Is It Possible To Be A Faithful Partner In Los?

[Dustoff]

The Penthouse Forum is a forum like this one,only in Penthouse magazine,where people lie about their sexual exploits,much like this one.

Why would someone bother to lie about being faithful in an anonymous forum.I can see lying about it if you sign your name,but why lie if it is anonymous?as far as all these studies about infidelity and cheating,there are many studies,all saying different things.Anyone can show some study which proves whatever point that they wish to prove.As far as the deal about everyone does it so it is okay,maybe this just means hel_l is crowded.This whole argument reminds me of something I read about pedophiles.It said the internet made child molesting more prevalent because sicko perverts can get on internet and find other sicko perverts to make them feel like they are okay.I am not saying here cheating on wife is as bad as baby rapers.I am just saying it is a similar argument.

So, lemme see if I get this.. If everyone on these forums are lying, does that mean that you...

Edited June 28, 2008 by Dustoff

[bonobo]

The Penthouse Forum is a forum like this one,only in Penthouse magazine,where people lie about their sexual exploits,much like this one.

Why would someone bother to lie about being faithful in an anonymous forum.I can see lying about it if you sign your name,but why lie if it is anonymous?as far as all these studies about infidelity and cheating,there are many studies,all saying different things.Anyone can show some study which proves whatever point that they wish to prove.As far as the deal about everyone does it so it is okay,maybe this just means hel_l is crowded.This whole argument reminds me of something I read about pedophiles.It said the internet made child molesting more prevalent because sicko perverts can get on internet and find other sicko perverts to make them feel like they are okay.I am not saying here cheating on wife is as bad as baby rapers.I am just saying it is a similar argument.

Way, way off base. When you say "I am not saying here cheating on your wife is as bad as baby rapers...," yes you are tarring with the same brush.

And guess what? Pedophilia is illegal and considered wrong by just about every culture in the world. The vast majority of people shudder to even think about it. Sex outside of marriage or a relationship is not illegal. Not in the EU. Not in the US. Not in Australia. And not in Thailand. So your attempts to link them are way off base.

I don't see too many posters "bragging" about their "sexual exploits" here. Some people merely admited that they have strayed. As far as "cheated," well, if someone does anything with the full consent of their partner, how is that cheating? I fail to make the connection.

Anonymous forum? Do you really think that partners do not know about TV and know their partners' username?

Whether you believe 85% is too high or not, anyone with half a brain can tell that fidelity is not as prevalent as the opposite. And this is not in any way to try to use what others do to "justify" any action. It is merely a point to say that this type of action is not the exception to the rule. And whether you are exclusive in a relationship or not, understanding that proclivity can help you better understand yourself and help you in your own conduct.

I don't want to bring in my personal life again, but your point about hel_l seems rather personal to me. So I will say this. I would imagine that in most ways as Westerners view it, I have a higher moral standards than most men. I do not lie or steal. I don't drink, smoke, or take drugs. I give both my time and money to charities. I do pro-bono work for a Thai village improving their economic viability. I have never pushed myself sexually or in any other way upon a woman. I don't go to bars, nor do I avail myself of prostitutes. I try to be polite and understanding, and while I am not 100% in the kharma camp, I try to act as if it is true. All in all, I am a good guy. But yes, I do occassionally enjoy the company of other women. With the full approval of my partner, and with the full approval of the other women.

If I am taking your comments too personally, so be it. But I rather think hel_l will be far more full of people who harm others than little old me.

[Dustoff]

A good tip I learned from one marriage counselor was to ignore everything said before the “but…” and pay particular attention to what comes next.

Well said, VJ...

[Dustoff]

I am going to place my confidence in a multitude of scientifically conducted surveys...

Good idea and I always enjoy your posts, bobo-no-no.

A decade or four ago, National Lampoon magazine published the results of their studies which proposed that the human male has sufficient blood to fill his brain or his penis but never the two at the same time. This would seem to support the "temptation" hypothesis which may be best represented in the following graphic:

[expathaimonkol]

I said people lie in this forum,but I didn't say everyone lies.There is a difference.As to the other guy who said he is basically a good guy and so on but cheats on his girlfriend but she says its okay,I was wrong to say anyone going to hel_l.Not up to me of course.And also,in some countries adultery is punishable by death.I am not saying I think it should be,because I don't.But fact is some places it is.ince you have internet you can look it up.

[bonobo]

I said people lie in this forum,but I didn't say everyone lies.There is a difference.As to the other guy who said he is basically a good guy and so on but cheats on his girlfriend but she says its okay,I was wrong to say anyone going to hel_l.Not up to me of course.And also,in some countries adultery is punishable by death.I am not saying I think it should be,because I don't.But fact is some places it is.ince you have internet you can look it up.

Once again, I ask you: how is it "cheating" when both people accept or even approve ot it? Cheating is when someone does something against the rules. If as a couple, your rules allow it, then it isn't cheating. I am not sure why this simple concept is so hard to grasp.

And yes, adultery can be punished by death in some countries. They also put women who have been raped in jail or cane them (or even stone them to death) because they were not married to the rapists, or cut off hands of people who steal a loaf of bread.

Pretty barbaric, I think, but irrelevant to this thread as we do not live in those countries. We live in Thailand, and sex outside of marriage is not illegal here.

[expathaimonkol]

Erm,whatever that means.It is a new word I guess. This concept that is supposed to be so hard to understand about everyone cheating on everyone else is in fact difficult for most people to understand in regular society.I see now that the stereotype of so-called expats is actually very common.If anyone thinks that the rest of society thinks all this swapping stuff is normal then they have been here too long.

None of the expats I know personally ,actually,have this open relationship people are talking about here,so maybe most of the stereotype expats are just on this forum.In fact,now that I recall,I knew a guy in the US who had an open marriage.He would bangm these women and tell his wife about it.One day she came home and told him about this black guy she screwed,and how much she liked it and all,same as Open marriage Guy,So he stabbed her 42 times with a butcher knife.He was a schoolteacher.Now he is in prison.I wonder how many deals like that end up the same way.

[bonobo]

Erm,whatever that means.It is a new word I guess. This concept that is supposed to be so hard to understand about everyone cheating on everyone else is in fact difficult for most people to understand in regular society.I see now that the stereotype of so-called expats is actually very common.If anyone thinks that the rest of society thinks all this swapping stuff is normal then they have been here too long.

None of the expats I know personally ,actually,have this open relationship people are talking about here,so maybe most of the stereotype expats are just on this forum.In fact,now that I recall,I knew a guy in the US who had an open marriage.He would bangm these women and tell his wife about it.One day she came home and told him about this black guy she screwed,and how much she liked it and all,same as Open marriage Guy,So he stabbed her 42 times with a butcher knife.He was a schoolteacher.Now he is in prison.I wonder how many deals like that end up the same way.

I give up. You are too hidebound to see that all people do not think as you.

I never wrote that open marriages are common. I never mentioned "swapping," although that is certainly one form of open marriage. Open marriages are in fact not the norm. From figures I have read, at most 10% of relationships are open, and probably much less than that would be the actual number.

I did write that science indicates that most people will cheat at some time in their lives, and the numbers bear that out. Even many posters where who now profess fidelity admit that they have strayed in the past. And that makes them part of that 85 %.

And I am sure you really knew this guy who stabbed his wife 42 times (By the way, why is it important that the guy the wife slept with was a black guy? It seems like you are implying that race make her actions somehow more egregious.)

Most people here are not writing about open marriages but rather cheating where the partner does not know about it. Only about two posters are writing about any degree of open marriage. I actually do not like cheating as that is breaking a trust with someone you love. And that is why I agree with posters who recommend not getting yourself in a postiion where you might be more likely cheat.

BUt if a couple chooses to invite another couple over for an evening of dinner, conversation, and intimate activities, who are you to say they are going to hel_l? (And yes, I do realized you retracted the going to hel_l comment.)

And with that, I leave you. You ignore the points made in posts and bring up fanciful and far-fetched consequences. So be it. I hope you are happy in your easy complacency of knowing what is right and wrong with the world.

[expathaimonkol]

Okay I do see your points here.I am part of the number who has cheated as I already admitted.I cannot tell people how to live as they cannot tell me.I have lived in US,Thailand and for the last few years in England as my father has business all those places. I believe that there is a decline in values in all places I lived,and I suppose the world.The family is not the same as it was and there is less decency in the world,less respect for other people,less integrity and moral values. But this is the way it is and I think it will only get worse.

As for the guy who killed his wife,the fact is I know this story because I used to be a correction officer and this guy was locked up where I worked. As for him killing the wife because she was sleeping with black guy,I only mention this because this is the fact.Whether this is politicaly correct or not doesn't change the reality.The point is the guy who killed his wife told me he killed her because she had sex with a black guy,and if the guy was white he probably wouldn't have done it.So this is his problem,not mine.I am also finished with this discussion.

[RakJungTorlae]

Okay I do see your points here.I am part of the number who has cheated as I already admitted.I cannot tell people how to live as they cannot tell me.I have lived in US,Thailand and for the last few years in England as my father has business all those places. I believe that there is a decline in values in all places I lived,and I suppose the world.The family is not the same as it was and there is less decency in the world,less respect for other people,less integrity and moral values. But this is the way it is and I think it will only get worse.

As for the guy who killed his wife,the fact is I know this story because I used to be a correction officer and this guy was locked up where I worked. As for him killing the wife because she was sleeping with black guy,I only mention this because this is the fact.Whether this is politicaly correct or not doesn't change the reality.The point is the guy who killed his wife told me he killed her because she had sex with a black guy,and if the guy was white he probably wouldn't have done it.So this is his problem,not mine.I am also finished with this discussion.

What’s with your life story? People killing there spouse because of Adultery is not a uncommon sight. Your friend sounds like a moron. I also have a mate who killed his gf Not because she sleeped around, its because he was sleeping around and she faced him about it. And he still walks free. But knowing this he is not my friend anymore and I do not want anything to do with him.

[disgruntled]

As far as I know Robert Mugabe and Osama Bin Laden are faithful men.

Why is this even an issue? Those who bring it up are jealous of those who have more freedom then theirselves, they think people having sex with more than one person hurts society or families, or they have a religious agenda. If you want to complain, then you should complain about the people who lie. That's it, the men and women who liar to their spouses and others. You should be angry at the liars in government too. You should be angry at the men who lie to start wars and kill thousands of people for their beliefs. If you support a liar then you too are a liar. Don't join the unfaithful liars.

[expathaimonkol]

Friend? What friend? I worked at prison.Guy was an inmate.No friendship involved.And as for people having more sex or more freedom and other people being jealous about it.Be serious.This is Thailand and any farang regardless of how old they are,what they look like or whether they have personality or not can have all the sex they want and more.Everyone here is a sex machine if they want to be.Even guys that couldn't get laid in the west with a fistload of fifties.

And what does bin Laden have to with any of this?

[OlRedEyes]

Centuries of indoctrination has left most people unable to face the simple truth that monogamy is unnatural. You are trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole, as evidenced by the skyrocketing divorce rate and cheating.

Slowly, carefully, people are starting to admit publicly that monogamy stinks. This is not a result of the so-called 'moral breakdown of society', it's a result of people - slowly being freed from the control of religious and other power-hungry 'leaders' - refusing to bend to unnatural control.

Referring to a previous post re avoiding temptation - if the natural desire to have sex with a woman is so strong that you have to desperately try and avoid being in her company so as not to cheat, surely even you can see that monogamy is unnatural. Do yourself a favour. Dump the brainwashing and be true to yourself, not some clown who teaches you crap for his/her own gain.

Cheating is 'wrong' IMHO. I agree with bonobo, harming others is wrong. That is the only moral guideline I have retained. If you are in a relationship, lying will hurt your partner (and yourself). Find a partner that can accept that sex and love is not the same thing.... Set up an agreement that works for both of you IN THE LONG TERM. To be able to do this takes some seriously evenhanded honesty.... Being honest with yourself is not an easy thing to do sometimes. Most fail.

Bonobo, your posts show a lot of insight.

Edited June 29, 2008 by OlRedEyes

[disgruntled]

^ Agree with Olredeyes

Expatthaimonkol, As for the bad guys well, their faith hasn't helped too many people. If they were getting some action to relieve their stress I would think they might not be so violent.

[OlRedEyes]

One other thing - the conventional 'wisdom' being thrown around this board about the reaction of Thai women and monogamy ( you know, the cut the c*ck brigade) is a load of rubbish IMHO. Cheat on her, and she will be as jealous and pissed off as any woman has the RIGHT to be. After all, you are lying to her. But Thai culture is much more accepting overall of the man's natural sex drive and if you can have a reasonable discussion up front you'd be amazed how many will be much more progressive than their western sisters....

Just don't make the silly mistake of trying to do a deal that just profits YOU.

[thaibkk]

all those man thinking with nothing more than their little d_i_c_k...

trying to stick it in with some LOS girl for their 3 minutes of personal please ...

bought (married, but let's called it "leased" as you will never own it, just pay all those yours and then lose it all)

or quick "rented" (charged by the hour or night) girl ...

just keep that little thing in your pants and save it for your wife !

[OlRedEyes]

all those man thinking with nothing more than their little d_i_c_k...

trying to stick it in with some LOS girl for their 3 minutes of personal please ...

bought (married, but let's called it "leased" as you will never own it, just pay all those yours and then lose it all)

or quick "rented" (charged by the hour or night) girl ...

just keep that little thing in your pants and save it for your wife !

What a small restricted view you have.... widen your horizons and you'll see a whole world you don't even know exists.

[eek]

all those man thinking with nothing more than their little d_i_c_k...

trying to stick it in with some LOS girl for their 3 minutes of personal please ...

bought (married, but let's called it "leased" as you will never own it, just pay all those yours and then lose it all)

or quick "rented" (charged by the hour or night) girl ...

just keep that little thing in your pants and save it for your wife !

What a small restricted view you have.... widen your horizons and you'll see a whole world you don't even know exists.

Not all men think with their smaller head you know

[12DrinkMore]

I regularly visit the soapies, or take a short time, or a quickie in a massage parlour.

To be honest, it just satisfies the urge of the moment. 99% of the time it makes me appreciate the little lady at home even more. I wouldn't even want to be seen in the street with the vast majority of the girls I have shagged. But they add a little spice to my life, and I like that.

I assume that the little lady suspects that I do this, but I am discrete. I would not sit at a bar with a brainless bar girl playing bar games in view of the public. I know she would loose a lot of face and be upset if she or one of her friends saw this.

[siamamerican]

One other thing - the conventional 'wisdom' being thrown around this board about the reaction of Thai women and monogamy ( you know, the cut the c*ck brigade) is a load of rubbish IMHO. Cheat on her, and she will be as jealous and pissed off as any woman has the RIGHT to be. After all, you are lying to her. But Thai culture is much more accepting overall of the man's natural sex drive and if you can have a reasonable discussion up front you'd be amazed how many will be much more progressive than their western sisters....

Just don't make the silly mistake of trying to do a deal that just profits YOU.

I'm not judging you and nor do I have the moral base to so, but do you really think Thai women are that different. Many x-pats are the power figures in the relationship and make the rules. If you asked your ask your Thai partener if she would rather you not sleep around, I bet she would opt for not sleeping around. This same women would demand it in the west. It's the situation more than the culture.

[roygsd]

when you are venerable. [/size][/font]

I suspect you mean vulnerable, venerable means something entirely different, but is really quite apt for this thread

Moss

Its equally possible the poster meant venereal, which is more relevant to the topic than vulnerable?

Roy gsd

[roygsd]

When I was single and married guys told me that they had no desire for another woman, I didn't believe them. I was sure they were liars.

Now that I have found the right woman, FINALLY found the right woman, I have discovered that I have everything I could want and no desire to stray. Either your relationship is right or it isn't.

i totally agree with you, someone with a brain, if your in real love how could you want anybody else, sex with a loving partner is better than any bit of sleazy back street sex

I'm assuming you've place yourself in the demographic "with a brain" which helps with the tenor of the conversation.

There are so many different kinds of people and when you match them up in combinations of two and more it's some factor of 6,000,000,000 that I don't know how many zeros to add. For you maybe these things are true – but they are not necessarily some constant of the universe like gravity. (Which I guess if I were an astrophysicist might be even malleable but that's another subject I know even less about.)

My point is this: take a moment with that oversize cranium of yours and consider that your values and perceptions might not be applicable to all people. There is nothing wrong with your values and perceptions – they are yours and stick by them. I try, like any flawed person, to stay tuned to my true north – and that's a learning process. What I like, where I take pleasure, what the meaning and experience of love is – these are all very personal to me and a journey of discovery to this day. Along the way I have learned not to let other people define what's "the right way". There's a line of people at my doorstep, waiting to evangelize and moralize a point of view and over time what they say to me has become less interesting than wondering their motivations are to say it in the first place.

please dont bother swallowing a dictionary again, then u wont have to waste ur time writing endless sentences that could be said in half a sentence to get ur point over

Wow! Criticizing a poster because he can write well-formed sentences and even spell correctly? This is a rough crowd!

I guess I never realized that mastery of English was somehow detrimental!

Steady on, some people here might confuse the word detrimental with a form mental illness

Roy gsd

[wineman]

I hope she catches you, cuts it off when you're asleep, and then divorces you for everything you've got.

[roygsd]

One other thing - the conventional 'wisdom' being thrown around this board about the reaction of Thai women and monogamy ( you know, the cut the c*ck brigade) is a load of rubbish IMHO. Cheat on her, and she will be as jealous and pissed off as any woman has the RIGHT to be. After all, you are lying to her. But Thai culture is much more accepting overall of the man's natural sex drive and if you can have a reasonable discussion up front you'd be amazed how many will be much more progressive than their western sisters....

Just don't make the silly mistake of trying to do a deal that just profits YOU.

I'm not judging you and nor do I have the moral base to so, but do you really think Thai women are that different. Many x-pats are the power figures in the relationship and make the rules. If you asked your ask your Thai partener if she would rather you not sleep around, I bet she would opt for not sleeping around. This same women would demand it in the west. It's the situation more than the culture.

I suspect that most thai wives/gf's who the poster here confirm are agreeable to their man having sex with another woman

fall into one of three groups.

1. Consider there man as a meal ticket and really does'nt care for him anyway.

2. Resent what he is doing but the likelyhood of financial hardship if she complains leaves her with little alternative but to

put on a brave face and put up with it. If these women were financially independent of their male I strongly suspect most( but maybe not all) of the guys who claim the wife is ok with his behaviour would be out on his ear the moment the wife found out about it.

3. She is grateful for the fact she doesnt have to put up with his sexual demands.

4. She knows the guy isnt as good as what he would like to think he is.

5. She is just waiting for the right moment to strike back................

I am sure there are a few other alternatives but there is much merit to the expression " a woman scorned" as I know to my cost, but for a friend of mine seeing the knife plunging down on my chest and grabbing her knife arm and knocking the crazy !*** to the floor with a knock out punch I would not be here today.

Not that it matters but I was not married to her, in fact I only knew her for a few weeks before I called it a day.

She just didnt like being rejected and decided to kill me , sure she was nuts, but fella's I dont think shes the only one thinks like that!

Men often say they are dying for a shag, when the knife is 2 ft from your chest and approaching faster than you can react I am sure those guys might like to reconsider the matter.

That was over 25 years ago, bumped into her 4 or 5 times since that event and she still finds it funny and suggests we meet up again, not ....KIN likely!

She actually said I should treat it as a compliment!!!

On a lighter note the guy who saved my life ( who was married and had a family at the time) ended up doing the business with her for a few months after that and ended up moving 200+ miles away with his family without telling her. This guy divorced and remarried a few years later and about 23+ years after moving away returned back to live in the same area.

I visited him and his wife during the xmas holiday at their new home and almost died laughing when he and his wife told me of a caller to their home just a few days earlier, yep, you got it, it was the nutter!

She had a young man of around 20 with her and she was very polite and apologised for callin like that, but explained she had cancer and just wanted her son to meet his father!!!!!

As this pal of mine left the area some 2 years prior to the bith of this poor lad my pal was clearly not the father but delined to correct the woman, apparently, now this young man who it transipres has a bad drug habit and other issues turns up from time to time for a handout and his mother appears to have had a remarkable recovery ( or wasnt suffering from cancer in the first place?) and she also calls every few months and trys to befriend my pals wife.

A funny true story for me perhaps but I really am concerned for my pal and his wife, but not sufficiently concerned to go visit this lady to try to help him out I am sorry to say!

So please remember chaps, some of those lovely soft bodies may be attached to a very unstable head too.

Roy gsd

[bonobo]

I hope she catches you, cuts it off when you're asleep, and then divorces you for everything you've got.

This kind of post reminds me of, oh I don't know, what could it be... maybe the Taliban? Or how about the "God Hates Fags" religious nutsos in Okalhoma or wherever they hang their hate-filled hats.

[eek]

I suspect that most thai wives/gf's who the poster here confirm are agreeable to their man having sex with another woman

fall into one of three groups.

1. Consider there man as a meal ticket and really does'nt care for him anyway.

2. Resent what he is doing but the likelyhood of financial hardship if she complains leaves her with little alternative but to

put on a brave face and put up with it. If these women were financially independent of their male I strongly suspect most( but maybe not all) of the guys who claim the wife is ok with his behaviour would be out on his ear the moment the wife found out about it.

3. She is grateful for the fact she doesnt have to put up with his sexual demands.

4. She knows the guy isnt as good as what he would like to think he is.

5. She is just waiting for the right moment to strike back................

Another possible one add is that some of women may be rather young and pretty, whereas their partner may be pot-bellied, have bad hygiene, be loud with bad manners, is as romantic as a wet fish, is more than double her weight, is more than double her age, and foreplay consists of unzipping his pants and drooling at her. If that were the case, im sure she is VERY grateful if he finds 'pleasure' elsewhere.

[roygsd]

Another possible one add is that some of women may be rather young and pretty, whereas their partner may be pot-bellied, have bad hygiene, be loud with bad manners, is as romantic as a wet fish, is more than double her weight, is more than double her age, and foreplay consists of unzipping his pants and drooling at her. If that were the case, im sure she is VERY grateful if he finds 'pleasure' elsewhere.

Agree unreservedly.

I had thought of the points you raised but chickened out as some of what you have mentioned is a bit too close to home from my perspective, LOL! .

Cannot wait until I need false teeth, save me brushing them each week for sure

Roy Gsd

[Dustoff]

I hope she catches you, cuts it off when you're asleep, and then divorces you for everything you've got.

This kind of post reminds me of, oh I don't know, what could it be... maybe the Taliban? Or how about the "God Hates Fags" religious nutsos in Okalhoma or wherever they hang their hate-filled hats.

Good one!

[JerDon]

The short answer is yes!! If your that tempted?? I'm sorry then your relationship with your lady is not LOVE JerDon & Sara

[Dustoff]

Another possible one add is that some of women may be rather young and pretty, whereas their partner may be pot-bellied, have bad hygiene, be loud with bad manners, is as romantic as a wet fish, is more than double her weight, is more than double her age, and foreplay consists of unzipping his pants and drooling at her. If that were the case, im sure she is VERY grateful if he finds 'pleasure' elsewhere.

HEY!! I resemble that! Except that I usually drool ON her...

Edited June 29, 2008 by Dustoff