Advice On Helping An Aging Parent

[Scott]

My mother will be coming to stay with me, at least for several months--maybe longer. She is nearly 90 and is starting to get a bit senile. I will be going back next month and will bring her here to stay as she really can't care for herself. She keeps telling people she doesn't have any money--or she lost it etc., but she has a sizeable retirement fund with Merrill Lynch and her Social Security. I will get a durable power of attorney and will have to manage her money for her.

My question is how to I transfer money from her retirement account to Thailand. I have a bank account with Kasikorn Bank and I am guessing I will have to try and transfer some of her funds to my account, as she doesn't have one. How do I go about transfering the money here and what's the best way to do it? Is it complicated? Once she's here can I transfer money from her account to here?

Any advice will be appreciated. (PS--her social security is directly deposited into her Merrill Lynch accoun).

[GuestHouse]

I would suggest you make an appointment to speak to her bank manager when you are back home, explain the situation and ask for their advice on how to transfer funds. I suspect a standing order would be the best option as it can be set up in one go and left to run.

The most cost effective method of transferring funds is to use a SWIFT transfer - Transfer in the home currency to be exchanged in Thailand - and opt for SPLIT CHARGES.

I think it would also be a good idea to open an account in your mother's name at your bank in Thailand - This so that transfers are from her bank back home to her bank in Thailand - No name changes, no tax issues.

You might also have a word about 'Proof of claimant being still alive' - How do you ensure that her pension etc remain being paid during her life and how do you notify her death when that happens. Ask what checks the pension fund/social security make and how are these going to be dealt with.

Finally - What happens if you yourself predecease your mother? - Especially if she is senile at the time of your death.

I think you need a will, that includes provision for the repatriation of your mother in the event of your death.

You'll need an executor to your will in Thailand who can act on your behalf to ensure your mother is returned home should you die.

So see a solicitor back home about this - You could get a Thai lawyer to deal with your mother, but if she needs your to hold power of attorney now, I'd not let a Thai lawyer near her in the event of your death.

[haybilly]

My mother will be coming to stay with me, at least for several months--maybe longer. She is nearly 90 and is starting to get a bit senile. I will be going back next month and will bring her here to stay as she really can't care for herself. She keeps telling people she doesn't have any money--or she lost it etc., but she has a sizeable retirement fund with Merrill Lynch and her Social Security. I will get a durable power of attorney and will have to manage her money for her.

My question is how to I transfer money from her retirement account to Thailand. I have a bank account with Kasikorn Bank and I am guessing I will have to try and transfer some of her funds to my account, as she doesn't have one. How do I go about transfering the money here and what's the best way to do it? Is it complicated? Once she's here can I transfer money from her account to here?

Any advice will be appreciated. (PS--her social security is directly deposited into her Merrill Lynch accoun).

As usual--you got it all from GH-why do us others bother? Just to add, nothing to do with the financial, legal aspect but--from where does your Mother hail?? If it's UK then be sure she wants to spend her final days in such a hothouse--I know my 86 year old Ma would never forgive me--we've discussed her coming just for a visit and her reply is always--NO WAY!

[Scott]

Thanks so much for the advice. Very helpful. My mother lives in the US, in AZ. She's been to Thailand quite a few times and enjoys the country. I don't think she is going to want to stay long-term, but that remains to be seen. She can be a bit stubborn, so the first thing I have to do is get her out of the house. She agreed to come and visit and that's what it will be. She will have to stay until I can get time off--maybe in April.

If she wants to continue in Thailand that will be fine, if not she will have to go into assisted care living. She's living alone and still driving--a dangerous combination. A few neighbors are keeping an eye on her and she still functions, but she's getting quite forgetful. She keeps losing her purse, keys, etc. Most of the time they are found, since she has just misplaced them, but the writing is on the wall as far as her memory goes. Her physical health is very good, except she isn't eating well. I will have a caregiver in the house during the day when I am gone. She doesn't really need it, but I would think it would get lonely and I get concerned about her falling down. In her home there are no steps and in Thailand you step up/down to the toilet etc.

She has a will and spelled everything out both legally and personally a number of years ago, including what she wants done with her assets if I precede her in death. I will definitely deal with the event of my preceding her in death and I won't let anybody in Thailand close to her (financially that is).

[Kf6vci]

Maybe she won't be needing that much and you can manage without wiring funds? Write down what you spend and charge it upon your return.

My MIL from Isaan is staying. She is no trouble, chewing leaves and spitting out red juice

It is good of you to take care of your mother. they love the little things. don't keep her cooped up, take her out and let her see something new. After years, I once took my later grandmother out shopping. she loved it! Doing everything for them while they sit at home may not be what they like best.

[Digitalbanana]

Apologies if slightly off topic of finances, but I too may have a similar situation in near future and wondered how the immigration process is handled if we are dealing with non Thais? How does an older person, dependent on others to get around, family relative or otherwise in this case, get a visa to enter and stay in Thailand?

[Scott]

Well, your question is totally off topic, since getting a visa and finances are intertwined. In my mother's case, she would have sufficient funds for a retirement visa, but she doesn't have a bank account in Thailand (and technically can't open one without a visa!).

She may also be eligible for a non-immigrant O visa based on her dependency on me. I will probably check at the embassy in Los Angeles.

I may also bring her in on a tourist visa and take a trip to Singapore later to settle things once I have figured out a course of action.

Anybody with any other suggestions is welcome to let us know--otherwise, I suppose I'll be on the visa site one of these days!

[Korat88]

Hi Scott,

I conducted a search on TV for information on this subject as I find myself in a similar position and am thinking of the "bring mother to Thailand" option. However, I am not sure of the logistics and practicality of such an idea and therefore am very interested in hearing any developments in your position if you are willing to share them. Please let us know what happened and provide an update to this thread. Thank you very much.

[craigt3365]

I "retired" a few years ago to be with my aging parents, who live near Las Vegas. It was a great idea as my father passed last summer, 3 years after we "moved in" with them. My wife is Thai and we travel about 50% of the time internationally. My Mom is 84, almost blind (she knows she can't drive even though she desperately wants to), and has some dementia (ok, a fair amount). I am so lucky to have a Thai wife. She LOVES taking care of my Mom. She won't let me plan trips longer than 8 weeks as she feels that is too long to be away.

I have asked my Mom about Thailand, and she is NOT interested. She has been to Thailand once, but wants to be here in the US. I would MUCH prefer Thailand.

I put my name on everything she has. Bank accounts, real estate, cars, etc. Have power of attorney with her bank and a general one also. She can't hear and gets confused trying to deal with bills. Everything is paid automatically. No bills arrive by mail. Everything is direct deposited. And I can manage all her stuff from the internet wherever I am. She also tells all her friends she is broke when in reality she has way more monthly income than she needs. And everything is paid for.

I am looking into Visiting Angels to help out while we are gone. Neighbors are great, but a professional is needed to really look after her. Make sure food is OK in the refrig (she got food poisioning a few months ago due to this), her meds are up to date, pill boxes are full, etc.

It is a challenge for sure. She is stubborn and argues with me a lot. I have to treat her like a 6 year old. Really breaks my heart.

When I travel, I use my USAA ATM card. I can take out $600/day (also depends on the local bank). And USAA eats the ATM fees for up to 10 transactions per month (I get around that by also having money in my savings account, so that adds another 10 per month). I know in Thailand I had no problem with this. That means you can easily get up to $10,000 or more a month if needed. USAA charges 1% for the foreign exchange rate. Some financial institutions don't, but I am committed to USAA for her and me. Our accounts are linked and I can transfer money easily if required.

Since she won't move to Thailand, she has 2 choices when she gets really bad. Assisted living or in home care. Luckily, she does have long-term care insurance. Provides up to $200,000 of funds for this over her lifetime. It is really hard caring for a parent like this. We are doing our best but planning for the future. If it wasn't for her, we would be living in Thailand right now. So, we can only visit at this time....

Best of luck!!!

Craig

[tigerbalm]

What a kind and thoughtful person you are i have no advice but just to say hope all goes well, if your mother is 90 i would imagine there is a small chance that dementia has set in and will not be easy looking after her, but it is always reassuring if you have a Thai wife that the Thais are realy good with two things Children and older people. good luck and hope you get the advice you need.

[harrry]

two things you will need to ensure, You will need to be able to give your mother space and for the rest of your family here to get space from her.

You said she has medical insurance in the US. Are you sure she is covered here?