GuestHouse Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 So here's an Etiquette Question (Hypothetical of course). Suppose that you are out for dinner one evening with your wife, Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai or wherever it is you live in Thailand. While waiting to take your table a friend/colleague greets you and introduces you to the woman he is with. The woman is not his wife, you are sure of this because you know his wife. Your wife does not know the guy’s wife, but may very well meet her at some time in the future. – That aside the woman is clearly a 'prostitute' from some bar or other (for arguments sake, you are sure of that, because you know precisely which bar she works in). Your friend introduces this woman. (Keeping to the situation as described and without getting sidetracked). What is your response? Do you return the introduction, introducing your wife to this couple? Ignore the introduction? Invite the couple to join you both? Or some other response? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 This actually happened to me once, not with a prossie but a (married) work collegue decided to bring his bit on the side to a work do. He tried to come & talk with me & my then bf so I made polite introductions & we then extracted ourselves to another table without spaces for them & avioded him all night. He ended up leaving not long after as everyone in the office cooled to him a lot. In the situation you describe I suppose I would again be polite & say hello to the companion (after all not her fault he is a cheating pig) and then say something like "well, nice to see you" and turn back to my dinner plate. You can't relly be more obvious than that without coming out right & saying go away imo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scotwumman Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Invite the couple to join you both. This keeps your good manners intact where your wife is concerned. Your friend introduced the woman he now has the opportunity to explain why he is socialising with someone other than his wife if he wishes. He also has he opportunity to decline to join you therefore preventing embarrassment all round. On the other hand he may just not care how you, your wife or his companion feels and think he is one helluva fella so you might have yourself a fun night. Either way the onus is on him should both your wife and his (if he's still with her) ever meet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I think it also depends how close you are to the individual and whether 'embracing' or 'snubbing' this relationship makes a difference to you/him. Equally, your moral stance has to a factor. For example, Boo has already labelled him as a cheating pig whereas I might be aware that he has just discovered that his wife has been having a 2 year affair with her work colleague. In which case SHE is a cheating bitch and good luck to him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingdongrb Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I would say 'hello", invite them to our table, and then let him foot the tab. If he doesn't want to pay, threaten to tell his wife... I mean he can afford a prostitute so why not dinner for four instead of two? Question: If a cheating man is a "pig" what is a cheating woman? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girlx Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I was in this situation once when I went out with a man I didn't realize was married (he straight up lied about it). I realized by other peoples' reactions that something was up and found out later by googling him and finding a pic of him and his wife on the website of the business they built together! Very embarassing and hurtful. So don't assume the woman knows anything and be nice to her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Boo has already labelled him as a cheating pig whereas I might be aware that he has just discovered that his wife has been having a 2 year affair with her work colleague. In which case SHE is a cheating bitch and good luck to him We can only go by the op & as the op hasn't mentioned a marraige breakup or affair on the wifes part, then yes, cheating pig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marvo Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I'd say "hello mate, have you met my wife before? You really must bring your wife round for dinner this weekend. The ladies can have a good natter about girlie stuff while we watch the footie". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stumonster Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Boo has already labelled him as a cheating pig whereas I might be aware that he has just discovered that his wife has been having a 2 year affair with her work colleague. In which case SHE is a cheating bitch and good luck to him We can only go by the op & as the op hasn't mentioned a marraige breakup or affair on the wifes part, then yes, cheating pig. so if you take another woman/man to dinner you are a "cheating pig" ? its his/her life , ask them to join you , unless you had planned a quiet dinner with your own "companion" - then be polite and say hello Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 DON'T GET SIDE TRACKED By that I mean take the situation as given, don't make excuses for his behaviour - treat the sitation as it is stated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dingdongrb Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 We can only go by the op & as the op hasn't mentioned a marraige breakup or affair on the wifes part, then yes, cheating pig. Once again, if I may ask, what is a cheating woman called? (Or is there such a thing?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chaimai Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 DON'T GET SIDE TRACKEDBy that I mean take the situation as given, don't make excuses for his behaviour - treat the sitation as it is stated. Hardly side-tracked, I am just suggesting that one needs to be careful of the facts before jumping to conclusions. I also doubt that your post was important enough to warrant bold capital letters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 so if you take another woman/man to dinner you are a "cheating pig" ? op specified it was clearly a pro, so no I wouldnt & if I was out with a friend I would say, here is my friend XYZ" & make it clear my husband was aware of our dinner dingdongrb Once again, if I may ask, what is a cheating woman called? (Or is there such a thing?) Do you not have your own word for her, why do I need to provide you with mine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khonwan Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 The fact that her occupation is that of a prostitute would not influence me. I would welcome my colleague and his partner-at-that-moment. At a suitable time, I would inform my wife as to the reality of the situation. Neither my wife nor I would be /should be uncomfortable. I DO wonder why this post should emphasize that the lady is a prostitute as opposed to, say, his mistress. Either way, both the chap and his companion have chosen to live out their lives in their own fashions and deserve not to be judged by my wife or I (or you!). Having said that, I fully expect this thread to degenerate into the usual extreme high-minded, hypocritical, nonsense which so typifies TV on similar subjects. Since the OP must also know what to expect (and since he is not known for asking advice), I DO wonder why he should post this at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheryl Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I vote with Boo. Acknowledge and return the introduction in a manner that is civil but no more than that and don't invite them to join you. Leave it at that and otherwise mind your own business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mmushr00m Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) Do you return the introduction, introducing your wife to this couple? YES. Dont see any reason not to. It has happened. If I had acted differently then norm, norm being polite, my wife wouldve asked what was wrong and how I knew. That wouldve stirred up a honerts nest!!! My wife did give me a look afterwards which I chose to ignore..... Edited July 31, 2008 by mmushr00m Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonkeyHouse Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) I was in this situation once when I went out with a man I didn't realize was married (he straight up lied about it). I realized by other peoples' reactions that something was up and found out later by googling him and finding a pic of him and his wife on the website of the business they built together! Very embarassing and hurtful. So don't assume the woman knows anything and be nice to her! You knew girlx, you knew! Edited July 31, 2008 by MonkeyHouse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t.s Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) exactly as above. i would of course explain the situation to to my partner once they headed off. ts Edited July 31, 2008 by t.s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Naam Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 it happened to me a couple of years ago. not in a restaurant but at home. a dear old friend visited us with a "lady" in tow who was not conservatively dressed what made things quite bad was that we were aware that his wife (back in ol' Europe) just recovered from a life threatening cancer. it wouldn't have really meant much to me if i had been alone. my normally docile but extremely conservative wife kept her composure but turned into a raging hyena after they left to sum it up. it's none of my business if my friends have some fun when they visit Pattaya. but i made sure that none of them visited me after that incident with "company", especially when we are close friends with their wives too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lannarebirth Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Boo's response is the correct one. By no means do you invite them to join you. That would be a disaster. Not only will your wife go ballistic once she learns of the mans wife at home, but by "enabling" the behavior she'll give you an earful into the indefinite future about you wanting something like the other guy's got. It's a no win situation so best steer well clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFKAFSinLOS Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) Boo has already labelled him as a cheating pig whereas I might be aware that he has just discovered that his wife has been having a 2 year affair with her work colleague. In which case SHE is a cheating bitch and good luck to him We can only go by the op & as the op hasn't mentioned a marraige breakup or affair on the wifes part, then yes, cheating pig. Sorry Boo, you've just jumped in and tried, judged and convicted the guy with your own assumptions... Nowhere in the OP has GuestHouse said that this man is cheating on his wife. GH has merely said that the woman is "clearly" a prostitute. There is no mention of what exactly the relationship between them is. There are many reasons why this could be a perfectly innocent scenario, although it might in your view be unlikely. Examples: Perhaps the prostitute is his wife's sister. Maybe it's his daughter - all prostitutes are someone's daughter. Maybe he is doing an interview for a book. Perhaps he wants to improve himself and learn to empathise with someone that he used to judge and has realised the error of his ways. Perhaps he hit her with the car and knocked her dinner out of her hand, so feels obliged to compensate. Perhaps his wife has died since you last saw him.. Abby says: Introduce your wife and then see what happens...before making any further decisions Always remember your manners, and do not be so quick to judge... Treat people as you would like them to treat you. And if you must judge, remember people should be treated as innocent until proved guilty... Edited July 31, 2008 by AFKAFSinLOS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 There are all sorts of senarios but again, based on the op, in my opinion, I consider this person to be a cheating or about to. If others want to make excuses or senarios that havent been mentioned then up to you but for me, this senario is clear, is that really so hard to understand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 As a farang (ex) wife whose husband went out to bars with a prostitute without her knowing - I would like to clearly state DON'T ASSOCIATE WITH HIM AND TELL THE WIFE - PLEASE!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stumonster Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 DON'T GET SIDE TRACKED why not ? treat the sitation as it is stated. ok - jumping to conclusions in 3...2...1.... cut his balls off with the handy butter knife... that will sort out world peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFKAFSinLOS Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 There are all sorts of senarios but again, based on the op, in my opinion, I consider this person to be a cheating or about to. If others want to make excuses or senarios that havent been mentioned then up to you but for me, this senario is clear, is that really so hard to understand? Not hard to understand at all...You've projected yourself onto the scenario and imposed your own assumptions. You've made up your mind before you know all the facts But all that is gold does not glister...and you would be wise to remember that young lady.. Would it be so difficult to pause for a moment.. and perhaps even ask how they knew each other BTW: I would hope that should one day my daughter or adopted daughter, find herself in a life of prostitution that my true friends would be supportive and not disown me, particularly if I was unaware of her profession... BTW2 Even if he did have a legitimate scenario, there would also be many other factors as to whether I would invite him to sit with us or not regardless of his company... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 You've projected yourself onto the scenario and imposed your own assumptions. You've made up your mind before you know all the facts As have you, the "facts" though are only as the op has given them. But I beleive the op asked, What is your response? I've given mine & you've given yours, so what's so hard to understand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFKAFSinLOS Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 DON'T GET SIDE TRACKED why not ? treat the sitation as it is stated. ok - jumping to conclusions in 3...2...1.... cut his balls off with the handy butter knife... that will sort out world peace Abby says: It would not be proper to be seen with clothes with blood from another man's testicles on them, so please be careful... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khonwan Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 There are all sorts of senarios but again, based on the op, in my opinion, I consider this person to be a cheating or about to. If others want to make excuses or senarios that havent been mentioned then up to you but for me, this senario is clear, is that really so hard to understand? The OP does not give any real clue to their relationship – you assume (perhaps correctly) that they have a relationship that offends your moral values. The lack of background information therefore perfectly reflects the likely reality you would be faced with in such a situation: a lack of knowledge/evidence upon which to judge these people. There are really two questions here: 1) Do you have the right to judge someone in the absence of facts? 2) Do you have the right to judge someone, even with the benefit of ‘condemning’ facts, when perhaps your own life would not pass scrutiny in certain personal areas (I have no knowledge of you but assume you, like ALL of us, are less than perfect)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stumonster Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 That aside the woman is clearly a 'prostitute' from some bar or other (for arguments sake, you are sure of that, because you know precisely which bar she works in). how would explain to your wife the reasons you were so sure the woman "companion" was a prostitute ? I wonder if you looked though facebook at the photos of 18-25yr olds dressed up in their friday nights finest , how many you would find that would look right at home in a beer bar ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huggybear Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 (edited) So here's an Etiquette Question (Hypothetical of course).Suppose that you are out for dinner one evening with your wife, Bangkok, Pattaya, Chiang Mai or wherever it is you live in Thailand, yada, yada, yada..... Judge not lest ye be judged. Surely you say hello, introduce the wife and say "nice to see you" and move on. Why not be polite, and why care what this person's business is? I'm certainly not going to burn up any thoughts or brainpower thinking about this guy's personal business. NEXT ! Edited July 31, 2008 by huggybear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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