Doctor At Tesco Lotus

[svenivan]

One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike 'My elbow hurts like hel_l.

I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!'

'Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery,' Mike replies.

'There's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy. Just give it a urine

sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about

it.

It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and better

than a doctor and you get Tesco Club card points as well'.

So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.

He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine

sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later,

the computer ejects a printout:

'You have tennis elbow.

Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in

two weeks'.

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack

began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a

stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and the cat,

and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.

Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits

five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer printed the following:

i) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

ii) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet

iii) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

iv) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

v) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor.

vi) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get

better........

Thank you for shopping at Tesco.

[Chris Lawrence]