smotherb Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Holly cow !! that sounds just like me I can handle all but the one about the Thai wife's loyalties. That is simply not funny; and the shame is, I think it may be common. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmptyHead Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 (edited) Holly cow !! that sounds just like me I can handle all but the one about the Thai wife's loyalties. That is simply not funny; and the shame is, I think it may be common. I disagree. My wife may be more loyal to her parents than me (although she dislikes spending too much time with them), but she definately ain't more loyal to her other child (from previous marriage), unfortaunately they don't get along these days. And she ain't loyal to any of her other blood relatives, despite having a good relationship with them she is cautious. And the dogs and buffaloes, come on! Maybe some guys are in this boat. I know i was with my ex from Indonesia, but i ain't in this boat with my Thai lady. She is loyal to me (i don't know why), as far as humanly possible. I think she prefers me to most ( i don't know why), though her loyalty is with Thainess, or her own culture. Damn, i am always wrong when i do something different from that Edited August 18, 2014 by EmptyHead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 christ! you're a bit prompt aren't you Chonabot? Or maybe you should have mentioned that the meeting was 300 kms away across country and you're going by bus............ PS. most Isaan males I know are not averse to a bit of dogmeat, especially of the older generation, as long as they're not the ones to catch, kill and prepare it. But when at some one else's house and the lao kao is flowing freely, i've come across it on several occasions, far from SK Province. What's the big deal? Dog is eaten throughout Asia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strangebrew Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You really know you been here too when a western woman walks by naked and you don't notice it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maggusoil Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 He He , in the beer bars, if it's a girls birthday they will have baloons and such outside. You can usually get some free food at these events. Obviously Roger drinks in higher circles than some of us This is the sort of tip you wait for here . . useful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wolf5370 Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus. Yeah, watching school girls waiting for a bus in a line ten deep in the penumbra of a telephone pole. If the bus takes long enough they slowly walk around the pole - kind of a human sun dial. Have you been spying on Thai schoolgirls again? Wow an 11 year old post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mango66 Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 I have remailed this to my Thai wife, she want speak any more with me :-(( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razzler1973 Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 ... you plan the rest of your day at the bottom of the esculator you enjoy playing 'let's get in the elevator before anyone gets out' 50 baht is a lot of money you don't think it's strange when your wife five spends 150 baht on gas to drive to the market that sells cucumbers 5 baht per kilo cheaper. you pull onto the highway in front of the only visible car to the horizon thats going about 120 kph you slow down to 40 and get into the right hand lane 2 km before the U turn. To be fair that is EVERYWHERE in Asia and also Middle East Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Nixon Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You know when you are an alcoholic and have been in Thailand too long if you recognise yourself in totality on this list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maroon Watcher Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 This is my first ever visit/work/holiday in Thailand - I got most in a few months... BUT eating lunch at 11+ am AND preparing for bed (to sleep) at 8pm Getting up on Sunday at 06:30 (and making noise like it's 10:30 am) I will NEVER understand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOLDBUGGY Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 When your Maximum 20,000,Baht Overstay Fine has passed that mark...20 Years Ago! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pii Kate Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Conversation consonants of vowels and nouns only. I go Tesco. Eat now., etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOLDBUGGY Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 When you learnt to speak Thai, but also Russian.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScotBkk Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You read all this intensively because you’re a sad Barsteward !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 Holly cow !! that sounds just like me I can handle all but the one about the Thai wife's loyalties. That is simply not funny; and the shame is, I think it may be common. I disagree. My wife may be more loyal to her parents than me (although she dislikes spending too much time with them), but she definately ain't more loyal to her other child (from previous marriage), unfortaunately they don't get along these days. And she ain't loyal to any of her other blood relatives, despite having a good relationship with them she is cautious. And the dogs and buffaloes, come on! Maybe some guys are in this boat. I know i was with my ex from Indonesia, but i ain't in this boat with my Thai lady. She is loyal to me (i don't know why), as far as humanly possible. I think she prefers me to most ( i don't know why), though her loyalty is with Thainess, or her own culture. Damn, i am always wrong when i do something different from that The fact it is even on the list and you can agree with any of them is problematic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWizardofRnR Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 In Phuket way back when ,we use to go from Soi Sunset closing up , around the Corner to Patrick's on soi san Sabai around 7am & when Pat closed, back around the corner to the Ex-pat Hotel Cafe for the breakfast club where we switched to Pitchers...... so I guess we been here too long if you cannot remember when you stopped not started drinking ! Did I mention u start wearing a Sarong ur wife or GF bought u in Nakon Nowhere ? Did I mention you'd lost or broken or had stolen over a dozen pairs of sunglasses ? Did I mention you've been with more ladies then John Holmes , but are still alive to talk about it ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You really know you been here too when a western woman walks by naked and you don't notice it. why would you want to notice the curdled cottage cheese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnsy Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 when you are out front of 7-11 sitting on your sa-cooter looking in the mirrors squeezing zits on your face without any sense of self consciousness. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWizardofRnR Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You really know you been here too when a western woman walks by naked and you don't notice it. why would you want to notice the curdled cottage cheese It may mean you turned Gay , cause the ladyboys had fooled you more then a few times ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khaowong1 Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 You know youve ben in Thailand too long when--- You bang your head and let out a strange grunt ( uh! ) instead of saying " Ouch! " You see another Westerner in Isaan and say to yourself " Farang!" I've actually done both... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
louse1953 Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 When you reply errr to everything and the Thai understands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericthai Posted August 18, 2014 Share Posted August 18, 2014 When you know the price of rice the mills are paying. when you order food at a restaurant and it never shows up when you ask only then does the server tell you sold out and you just say mai pen rai. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NativeSon360 Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Excellent piece Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smotherb Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 You really know you been here too when a western woman walks by naked and you don't notice it. why would you want to notice the curdled cottage cheese It may mean you turned Gay , cause the ladyboys had fooled you more then a few times ! Actually, I can tell the difference between men and women, too bad some of you cannot. However, that was not the issue. I was acknowledging I may have been here too long because I prefer Asian women, but I preferred Asian women over 50 years ago. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BaldPlumber Posted August 19, 2014 Share Posted August 19, 2014 Apologies if already mentioned before, but when you think its normal for BOIING sound effects to be included in just about every TV show. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ableguy Posted August 23, 2014 Share Posted August 23, 2014 I have been here only 5 years but recognise & had a good giggle at George's list Except: "Its two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside." Maybe I haven't been here long enough yet cos I don't understand that one ... Anyone care to Educate me? Birthday party for a bar girl, free food. Roger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazy chef 1 Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 Sorry for the repeats, I did a copy and paste from the thread ages ago!!!! 1. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own. 2. You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue. 3. You stop at the bottom of the escalator to plan your day. 4. You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift. 5. It has become exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anybody can get off. 6. You're willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn't go to within a kilometer of at home. 7. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting. 8. You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "up to you mister". 9. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue. 10. You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car. 11. You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it fixed. 12. You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is still on final approach. 13. You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate. 14. You answer the telephone with "Hello" more than 5 times. 15. Your are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four items on the menu. 16. A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine. 17. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper. 18. You regard traffic signals, stop signs and copy watch peddlers with total ignorance. 19. If when listening to the pilot prove, he can't speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the Air Traffic Controllers. 20. You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different. 21. You're not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb. 22. You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay 50% surcharge for same day service. 23. Taxi drivers understand you. 24. You own a rice cooker. 25. Due to selective memory you honestly believe you could return to the western world. 26. You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants. 27. YOU UNDERSTAND ALL OF THE ABOVE REFERENCES! You habitually look both ways when crossing a one way street Your wife calls to remind you she will be home Saturday and have you bought toilet paper. You are not surprised when the lady who owns the pub asks if you know anyone who will teach her son English. Not only does it not bother you a lady is cleaning the urinal next to the one you are using, but that you also start to have a casual chat with her. While stuck in a traffic jam, you see a tiny gap in the traffic in the other lane. You think "If I try and move into that gap, half my car will be left in the lane I was just in, thus blocking traffic for a mile back and frustrating 100+ drivers." But you don't care and jump in that gap anyway. You wear a wooly hat and gloves when it drops below 30 You think fairy lights wrapped around a T.V looks beautiful You Actually believe your wifes family like you!! You think blondes look exotic You push the pull open door for the 50th time this week and giggle about the experience again Your sure theirs room for one more on the bike that already holds 5 people and a pig You now speak to friends back home in broken English You enjoy som tam with a few chicken feet on the side You buy cigarettes in singles, and are sure L&M taste better than B&H Your sure Loa Khao is a good substitute for a twelve year old single malt You dont fear a couple of months in the monkey house You can sleep for 23 and a half hours a day for months on end You can shower, eat, watch T.V, call all your friends and clean the room in the only waking 30 mins you have each day You think a face smothered hand cream and white powder is attractive Or perhaps you just might start missing big fat women with varicose veins. You think having a 1 baht coin in your ear looks cool You wear a suit to work then change into flip-flops upon arrival You add enough soda to your whiskey to render it colorless And put ice in your beer You have a conversation with a mouthful of food And smoke between mouthfuls You pluck your face at traffic lights You stand and watch a video in Power Buy You tell someone the time is about 11 o'clock when in fact it's a quarter to 12. - You use a whistle when parking your car. - You season your hamburger with nam pla phrik. - You are always thinking it must be time for the next meal. - You stop thinking that a girl riding pillion on a motorbike, side-saddle, wearing a mini-skirt, with one toe pointing to the ground, while putting on make-up, is anything out of the ordinary. - You can sleep standing up on the bus. - You can keep your bus fare in your ear. - If you meet someone called Steve you call him ``Sateve''. - You know the braking distance for vehicles traveling at 10kph is two meters and that the braking distance for vehicles traveling at 100kph is also two meters. - You laugh your head off at jokes you can't understand. - You describe anyone who has ever lived within a two kilometer radius of you as ``my brother''. - You find that everything you own is counterfeit. - You frankly never really have a clue what's really going on. THE TOP TEN SITUATIONS THAT REALLY SCARE FARANG MEN IN THAILAND. 10. Flying back home for good only to realize you just flew away for home. 9. The impending visit of your Issan mother-in-law who has 2001 recipes all based on fermented fish. 8. Being awoken by the sound of a knife being sharpened and the quacking of an unfamiliar duck, after one too many late nights at the office. 7. Returning home to find that the last precious nips of your 24 year old Highland Malt have been poured into the Sang Thip as a space saving measure. 6. Discovering her new Italian phrase book under one of her 68 T-shirts and see the word rigid underlined while you just happen to be from Gothenburg, Sweden. 5. Standing on the corner of Soi Cowboy being kissed by a bikini girl as the parents of your most lucrative student pull up before you in their Benz stuck in a jam. 4. Having a gay boss suddenly take a real shine to you and invite you over for a cozy dinner at his place the night before a major company downsizing. 3. Your wifes sudden attack off selflessness has she hands that gorgeous million Baht dowry for your step daughters hand in marriage straight over to the whiskey-eyed dope of a son-in-law. 2. Seeing stubble on the chin of your bride the morning after the wedding. And the best for the Last.. 1. Accidentally scoring "a hole in one" during a negotiating golf game thus beating the CEO of the company your boss desperately needs to do business with. THE GREAT EXCUSE FOR MEN IN THAILAND The barrel of a cement mixer truck fell off the truck and everybody in the taxi, including me, were crushed to death. A katoey beat me up for going outside and buying him a bottle of Pepsi. There was a fire in the hotel and all the emergency exits were locked. I walked under an elephant for good luck but she picked me up and savagely threw me straight into another bar. My wallet bought me a beer to calm my nerves. There was a flood. I was trying to find your favorite durian. The taxi driver misheard me and took me to Muang Thong Thani instead of Yannawa by mistake. Look! I bought you a 7-11 hot dog and a slurpy! Heres 5,000 Baht. Please dont cut me up. You dont hold on when you are on a motorcycle taxi Thailand in a nutshell!great written. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bannork Posted August 24, 2014 Share Posted August 24, 2014 (edited) When your own funeral takes several days and rites rather than the single ceremony and your coffin is decorated with flashing lights rather than sombre wreaths. But never mind, because you'll be born again rather than the Christiian 'one time only' syndrome, so it's impossible to stay too long. You can check out of Thailand, but you can never leave.. Edited August 24, 2014 by bannork Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
naboo Posted February 23, 2015 Share Posted February 23, 2015 When you watch this video and can't see anything abnormal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razzler1973 Posted February 24, 2015 Share Posted February 24, 2015 That is absolutely nothing at all compared to driving in the Middle East Lightweights Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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