If You Have Brought Your Thai Husband Home To Live, Help!

[Krupnik]

I cannot seem to generate any interest at all in my boyfriend coming to England with me, and I am only asking for a two-three week visit. He is not interested. At one point he half-heatedly agreed but I know that he never actually meant he will see it through. I am a teacher here and have no desire to move back to England but I miss all my friends and family and want to go back and see them every now and again (I haven't been back for two years now) but really want to take him with me. Money isn't really a problem for either of us.

hi Krupnik, I could never understand why some people were not interested in travelling and moving around the world, but my Mum recently reminded me that I'm an aberration - 99% of the world's population stay put and don't move around too much. Maybe your bf is just one of those people. I know my hubby was the "black sheep" of his village - raised in a nuclear family, doesn't drink heavily or smoke, never married until now, held some form of job continuously for 18 or so years and then....met me. The old people in the village say he's always been adventurous and so travelling overseas fits as an extension of that. I guess I just lucked out on that bit

What I'm worried about is not holidays, but actually settling & living in one place for a few years. Hubby will have all the everyday worries he has here (job, money, housing etc) with an overlay of a new language & culture, plus being far away from his family. SBK's licence idea is great....just found out he can only drive on his Thai licence for 3 months, then he has to pass a written test in English plus a driving skills test. So that will be a major reason for him to study. He's also learning to use a computer so he can Skype his family members. We've got a few months to plan a bit more, so hopefully it will all come together ok!

Hi Goinghomesoon - yeah he certainly is. It is difficult to get him to leave his home city even to another place in Thailand. He doesn't seem to like holidays at all really. I don't get it. Yes, you are lucky! Goodluck with taking your hubby home to live.

Dee

x

[bina]

right outside jerusalem, pretty far from pheran!!!! especially after a storm!!! are u in israel now or in thailand or somewhere else? theres a few of us women with thai husbands we met through work (hhhhhhhhaaaa) here; one woman in kibbutz urim (near ein habasor), u can facebook me... search my name or pm me.....

bina

israel

(kibbutz tzuba-- look up zova)

[sbk]

Honestly krupnik, that would raise red flags for me, my husband was interested in learning about where I came from and very keen to meet my family. The lack of interest in anything about your background is very closed minded imo.

My husband loves western food, and enjoyed the US quite a bit-- he even said, how can I know you if I don't know where you come from?

His experience sounds similar to Meme's husband actually except he got a DL rather quickly, I still had my car in the US at that point as well. But he found work, made friends (not Thai) took some classes but quickly realized his english didn't need it (he could read and write quite well when we met and spoke very good english) but it was a good place to make new friends.

[Lesley99]

Honestly krupnik, that would raise red flags for me, my husband was interested in learning about where I came from and very keen to meet my family. The lack of interest in anything about your background is very closed minded imo.

My husband loves western food, and enjoyed the US quite a bit-- he even said, how can I know you if I don't know where you come from?

His experience sounds similar to Meme's husband actually except he got a DL rather quickly, I still had my car in the US at that point as well. But he found work, made friends (not Thai) took some classes but quickly realized his english didn't need it (he could read and write quite well when we met and spoke very good english) but it was a good place to make new friends.

I agree it's not as if your even asking him to live in England - your only asking for a few weeks visit.

[Lesley99]

Bina - really loved my time in Paran but we went back a few years ago - some of his old thai friends were the same but some of them were a bit off, especially one who had told him that it would be really difficult for him to get into the uk, sour grapes I think.

[bina]

well, first off to say that yesterday anon turned down a 7000 shekel job offer in beer sheba (an hour by car 2 hours by two/three busses)in a restaraunt run by a friend of ours; im very very glad he decided on his own. the money and job are both great; the logistics of him getting to work and back again daily were almost impossible (kibbutz so he doesnt get a car; the work day is 10 hours, from 10 til 21:00) and weekends were required in the contract. since i have a different workschedule (i work 6 days a week, but couldnt get a middle of the week day off to be with him) including one night shift it was impossible. and on friday/saturday there are no busses (shabbat) so i would have to take him and pick him up.. in short, a great job offer if we were living in the same town.

but i figure if there is one chance, there will be others... it also shows me that he took in to account that we should have time together, and i make do with the much lower salaries he gets (i get the kibbutz budget which is really nothing but an apartment and education/health for me and daughter under 18)... i also know that he really needs at least 9 hours of sleep a nite and he is a poor travellor as many country thai seem to be. the travelling seems to tire them out psychologically even if u can sleep on a bus, etc. and not having at least one weekend day off also keeps him from having any thai socializing whatsoever.

as for not asking about my past-- anon has never asked, never wanted to know, but he is not curious about anyone's past. when ive asked him about thai friends' pasts, he also says its rude to ask as some people may have a past they dont want otehrs to know about. its never bothered me actually, and he is super brutally honest about anything he thinks (including if my cooking is tasty or not. no white lies with him usually). in israel the past is sooooooo important its practically a national obsession; and i prefer to living in the present and not too far in to the future.

the other interesting thing is, is i overheard a conversation between him and a korat guy friend, they were both complaining about their family members bugging them for money, for loans to buy things, and complaining that the family doesnt manage themselves according to their wherewithal (buying new car when there is no money, etc.). so he suddenly announced to the friend that he prefers not to go back to thailand, he doesnt mind helping out occasionally, but doesnt want to be the main provider for them anymore. i guess he has become used to being independant from the family circle, and he always chafes at anything that smacks of 'boundries' or being 'beholden to..' so here he can do what he wants with whom he wants when he wants, without taking in to account anyone other then us. which means that he is getting used to being here, and settling down here rather then living as if tomorrow we are going back to the village. i had also raised the option that we could always go back, and live not within the family compound but rent in town/closer to town, etc..(thailand. not here. if we leave kibbutz to town here, we are stuck here, s there is never a way to save enough money to do more then visit every once in a while).

i think the lack of wanting to travel is very village thai , but also the fear of change, that the guy might change, and then he will see his home/family life differently, its like pulling roots out of the ground. once they do that, i think things go ok. maybe not wonderful, but, with time, things go ok. we are planning finally to get a small third hand car/pickup so that has given aim to anon, then he will be freer to do his own business stuff adn gives him a feeling of control.

a pic from park eshkol half an hour from beer sheba... anon loves wearing his salong adn doesnt care how many people give him strange looks, and now he has his phin to play, so we leave him parked witht he car and the cooking and he hangs out to play, and we do the hiking around, as he says he is too lazy to hike... sabai sabai... everyone brings their own food (jewish morrocan, hong kong chinese and issaan thai), and then we all share...

[Krupnik]

Honestly krupnik, that would raise red flags for me, my husband was interested in learning about where I came from and very keen to meet my family. The lack of interest in anything about your background is very closed minded imo.

My husband loves western food, and enjoyed the US quite a bit-- he even said, how can I know you if I don't know where you come from?

His experience sounds similar to Meme's husband actually except he got a DL rather quickly, I still had my car in the US at that point as well. But he found work, made friends (not Thai) took some classes but quickly realized his english didn't need it (he could read and write quite well when we met and spoke very good english) but it was a good place to make new friends.

I agree it's not as if your even asking him to live in England - your only asking for a few weeks visit.

Thanks for your advice girls. Actually my brother lives here so they know each other and he met my Mum when she visited. I'm not close to anyone else. Many friends have also been. He does seem interested as he asks about it alot but something about actually going there seems to scare him. I've considered paying for his flight because I'm sure he won't allow it go to waste knowing I've spent that much!

[Goinghomesoon]

I'd get his visa before I'd pay for a flight...it's a lot of money to lose if he gets refused.

[Chestnut]

Thanks for your advice girls. Actually my brother lives here so they know each other and he met my Mum when she visited. I'm not close to anyone else. Many friends have also been. He does seem interested as he asks about it alot but something about actually going there seems to scare him. I've considered paying for his flight because I'm sure he won't allow it go to waste knowing I've spent that much!

It would bother me too, if my bf didn't want to see where I came from. I would want to know the reason.

Didn't you ask him what he is scared of or why he doesn't want to go? Maybe the flight?

Maybe he doesn't want to spend so much money on a trip? Maybe he can't take off work?

Maybe he doesn't like western food?

Actually, my Bf also wasn't too excited of going to see Germany either, but I dragged him along nontheless.

In general he liked it but he wouldn't go with me again anytime soon, mainly because of the travel costs.

Maybe you could convince him if you told him how important it was for you

After all, if money isn't an issue, it's just a few weeks.

[Goinghomesoon]

Just re-reading this thread again as we are leaving in a few weeks. It's becoming quite an emotional time as hubby is very worried about how his elderly parents will cope without him. He is the eldest boy and has always been the one to help out on their farm whenever he could. Personally I think it's time for his many, many other siblings to step up to the plate but am biting my tongue as hubby and his family need to come to that conclusion on their own. He's also a bit worried about finding work but he's had assurances from people that provided he's willing to work a manual job there's plenty available. Other than that he's keen to go and get settled. Yup, I got me an adventurous one!

[sbk]

Ooh, how exciting! I am sure he will do fine, if he's enthusiastic thats always good!

[RueFang]

GHS - with the added bonus of living so close to us! Guarantee he'll get a job in this town, no worries. Hub got offered 3 jobs in the same week (within a few weeks of being here) and he doesn't even have a license or particular skills. Good luck with the big move.. we'll be seeing you soon! x

[Goinghomesoon]

I thought I would update this thread. We left Thailand 2 months ago and hubby is loving life in Australia. Every single day he finds something new to be excited about. He appreciates almost everything - the cleanliness, the blue skies, the lack of traffic, the clean buses and variety of food - especially Aussie BBQ and beer! He is learning English full-time, has signed up to play soccer in a friendly comp, has dug and planted our vegetable patch and is enjoying the process of inspecting houses for sale while we look for something to buy. He has commented several times that he enjoys the fact people see him as "Thai" but noone really differentiates, so he doesn't suffer the snubs that he got from hi-so Thais in Bangkok because he is from Isaan. Of course he has bouts of homesickness but by and large he deals with it by hibernating with some Thai movies or visiting a Thai friend or two. Skype gets a good workout once a week and he watches the Thai news online occasionally. But to be honest he is much more content than I expected. It's been a remarkably easy landing!

[sbk]

Yup, my husband loved it in the US. Loved the orderliness, the food, we got his drivers license as soon as possible and he loved going out for drives in the country. Of course we were in coastal California which is not too shabby of a place to live