Not Easy Living With My Wife's Family - Same For You?

[Lopburi99]

I have been living with my wife's family for months now in our house. I am able to tolerate the frustrating language problem for the most part, but I can't help but wonder what the heck they are saying amongst themselves. In a previous lengthly relationship with a Thai woman, I later found out she would openly be criticizing and bad-mouthing me, while I was sitting there politely smiling like a stupid fool. I have picked up some of the language but not much yet, so I don't have a clue about what's being said. Any similar experiences?

Edited September 14, 2008 by Lopburi99

[bendix]

No experience, but I have some practical advice you might want to think about . . .Get rid of them. Tell your missus you want them gone.

Life is simple if you don't over complicate it.

[eek]

Study the language more, pick up the expressions used, learn some slang and how to joke. If you are in fact being disrespected (which is very sad, because even if you cannot speak the language, your wife should respect you enough not to do that or allow her family to talk like that about you to her), then they are not likely to do so if they know you understand (unless they have ZERO respect for you!). Being able to communicate in their language should also help you all to bond more and joke around. I think this will make you more like family and closer, and if they do talk about you, it would then hopefully be with you not at you, and in a teasing manner.

As for practical solutions about how to solve it..i think just let it go. Dont look for negativity in how they are talking, it may be totally innocent. They may also be joking a bit about you, but not meaning to be disrespectful. If you really do think your wife and her family are bad mouthing you, then do you not wonder why you are with people who would do that? Maybe you are just sensitive because of your past experience. I would personally be studying the language more, and not thinking too much about what they are talking about. No point in stressing over something you are not 100% sure about.

[RakJungTorlae]

Run......

[britmaveric]

Quick "Alai" - will get them thinking... if you understand or not.

[petitechevre]

like most thai, probably talking about fat people, eating food, food they could eat, food they've seen people eat on TV, fat people they saw on it, the word fat, a funny occurencec like you walking in front of them when they were not looking that way(that one could be repeated for an hour non stop)

This is what i have gathered from my gf's sister and her mom staying at my house...

And sometimes theres conversations about whats happening on the thai soap, although that one is quickly changed to food talk 5mins after.

[Mali1964]

Run......

You really have some great imput to this forum don't you

[pop3]

Your in an awkward situation there, just like the deaf old granny that everybody talks about while she sits there doing her knitting.

Learning the language to the level you need to understand whats being said is going to take time, a long time, what your looking for is a quick answer and I don't think there is one ? I would try to get out the house more and do your own thing.

But really you only have yourself to blame, as was said before, get them out, if your partner won't agree to that then your going to have to make a decision...

Remember... He who has the paso has the sayso

[Soutpeel]

I have been living with my wife's family for months now in our house. I am able to tolerate the frustrating language problem for the most part, but I can't help but wonder what the heck they are saying amongst themselves. In a previous lengthly relationship with a Thai woman, I later found out she would openly be criticizing and bad-mouthing me, while I was sitting there politely smiling like a stupid fool. I have picked up some of the language but not much yet, so I don't have a clue about what's being said. Any similar experiences?

Would guess the vast majority of the conversations are about food, money, shopping or the soaps in that order

On your previous relationship...must say that is quite unusual for somebody to do that, but seeing as we are taking about and Ex you obviously did the right thing and binned her....

The trick I have found is never let know how much Thai you actually know, that keeps them on their toes...by most standards my Thai is very poor, but on one occasion managed to pick up on a conversation (nothing bad) between my wife and her sister who was visiting, I answered in English, and told them they would be better doing something another way, to this day my wife is very careful what she is talking about in Thai around me...as she is never quite sure how much I understand in the conversation...

[chivo]

it could be interpreted that you are uncomfortable with the living arrangement that includes the partners family. is there any particular reason you must live with them?

i would suggest otherwise you and spouse live separate from them.

or if thats not an option, enroll in thai language classes. the basics are not that difficult to learn, and see how you get on.

[RakJungTorlae]

Run......

You really have some great imput to this forum don't you

All form personal experience too

[OldenAtwoody]

I have been living with my wife's family for months now in our house. I am able to tolerate the frustrating language problem for the most part, but I can't help but wonder what the heck they are saying amongst themselves. In a previous lengthly relationship with a Thai woman, I later found out she would openly be criticizing and bad-mouthing me, while I was sitting there politely smiling like a stupid fool. I have picked up some of the language but not much yet, so I don't have a clue about what's being said. Any similar experiences?

Operative words : "our house"

You are the King.

1. Take Thai lessons.

2. Take Dad out drinking on occasion, and whoring on his birthday.

3. Take Mom out - alone - and spend time (not much money). Take her to the fresh food market. They'll be impressed at her rich, dedicated, doting farang son-in-law. HELP shop for food. Have her teach you the right stuff to buy. And so on.

4. Take someone to the temple. The park. Go for a walk with Grandma. Have lunch with Junior.

Nothing has to be said - if you are sincere.

The key here is to ASSIMILATE and establish personal relationships with each family member. You wife will be shocked, your family members inpressed, and if even ONE takes a liking to you, the chatter will end.

It's not about money, it's about relationships. Don't buy motorcycles or fine things. Be frugal and give them TIME.

Do you really know who they are, their individual histories? Likes, dislikes?

No, you probably don't, yet you want then to know and respect yours? Hmmmm

You've invested in this marriage, you have to take the family, as well, to make it work. The hel_l with the wife, it's the Mother-in-law you must win over.

Edited September 14, 2008 by OldenAtwoody

[JohnBanPrang]

I have been living with my wife's family for months now in our house. I am able to tolerate the frustrating language problem for the most part, but I can't help but wonder what the heck they are saying amongst themselves. In a previous lengthly relationship with a Thai woman, I later found out she would openly be criticizing and bad-mouthing me, while I was sitting there politely smiling like a stupid fool. I have picked up some of the language but not much yet, so I don't have a clue about what's being said. Any similar experiences?

Operative words : "our house"

You are the King.

1. Take Thai lessons.

2. Take Dad out drinking on occasion, and whoring on his birthday.

3. Take Mom out - alone - and spend time (not much money). Take her to the fresh food market. They'll be impressed at her rich, dedicated, doting farang son-in-law. HELP shop for food. Have her teach you the right stuff to buy. And so on.

4. Take someone to the temple. The park. Go for a walk with Grandma. Have lunch with Junior.

Nothing has to be said - if you are sincere.

The key here is to ASSIMILATE and establish personal relationships with each family member. You wife will be shocked, your family members inpressed, and if even ONE takes a liking to you, the chatter will end.

It's not about money, it's about relationships. Don't buy motorcycles or fine things. Be frugal and give them TIME.

Do you really know who they are, their individual histories? Likes, dislikes?

No, you probably don't, yet you wnat then to know and respect yours. Hmmmm

You've invested in this marriage, you have to take the family, as well, to make it work. The hel_l with the wife, it's the Mother-in-law you must win over.

Best answer in a long time time.

Human interaction is the most important.

Take time.

Yai yen.

[RakJungTorlae]

seriously . You going to let someone criticize you and bad mouth you while your just siting there. I would get really pissed off. Or just make plans to leave such a crap behind...

[stephaniee]

it could be interpreted that you are uncomfortable with the living arrangement that includes the partners family. is there any particular reason you must live with them?

i would suggest otherwise you and spouse live separate from them.

or if thats not an option, enroll in thai language classes. the basics are not that difficult to learn, and see how you get on.

he must live with them coz it all about the baht.

i may be imagining things but this sounds like the classic situation where he married girls family also.

it sounds like he may have to pay for two houses if he want to get rid of wifes family.

so many downsidesto marry upland girls, is it worth it guys?

[RakJungTorlae]

I have been living with my wife's family for months now in our house. I am able to tolerate the frustrating language problem for the most part, but I can't help but wonder what the heck they are saying amongst themselves. In a previous lengthly relationship with a Thai woman, I later found out she would openly be criticizing and bad-mouthing me, while I was sitting there politely smiling like a stupid fool. I have picked up some of the language but not much yet, so I don't have a clue about what's being said. Any similar experiences?

Operative words : "our house"

You are the King.

1. Take Thai lessons.

2. Take Dad out drinking on occasion, and whoring on his birthday.

3. Take Mom out - alone - and spend time (not much money). Take her to the fresh food market. They'll be impressed at her rich, dedicated, doting farang son-in-law. HELP shop for food. Have her teach you the right stuff to buy. And so on.

4. Take someone to the temple. The park. Go for a walk with Grandma. Have lunch with Junior.

Nothing has to be said - if you are sincere.

The key here is to ASSIMILATE and establish personal relationships with each family member. You wife will be shocked, your family members inpressed, and if even ONE takes a liking to you, the chatter will end.

It's not about money, it's about relationships. Don't buy motorcycles or fine things. Be frugal and give them TIME.

Do you really know who they are, their individual histories? Likes, dislikes?

No, you probably don't, yet you wnat then to know and respect yours. Hmmmm

You've invested in this marriage, you have to take the family, as well, to make it work. The hel_l with the wife, it's the Mother-in-law you must win over.

Best answer in a long time time.

Human interaction is the most important.

Take time.

Yai yen.

I call it sucking up… boo hoo……

[AmeriThai]

The OP said, "I have picked up some of the language but not much yet, so I don't have a clue about what's being said."

[philliphn]

If possible I would move or they would.

Distance breeds fondness in many cases when it comes to the in laws.

[phaethon]

seriously . You going to let someone criticize you and bad mouth you while your just siting there. I would get really pissed off. Or just make plans to leave such a crap behind...

The OP's point was that he didn't know that they were talking about, but feared it was about him.

OP: - You've got a Thai wife following a "lengthy relationship" with (at least) one other Thai woman and still don't speak enough Thai to get a gist of the conversation..? Well some people do have difficulty acquiring langagues, so if that's not an option for you and you are REALLY paranoid, tape the conversations and take them to an independant interpreter (far removed).

K.

Edited September 14, 2008 by phaethon

[RakJungTorlae]

seriously . You going to let someone criticize you and bad mouth you while your just siting there. I would get really pissed off. Or just make plans to leave such a crap behind...

The OP's point was that he didn't know that they were talking about, but feared it was about him.

OP: - You've got a Thai wife following a "lengthy relationship" with (at least) one other Thai woman and still don't speak enough Thai to get a gist of the conversation..? Well some people do have difficulty acquiring langagues, so if that's not an option for you and you are REALLY paranoid, tape the conversations and take them to an independant interpreter (far removed).

K.

You have got a good point.

OP.. stop being paranoid and just find some hoby.. perhaps Thaivisa might take your mind of things.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

Not Easy Living With My Wife's Family - Same For You?

No, it's not the same for me.

I have a great relationship with my wife's family, they don't live in with me but they live 30 minutes away so often we visit them or they visit us like once every two weeks or so, her mum is a great babysitter and a great, honest, hard working and fun person, my wife only talks bad about me when it's deserved. ( ) and even in those cases my Thai is fluent enough to join into the conversation, and pretty much all of the time my mum in law is on my side.

So in short, 'no'. Interesting replies so far though, keep em coming. Tells you a bit doesn't it.

[sibeymai]

You should get to know your wife's family better. Start by suggesting to your wife that her younger sister sleep with both of you in the same bed.

You might find the family don't want to share the house any more, or if they stay there's a definite "up" side.

[ClaytonSeymour]

it could be interpreted that you are uncomfortable with the living arrangement that includes the partners family. is there any particular reason you must live with them?

i would suggest otherwise you and spouse live separate from them. I've always believed that you should put as much distance between yourselves & the in-laws as possible - that goes for farang on farang relationships too.

or if thats not an option, enroll in thai language classes. the basics are not that difficult to learn, and see how you get on.

[dumball]

If possible I would move or they would.

Distance breeds fondness in many cases when it comes to the in laws.

Remember the golden rule "He who has the gold , RULES " , you appear to be a neccessary evil living in 'Their ' house , inlaws belong on the outside where they remain inlaws , move them inside and they become outlaws .

Your wife is or should be the mediator here , forget Thai families ancient way of living , she needs to be on your side and help you by explaining what they are saying to or about you . It is so easy to be smug and just tell you to learn the language , but that may not be practical , some of us are tone deaf which makes it extremely difficult for us to learn Asian languages , in any case , it takes many years for most to learn the language to an extent you can pick up on all their nuances .

Put your foot down with a firm hand , either they move out or you do , be resolute in this or you will drive yourself crazy or become ill , you DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THEIR BS , niether do you have to furnish them with alternate housing , send them back to the straw hut they came from .

[TEFLMike]

If possible I would move or they would.

Distance breeds fondness in many cases when it comes to the in laws.

Remember the golden rule "He who has the gold , RULES " , you appear to be a neccessary evil living in 'Their ' house , inlaws belong on the outside where they remain inlaws , move them inside and they become outlaws .

Your wife is or should be the mediator here , forget Thai families ancient way of living , she needs to be on your side and help you by explaining what they are saying to or about you . It is so easy to be smug and just tell you to learn the language , but that may not be practical , some of us are tone deaf which makes it extremely difficult for us to learn Asian languages , in any case , it takes many years for most to learn the language to an extent you can pick up on all their nuances .

Put your foot down with a firm hand , either they move out or you do , be resolute in this or you will drive yourself crazy or become ill , you DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE THEIR BS , niether do you have to furnish them with alternate housing , send them back to the straw hut they came from .

May I suggest that the next time this occurs, you pick up a notebook and pen and sit down with them all and ask your wife to write down in English what the conversation is all about?

Just a suggestion.

[stephaniee]

put a shout out to mr maigo.

it seems we have another case where the farang is exploiting the poor thai people

[jdinasia]

I have been living with my wife's family for months now in our house. I am able to tolerate the frustrating language problem for the most part, but I can't help but wonder what the heck they are saying amongst themselves. In a previous lengthly relationship with a Thai woman, I later found out she would openly be criticizing and bad-mouthing me, while I was sitting there politely smiling like a stupid fool. I have picked up some of the language but not much yet, so I don't have a clue about what's being said. Any similar experiences?

No,

I understand Thai and i wouldn't associate with people that were that rude.

Learn the language.

[mrt273nva]

depending on where you live might have something to do with it. if you are in the countryside with no farang for miles then maybe you are just an oddity to them, which would get talked about. "that silly farang and all his silly farang ways"...

i can speak fairly decent thai, but when I go to the inlaws house they all jibber on in isaan and it is very difficult for me to understand. but there are similarities and they joke with me and poke fun at me just as i do the same back to them. both parties not sure where the line is drawn at times though. alcohol helps and there is always plenty of that around.

[britmaveric]

Also might invite your mates over and start speaking to one another - look over at the chatter thai(s) start laffing then start talking more. Repeat as necessary.

[old wanderer]

I have a similar problem as my wife is "Suay" and the whole village speaks Kui....Most of the time they stay in Thai, and I can follow along, but seems like when they want to tune me out, they go to Kui...

There is a very sad person in our village called "the crazy woman". She returned home 15 years ago announcing a marriage to her farang boyfriend. everything was made ready for the wedding in the village, but when she went to the train station to meet him (along with 20 other relatives) nobody got off the train...He was never heard from again, and she still takes medication to make her sleep for weeks on end....

Well I found out she speaks English with a British accent. So I hired her to be my official translator at a party we were having. She sat next to me, and translated everything everybody said, and when I wanted to jump into a Kui conversation she did it for me.

worked great, except she wanted to try and convince me I should be her husband. (Her mother gave her some more medication) Really a nice person, and somebody should feel a bit bad for what they caused to happen too her.