Sinsod (dowry)/thong Mun (engagement Gold), Allowance Sanity Check, Late 2008.

[user82374298374]

My Thai finacee is 26 years old, I'm 40; we've been together two years, we met in Bangkok. She's from Sisaket originally, lives here in Bangkok in a flat I provide in the Sukhumvit area. I provide her with a 60,000 ThB/month (high, I think) allowance, 10,000 ThB of which she apparently gives to her mother; I'm also paying her tuition to go to university next year to study hospitality management, and I plan on buying her a car, as the university is quite a ways outside of Bangkok, near Dreamworld. My fiancee is, surprisingly, an only child.

I recently gave my fiancee 50,000 ThB, which she used to purchase a 4-baht gold bracelet for Thong Mun; I was given to understand that this was a prerequisite for us to visit her home in Sisaket together. We talked about the sinsod for her marriage, and she says her mother believes that ~500,000 ThB is the going rate for farangs marrying girls from Sisaket. Is this correct, or is it high?

Now I learn that my fiancee's mother has told her that if we visit Sisaket together, I must not say that I bought her a 4-baht Thong Mun, as this will be considered laughable by the locals, amongst whom 8-baht and even 10-baht Thong Mun is the norm. I find this quite to believe; any insight greatly appreciated!

[britmaveric]

Run quickly before its too late - obviously she/family is taken advantage of you.

[richm7]

The sin sot is the least of your worries and frankly, giving you a response on what is or is not reasonable just opens up the old "to pay or not to pay" argument all over again. Plenty of history on that all over this forum.

What shocks me is what you are already doing. Blimey, the money you are giving her would satisfy a girl in the west - anywhere, US, Oz, UK, you name it. Almost US$2000 a month.......it beggars belief. You are providing accommodation too, talking about a car, 4 Baht of gold to go to her home (that is boll*cks by the way), paying for university.......are you nuts man?

I should state up front that I am a non-believer in sending one cent to a girl anywhere if you are not able to monitor her activities, so if you're not here, I'd say send nothing. I know you will not follow that advice so, if you must send money AND are paying for her accommodation, send no more than THB15,000 a month. If that won't satisfy her, she is sending you a message, loud and clear. Mind you, she is already doing that but you are not listening. Or maybe you are, hence this post. You have my advice, no doubt you'll get much more, either side of my number. But I'll bet you a weeks wages nobody will tell you what you are paying is OK. It is outrageous.

[percy2]

My Thai finacee is 26 years old, I'm 40; we've been together two years, we met in Bangkok. She's from Sisaket originally, lives here in Bangkok in a flat I provide in the Sukhumvit area. I provide her with a 60,000 ThB/month (high, I think) allowance, 10,000 ThB of which she apparently gives to her mother; I'm also paying her tuition to go to university next year to study hospitality management, and I plan on buying her a car, as the university is quite a ways outside of Bangkok, near Dreamworld. My fiancee is, surprisingly, an only child.

I recently gave my fiancee 50,000 ThB, which she used to purchase a 4-baht gold bracelet for Thong Mun; I was given to understand that this was a prerequisite for us to visit her home in Sisaket together. We talked about the sinsod for her marriage, and she says her mother believes that ~500,000 ThB is the going rate for farangs marrying girls from Sisaket. Is this correct, or is it high?

Now I learn that my fiancee's mother has told her that if we visit Sisaket together, I must not say that I bought her a 4-baht Thong Mun, as this will be considered laughable by the locals, amongst whom 8-baht and even 10-baht Thong Mun is the norm. I find this quite hard to believe; any insight greatly appreciated!

Do you live at the end of a long street?

Cheers

[colino]

Oh mate if your not a troll,and

If what you says is true, you have been in the sun too long ,

the amount your paying is just crazy , you are heading for a mighty fall and,

The mother and daughter are going to strip you clean like a shoal of phrania fish ,

you have started something that will be hard to change think long and hard about what you have got yourself into

best of luck

colino

Ps nothing personal but so many of unhappy endings for expats and happy endings for thai girls

[user82374298374]

Thanks for the confirmation - I thought this was nuts.

I actually spend 50% of my time in Thailand, and 50% elsewhere in Asia; when I first met her, I was in the U.S., but transferred to AsiaPac for career reasons, and being closer was a bonus.

The university fees are nothing, 50,000 ThB for one year, and I'm happy to send her to school, as she's quite intelligent, and it offers her a way to have a career that she enjoys. I believe what's happening here is that her mother is filling her ears full of these big-money expectations in re sinsod and the Thong Mun, so as to play upon the typical Isaan insecurity/self-worth complex in order to get more out of the deal.

I'll see what happens when I tell her that there's no way I'm going to pay that kind of sinsod, and that her Thong Mun is just fine. My guess is that she'll freak out and try and put me on a guilt-trip based upon the self-worth doubts, we'll see.

Thanks again for the (in)sanity check, much appreciated!

[monkeytunes]

My Thai finacee is 26 years old, I'm 40; we've been together two years, we met in Bangkok. She's from Sisaket originally, lives here in Bangkok in a flat I provide in the Sukhumvit area. I provide her with a 60,000 ThB/month (high, I think) allowance, 10,000 ThB of which she apparently gives to her mother; I'm also paying her tuition to go to university next year to study hospitality management, and I plan on buying her a car, as the university is quite a ways outside of Bangkok, near Dreamworld. My fiancee is, surprisingly, an only child.

I recently gave my fiancee 50,000 ThB, which she used to purchase a 4-baht gold bracelet for Thong Mun; I was given to understand that this was a prerequisite for us to visit her home in Sisaket together. We talked about the sinsod for her marriage, and she says her mother believes that ~500,000 ThB is the going rate for farangs marrying girls from Sisaket. Is this correct, or is it high?

Now I learn that my fiancee's mother has told her that if we visit Sisaket together, I must not say that I bought her a 4-baht Thong Mun, as this will be considered laughable by the locals, amongst whom 8-baht and even 10-baht Thong Mun is the norm. I find this quite hard to believe; any insight greatly appreciated!

Its up to the individual, you pay what you want, but I must say you are being very generous, 60k , flat paid for, study and your thinking about buying her a car, plus 500K sinsod and 50K gift for the mum, but if your loaded it might be a drop in the ocean, but in Thailand terms, she laughing all they way to the bank, your giving her more that say what a doctor earns here, you mentioned you've been together for 2 years, can I ask how much of that time you have actually spent together? Regards MT

Edited December 21, 2008 by monkeytunes

[user82374298374]

, but in Thailand terms, she laughing all they way to the bank, your giving her more that say what a doctor earns here, you mentioned you've been together for 2 years, can I ask how much of that time you have actually spent together? Regards MT

About 70%; we have a great time together, enjoy one another's company, talk and laugh together, et. al. Except for the fact that I'm paying through the nose, everything's fine - no furtive phone-calls, no 'sick buffalo', no Thai husbands or boyfriends hanging around in the background (i.e., we spend so much time together that it would be impossible for her to keep up such a charade), no please for donations to help the family, no other farangs in the background, or any of the usual nonsense.

I don't get the sense she's deceitful; quite the opposite, actually, she's been quite honest and open with me about a lot of the Thai view of farangs, the various scams that some of the girls engage in, etc. My guess is that she asked for a ridiculously high amount for an allowance, and I surprisingly agreed, so she's not about to offer to give some of it back, heh (I make good money, the amount isn't a huge burden).

What rang the alarm bells is the bit about the 4-baht Thong Mun gold not being enough, somehow; it stands to reason that in desperately poor Sisaket, people aren't running around dripping with gold.

Thanks for the insight, much appreciated!

[colino]

Thanks for the confirmation - I thought this was nuts.

I actually spend 50% of my time in Thailand, and 50% elsewhere in Asia; when I first met her, I was in the U.S., but transferred to AsiaPac for career reasons, and being closer was a bonus.

The university fees are nothing, 50,000 ThB for one year, and I'm happy to send her to school, as she's quite intelligent, and it offers her a way to have a career that she enjoys. I believe what's happening here is that her mother is filling her ears full of these big-money expectations in re sinsod and the Thong Mun, so as to play upon the typical Isaan insecurity/self-worth complex in order to get more out of the deal.

I'll see what happens when I tell her that there's no way I'm going to pay that kind of sinsod, and that her Thong Mun is just fine. My guess is that she'll freak out and try and put me on a guilt-trip based upon the self-worth doubts, we'll see.

Thanks again for the (in)sanity check, much appreciated!

What University ? my brother in law is at uni up in khon kaen studying to be a doctor his fees are 5000 a term,

that includes accomadation,

[colino]

My Thai finacee is 26 years old, I'm 40; we've been together two years, we met in Bangkok. She's from Sisaket originally, lives here in Bangkok in a flat I provide in the Sukhumvit area. I provide her with a 60,000 ThB/month (high, I think) allowance, 10,000 ThB of which she apparently gives to her mother; I'm also paying her tuition to go to university next year to study hospitality management, and I plan on buying her a car, as the university is quite a ways outside of Bangkok, near Dreamworld. My fiancee is, surprisingly, an only child.

I recently gave my fiancee 50,000 ThB, which she used to purchase a 4-baht gold bracelet for Thong Mun; I was given to understand that this was a prerequisite for us to visit her home in Sisaket together. We talked about the sinsod for her marriage, and she says her mother believes that ~500,000 ThB is the going rate for farangs marrying girls from Sisaket. Is this correct, or is it high?

Now I learn that my fiancee's mother has told her that if we visit Sisaket together, I must not say that I bought her a 4-baht Thong Mun, as this will be considered laughable by the locals, amongst whom 8-baht and even 10-baht Thong Mun is the norm. I find this quite hard to believe; any insight greatly appreciated!

Its up to the individual, you pay what you want, but I must say you are being very generous, 60k , flat paid for, study and your thinking about buying her a car, plus 500K sinsod and 50K gift for the mum, but if your loaded it might be a drop in the ocean, but in Thailand terms, she laughing all they way to the bank, your giving her more that say what a doctor earns here, you mentioned you've been together for 2 years, can I ask how much of that time you have actually spent together? Regards MT

60k amonth is mad money most thais get 8000k 12000k month some even less,

as above its more than a doctor earns , or my director at school ,just be careful

Ok some doctors earn more

Edited December 21, 2008 by colino

[percy2]

I agree with a lot of the sentiments in this topic , but to add perspective , my doctor earns B220K+++ / month

Cheers

[user82374298374]

You have started the same topic in two different threads. It is a little difficult to follow ! But really a lot of money. What did the girl do before that she met up with you ?

Sorry about the double-posting - I was trying to edit a typo, and the forum software decided I was trying to post twice, heh. And I can't figure out how to merge or delete, worse luck.

She worked in a bar when we met, of course. Things developed over time, then she left the bar and we've been together ever since - two years, now.

[JanAndersLarsson]

You have started the same topic in two different threads. It is a little difficult to follow ! But really a lot of money. What did the girl do before that she met up with you ?

Sorry about the double-posting - I was trying to edit a typo, and the forum software decided I was trying to post twice, heh. And I can't figure out how to merge or delete, worse luck.

She worked in a bar when we met, of course. Things developed over time, then she left the bar and we've been together ever since - two years, now.

Mayhaps the moderator can do something.

It is OK with a bar. I met my wife 11 years ago on Phuket. She was there to find a farang husband. We have been married now for moe than 8 years in live in peace together here i Buriram.

[user82374298374]

What University ? my brother in law is at uni up in khon kaen studying to be a doctor his fees are 5000 a term,

that includes accomadation,

Eastern Asia University - 50K ThB for one year, including the summer term.

[473geo]

In my opinion, I doubt the request about the gold is to do with comparison with the locals. I would suggest that if the family became aware of exactly how much allowance she is receiving from you, gifts etc, your girlfriend may be afraid of more frequent higher demands for family assistance. Her family are doing ok on 10k baht a month, why not just go along with what she requests, seems like a sensible young lady. I will not tell you what I send my wife for support, it is so different to your amount you would fall off the chair laughing!!!

Best wishes for the future.

Edited December 21, 2008 by 473geo

[percy2]

In my humble opinion..........

The OP has an address 120000000001 Sukhumvit road

As soon as he stepped on that road they saw him coming.

Cheers

PS

I Sincerely hope you have a wonderful and long-term relationship with your girl and in-laws!

[padkapow]

You are being taken to the cleaners. period.

She is an ex - bar girl. A Thai man would not want her - at least not a respectable one. She is lucky to have a good man, and her family should realise that.

Say NO SINSOD. Then see what happens

Its all about the money.

[kanderson]

I'd say go for it.

It's your Brides price paid to her parents.

I paid about 5,000 Baht - and I pay every month about 2,000 Baht.

[percy2]

I just wrote what actually happened to me and then deleted it.

I find myself doing this more and more...

[kanderson]

Before I married my Thai Wife 7 years ago - I had some young stuff ask me for Sin sot - like 1 million.

Actually I didn't even understand back then.

Go ahead if you have the money - my Thai Wife is so sweet and makes money at her work every week.

She sends money to her family - and bought a house for her Mother already. So little money - less than 10,000 dollars over 5 years.

I also bought a place nearby - and we have a Boy and a Girl Baby already.

Be carful what you wish for :-)

[473geo]

You may wish to copy post #5 to the other thread - thus all can be aware of your decision - thanks

[padkapow]

I'd say go for it.

It's your Brides price paid to her parents.

I paid about 5,000 Baht - and I pay every month about 2,000 Baht.

Why on earth to her parents expect a Brides price? If she married a local Thai man, (and sin sod is exclusively a Thai custom), parents would be unlikely to get much over 40,000 considering her previous bar work.

The 500,000 will likely be frittered away in no time, and they will still be wanting monthly allowances -currently you state 10,000.

She will be permanently tied to Mums apron strings, and will never be yours!

[padkapow]

In my humble opinion..........

I Sincerely hope you have a wonderful and long-term relationship with your girl and in-laws!

WRONG.

The girl and your in-laws sincerely hope they have a wonderful and long-term relationship with you!

[C-sip-degree]

Hey Disambiguated,

Sanity checks nice one. ‘arrr sorry I’m just climbing back into the chair.’

I fine it a bit hard to believe also about the gold, 3-4 Baht is quite a lump for one piece.

Will you require security for the event or travel plan if so I can offer a team of mercenary from our Village outside of Roi-et.

Maybe mother-in-law ‘To be’ is meaning more that one piece, which then could add up to the 10bht plus factor, ring, bracelet, chain bling.

Next insight personally, I think that you will find it hard to stop the locals laughing full stop.

I’m sure that they have the rate set in Sisaket, as any Mother with an attractive daughter would know, the bar in your case looks like this has already been set high and now is the time too see how you do in the high jump.

What I find incredible in TITS, (this is Thailand) is that the gold always seems to spend most of is time residing in a small plastic bags inside a lock box/safe back in town at the Gold shop.

So the bigger the Baht is always better for dar-borrow.

I’m sure this will be a case of the more you know (back in the Village) then learn the more sanity checks will be necessary, ‘so where the boots well soldier’

I also liked the usual nonsense part in your post ‘dam_n chair’ but unfortunately you maybe only scratching the surface and I wouldn’t be one to say impossible in Thailand.

Regards C-sip

[LAZYTERRY]

A fool and his money are soon parted.

[jay-uk]

If you want to know how life will turn out in the long term with a thai wife then spend a little quality time first with her family. If they are decent hard working people then stands a chance your furture wife will be also. If you do not, you may live to regret it as there is no escape from money grabbing in-laws if you marry into the wrong family. Case and point, for every happy farang here in UK who has taken his bride to a foreign land there is another sad story of how an unhappy farang felt the pressure from back in Thailand to keep sending money was too much to bare. If you want this to stop at point of marraige then you have to make it perfectly clear that you will only be sending money on your terms, if necessary, after the wedding when living overseas. Otherwise as many of the posters have written you will be on a looooooooong road to nowhere with much of the same requests month in month out to send cash everytime the thai family squeal. Remember dowry in some thai families are a face thing and given back after the wedding to a thai groom's family so why would they expect so much from you. How much you pay is upto you but you must put a stake in the ground about your future as the requests will get out of hand and you will be stuck with no way of saying no as the presidence has already been set.

One final question after two years. Would she be with you if you did not shell out this much money every month and if you are togther on a regular basis then test the water to see how she can manage with less. If you are pleasently suprised that she can get by on less money when needed and attitudes don't change then maybe all is well and it is a relationship built on love. A true test of marraige is not how happy both can be when they have money but how happy you can remain without it if and when you fall on hard times. Remember...."For richer for poorer!".

My wife and I have had some real problems over nine years both financial and physically with our son's health. Most women who would have been around for money would have bolted for the door by now but a strong relationship has pulled us through the hard times. I sincerely hope you have met the right lady as when you have there is nothing finer than the feeling that someone is truly in your corner but if you have not then life could get a whole lot tougher and more complicated. Don't rush into anything and spend more time learning about each other and in particular her family.

Edited December 21, 2008 by jay-uk

[LAZYTERRY]

A fool and his money are soon parted. Guys like this make the Thais treat Farang as jokes, there's one born every minute

[Chaimai]

OK - I'll bite. Let's see if we can get this topic closed down fairly quickly.

Not only are you paying a monthly allowance that is at least 5 times going rate, you are so c*nt-struck that you are throwing 50k Baht around like it going out of fashion. If that didn't make you daft enough you now want to buy a car. university place and 500k as a pre-nuptual gift for the family. And - this is a family you have not seen in the 70% of 2 years you have spent with the girl. Still saving up for the visa fee to get to sisaket ?

A couple of pictures come into my mind:-

This girl must look that Miss Thailand and sh*g like a rattle-snake to command that sort of m'honey - I doubt that coming from soi 7 or soi cowboy that she fits that profile. She will no doubt make a good hospital administrator.

The second vision I have is one of you walking around Bangkok in a red suit with white fur edging, carrying a huge sack on your back.

However, the strongest image I have is of an over-paid muppet strolling around with a T shirt on that says "I am a complete idiot. If you want to see just how stupid a Farang can be, just ask me to pay you a year's salary every month. If you want gold, a car ANYTHING - no problem".

On the back the T shirt reads... made in Troll-land.

Now go back there. There is is global recession going on, exchange rates are on their arse and the last thing the Farang community needs is some dope handing out lottery wins.

[padkapow]

By your own admission you spend so much time together, that there are no boyfriends etc. So where then does the balance of the 60K a month go? (60 - 10 to Mother = 50K) I would think she could buy her own car! One for you too!

[Geekfreaklover]

A troll to be sure.

If not, heaven help him.