Do You Fart In Bed?

[skipvice]

IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME KNOW AND

I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR YEARS.

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF FARTING

LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS WIFE AND

THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF BECAUSE

IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT AND THAT IT WAS

PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS CONCERNED THAT

ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE

THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND HE

W AS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEE P, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK, GIZZARD,

LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PAR TS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CA ME TO HER.

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND ASLEEP

AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE ELASTIC

WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPAN TS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS INTO

HIS SHORTS

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USU AL TRUMPETING

WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND OF FRANTIC

FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD HARDLY CONTROL

HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER EYES! AFTER

YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRE TT Y GOOD..

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS

BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT HER

LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATT ER.

HE SAID, "HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT." "A LL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED ME A

ND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU".

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" ASKED HIS WIFE.

"WELL, YOU ALW AYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY GUTS

OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED."

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I GOT

MOST OF THEM BACK IN."

[neverdie]

...an oldie but a goodie