Dear Abby

[Chaimai]

And Genghis Khan was just a misunderstood nationalist ???

dunno? maybe?

Sorry Monkeyhouse but this thread isn't a quiz. Phone a friend?

[MonkeyHouse]

Sorry Monkeyhouse but this thread isn't a quiz. Phone a friend?

I would rather ask the audience?

[cobra]

Remove any emotional components and it's simple,

acquiring ...

database check ...

processing ... stand by .... stand by ...

weighted options ...

please select response ..

silence is golden,

what goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas,

none of our business,

default ... execute common courtesy protocol,

purge buffers ... saw nothing... heard nothing ....

Edited August 1, 2008 by cobra

[Chaimai]

Sorry Monkeyhouse but this thread isn't a quiz. Phone a friend?

I would rather ask the audience?

50/50 says, that is what your friend would have said.

Have a nice weekend

[ozzydom]

It occurs to me that many posters sensitivities are affected by the fact that the friend/ colleague is with a prostitute, but none mention the fact that the guys (unless its a platonic ) relationship with the lady makes him an adulterer.

Does this mean that people consider adultery is socially acceptable but prostitution is not.?

An interesting exercise would be , to ask your wife who she has most/least respect for ,

a... a cheating husband

b... a prostitute

[PeaceBlondie]

GuestHouse, you are not naive in the ways of Thailand or ThaiVisa. You intentionally started a topic about cheating on the wife, with a prostitute, to test the reactions. Hardly surprising that folks stayed on topic by discussing morals, prostitutes, cheating husbands, feminity, etc. After all, etiquette is all about morals.

I watched two guys and a young Thai prostitute eating pizza at Pizza House recently. We all knew that the boy at the table was a pro, and that either or both of them had been his customers. I went over and said hello, addressing them all by name. No sex talk, no question about whether the boy had quit the business (yet). But none of us were married. Okay, one of them is in a long term relationship to a non-pro, but it is generally understood that it is an open relationship and the boy at the table is sammi noi. Judge not.

Also, as FarangPrince related about his army days, it is not unheard of for a customer to marry the pro. In fact, I know of several cases here in Chiang Mai where the boy was shopping for a customer to ''marry,' and it actually worked out fairly well. We understand two things: if an old pro shows up with a husband, never mention what the pro used to do. And don't tell the husband.

Back to the hypothetical, which happens often enough in this country: if the guy who is there with his wife knows that the girl is a pro and what bar she works at, maybe he is a regular customer at that knocking house. In that case, he would not want the Thai women to have a discussion. "Well, we have to be going; see you all later, bye."

[Huey]

I would introduce my wife to them as I would anyone else. If my wife met this person's wife she wouldn't say anything because its not her business and she doesn't like to create conflict.

How about this scenario; You invite a old friend from your whore-mongering days who settled down and got married (from his own nationality) and moved their family out here, to your nice, decidedly posh, high end wedding and he brings his trick, not even a nice looking one either, fat and ugly too boot?

What do ya do?

It happened to me and I never called his ass since. I don't care that he has tricks on the side, but to disrespect me by bringing anyone less than his wife was un called for.

[Khonwan]

It occurs to me that many posters sensitivities are affected by the fact that the friend/ colleague is with a prostitute, but none mention the fact that the guys (unless its a platonic ) relationship with the lady makes him an adulterer.

Does this mean that people consider adultery is socially acceptable but prostitution is not.?

An interesting exercise would be , to ask your wife who she has most/least respect for ,

a... a cheating husband

b... a prostitute

Actually, I alluded to this point (post #14).

I conclude from the OP’s explanation of his thread and his analysis, that the exercise was extremely frivolous, poorly crafted, and very poorly analysed on his part. It would have been labeled as a troll post if by a newbie. But it does provide a useful insight into his ‘moral’ values.

[GuestHouse]

But it does provide a useful insight into his ‘moral’ values.

Share your insight.... and justify it from what I have asked or said in this post...

[F1fanatic]

It occurs to me that many posters sensitivities are affected by the fact that the friend/ colleague is with a prostitute, but none mention the fact that the guys (unless its a platonic ) relationship with the lady makes him an adulterer.

Does this mean that people consider adultery is socially acceptable but prostitution is not.?

An interesting exercise would be , to ask your wife who she has most/least respect for ,

a... a cheating husband

b... a prostitute

This is an interesting question and actually made me think. (Please try not to do it again - it gives me headaches!)

Back in England I would have immediately said that a cheating husband was far more unacceptable than a prostitute, but in LOS I find it's different. The reason being in England a prostitute makes no attempt to pretend she is anything different and it's a simple transaction - I provide a service for money. Here.....it's 'I love you too much' etc. etc. and the men fall for it!!! (Must quickly add - not all men obviously!)

Don flack jacket etc. and dive for cover from all those men whose g'fs are 'different'!

[Ijustwannateach]

If the guy was truly my friend- a good friend, not just someone I happened to know and didn't care much about- I'd probably be worried at this sign that his closest personal relationships were not going well (both the relationship with his wife, and with me as a friend- if he respected himself he probably wouldn't have done such a thing in public and involve me in an embarrassing loss of social face) and that he was losing perspective on his social position. We'd probably be politely distant and not encourage extended contact- and I'd imagine the collective position of my s.o. (significant other) and I would be pity- looking at each other and shaking our heads afterwards.

[lifeisrandom]

only on the first page but i just love the guys who are so obsessed with their god given right to cheat on their wife that they cant even get to answering the question as they are more concerned with worrying how come people think its wrong to bring a bar girl out when your wife is at home.

[jetjock]

Reading some of the posts from some of the guys that are so vehemently down on girls that prostitute themslelves for money makes me wonder if those guys have ever hired a lawyer ! I also have to wonder if those same guys would approve of their daughters marrying an attorney or a politician. If so then they must be some kind of double standard that I do not understand.

Edited August 7, 2008 by jetjock

[Maigo6]

but that also is my opinion, I don't like cheaters & imo someone who cheates, man or women, is a pig.

And is a Pig that cheats a man ?

[lifeisrandom]

guys who cheat and say it is what it is bother me less than those who have a laundry list of idiotic rationalizations for their cheating

[elkangorito]

This whole topic is inane. Even the most simplistic of thinkers can understand the concept of "minding ones' own business & not judging others for their personal preferences." Any action against such a person is childish & stupid since knowing such a person cannot do anyone any harm.

What's that? What if someone (the wife/partner) asks you questions? Quite simply, say that this is "not my business". If "the wife/partner" insists upon knowing such gossip, tell them to find out for themselves. What's that? The wife/partner now accuses you of being involved? Tell her/him that if she/he doesn't believe you, he/she can "take it or leave it". What's that? Can't afford relationship problems? Here's a news flash...every relationship is riddled with problems. The secret is how you deal with these problems. If you cave in to "jealosy", you can kiss your bum goodbye. On the other hand, who wants to live with someone who will always be jealous of you?...or is sex more important?

[Maigo6]

Don flack jacket etc. and dive for cover from all those men whose g'fs are 'different'!

Does your GF fit into that catagory ?

Or is it that most other Farangs are different to you ?

You come across as having lived in Thailand for a very short time, or had a 3 week holiday at some stage of your life and never left the Bars.

[GuestHouse]

This whole topic is inane. Even the most simplistic of thinkers can understand the concept of "minding ones' own business & not judging others for their personal preferences." Any action against such a person is childish & stupid since knowing such a person cannot do anyone any harm.

While with a little more than 'simplistic thought' it might occur that the question goes beyond minding one's own business.

[Maigo6]

This whole topic is inane.

Agreed...

I could care less who a friend is with, <deleted> has it got to do with me ?

I know loads of Farangs that are in Thailand, happily married and regularly go with other women and pay them, so what, up to them what they do, not my business.

[Maigo6]

This whole topic is inane. Even the most simplistic of thinkers can understand the concept of "minding ones' own business & not judging others for their personal preferences." Any action against such a person is childish & stupid since knowing such a person cannot do anyone any harm.

While with a little more than 'simplistic thought' it might occur that the question goes beyond minding one's own business.

Do you honestly think that people will judge a friendship on the grounds of that friend staying faithful?

Would you ?

LOL.... You been in Saudi too long.

[GuestHouse]

LOL.... You been in Saudi too long.

Remind me where you are Maigo - It's gone 2am in Thailand... are you up late in Thailand or just home from the daily grind to pay your taxes in the West?

[JetsetBkk]

So here's an Etiquette Question (Hypothetical of course).

Suppose that you are out for dinner one evening with your wife, Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai or wherever it is you live in Thailand.

While waiting to take your table a friend/colleague greets you and introduces you to the woman he is with.

The woman is not his wife, you are sure of this because you know his wife. Your wife does not know the guy’s wife, but may very well meet her at some time in the future. – That aside the woman is clearly a 'prostitute' from some bar or other (for arguments sake, you are sure of that, because you know precisely which bar she works in).

Your friend introduces this woman.

(Keeping to the situation as described and without getting sidetracked).

What is your response?

Do you return the introduction, introducing your wife to this couple?

Ignore the introduction?

Invite the couple to join you both?

Or some other response?

I would invite them to join me and my g/f, and wait to see what develops. I would warn my g/f that he was married and that the woman was not his wife so she didn't say anything to embarrass them.

Of course, she might just say something to stir it up, the little minx!

(P.S. Congratulations, GH, on having 7 mods posting in a thread referencing the P-word. Must be a record? )

[craighj]

I've found the topic and responses very interesting and I agree with those who have said their reaction would depend on a number of factors, not least of which is how close you are to the person you bump into.

For mine, I only have one other comment.

Let those without sin cast the first stone!

CHJ

[Maigo6]

LOL.... You been in Saudi too long.

Remind me where you are Maigo - It's gone 2am in Thailand... are you up late in Thailand or just home from the daily grind to pay your taxes in the West?

I'm in Thailand.

I have lived in Thailand since 1990 and will die here probably.

[stickman]

What is your response?

Do you return the introduction, introducing your wife to this couple?

Ignore the introduction?

Invite the couple to join you both?

Or some other response?

To me this would be a rather brazen thing of someone to do. I would maintain decorum, be polite and keep the exchange as brief as possible. I would not introduce my wife and I would try and extricate myself away from the guy and his floozy as quickly as possible. No way in the world would I either introduce my Mrs or God forbid, ask them to join us.

Most decent women do not want to spend time with their husband's friend if he is with a prostitute - in Thailand OR the west.

I find situations like this awkward and I believe that the fault squarely lies with the lack of discretion on the part of the guy with the prostitute.

[JetsetBkk]

...Let those without sin cast the first stone!

CHJ

I have never cheated on a g/f, but maybe that is why I have never married - I know I can never settle with one woman for the rest of my life. Most of my relationships last about 2 years; my current one three years, but sooner or later they all end.

[F1fanatic]

Don flack jacket etc. and dive for cover from all those men whose g'fs are 'different'!

Does your GF fit into that catagory ?

Or is it that most other Farangs are different to you ?

You come across as having lived in Thailand for a very short time, or had a 3 week holiday at some stage of your life and never left the Bars.

I'm not quite sure what your point is. By stating that I've spent too much time in bars you must agree with my opinion??? I.e the bar girl (prostitute) mentality of telling farangs 'I love you too much' which is, unfortunately, believed by so many!

Edited August 9, 2008 by F1fanatic

[mizzi39]

This thread is working out better than I had hoped.

The idea, as I have stated, was to test the response of individuals to the situation - I absolutely did not want to discuss prostitution, feminism or even 'should one tell the wife or not'.

While those 'off track' distractions have come up, what is far more interesting (and the point of the question I asked) is the 'thinking behind individual responses'.

The term 'prejudice' has come up, referred to in its common usage of people being prejudiced against others - paradoxically the people who have expressed opinions on those lines have also been those who are exhibiting the greatest prejudicial view of other other people's thinking. Examples are comments on feminism and some very weak arguments against social norms.

There are a number of clear objections to women's opinions in the responses.

One member asked the very reasonable question 'what this question has to do with Thailand?'. Forgive me for not answering right away I didn't want to skew the discussion.

The answer to that is: Firstly it is a situation that is not uncommon in Thailand but more so I wanted to see if people's experiences in Thailand had changed/colored their view of what are the social rules and where the lines are drawn - The confirmation of this has been remarkable. (I make no comment on whether that is a good thing or not).

However, what is clear is that individuals are very keen to argue the injustice of social norms/rules where they themselves/or their behavior are subject to censure by those rules. Importantly, people who argue in other threads on the importance of integrating to Thai society and following the Thai rules argue against following the particular social rules that lie at the heart of the 'situation' in my question.

Those who would deny the importance/relevance of these social rules/lines have proved otherwise by their response to the question - the more ardent the case against the rule, the more positive the confirmation that there is a clash of values in the situation and that these rules of social class do matter and are important.

I find it curious, and rather depressing, that only one member pointed out that the focus of his attention would be the feelings of his own wife (Hats off to Steve)

You seem so refined guesthouse and obviously an established member of TV. This sounds like a repressed memory that you have been carrying with you for sometime now. I was a licensed counselor in the states and practiced for 10 years, no lie. Either this is a repressed memory that is now coming to light and you are looking for help or maybe bored and just merely curious? I might assume that you are a master of manipulation and this is a game to you. Narcissistic maybe? PM me. I may be able to help you.

Edited August 9, 2008 by mizzi39

[GuestHouse]

^ Perhaps I hit a nerve?!

[Khonwan]

^ Perhaps he (^^) hit a nerve?