves... For that couple of hours work monthly the number is about right and about what I would pay my handyman guy.

3k a month in my last house had pool cleaner come every other day (it was totally excessive, but done by the past landlord) thats hardly the same as an unused pool that just needs 5 mins to rechem it.

But the comparison to what I (the assumed white man) would work for is just ludicrous.. When the local handyman can make 500k USD per annum tell me, then we can discuss the alternatives they have open to them. The work that I can do and the work he can do dont really come into the equation do they.

And as to asking neighbors how much I would charge I would think thats very un neighborly.. How Thai to imagine what you can immediately earn from your neighbor.. Personally I would collect a neighbors mail, and give them a hand simply as they are my neighbor's.. If they bring me a bottle of wine or something then fine, but the idea of asking for money from them, seems as low as offering 500 baht to me. Course that wouldnt extend to doing the garden, I dont even do my own, but I would gladly keep an eye on a workforce and check up on the property for them, no payment required, I would hope that they can do the same when I take my vacations.

I find your comment 'how Thai' to be rascist in the extreme. If you read the post carefully, you will see that these particular neighbours, asked us to take care of their property for the EIGHT MONTHS they would be back in the UK. Of course it did strike me that, bearing in mind, we were very new acquaintances, and that they had at least two long-standing friends living closer to their house, who are living here all year, that we were indeed being taken advantage of. Mmmm. Eight months bit long for a vacation don'tyathink?

Let your gardener have an hour for lunch- that is reasonable. I'd also let him arrive at a time he chooses, the roses don;t need him there early , do they? If the work is satisfactory I would do whatever it takes to keep a worker happy because they deserve it for doing the jobs we don't want or can't do.

I'd also pay way more than min wage if you can afford it. I don't blame any worker for slacking on those wages ....

Let me put it another way.

The price the gardening companies charge is outrageous, mainly because the company takes the lion's share of the money.

If I hire an individual, not only is it a lot cheaper for me, but, the gardener gets the whole lot, which is a lot more than the poor gardener that works for the company.

But, and this is a big but; I'm only willing to hire a gardener that is hard working and knows his business. My hibiscuses and roses are my pride and joy and I wouldn't let just anybody with a pair of secateurs loose on them.

Schoolboy error old chap, you should not overly concern yourself with the minature of the running of the homestead.

Yes of course standards are to be kept but what Master has the time or inclination to check the length of time a gardener takes for lunch. Indeed I do not recall ever even seeing my gardeners but their work is a credit to them and to me as their Master.

Of course occasionally one would imagine that there is some slippage in the service provided but the servants hierarchy should deal with this in house long before any inadequacies are noticeable by any member of the Master’s home (let alone the Master himself!).

Whilst credit may be given for allowing your native wife to remain in work this is one example of how dangerous such ‘progressive’ attitudes are chipping away at a gentleman’s traditional expatriate lifestyle. Whilst we are of course in Siam it does little for our respected positions to become relaxed about the best way to do things. I suggest a wholesale culling of staff as they are likely all infected by this slapshod workethic now and in any case your status as a good Master (and hence them as good servants) has been questioned if only accidentally by circumstance. Of course merely call in your Number One Boy, explain you met the gardener and he will understand the embarrassment caused and he will do the honourable thing and immediately leave with all the staff before any more shame is brought on the household.

Within the little community we will I believe forgive you this folly as I believe you had been recommended your N.O.B by that normally delightful Frenchman north of Kamala. Whilst I understood your original frustrations in locating suitable staff upon your arrival perhaps you will allow your own countrymen to guide you on such an important matter as this. I have relayed your predicament to my N.O.B. and he has advised your new staff will arrive shortly. They have previously worked for a true gentleman (English) so no slippage can be expected.

However I have taken the liberty to ensure that they are aware the Lady of the house is a native so as not to cause any loss of face all round. That is of course not a criticism of your household but you will of course be aware that whilst this seems to be something the younger generation are embracing and depending on good breeding on her part should not be feared, those before you never felt the need to elevate a native to that position whilst of course still being able to privately enjoy the particular ‘charms’ of hand maidens and the like. (Although I am having difficulty reconciling her having any employed work with good breeding).

Whilst it is with pride for us here that Bishop Pallegoix noted that slaves are 'well treated in Siam--as well as servants are in France; and I, from what I have seen, would be inclined to go even farther, and say, better than servants are treated in England’, one must not lose sight of the difference between treating ones servant well and treating them incorrectly or the whole thing will come crashing down around our ears. Standards must be kept.

With that I hope this matter may be put to bed so to speak and we can all move on with our lives without pausing to recall this embarrassing incident.