Can I Revoke My Wife's Visa?

[cookieneedshelp]

my wife has been living with me in england on a settlement visa for the last 4 months and we are having alot of problems she has turned into this person i really don't know anymore and she is constantly going mad at me for nothing i'm only 23 and basically i don't need all this hassle and aggro she is giving me all the time, she flys off the handle about the smallest of things and starts to break everything in the house, now i just want shot of her, whilst going crazy the other day she said she was going to make my life hel_l if i didn't buy her a ticket to go back to thailand there and then so i did (£570) straight after i booked the ticket she started crying her eyes out screaming at me "i can't believe you really buy ticket i just say because i'm angry, but you really buy, why you do this, i hate you" neverless her friend took her to the airport the next day but she didn't get on the flight so that was £570 i lost! she is now begging me to take her back but she hasn't changed she's still going crazy about nothing and i don't want this in my life as i'm only 23 and basically don't need my life made into hel_l [snip].

what i want to know is there anything i can do to get her visa revoked??? there must be something what about if i phone the home office and say that i'm not prepared to be her sponser anymore and give all the reasons stated above, including the fact she's caused about £1000 worth of damage to my flat.

any help would be great.

thankyou.

Edited August 2, 2008 by the scouser
pejorative term removed

[the scouser]

Whilst she's still in the UK, your wife can lawfully remain until such a time as her visa finishes or the UK Border Agency curtails her leave, but the latter is unlikely. Should your wife leave the UK, she could be refused entry upon trying to get back in as she would no longer meet the requirements of the visa.

You should write to the UK Border Agency explaining that your wife has leave to enter until whichever date, the relationship has irretrievably broken down and you won't be supporting any further applications which may be made. I hope that you have not responded to your wife's mercurial behaviour as she may then consider making an application for indefinite leave on the basis of domestic violence. If it's as bad as you say it is, it's best to get as much distance between the two of you as possible and, if you meet, to do so in a public place.

Scouse.

[cookieneedshelp]

i haven't done anything to fuel the fire as it were, but she is very crazy now i've been adised by family and friends to ep all the sms messages she sends me onmy phone of her begging to take her back and then the next one telling me she hates me then she loves me and so forth just incase she goes to the police with some wild allegation of rape or something like this, which in her current state of mind i wouldn't put it past her.

i'm just trying not to cause too many problems when she goes off the head i just tend to agree with her and keep quiet which i think infuriates her more that she doesn't get a reaction from me.

i'm abit gutted i can't get her visa revoked as i don't want her to stay around my hometown if she is not with me that would do my head in thinking about what she is doing.

[Chaimai]

Had you known her long before you brought her to Thailand ?

Is she younger than you ?

How did you manage her expectations ?

What was her background in Thailand ?

What is your relationship with her friend and is there any third party you can use to tell her how you feel ?

Is your flat owned or rented ?

Is your job mobile?

Could you get leave of absence if you were to temporarily remove youself from the area ?

Have you read "Thailand Fever" ?

[Cobalt60]

How very sad. Does she have anyone over here or are you prepared to see her on her own out on the street? Everything is stacked in your favour, please spare a thought for how she may be feeling. She may be acting cranky, but there must be reasons.

[Robski]

Yes a sad situation for you both.

Isn't there a Thai person she could confide in?

There is obviously a lot of pent up frustration in her, I would suppose the UK is quite a culture shock and not quite the bed of roses she imagined.

You're both very young and it would be easy to blame each other and throw your marriage away, you must have cared for her to marry her.

Try and get a third party involved to help get to the route of the problem before you do anything too rash, an older person perhaps and if it's a Thai even better.

In my experience Thai women don't like to pour out their greivences in a direct manner until it all comes to a head, but instead they prefer to use an older/wiser person to mediate.

If you still feel the situation is irrevocable at least you can feel that you tried your best, but you never know perhaps this is just a very high hurdle that you both need to get over and that is what is causing the anguish to you both and getting to the root of the problem may be beneficial to you both and to your marriage.

Good luck to you both.

Edited August 2, 2008 by Robski

[vinny]

Perhaps Ajahn Brahm's talk on Metta - Love Heals may help.

She may be having mood swings due to pregnancy. Congratulations, if that is the case.

[Lucifer]

By the way, how old are you?

[justcruisin]

Why question the obvious?

Edited August 3, 2008 by justcruisin

[vinny]

By the way, how old are you?

i'm only 23

[dr_Pat_Pong]

A bit young to go into a multicultural relationship IMHO.

[ozsamurai]

In my experience, the most you can do is lodge a protest with the immigration office, find out who is her 'case worker'. In the same situation at the same age, I was surprised to find that I was a 'wife beater' although never laying a hand on her. If she finds the angle, whatever it is she will use it, or someone will tell her how to and trash your record in the process. Go immediately to the immigration office, talk to them directly now is my advise. You are not the first case of this.

Oz

[Gumballl]

Offer her the plane ticket back to LOS. In the UK, she has nothing... not you, no family, no friends (?). Frankly, I think you should, and could, have handled the situation better. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt based on your age. Ask to meet here in a public place (preferably one where it is quiet) and discuss the matters with her. Be honest with her, and more importantly to yourself when discussing the issues that brought you to the breaking point.

Lastly, don't be a cheap charlie... offer her assistance, not just in the UK but also in Thailand until she gets back on her feet to support herself.

[CCCP]

I'm sure there will be people on here telling you there is 2 sides to every story. My advice would be to document what has happened including any damages done to your property, if this was you doing it and she reported it to the police it would be classed as domestic voilence. Be careful she doesn't get advice to turn it around on you. I am only saying this because i helped a Thai lady in the UK who told me she was in a violent relationship, and after months of helping her, she was the one who was a nasty piece of work.

If you think there is no way of mediation between you and your wife, then think about what is best for you. I do think that people these days do give up very easily on relationship though.

It also sounds to me like she is a very insecure person, and her insecurities turn to anger rather than maybe asking you to hold her.

Edited August 3, 2008 by CCCP

[siamamerican]

This is an anonymous forum, so I feel a little more comfortable about sharing details about my relationship. I lived with my wife in Thailand for 2 years before we moved to the US 6 years ago. She transformed into somebody I didn't recolonize. I went through all the things you mentioned in your post (even purchasing tickets back home and her refusing to get on the plane).

Try to keep things in perspective. She is in a new country without the support groups she had back home. My wife is a strong individual, but we all have our breaking points. Unless it is completely hopeless, make sure to communicate and don't trivialize her issues. At times this was more than difficult, but in the end ( 1-2 years after the move ), she got her sanity back. We will go months now without having a major argument and when we do, the majority of the time, it is because of some bonehead thing I did.

Also, making it easy for her to pursue her interests is important. If your wife wants to improve her English or take a dance class, help her enroll at a community college. Show her how to use public transportation or get a drivers license.

Good luck.

[OlRedEyes]

Nobody just changes like that for no reason. What has her situation been over the past months. Is she isolated. Do you work, and she's alone, no friends or family in a strange country? She must be young, as you are, so her need to have a stimulating life will be higher. Also her capacity to handle boredom will be less.

Sounds like frustration building. Understanding what is causing it will go a long way to finding a solution, if that is what you want to do. To my mind you have the responsibility to at least try, even if you are still young.

[britmaveric]

Well take her on a nice holiday back to Thailand (one way that is) and I think problem solved so to speak. Then you will be on better footing to see what this is all about.

Remember all it takes is one call to Police/Social Services saying you've been abusive to her and you are royally fked.

Edited August 3, 2008 by britmaveric

[Prakanong]

This is an anonymous forum, so I feel a little more comfortable about sharing details about my relationship. I lived with my wife in Thailand for 2 years before we moved to the US 6 years ago. She transformed into somebody I didn't recolonize. I went through all the things you mentioned in your post (even purchasing tickets back home and her refusing to get on the plane).

Try to keep things in perspective. She is in a new country without the support groups she had back home. My wife is a strong individual, but we all have our breaking points. Unless it is completely hopeless, make sure to communicate and don't trivialize her issues. At times this was more than difficult, but in the end ( 1-2 years after the move ), she got her sanity back. We will go months now without having a major argument and when we do, the majority of the time, it is because of some bonehead thing I did.

Also, making it easy for her to pursue her interests is important. If your wife wants to improve her English or take a dance class, help her enroll at a community college. Show her how to use public transportation or get a drivers license.

Good luck.

I was never going to post here again and just read but you pretty much nail it.I move about the world and its water off a duck back now - its different for some of these girls - I work with a lot of Thai girls who have overseas degree's and some of them have problems travelling.

As you say its anonymous - my own missus could not wait to get out of Thailand - we had the choice of Belgium, UK or Singapore for my next posting. She said up to you. I chose Singapore for the proximity to her support groups. The first time i had to travel on business it all went to shit.

As you say interests - my/our biggest mistake was her not going to school to learn Mandarin right away .

OP - Good luck - I have seen before exactly what you are going through with other pals - decide what you both need - its bloody hard I know

[wasabi]

You need to get divorced and get her on a plane to Thailand. I would offer a payout of some sort to help her save face. I've seen and experienced this before and once the violence starts (breaking things) things almost never improve.

[cookieneedshelp]

right just to give you abit more insight, we met when i was 20 and so was she i was on holiday in pattaya usual scenario met her in the disco, i stayed on living in pattaya for about 18months as i was helping my friend with his bar, during this time we got married, I travelled back to england for 2 months after this period to arrange paperwork for her visa and then went back to thailand we done the buddhist marraige ceremony in her home, we rented a house in her home in buri ram for 5-6 months just to relax abit and then about march time this year we both flew to england

i don't understand how the poster gumball feels how i could have handled the situation better, as i haven't actually done anything wrong! i encourage her to join groups and activities but she isn't really interested.

she does have Thai friends as there seems to be an abundunce of thai women in my hometown (Reading) but also she is not really to interested in having friends (which fair play to her as 80% of the thai women i know are still on the game in england, and she doesn't want to be associated with that) and the ones that are not on the game are my friend's wifes.

to answer a few more questions

1) yes my flat is rented, my land lord is going to do his nut when he seems all the damage she's done to the place (incuding burning a new leather sofa with a ciggerette)

2) yes she is younger than me but only by 2 weeks.

3) her background is basic poor isaaan girl gets up the duff 17 thai fella runs off, she comes to pattaya. usual story.

4) yes i have read Thailand fever but i missed the chapter about what to do when your mrs turns into a scycho and you find yourselve taking all the knifes out of the house before you go to sleep in fear of her killing you.

do be truthful i don't know where all this comes from in her head and nor does she, she knows herself she's mental she phones me when she's feeling bad after smashing fuc_k out of everything and tells me she's sorry but sometimes she just can't control herself. she accuses me of shagging other women although i never even look at another bird. if 3 or 4 young farang women walk into a bar or our local she will just loose the head over nothing saying i want to shag them. it's just pure jealousy and she takes it out on me.

i know what your saying about thai women botttling it all up and then blowing but jesus, this is just irrational behaviour i don't care what culture your from.

and another thing it makes me laugh about all the old boys on here saying you should support her money wise even if you finish and she goes back to thailand you should help her financially what aload of <deleted> she's not wanted for anything for 3 years i've spent a fortune on this relationship and she is still prepared to act like this, i honestly could never see a farang bird having everytrhing that i give the thai wife and treating me the way she does. it's sad for me to have this opinion because i love thai's and thailand but thai women in general are the craziest women i've ever had the pleasure to meet in my life the more you give them the more they want. and they are all complete fruitloops. (obviously not 100% but everybody i meet with a thai wife is of the same opinion)

[Artisi]

Offer her the plane ticket back to LOS. In the UK, she has nothing... not you, no family, no friends (?). Frankly, I think you should, and could, have handled the situation better. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt based on your age. Ask to meet here in a public place (preferably one where it is quiet) and discuss the matters with her. Be honest with her, and more importantly to yourself when discussing the issues that brought you to the breaking point.

Lastly, don't be a cheap charlie... offer her assistance, not just in the UK but also in Thailand until she gets back on her feet to support herself.

And don't forget another couple of thousand a month for the sick buffalo - wake up boy - you have been conned, the meal ticket for a visa to the Uk and you are now no longer needed. Get down to immigration and discuss it with them today not tomorrow or next week while you still have a good reputation.

[cookieneedshelp]

And don't forget another couple of thousand a month for the sick buffalo - wake up boy - you have been conned, the meal ticket for a visa to the Uk and you are now no longer needed. Get down to immigration and discuss it with them today not tomorrow or next week while you still have a good reputation.

so if it's like that and i'm not needed now, why does she phone me up begging me to take her back everytime? she doesn't want to stay in england so i'm hardly a meal ticket am i.

[cookieneedshelp]

and i've never paid for and never been asked for any money for the so called "sick buffalo" or whatever it may be. don't judge everyone by your own stupidity my friend.

[dougieboy]

Sounds more like a generalisation of all men/women women/men all cultures, whatever happened, please see her safely home, she could so easily become part of the group you described, she is vulnerable even if she is fiesty, good luck to you both.

[percy2]

A bit young to go into a multicultural relationship IMHO.

Go on , I'll bite.

IYHO how old do you have to be?

[darklightmatter]

It amazes me how little all you guys on this forum know about the law in the UK.

Once the Thai spouse is in the UK on a spouse visa they have two years of legal rights as a UK citizen.

And one can only get a divorce after a year of marriage.

Thus there is <deleted> all you can do.

She is your wife and your responsibility.

It sounds like you have/are being taken for a ride and been conned.

She is playing you like a tune.

Sorry man, welcome to the som nam nar club.

[Chaimai]

It amazes me how little all you guys on this forum know about the law in the UK.

Once the Thai spouse is in the UK on a spouse visa they have two years of legal rights as a UK citizen.

And one can only get a divorce after a year of marriage.

Thus there is <deleted> all you can do.

She is your wife and your responsibility.

It sounds like you have/are being taken for a ride and been conned.

She is playing you like a tune.

Sorry man, welcome to the som nam nar club.

So with the benefit of your superior knowledge what advice have you actually managed to come up - yep, <deleted> all !

If you are right about the divorce after a year, the OP may have somewhere to start. I would guess that marriage in those first 18 months, 2 months back here to do visa paperwork, probably means he has been married for more than one year.

From his posts it seems pretty clear that this situation is irretrievable in his eyes I think there are enough comments to suggest that cookieneedshelp has had enough and actually wants to end the relationship. I guess the plane ticket was a bit of clue.

Cookie - If you cannot see an improvement then it may be best to just leave. I doubt any attempt to reaarange her exit via 'friends' will work so you might as well do a runner. Then you can file for divorce from some safe haven and return when the fuss has died down. You can write to her via her friends and, if so inclined, offer to buy another ticket.

I accept that I don't know your employment situation or details of your family or what support you can get.

Your posts suggest that you are genuinely fearful of what this girl might do and whatever love you had for her has been eroded by her actions.

Sorry, but on your toes son.

[DP25]

Get on a plane to Thailand with her. Tell her you want to take a vacation back home with her. Once you get here, ditch her, enjoy yourself for a bit, and head home alone. Doesn't sound like she's gonna leave, and if she tells the authorities you're beating and raping her, or forcing her in to prostitution or something, she can ruin the rest of your life.

[darklightmatter]

It amazes me how little all you guys on this forum know about the law in the UK.

Once the Thai spouse is in the UK on a spouse visa they have two years of legal rights as a UK citizen.

And one can only get a divorce after a year of marriage.

Thus there is <deleted> all you can do.

She is your wife and your responsibility.

It sounds like you have/are being taken for a ride and been conned.

She is playing you like a tune.

Sorry man, welcome to the som nam nar club.

So with the benefit of your superior knowledge what advice have you actually managed to come up - yep, <deleted> all !

If you are right about the divorce after a year, the OP may have somewhere to start. I would guess that marriage in those first 18 months, 2 months back here to do visa paperwork, probably means he has been married for more than one year.

Thats the point

There is <deleted> all he can do

If his wife is not playing ball then he has a big legal battle etc.

The OP has not given us enough info to be able to help. But the law of the UK will be on the wifes side and support her more then him.

As I said before

She is your wife and your responsibility.

[LtCol]

While in the UK her care is totally your responsibility ,(if she has to obtain any sort of Governement support , they will come after you) had an acquaintance in similar situation , they returned to Thailand on a vacation , it got worse with in laws from her village threatening him , he flew back to the UK alone , withdrew his sponsorship , done deal . BUT , I doubt he'd ever be foolish enough to ever go anywhere near that village again.