thailotus Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Hi Everyone, Another little question for you all. Have you heard of Thai men divorcing their wives for mia noi or girfriends? If so, do these relationships continue successfully? Cheers, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailotus Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 Just to add, I realise that every story is different. Just curious to see if anyone here has heard anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Nope, but I have heard of the legal wife leaving the husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 some perspective on these matters with out flames please: i am a 'mia noi' for a thai worker away from his wife for four years; he has a lovely wife and two young children.... i am divorced and have three children.... he is not by any means a 'paid' thai boy.... we care for each other and take care of each other under the limitations of the situation we are in.... i send the occasional presents (school equipt) to his children; he makes sure that i eat lots of thai food and dont lose weight (for me a problem); he gains from me a broader knowledge of the world (computers, animal medicine, religions of the wester world, etc) which he never got as he went to work as a 14 yr old and has worked all his life; i learn about issan life in an intimate way . i (hopefully) make his life a little less miserable away from home and family; make sure he doesnt lose all his hard earned money in his alcoholic stupors; he is jai di and affectionate with me... an other worker here has a mia noi who just returned to thailand; she knows about the man's wife and children and also sent gifts etc. she has no children, is a single older woman, he now sends her money every month as well as money to his family and children.... asked him how he will handle it when back in thailand.... he said no problem, and his mia noi has no interest in disrupting his family life as she has been single and independant her whole life..... women of the world--- do not look down on non monogomous relationships.... it is true that these same thai men would divorce their wives today if there was even a romour that the wife was being a butterfly... my thai friend almost did that to his wife until i convinced him it was probably a vicious small village rumour..... these wives dont see their men for four years running i dont know how they do it ..... just my unusual thoughts on the matter not asking for judgment please.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 None given. A good post on a different perspective. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbkudu Posted December 30, 2004 Share Posted December 30, 2004 Bina, I think you have some guts to post that, not to mention enter into a relationship as yours. I'm all for alternative relationships. Whatever works, works. It's not right for others to look down on someone else's situation just because it doesn't fit a particualr mold they are used to. As long as no one is hurt, there is nothing wrong with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailotus Posted December 30, 2004 Author Share Posted December 30, 2004 Bina, thank you for sharing your story. I could never judge a situation such as yours. My grandfather had two wives and they used to exchange gifts regularly (I'm Chinese). Anyway, nothing is black and white in life - how boring if it were! Thank you again. I'd still be interested in hearing anyone else's story about Thai men divorcing their wives if you know of any. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbkudu Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Bina, thank you for sharing your story. I could never judge a situation such as yours. My grandfather had two wives and they used to exchange gifts regularly (I'm Chinese). Anyway, nothing is black and white in life - how boring if it were! Thank you again. I'd still be interested in hearing anyone else's story about Thai men divorcing their wives if you know of any. I find this post even more interesting. If Bina's post had been posted by a man in the general section about his mia noi, how many flame attacks would he have received from both male and female posters? I can only imagine. Live and let live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailotus Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 Bina, thank you for sharing your story. I could never judge a situation such as yours. My grandfather had two wives and they used to exchange gifts regularly (I'm Chinese). Anyway, nothing is black and white in life - how boring if it were! Thank you again. I'd still be interested in hearing anyone else's story about Thai men divorcing their wives if you know of any. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I find this post even more interesting. If Bina's post had been posted by a man in the general section about his mia noi, how many flame attacks would he have received from both male and female posters? I can only imagine. Live and let live. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You do have a valid point there. I'm not saying I like the idea of mia nois (if my husband had one I'd throttle him and then kick him out) but I am understanding of the fact that everyone's situation is different. Does that make it morally right? I'm not sure but what I do know is that we can't be quick to judge and as humans, we have a need to be loved and touched and four years without that immediate support is asking for quite a bit (though I'm sure there are those who could and would prefer to do it). I appreciate is Bina's faith and trust in sharing with us something very personal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
expatgaz Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 Bina, can you not find a man out there who is single ? Iam a married man and wouldn't dream of having another relationship. What you are doing, in my opinion, is a disgrace.He is married with kids yet you get involved. I bet his real wife is non to impressed but unfortunately unable to do anything.And as for him wanting to divorce her for a "suppossed fling" well... pot kettle and black spring to mind. You really should get a life eh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailotus Posted December 31, 2004 Author Share Posted December 31, 2004 Bina, can you not find a man out there who is single ? Iam a married man and wouldn't dream of having another relationship. What you are doing, in my opinion, is a disgrace.He is married with kids yet you get involved. I bet his real wife is non to impressed but unfortunately unable to do anything.And as for him wanting to divorce her for a "suppossed fling" well... pot kettle and black spring to mind. You really should get a life eh. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> There must be more of you out there! Although I don't personally agree with extra-marital affairs (the devastation I've seen married women go through is dreadful) and I would never put up with it myself, I find it very difficult to see only black and white. Sometimes there is no clear explanation and we can only accept that other people may choose different paths. I'm not condoning. I just feel that we can't judge too harshly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamJai Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 I wonder how many of these "understanding" members would change their attitude if they were in Mia Luang's shoes. Those of you who have a spouse, would you react the same way if you were being cheated this way? "Of course, honey, go on, have a little fun on the side." I doubt it. It is so easy to be understanding and nonjudgemental when it comes to the problems of strangers. However, I reserve this luxury when I can be absolutely sure that I could honestly maintain the same opinion, were I to deal with the same situation in my own life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamJai Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 (edited) as for him wanting to divorce her for a "suppossed fling" well... pot kettle and black spring to mind. You really should get a life eh. I agree with you, expatgaz. The guy is a jerk, no doubt. He disgraces the marriage, cheats on his wife, but gets all upset on even the faintest suspicion that his wife may do the same thing. What a #####! Actually, I wish she'd do that. Maybe then he would get a perspective of what it feels like to be betrayed this way. She should give him a taste of his own medicine. What goes around, comes around, folks. One way or another. Most of you know about how fond Mia Luang are of their kitchen knives, and like using them in the bed... Edited December 31, 2004 by SiamJai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mbkudu Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 (edited) There are two ways to go about the above relationship. One way is to do it behind closed doors so the wife doesn't know and the other is in the open where both parties are aware and a decision can be made to continue the relationship or not. In the near future I think these types of relationships will become less prevalent in Thailand because Thai women are becoming more independent and there are more options open for them to marriage now. Just the internet alone has really opened up a gold mine for women seeking mates. As well, marrying a foreigner is becoming more acceptable in Thai society, so larger numbers of men are now potential mates to young women who otherwise may have settled for second fiddle. Whether it is morally right or wrong is beside the point. Edited December 31, 2004 by mbkudu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted December 31, 2004 Share Posted December 31, 2004 thank you for the thoughtful posts thai lotus and mbk... thai lotus that is particularly interesting to hear about... have any of you read the book pavillion of women by pearl s buck.... probably cliche chinese a bit but about a 40 year old woman that gives her husband a concubine so that she can turn to more spiritual matters in her life..... read it, its fun and interesting as for the rest of the insecure men on the board, thai social mores allow the pot to call the kettle black; the same way thai (country) men still have arranged marriages to proven virgins (had two friends married off in buriram this way , arranged by parents); and probably most men would say that a western woman is sleeping around if she's gone thru lots of boyfriends but if a man does it, well, he isnt a slut.... anyway, i am not interested in finding a single man , i dont want marriage or children ,, been threre done that, and i am very fond of the person i have this relationship with... his wife only knows that there is someone who takes care of her husband when he is sick etc and doesnt ask questions as i am referred to as "big sister".... and yes, if my husband had someone on the side and it fit in with my life style (didnt interfere with being at home when kids are sick, etc, then, no problem and yes i know women here on the kibbutz who know there jhusbands have a mistress, they deny it up front to any one that 'lets them in on the secret about their husband' and they carry on with their lives; some may divorce but not all....and by the way my ex got a girlfriend right after we split up and i get along very well with her ; i like her. thai men are jealous, possessive and wont neccessarily approve of a woman going on her own to a bar and speaking with strange men, where as a thai man will do so... (at least from what the issan guys tell me constantly) no generalizations though... now about the divorce thing: from what these guys here tell me: 1. if they both own the house, he moves out and she gives him a bit back 2. while they work here, many men told me that their wives took all the money that they were sent and cleared out to marry : falangs!! dont forget that many guys here were married in a wat but not registered. an other friend is divorced but to get a visa to the states, remarried his brother's wife as a registered marriage even though she is married by buddhist ceremony to his brother. he divorced his wife cause she was reported entertaining a male non family member in her house while he was here... the daughter was sent to live with grandma. 3. morals are a cultural thing guys; i once met a young beduin officer in the israeli army with three wives: one older woman, one young girl and one woman who has a university degree, as does he by the way... he has 9 children.... and they all get along..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gisele Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 I have a friend here near Nakhon, she is a Thai woman, 23 years old, has two children with a Thai man. He went to Samui for "work" when she was pregnant with her second child. She knows he has girlfriends, she can't do anything about it, she is quite stoic and deals with raising her children as best she can. He comes around once in a while to play with the kids then goes back to Samui again. She is not alone in this situation. Who gets hurt? Certainly the children. and I don't think I would be happy in her shoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreon Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 some perspective on these matters with out flames please:i am a 'mia noi' for a thai worker away from his wife for four years; he has a lovely wife and two young children.... i am divorced and have three children.... he is not by any means a 'paid' thai boy.... we care for each other and take care of each other under the limitations of the situation we are in.... i send the occasional presents (school equipt) to his children; he makes sure that i eat lots of thai food and dont lose weight (for me a problem); he gains from me a broader knowledge of the world (computers, animal medicine, religions of the wester world, etc) which he never got as he went to work as a 14 yr old and has worked all his life; i learn about issan life in an intimate way . i (hopefully) make his life a little less miserable away from home and family; make sure he doesnt lose all his hard earned money in his alcoholic stupors; he is jai di and affectionate with me... an other worker here has a mia noi who just returned to thailand; she knows about the man's wife and children and also sent gifts etc. she has no children, is a single older woman, he now sends her money every month as well as money to his family and children.... asked him how he will handle it when back in thailand.... he said no problem, and his mia noi has no interest in disrupting his family life as she has been single and independant her whole life..... women of the world--- do not look down on non monogomous relationships.... it is true that these same thai men would divorce their wives today if there was even a romour that the wife was being a butterfly... my thai friend almost did that to his wife until i convinced him it was probably a vicious small village rumour..... these wives dont see their men for four years running i dont know how they do it ..... just my unusual thoughts on the matter not asking for judgment please.... <{POST_SNAPBACK}> are you farlang.....i am amazed about your english writing and assume speaking ability again man would drop there wife if they butterflied, but to ###### with it if its the other way around your butterfly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 1, 2005 Share Posted January 1, 2005 yes i am an american living in israel so my english should be fairly ok Who gets hurt?Certainly the children. dont judge by your standards whether children are 'hurt' or not; social and moral aspects of child education , marriage, love and family relationships are different among different cultures as are expectations of said institutions and financial neccessity.....it seems to me that half of issan has grandparents or mothers only raising their children; fathers are away working as i heard stories from over 200-300 men working here ( in israel) around the country and there are close to 3,00 legal thai workers here .... and better to have a husband playing around and providing some money than no husband and no money....one thai man worker here recently announced that his wife was about to give birth this month.... he got her pregnant on a home visit after not seeing her for 4 years, and came back to work for an other 4 years and she is the one who sent him because they want " a big double cabin pick up truck and a cement house" i couldnt imagine giving birth without my (now ex..) husband by my side and helping in the first few months... my friend's wife recently called and told him that he should try for an other four years as she gave this years money to his father and her father for improving their houses (in nongkhai area ) and now she wants a cement house (they live in a wood 'shack' in buriram area) i dont agree with all aspects of any culture..... what seems to one person as the proper thing to do will seem to an other as absolutely impolite or even morally wrong, etc...(most israelis think that leaving a mother and child alone for years at a time is the most horrendous thing you could do, better to starve) including reasons for marriage, attitudes towards older people etc.... hundreds of philipine women (abandoned by husbands no divorce catholic country) work in israel as au pair and dont see their children for years and become many times the girlfriends of these same thai workers: the women get affection and a bit of money per month and a day away from work, the men get what they need or want.... israeli women think these women are as bad as prostitutes, i see them as people who need affection and support away from home in a hopeless no win situation... the same goes for judging the countless 'farang' men that marry younger thai women often with a child by a previous (bad) marriage.... many of these women marry for the money and security which develops to fondness and love... divorce is never easy: i know, as there is no such thing in israel as alimony, only patrimony (support for children, minimally) and as i am 42 i am not a good marriage prospect or a good employment prospect (sexist country) so many friends think i am nuts to divorce ; they would rather stay in a bad marriage for the financial aspects and 'dont like to live alone'... there is probably a big difference in thailand between the poor classes and the upper middle class and wealthier educated people as to how they deal with divorce (family and social pressure loss of face of pappa et al); chinese background, muslem, etc.... thai lotus can probably enlighten us... 'nuff said a different view point for those that are curious (i am an anthropologist by the way, now working with animals on four legs) ; taught myself thai and study about thailand almost entirely thru the internet (and thai visa) as i ahve no money for university abroad or books and cd's and there is no thai studies in israel always like to hear other viewpoints my thoughts with those that lost family and friends in the tsunami bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamJai Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 (edited) Bina, I find your notion on "insecure" quite interesting, and can't honestly agree with it. IMO, men who give 100% of their love, care and attention to one, and only one woman, and expect no more and no less in return are hardly to be called insecure. On the contrary, it creates a strong foundation for a most secure relationship. What is insecure is a relationship where love is shared. True love cannot be shared, and if you get a portion, you don't get the real thing. Either that, or the other woman doesn't get anything, in which case you live with a cheater, a traitor. Good luck with such a character. Today it is her, tomorrow it may be you. Now, that's what I call insecure. You talk about Thai social mores as something acceptable; while in my opinion the tremendous unequality between the genders is nothing short of outrageous. Did you know that slavery was the norm a hundred years ago in Siam? It was the social norm, but when people got enlightened about just how morally wrong it is, they did away with it. I expect the same thing happening with gender unequality, given enough time. There are signs of it already in the capital, but it will take more time to trickle down to the remote areas. Speaking of which, Isaan is an interesting place. You seem to like books; did you read Pira Sudham's works on Isaan life? There is a story from the perspective of a mia noi there, and it is similar to yours. Except that the woman didn't become mia noi out of fancy choice, but rather due to economic and social necessity. That puts it into a whole different category. But please don't let the harsh tone of my posts deceive you. Since you are already in the situation, I wish that you make the best out of it, if only for the sake of the happiness of the others involved. Which leads us into... dont judge by your standards whether children are 'hurt' or notWell, I don't know if children of mia luang are hurt because of mia noi in general, but I do know one child who got scarred for life because of one. I lived with a Thai family until very recently. Mae is a divorced woman in her late thirties with a sixteen year old daughter (seventeen this year). Mae's ex-husband was a drunkard with a long history of domestic violence. Mae tolerated the abuse for quite a while (like you said, divorce is not easy), but when she found out that he had two mia noi, it was the last straw - she got divorced. I know how much Nongsao was hurt then. Years later, she still is; and the news that the guy married one of the mia nois (dumped the other one), and has a kid from her, doesn't help to heal the wound either. I should say, this is a Bangkok story. It may be somewhat different in Isaan, but humans are humans, and emotional betrayal makes no one happy, regardless of cultural background. Edited January 2, 2005 by SiamJai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 yes have read many of his books; btw, many many marriages here in israel are 'shiduch' that is arranged marriages in the very orthodox jewish community; when speaking with these women, i ask about 'true love'. they say there is no true love but true respect, fondness, concern, caring etc.... true love is mixed with lust and dies out with age ... secondly the idea of true love is something very very subjective. at the age of 16 i beloved in true love. at the age of 42 i believe in other things that seem to last longer and matter more , as i said (not neccessarily financial matters) there is always tension when a person comes from one culture and uses his/her own perspectives to view moral situations in an other culture: is it appropriate to bash in to a community that lives as new immigrants such as the ethiopians here and tell an ethiopian woman that what she considers moral is actually wrong and in our modern society, bad for her daughter?? it is a very sensitive subject among all social workers, etc when dealing with immigrants in our 'modern western' societies. i noticed in the towns i visited in nongkhai area that the women were strong, controlling of the men (those that weren't working over seas); mothers still decide what their 30 year old married sons will do with the money, etc. my thai friend asked me once why i dont drive the fork lift for moving the hay stacks.... i've applied three times and each time the test was arranged, the guy cancellled it when i showed up.probably cause i'm a woman.. my friend says that women in thailand drive trucks, fork lifts, etc in factories no problem.... and the examples go on and on.......but this is totally off the subject an other issan phenomenon: i noticed the girls study better than the boys; i noticed it in the schools, and i notice it here from my friends who report on their kids progress in school.....the boys are expected to go work on the farms etc. the girls to marry, but the girls use their heads more and boys will be boys (this occurs in many countries)... i dont flit from man to man and my friend doesnt seem the type that goes from woman to woman; he speaks highly of his wife and appreciates her hard work , and acknowleges the fact that her life is much harder than mine (no running water, no hot water, no water at all in drought , etc etc etc) i agree that a man or woman that changes their lover frequently, or takes on many, may like to have the 'flavour of the day' and therefore really dont care for any one but themselves and their (sexual /mental) needs thus not really having a caring relationship-- but i dont think people are naturally monogomous either children, as i ahve pointed out to many criticizers of my divorce on the kibbutz, can win or lose, depending on situation and explanation of adults: my kids vote unanimously that now that my ex and i are divorced, we are better parents and every thing is more harmonious. because i accept his new partner, they do also.... as someone here humourously pointed out, and the beduins even have a saying about that: more than one wife causes lots of grey hair any women out there that have pua noi?? dont have all the books of pira, am curious to read more.... thanx to those that wish me well ; different perspectives are like thai food: sweet sour spicy and salty.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 Bina, that is too bad that you think true love can't exist in your life. I am not much younger than you (38) and believe that my husband is the one true love of my life. He would no more be interested in a mia noi than I would in another man. Also I must point out that you make alot of excuses to justify the relationship of a mia noi. Not all of these men are in arranged marriages and not all the women are greedy b*tches. I know one man who has been through several wives, and he has never lost a wife because of lack of money or a good house but because he is unfaithful. And all of his wives have been Thai women, good women who work for their money as well. Isaan is not the entire country and the few that you have met do not make a majority. Until you can actually live in Thailand and experience it first hand really, all your observations are based on other people's point of view and opinion. Very few of the many many Thai women I have known after 16 years of life in Thailand approve of a mia noi, and even fewer approve of their husband having one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 2, 2005 Share Posted January 2, 2005 1. never said wanting a good life for children and financial security and affection makes someone a greedy bi*** ; 2. never said a woman would accept a mia noi; in my case this woman does not know and never willl since an ocean separates us 3. i already said that most issan women that i met work very hard; actually it seems that they work harder than their husbands for the most part and dont waste their hard earned money as much 4. there is one country or area i think in india where the women marry more than one husband (marry a man and you marry his brothers also and are also a supposedly non chauvanistic society have to look up the info if you want) 5. there are general base lines for any community or society any where in the world and there are always those that don't fit the general picture (forgot the phrase in english sorry) i was raised in a family that doesnt believe in 'true love' as pictured in hollywood movies and women's magazines; was raised by a monogomous mother and father i must add who truly care for each other ; 6. true caring etc is certainly stronger than that crazy thing that combines desire, possession, anxiety etc that we identify as love 7. a majority of the men here (thai workers) go to low priced prostitutes (russian and korean, the israelis dont like orientals) in tel aviv (from what they told me the price is 150 nis for a quickie; "the women are smelly", and they use lots of condoms )so which is better? potential diseases, waste of money etc? or someone who takes care of you for a few years ... 8. in the beginning all the men i met told me they NEVER went to prostitutes ; its taken them two years of talking with me to let me in on the secret; 9. at several gatherings with men from other areas who dont know me, i was offered money for my 'services' thru the pu yai of my group (woman falang talks to thai worker = sex) he set them straight before a fight could start 10. just wanted to give a different perspective on things guess the subject can close since no one else has the 'other' perspective ; no other mistresses out there?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailotus Posted January 2, 2005 Author Share Posted January 2, 2005 Thanks to everyone who has posted. Bina, I have read a couple of Pearl Buck's books but not that one. Will look out for it (I think my mother has her entire collection). I am very familiar with "shidduchs" but I have also seen very unhappy Jewish marriages. What keeps them together is the strong insistence on family values, community and the strength of the institution of marriage itself. Something we could all take a leaf from. I can't help but believe in true love. The problem is that the world is becoming so jaded, so cynical. We all think we know so much and fail to realise we know so little. We won't allow ourselves to completely "fall". What I am seeing is young people (20s and 30s) marrying as it's "time" and not waiting for their true love - only to find a few years down the track that they do come across their soulmate, only to find themselves unable to fulfill their desires. It's like they are playing house filled with actors and not real humans with human desires. How things quickly unravel. That's why I believe not all is black and white. In my Chinese family, having mia nois seems to be the norm but are the wives happy? - not at all. The effects are destructive but the women soldier on as it would not be economically viable to do anything else. Hence why I believe education is so important - so we don't have to put up with this behaviour. The sadder thing too, is that the children who discover the truth end up having little faith in love, marriage and men. If you can't trust your father, how can you trust any male? It's a very difficult topic but one I brought up because of someone close to me who is going through a situation and I wanted to get some other people's perspectives. Bina, please don't think I'm judging you because I'm not. In my perfect world, we would all marry our soulmates, be well fed and contented but unfortunately life is not always so easy and as I keep saying, not everything is black and white. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 thai lotus, you have a good head on your shoulders and a good understanding of the delicate and subtle problems in dealing with different social norms; i think a movie was made by the same name pavillion of women , but a very old 'quasi chinese' type one; the book is definately worth reading and fits our times as well even though written so long ago.... the 'peking letters ' is yet an other interesting book of hers; i dont know how factual pearl buck is but the human messages do come thru.... you could interview your elderly family members and write a family life story it sounds really interesting.... hope your friends work out whatever it is ..... i was told by my thai friend that in two years when he returns home, he hopes that, although i might not be happy, i will be peaceful and not live a hard life.... happiness is an impermanent state of mind...... to the other women reading here, check out thai ruby's answer to the men complaining about jealous thai wives, post no. 37.... (she's supposedly thai and a woman) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 3, 2005 Share Posted January 3, 2005 got this pm'd to me: Hi Bina You're welcome to use it.I haven't read the Mianoi posts yet. But I have been there before....being a Thai mianoi in my naive year. But now I am older and wiser and in control biggrin.gif. Yes its good to let your man loose now and again because i think if he loves you he won't be going anywhere but if he doesn't love you,then you can lock and chain him up but his heart will be somewhere else. What's point? Siamruby thanx to siam ruby also cheers. bina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailotus Posted January 5, 2005 Author Share Posted January 5, 2005 Hi Bina, Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately my grandparents have now passed on the the pain in my other relatives is too fresh (and ongoing) to bring it up too much. Some of them have turned to religion for solace and others just pour their energy into their career or children. I have a Thai friend who is involved with a married man. He's intending to divorce his wife to be with her. She's only young but hopelessly in love. I just can't condemn her (or him) when I see how they feel for one another. Maybe I'm too big a softie! As I said before, sometimes we marry for the wrong reasons and we just don't realise the consequences. Talking about commitment is hopeless when there is no love in the beginning. Love and commitment should go hand in hand. I can't agree with Siamruby. What she is holding on to is only a semblance of what a true relationship is. Why short change yourself? Letting him have so much freedom is giving him the green light to behave badly and indignantly. Trust and open communication would be a more emotionally productive and would give rise to a deeper level of love and honesty. Just my few baht worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
siamruby Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 Hi Bina,Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunately my grandparents have now passed on the the pain in my other relatives is too fresh (and ongoing) to bring it up too much. Some of them have turned to religion for solace and others just pour their energy into their career or children. I have a Thai friend who is involved with a married man. He's intending to divorce his wife to be with her. She's only young but hopelessly in love. I just can't condemn her (or him) when I see how they feel for one another. Maybe I'm too big a softie! As I said before, sometimes we marry for the wrong reasons and we just don't realise the consequences. Talking about commitment is hopeless when there is no love in the beginning. Love and commitment should go hand in hand. I can't agree with Siamruby. What she is holding on to is only a semblance of what a true relationship is. Why short change yourself? Letting him have so much freedom is giving him the green light to behave badly and indignantly. Trust and open communication would be a more emotionally productive and would give rise to a deeper level of love and honesty. Just my few baht worth. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Hi everyone,thought I was not going to get involve as this room is called farang's girl room but hey I can't help it now. I think I have a lot of experiences regarding relationship, Here is my love CV! In my 20's I was a mianoi to a Thai guy who was seperated from his wife but then got back with her when she had cancer. In my 30's I was married to an immature farang who had mianoi and in the end broke my leg which he claimed it was an accident, yeah right he pushed me and said he wanted to kill me! In my 40's now I am divorced and living with my farang fiance. He is 6 year younger than me and yes he did run after a teenage girl once in his mad moment. What would that do to a girl's confident, when her young partner fancied a girl 25 years younger than her? Yes I went mad just like any woman would but feeling insecure? no not me. I had bad relationships in the past and have no intention to live with a guy who don't love me And no I am not desperate,at the age of 44 with 4 kids. I still get a lot of men's attention. And no, not because of the money either (hence being a Thai woman and farang man) he lives in my house in UK. So what make we live together? Love 4years and we have never argued accept the day I found out about that girl which now we only talked about it often as a joke. COMMUNICATION? 4years and we still chat away as soon as we wake up until we go to bed.We are closer than best friend as we are now have each other as best friend..sickly I know . TRUST? I have never asked him who he chats to on line or who is he talking to on the phone or vice versa. I also am the one who normally point out to some pretty girl on the street to him 'wow look at her, she got such a pretty face' etc and yes I am the one who let him go to Pattaya! Why I let him have freedom? I am not his mum! We are not marry so I am not his wife if he can't be faithful then at least I will know if I should marry him or not. And finally, my partner is now a disabled because of an accident and I care for him. That is why I said we are best friend as we are together 24 hrs a day 7days a week and we enjoy each other company. Thailotus, What I am holding on I believe is a true love which we both didn't expect anything in return. That when we started off he had everything (being a company director) and I had nothing but he ignored all the warning from his family and friends not to get involve with me, a poor Thai woman with 4kids (3 have problem with learning difficulty) with a violence ex. And now he had nothing but..me. Should I dump him because...he has no money? is a disabled? is a burden? this not talking about some certain ability in the bedroom! Anyone want to come to a wedding next year? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bina Posted January 6, 2005 Share Posted January 6, 2005 siamruby, way to go!!!! definately telenovella material; get writing girl!!! besides, farang girls only because there seems to be mostly men on the forum and most seem to have thai girlfriends or wives (or boyfriends) and this forum has some of the more intelligent and informative threads barring thai language, buddhism and the local threads..... but nobody said a thai woman cant participate; she can illuminate for us the thai woman side of any situation..... thai lotus: i can only point out to your friend that after people divorce, the way they feel about the former lover often changes and things dont always seem to work out.....sometimes the safety net of marriage makes the affair more interesting or neccessary, once divorced, the woman or man might suddenly want more freedom, or more time to him/herself, and what was a clandestine and part time thing suddenly becomes the reality of two people that can be full- time together which one side of the couple may not really want. i for one cannot think of any one living in my house at the moment; part time is fine by me.... the dirty socks on the floor are only mine or the kids, etc..... but i have always been a loner and like my private time when most of my time goes to my kids (again , three with learning disabilities ) then there is the blame thing: becasue of you i gave up my family, bla bla.... suddenly this becomes a reality etc. if the guy was divorcing his wife before he had the girlfriend thats one thing; if he's doing it for the girl friend, .... watch out.... he may end up resenting her, and this will also interfere with having a smooth divorce like i do with my ex (we live in same area, children go back and forth daily between us, work together often , help out when needed, etc.) as we divorced do to lack of 'fitting together' more than anything else (married for wrong reasons when younger) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaladmak Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 thanks to siambury its good to hear from real thai ppl here in this Forum, especially from ladies ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMA_FARANG Posted February 16, 2005 Share Posted February 16, 2005 (edited) Hi Everyone,Another little question for you all. Have you heard of Thai men divorcing their wives for mia noi or girfriends? If so, do these relationships continue successfully? Cheers, <{POST_SNAPBACK}> 1. I'm male. 2. My Thai wife's sister was for many years the Mia Noi of a man she originally met at her workplace. She was peviously married and divorced. 3. The relationship lasted for several years. Eventually she got tired of being #2 in his life. She wanted him to divorce his wife and commit to her. 4. He didn't want to commit and she ended the relationship. Edited February 16, 2005 by IMA_FARANG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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