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Mabel, the Kings Road prostitue had been a Chelsea fan all her life. So much so, that after winning the Premiership for the second time, she had a tattoo of John Terry on one thigh and a tattoo of Frank Lampard on the other. Trouble was none of her punters could recognise them.

She decided to put up a special offer. If anyone can name the footballers in my tattoo's they will get a freebie.

First customer comes in. Mabel lies down and spreads.

" Give me a clue" the man says.

" Chelsea footballers" Mabel replies.

"Ah" the punter says" don't know the one on the left, not sure about the one on the right, but the one in the middle with the curly hair, big rubbery lips and his tongue hanging out, must be Saun Wright-Phillips.

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