Advice On Common Problem, Thai Farang Relationship

[Birdman]

Not hard - leave dosh out of the equation like you would in the west. Be honest always amazes me how these muppets get into this mess in the first place - lose their minds over a shag and ready to build a house, give them access to their bank and other unbelievable sh*te. I don't blame the bird - hey don't ask you don't get - if same situation happened in the west 9/10 times the lad would tell the lady in question to get stuffed.

Dosh comes into the equation because the westerner is wooing a far younger, more attractive, female than he could possibly hope to attract back home. He knows that, and the Thai girl knows that. Money helps to even things up a bit.

Why do so many old, unattractive, western males think that younger more attractive Thai women are interested in relationships? For their scintillating conversation?

who says, they think?

[Elvis1234]

All the foregoing advice has been spot on...particularly the poignant reminder that you can take a girl out of the bar but not vice versa.

I married a lady 11 years ago and took her to the USA to live for 5 years, then returned to LOS to retire here. My wife was a hotel sales manager when I met her, and proved to be a woman of great moral integrity. But she is as someone remarked, among the 5% of Thai women who will not resort to trickery to keep a wealthy farang dancing on their hooks. The point I wish to make is this: that even when you marry or begin a relationship with even a good Thai woman, you marry far more than the lady herself. You marry all the emotional baggage she brings along with her. Her family, her friends, her debts, her habits and so forth. They all pre-existed you and the girl has these loyalties that she must fulfill.

So when you relate to a Thai lady, my advice is that you make sure you do this open-eyed and understand the extent of that additional baggage. This introspection will show you if you truly love the lass or are marrying her for for any other reasons. Thai women believe in the "heart with four rooms' metaphor--they have 'rooms' set aside to love themselves, their husbands, their mothers and fathers, and their children. And they manage to meet all of these obligations. But deep in the psyche of any Thai woman she will make sure to take care of her original family and does this at the expense of herself and of her husband if it comes to that. It is a deeper, more profound relationship than we Farang husbands generally fathom. They also believe in the 'gilded cage' metaphor--and have to build a golden cage around themselves to properly satisfy their many obligations in life. The Farang husband is included, but is not the center of her attentions in this regard. Finally, if you have ever studied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs theory, you can best undertand how most Thai (and Oriental) women think and how they are motivated. Unlike Western women, their Asian sisters never reach the 'Self-Actualization" level--the top-most in Maslow's pyramid. They are always scrambling to fulfill more fundamental needs--shelter, food, water, clothing and such...and once they have met these goals for themselves, then take on a mission to assist their family and friends attain the same levels of comfort. This is what you deal with in building a relationship with a Thai woman, and the process is arcane and complex. They truly love you along the way, but at the same time use you as well, as it is your endless source of funds which enable their growth and upward movement in the Maslow structure.

As others have suggested, find a better candidate to share your dreams and emotions with...believe me they are out there! There are bar girls who could become an ideal mate, but in most cases they have inculcated a set of values that will not endure in marriage.

Good luck!

Thank you so very much for posting this helps me understand the Thai lady in Sydney Australia I have met. We are extremely attracted to each other but she says things like "I cannot be everything to you" .

Now I ustand - heart with 4 rooms, Maslow's order of needs all make perfect sense - does this not though signify a shortfall in the integrity and combined strength of the relationships (and values) between any Thai woman and her life partner or lover (very sad if so).

[bonobo]

Let me give you the other side of the coin as far as communicating with more than one man at the same time..

When I first started coming to Thailand for this round of business, I met a woman, who for lack of a better term, was a professional mia noi. She was amazingly beautiful, attentive, fun, etc.  She had been the mia noi for several rather rich men, her most recent being someone very powerful in the government.  Well, after this guy, and at 29 years old, she decided she was not going to get anywhere just being a plaything.  She wanted a family.

So she met me about the same time as she met an Australian.  You can say she "ran" us, although I didn't give her cash (I did take her on several nice vacations.)

After 6 months, she told me to make up my mind. She wanted to marry, and she would rather rmarry me, but the other guy had proposed.  I was not ready to marry (having recently divorced), and I have to admit, her background probably put me off. I told her she would be better off with the other guy.  She was upset, but after once last night together, she called the other man to accept his proposal.

I have kept in contact with a few mutual friends.  She now lives in New Zealand (yes, her husband is an Aussie, but he works in NZ), has one toddler, is pregnant again, and is happy with her new life.

My point is that just because a woman runs two or more men, that does not mean she is not sincere.  If she is just using them to extract money,well, that is different.  But if she is communicating and such, so what?  I know many men who write several women at the same time, especially if they met on the internet.  And men are not the most repliable creatures in the world.  Women know about men who say they will come to Thailand but never do, married men who say they are single but never intend to marry, men who are just coming for a fling.  Women know this, so it makes sense to run a few men at once so as not to have wasted a year or more communciating with a man who will never fulfil their desires.

[a2396]

Are you looking for sex with a bargirl? Fine you come to the right place , you can have some fun on your old days.

Are you looking for love and marriage ? Forget it!

Never never never believe in any bargirl if she says she loves you .

Theres plenty of girls looking for love outside the barscene .

PLENTY!! Normal girs looking for Farangs outside of bar scene? Not many I see. They don't speak English & don't want to get a tainted reputation by being seen with them(a Farang). Their frinds will "gossip" them, etc, etc.

[MJP]

She is having a lesiban affair behind his back.

Perhaps he's hoping for some action on that front and thats why he sticks around.

That would be a perfectly valid reason would it not?

[MJP]

Are you looking for sex with a bargirl? Fine you come to the right place , you can have some fun on your old days.

Are you looking for love and marriage ? Forget it!

Never never never believe in any bargirl if she says she loves you .

Theres plenty of girls looking for love outside the barscene .

That's very true. Met a school teacher from BKK. Lovely lass. And no I haven't.

[bonobo]

Are you looking for sex with a bargirl? Fine you come to the right place , you can have some fun on your old days.

Are you looking for love and marriage ? Forget it!

Never never never believe in any bargirl if she says she loves you .

Theres plenty of girls looking for love outside the barscene .

PLENTY!! Normal girs looking for Farangs outside of bar scene? Not many I see. They don't speak English & don't want to get a tainted reputation by being seen with them(a Farang). Their frinds will "gossip" them, etc, etc.

 

Actually, there are plenty.  It isn't hard to find them.

Some may still be looking for that financial hook-up or means of support, but they have never worked in a bar nor related business.  Village women, for example, who see another woman who married a farang and now has a nice house, kids, a car, and such, may very well gravitate towards trying to find a farang so she can have the same lifestyle.

Of course, there are many women who are looking for love, excitement, a different culture, lighter children--a hundred reasons to possibly marry a farang.  The point is that there are in fact plenty of women outside the bar scene looking for a relationship with a farang.

[PatinBKk]

obligatory ATM card? - why is it obligatory and why do you both feel you have to resort to a bar girl when there are so many decent girls here in normal employment, with a bit oh effort you could meet one im sure.

as said many times before u can take the girl out of the bar but u cant take the bar out of the girl! but who knows she could be different ha? doubt it tho.

I can tell you now that the worst girls I have ever met or know about have been "normal girls"...working in dive shops, offices, restaurants etc.....the tricks they get up to.....and yet so sweet......yet I know of many guys that are with x bar girls and have no problems whatsoever.....suppose it depends on the individual