Short Jokes

[WillyL]

A boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.

She asks, "What part is it?

The boy says, "I play the part of a husband."

The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

*******

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. The husband walked in.

She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day."

Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

*******

“But doctor,” lamented the young husband in counseling, “whenever Sue and I quarrel, she becomes historical.”

“You mean, hysterical,” said the doctor.

“No, historical. She is always digging up my past.”

*******

Your Honor,” began the defense attorney, “my client has been characterized as an incorrigible bank robber, without a single socially redeeming feature. I intend to disprove that.”

“And how will you accomplish this?” the judge inquired.

“By proving beyond a shadow of a doubt,” replied the lawyer, “that the note my client handed the teller was on recycled paper.”

*******

A tornado hit a farmhouse just before dawn. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.

“Don’t be scared, Susan,” her husband said. “We are not hurt.”

Susan continued to cry. “I’m not scared,” she said between sobs. “I’m happy ‘cause this is the first time in 15 years we’ve been out together."

*******

An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company.

He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

She quickly responded, "The living one."

*******

A married woman has a lover. It’s no secret, her husband and all there friends know about it.

One day, the woman suddenly dies. At the funeral, to the embarrassment of all, the boyfriend is there and is crying hysterically.

Finally, the husband can't take anymore of it.

He approaches the man, puts his arms around him and says "Please don't carry on like this. I'll marry again."

*******

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."

The next day he received a hundred letters.

They all said the same: "You can have mine."

*******

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

*******

Little Jackie’s mother was on the telephone with the child’s dentist.

“I don’t understand it,” she complained “I thought his treatment would only cost $20.00, but you have charged me $80.00.”

“It is usually $20.00, madam,” agreed the dentist, “but Jackie screamed so loud that three of my other patients ran away!"