Have Any Of You Lost Your Husbands To A Thail Girl?

[skippybangkok]

The OP's story is, sadly, not a new one. The advice given to immediately protect the family's assets is good advice. It is very hard to convey just how adept the ladies here can be at getting men to part with money. She should engage a lawyer (solicitor), protect the assets, terminate the potential condo purchase, and refuse to visit Thailand, never mind retiring here. All as previous posters have advised.

With due respect, this adeptness is not limited to local women. My brother-in-law in Australia was totaly cleaned out by his Ex after / during their divorce. After 20 years of slogging away, he started from scratch again. (and he really is a nice guy ).

Feel sorry for the originating OP, but i dont think its appropriate to slag off local women as money grabbers - there are plenty of gold diggers in existance all over the world.

p.s 3's a crowd, if he does not come to his senses ASAP - best to move on. - repsect ur self.

Edited January 30, 2009 by skippybangkok

[sbk]

Skippy, while I agree with you that it is unfair to tar all Thai women with the golddigger brush, I don't think anyone is in this instance. The OP has clearly stated that her husband has fallen for a bar girl whom he is aware is only interested in him for his money. I think its pretty clear to anyone who has ever spent any time in Thailand that there is a certain type of women prevalent in the bar industry who is this way.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that all Thai women are this way and think that perhaps you are being overly sensitive.

As for your friend, well, I think its a tad insensitive to compare this case with your friend who was divorced from his wife after 20 years. 20 years of marriage does not a golddigger make. And I suspect that if it turned out the OP "cleaned her husband out" despite the fact that he wants to invest their savings and their kids future in Thailand with his "girlfriend" there are some who would choose to make the same comparison you just did

For two people to have an ugly divorce is an entirely different thing from a man who has not only cheated on his wife but could very likely blow his children's future on someone he already knows cares nothing about him.

[skippybangkok]

With Due respect SBK,

"It is very hard to convey just how adept the ladies here

..................

I think the words are quite clear.

Please do not doubt my understanding about the originating OP's position. I am sure she is devistated, and of course - Look after yourself.

My comment was to directed Cathyy, that if ur looking for gold diggers, they can be found everywhere. ( and dont disagree that the probabilty in Bars will be higher ).Not sure what John Cleese hooked up with, but dont look good

[sbk]

Look after myself,

Thanks for the tip but I am married to a local Thai man from a very good family. He would not touch a bargirl with a ten-foot barge pole. As for the other golddiggers out there, I am sure that some might be attractive and more appropriate but since he spends about 80% of his waking hours out fishing in his boat I doubt he'd ever notice them.

[MansonDust]

Hi Girls

I'm hoping that you can help me, over a difficult time in my life.

I've been with my husband for over 23 years, which I thought were happy years. We have 2 kids.

As we have certain commitments over in the UK, which has been taking it's toll on my husbands

health. We prevoiusley had been to Thailand on family holidays, which he totally chilled out.

So probably (naively) thought that, time away in Pattaya would do him the world of good, we

didn't want him 6ft under. Gut instinct told me something was amiss, and at xmas we went away

as a family to Pattaya again. Only this time he got caught, I left him there.

So back here in UK, he has addmitted he's been unfaithfull. Only the once!!

Anyway, I never at any stage in our married life stopped loving him and I still do now. We've

talked and talked, I found a way in my own head to get over this BIT OF FLUFF (bar girl). But

he's told me he still has feelings for me, but he loves her!

He say's he dosen't trust her, I've told him she only loves you for your back pocked and trying

to feed the family in the back of beyond somewhere. But he knows all this, yet he still loves

her!! If any of you ladies have been through this, how the hel_l did you cope?

I am a man, in the same situation as your husband. I think your husband, just like myself

has cought the serious disease called Yellow fever or Jasmine fever, if you like you can read my story

here:

I feel totally up side down after last trip

to Thailand. This is what has happened, its a long story, read it if you like:

My wife and I have been a couple for 25 years, married for 23. Two grown up sons. In November

2005 when I became 50 yrs, we took a 3 weeks trip to Thailand. Both of us came to love the

country and its people so next November we went back for another three weeks. We travelled

around and ended up in Bkk for a couple of days, just like the year before.

After a shopping

day on our way to the hotel we went past a massage place and said to each other, it would be

great with some massage before going to the hotel. Said and done, we went in and two girls

came to us and started to wash our feet. After drying and paying they took us upstairs to a

room with matresses on the floor and curtains around each matress. Like small booths. My wife

and her lady went into one of to one of the booths and my girl took me to another, quite a bit

from my wifes. ***we really dont' need to read the details of your sexual encounters***--sbk

Well, I felt I had to know if this happended commonly, so the last day before going home I said

to my wife that my back hurted, and I would like one more massage bergore leaving. Went back to

the same place, neighbour to the hotel and said I wanted one hour oil massage. None of the

girls from the other day was there, and another one came up and showed me to the massage booth.

Well,a s might already have guessed, same procedure as last time..

We went home later that evening and started planning for next November trip to Thailand. This

time though, I didn't check the sites I had checked out before. Now it was web sites like

International Sex Guide, and World Sex Guide, I looked at their Thailand pages, and especially

Bkk. I read all about bar girls, freelancers, soapys and massage parleurs. Wow, this was a

whole new world to me...

Well, 11 months pass quickly and November 6, 2007 came and we left for our third trip. Went

first to Koh Chang and then to Koh Samet. We was going to meed some friends at the airport,

they were on their way to holidays, and we were on our way home and was going to spend a couple

of days together in Bkk. We stayed one night in Pattaya, because we had to be early at

Suvarnabhumi. In Pattaya we ended up in a bar in the evening, you know the kind of bar where

girls are pole dancing. At the pole next to our table was a young girl dancing and I could not

take my eyes from her all evening. I said to myself I could have given my right arm for her..

My wife didn't mind that I was looking, she knows I always look att girls.

Next morning we left for the airport and met our friends. Both couples had a reservation at

Swiss Park at Sukumvit Soi 11. After checking in I said to my wife I wanted a massage at the

same place at last year. Ok she said, I will take a nap while you go there.

**once again, we really don't need to read this***

We had a great time together with our friends and when they left for Koh Chang we had one day

and night for ourselves. In the afternoon that day I said to my wife I wanted one more massage

when she was at the pool. I had planned this, I wanted to have a Soapy Massage and went away to

Soi xx and Lovely Massage (I have changed the name). I went in and the Mamasan showed me the fishbowl, for those of you

who doesn't know what a fishbowl is, it's a window where the girls are sitting behind waiting

for customers. You point out the girl you want and the Mamasan call the girl for you. I looked

over the girls and Mamasan tried to advise me to pick number 111, after looking them over my

choise fell on her, number 111.

She came out and took me by my hand and led me to the elevator. We came in to a room with a big

bathtub and a round bed. After ordering some water she started to undress me. I will spare you

the details from the 90 minutes session, but it was the most fantastic I had ever experienced

under my 51 years... If I should have guessed her age I would have said 23, but I didn't ask,

dont know why.

***once again, nobody really wants to read this***

The day we were supposed to leave Thailand I went back to the first place for another massage

with happy ending, as its called.

Home for another 11 months in our cold home country, while planning for next November in

Thailand.

We spended a little more than 2 weeks in Koh Chang and Samet before going to Bkk. All I wanted

was time to go quick so I could go to all the fantastic Massage Parleurs that I had planned to

visit this time. We were supposed to spend 3 nights and days in Bkk this time, which my wife

thought was a little too much, but I insisted.

A week before we came to Bkk I had phoned Lovely Massage to get confirmed that 111 still was there.

Second day in Bkk I said to my wife that I wanted to go for a massage while she was at the

pool. I went away at 3 pm, knowing that's the time Lovely open. When I came out in the street

I called them to confirm that 111 was there. The man said I should call in 10 minutes to know

for sure. I waited and went towards Soi 12. 10 minutes later I called again and got positive,

she was there. Went in and the Papsan opended a door and she came out. She smiled at me and

looked really happy to see me again. We took the elevator up to the room and it was same

procedure as last year. This time we talked more, as we felt we already knew each other. She

told me she was 37 years old, and I could not belive it. She still looked like 23-24. We

exchanged phone numbers before I left and said good bye with a kiss.

We got to know that airport was closed and we didn't know when we could go home. We had to

change hotel because the government would pay for the time we were stuck in Bkk. A really

luxuary suite and free food.

**** more than enough detail, thanks***

After beeing stuck 3 or 4 days we finally got a ticket home on thursday. We should be leaving

on the night between Saturday and Sunday. So on Saturday I went back to see my number xxx at

Lovely Massage. This time I didn't call before and when I came in there were already two men

looing at the girls in the fishbowl. My heart took an extra jump, think if they pick my girl??

I went to the Papasan and asked for her name, we can call her Noi, and he said that would be

number 111? Yes I said and he called her out. This time she looked really happy and she said

she thought I already had left Thailand.

***enough***

we showed each other pictures in our cameras, she from her holidays with her sisters

and friends in Hua Hin and I from Koh Samet. She asked me when I would come back to Bkk and I

said I hope to come sometime in spring, but not sure. She said she would love if I took her on

holiday a few days. I said I would love to, too. We took farwell and said we shoul send some

sms in the future.

A week after leaving Thailand i send my first sms to her:

>Hi Noi!hope u r fine.r u going to pattaya this weekend?if so have a great time!it has been

snowing all night here:(i tried sms from another number but dont think it worked.keep to this

number instead.miss you and bkk..take care..!

The answer came soon:

>Hi honey. I well and hope u too. Wondering to get sms from u.I didn't go to pattaya yet.

Friends of mine couldn't go. So wonderful that u told me has been snowing all night i did never

ever c snow. Many kiss & tk care Tx xx

This was followed by lots and lots of sms, like:

>Hi my love i am well and hope u too. I am very happy to got a long sweet sms from u. Wish u

comeing back bkk soon also. Love to spending time w u.

U were ready in my minds too want to making love w u and have holiday time w u. Very long time

i did never ever has a holiday wish that very much.

Wishing this day my love have a wonderful day and not work so hard. Kisses u hot and warm. Tk

care my darling

>Hi my love. I am doing well and hope u 2. Glad to know that u r thought of my all the time.

Sorry yesterday i was busy. Yes,would like 2 talk with u 2.

>In taxi, on my way time to go home. I had a meeting today,be at work 11.30 am before time to

open feel very tired,but happy to got your sms, that made my world more beautiful.

>Hi my love. I hat a very nice sleep last ngt. Is best time to call after my work finish. Can u

call at 1 am then time i will be at my apartment ready. Wish my love have a nice weekend Love

kisses

>My love i am ready at home. Could u call me now? Kiss

>My love thanks u too. Really enjoyed and happy to talk with u. Wish my love have a wonderful

sleep and dream about me and then we dream for together, i dream to my love. Sending u sweet

kisses.

>Hi my love, how r u ? Thought u miss me very much and i miss u too. Wish u have a nice count

down in your home i will say cheer in my home. Dream to get u being beside in next year. Big

kiss and take care my beby.

>Hi my love hope u r well i am a bit tried too. I come back ready yesterday now at my work.

Feeling dont want to work any more. Yes, u can call me after work. I sent u sms after work ok.

Wish u have a great day. Kiss u everywhere and take care.

>I love to talk with u too my love. Wish u have a nice dinner and wish u be my good man i feel

very warm now and then i want to be your good girl too.Kiss

>Darling u make me smiling. I am at apartment looking TV. Love to talk with u and looking for u

too. Hope we dream be come ture. Sweet kiss and we dreams for together.Gd nigh

>Darling. Thank a lot to talking w me too. I really hope we can keeping in touch always. Then

hope i can open with u everything i need real love not play game with me.Kiss and have a nice

day darling.

Those are just a few of all sms she sent me. In my sms to her I sometimes worried about her and

wondered why it sometimes took so long before she answered. So one day she had a diffent tone

in her sms:

>Last night i work late and just woke up. Drinking coffy now. Sorry i am busy. Wish u have a

nice day.

>U dont know me enough and also i dont know u enough. Should let everythings step by step please

! I had to many responsibility for my life and my family. Then i had know time please should be

wait !

>I have to much pressure in my job. After work when i had a bad mood or feeling bad sometime I

want to be alone dont be worry, ok. Take care

After this she apologised:

>Hi my love. So sorry about yesterday that i said to you not nice. Now i am am at party, gd

night.

And then back to normal again:

>Hi my love. How r u ? Hope u not been to crazy because u miss me to much. Miss u too, dont be

worry of me. Wish your day is doing well for u. Sending u many kisses. Take care.

>Hi darling. Glad to hear fr u. If tomorrow we have a free time the same time ok i will talk to

u. Have a nice sleep sweet dream and gd night. Many kisses and take care.

>I dont know about tomorrow. Sometime i got a job after work. When i have more time i will

telling u ok. Now i am working time. Sweet dream for u. Take care

Then last Friday evening I got this sms, just minutes before boarding a plane home from a

buisness trip:

>Can u call me now ?

I called her up and explained to her that I just was about to board the plane home. She

wondered how far it was home and I said 450 km. She said ok, one hour and I said I could phone

her when I got home.

When I put on my phone after landing, I had 5 sms popping in immediatley:

>Darling. I stoped work at Lovely place the end of last year. Work independent now. Cant tell u

sure when i have a free time. Big change a job and life. I was at darling 3 year,no have

nothing gd better to change.

>I work outside and waitting a phone call by customer. Never now about the time. Wish u a nice

time on your way to go home. Now i am in working time. If have not customer i go home in 5 am.

Take care

>Now i am at bar looking for customer and waitting phone call and sms too i waiting for

eveywhere how way i can do it now. Thinking u understand. Now not a gd time for talking. Kiss

take care gd night.

>In my way i do never ever believe about love and never got that also just believe only i love

myself ok. Sorry i saw many men in my joy. I want only work and get a joy soon.

>Sorry againg if i said somethings not nice to u.

I read the sms:es and felt totally empty. I send her a couple of sms worrying about her new

"job" and how worried I was for her. Last Saturday i got the last sms from her, saying:

>Hi my darling. Thansk for a nice sms. Hope your day was doing well for u too, my day was doing

well for me.So understood everythings what u was telling me but not sure what was the

meaning.Many kisses and take care

Last Sunday I sent her a sms saying I would like to talk to her tomorrow (Monday) and that I

would send an sms to remind her, the I would wait for her to tell me when it was OK to call. I

didn't hear a word from her. Send same sms Tuesday morning and told her it was OK for me to

call her any day during the week between 2.30 pm to 10.30 pm. Just for her to send a sms and

say its ok when she had time.

Now it's Friday afternoon and I haven't heard a single word from her all week. I dont feel so

good now.

Since we started sms:ing i have lost 8 kg from not eating... I have planned on going to Bkk

first in March, but there was no tickets left. Then planned to go after Songkran, in the middle

of April. Not knowing if I shoul tell my wife or just leave a note I had gone to Bkk for 8

nights.. and telling her it's something I had to do.

Two weeks ago my wife asked when we are going this year, she has to apply for holidays at work

alreade. I told her I would never go to Thailand with her anymore because I get so depressed by

seeing all beautiful ladies there... I saw that she got tears in her eyes when i said that, but

she didn't want me to see.

As it seems, I guess I will not hear from Noi again. But I still want to go and visit Bkk on my

own. I'm thinking about buying me a ticket in April and tell my wife a couple of weeks before

leaving, saying I hope she wont divorce me, because I still want to be married to her, but this

is something I have to do for myself. But if she insists to divorce if I leave, I take that.

The feeling I feel right now to go there alone, is that hard I'm willing to give her and the life I have up

for this trip... and if I get divorced I can of course go 3 or 4 times a year...

I dont know if this could help you in any way. I just wanted to write down my experiences, but I

guess this is how your husband feels right now.

Edited January 30, 2009 by sbk
No need to into all the details of every sexual encounter, thanks--sbk

[Boo]

It's called a midlife crisis. Buy a sports car, you'll save money & possibly your marriage (to someone who deserves much better than you btw) in the long run

[LadyHeather]

Perhaps MansonDust's wife should take her holidays in Jamaica while he spends his in Thailand? She would certainly find a Jamaican holiday of more interest and pleasure than a Thai one.

After all, what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

[Crash999]

He say's he dosen't trust her, I've told him she only loves you for your back pocked and trying to feed the family in the back of beyond somewhere. But he knows all this, yet he still loves her!! If any of you ladies have been through this, how the hel_l did you cope?

I'm sorry if i've offended anyone by calling the girls a BIT OF FLUFF.

Sorry, another guy's input here.

He doesn't really love her. Love takes time, trust, and understanding- none of which exist yet. He's infatuated with what he perceives her to be. A big difference there. Hormones taking control of the brain.

Not sure what level their discussion went to but I suspect it's along the lines of her leaving the bar, her not having a husband, her not having kids, her not going with any other customers, waiting for his return, etc. 99% of the time the story is of course the same false one told to each customer the girl thinks is sponsor or husband material.

You asked what's in it for the girl- it's to get out of the bar (requiring sponsors) or for those who aren't already married, find a husband with enough income to take care of her and her family.

I suggest you hire a private detective to follow the girl around. All he needs is her working location and real name or a pic or two. Once he sees the pics of her with whomever she told him she wasn't with then it might shock him back to reality. http://www.stickmanweekly.com/ThailandBarg...stigations.html

You've been with your husband 23 years- don't give up so easily as when you do there's no turning back. Treat this as you would him having taken and become addicted to a drug- try to turn things around. If you let him go and things don't turn out well (a high probability) he could end up broke or worse.

[donna]

to MansonDust, i say grow up. she is a hooker for heavens sake. you are not the only man for her, she is out hunting men every night, as she has told you by sms.

actually....come back to thailand, meet up with noi and set your poor suffering wife free to enjoy the rest of her life with a man who deserves her love.

the 8kgs is possibly from some nasty disease you have caught. lets hope you at least practiced safe sex so that your wife is still safe.

[cathyy]

"It is very hard to convey just how adept the ladies here

..................

I think the words are quite clear.

Please do not doubt my understanding about the originating OP's position. I am sure she is devistated, and of course - Look after yourself.

My comment was to directed Cathyy, that if ur looking for gold diggers, they can be found everywhere. ( and dont disagree that the probabilty in Bars will be higher ).Not sure what John Cleese hooked up with, but dont look good

Good grief. I called them ladies, rather than something both more rude and more accurate, in an attempt to avoid this accusation. I meant what I said: the hookers and gold diggers in the bars here are extremely good at separating a man from his money. I did not say no other women ever do so. I was commenting only on the extraordinary skill of the Thai hookers and gold diggers. If you want to be so biased against Western women while defending Thai women there are other sections of Thai Visa you might find more suited to you. Not this one, however.

[scottyd]

I still think people should do whats best for them, but don't hurt other people in the process, if you want to go out with other men/women, finish your current relationship first, and then do what you have to, if not your just a <deleted>. (I apologise)

[MansonDust]

to MansonDust, i say grow up. she is a hooker for heavens sake. you are not the only man for her, she is out hunting men every night, as she has told you by sms.

actually....come back to thailand, meet up with noi and set your poor suffering wife free to enjoy the rest of her life with a man who deserves her love.

the 8kgs is possibly from some nasty disease you have caught. lets hope you at least practiced safe sex so that your wife is still safe.

Of course I know she is a hooker, and it hurts... I'm beginning to forget her and hope she wont sms me anymore. But I still want to go alone to Thailand for a week. And as somebody said above, why not send my wife to Jamaica.. I dont mind. Why should only I enjoy myself??

the 8 kgs is not from any disease... yes, maybe if yellow fever is regarded as a real disease. I think they are lost because I dont eat half of what I eat before and besides I'm exercising too much, just to keep my brain from thinking about her. Only this week I have been to the gym 2 hours and have been out power walking 59,8 km:s. And about that much since the middle of december.

And about safe sex, no worries, I'm on the safe side there.

[Boo]

IMO you should tell your wife what you have been up to & what you plan to do, going alone, fkcing hookers etc, that way she is in possession of all the facts & can make HER choice of what she wants to do about you. You might just find all your stuff on the front garden or given to charity & a divorce notice waiting for you on your return?. But if that's the risk you want to take then at least let her know about it too cause what you have been doing is cowardly & sneaky.

[Sir Burr]

Classic case of a mid-life crisis.

A man realises that he is closer to the end than the beginning. He gets a glimpse of his own impending demise.

He questions his past life and asks himself if he wants more of the same. Or.....does he want to cut loose and change his life. After all, you only live once and there is a younger, sexually experienced, exotic eastern lady on offer.

Thank God I had my mid-life crisis when I was 21 and it only lasted a couple of days.

[eek]

Well, when it got the sms-messages bit, im sorry, but i just couldnt read any more of your post MansonDust. If it got more interesting or has a valid point at the end, then im sorry I missed it, but just couldnt get beyond mainly thinking "<deleted>???" because i dont quite see how so much detail benefits the OP, which is what this thread is about. Speaking (well writing) from the male perspective is one thing (and often extremely helpful), but going on and on and on and on ..and on...about your experience with Ms 111 seemed a bit pointless imo.. and really, why on earth you think the OP would want to read all that drivel is beyond me.

(and i didnt even get to read the pre-edited out bits by sbk bits. .......Thank heavens for small mercies..)

Edited January 30, 2009 by eek

[rjk]

I'll preface this with the "I am a man" disclaimer.

Many Thai Bar Girls are extreme adept at stripping men of all of their money. I have heard so many stories, seen too many examples of this. There are some bar girls who have 'boyfriends' in several countries, all sending money to the bar girl and all believing naively that they are the only ones.

Text messages and phone calls are handled in between local clients. If one of the sponsoring boyfriends rings while she is with another client the call either wont be answered or a text message will be sent to the effect they are sleeping/busy/at a party etc.

My partner Michelle and I are friendly with a couple of bar girls, we also know many other ex pats. The stories are always different but the common themes are the same. Don't blame the girls, they are doing what they can to further their own interests.

I would agree with the posters who said to bear HIV in mind. I would also agree with the posters who have advised you to keep all your money away from Thailand. The rules of engagement are generally different here than with local prostitutes in your average western country. In the west most prostitution consists of single transactions, in Thailand and many other relatively poor countries the focus of many working girls is on using their profession to cleverly separate men from money.

There are many things that can be tolerated within a relationship, unfaithfulness is not one of them, especially when the risks are so high as they are with these situations.

[submaniac]

MansonDust, your story would be appropriate if you were a young single male. But at 50...let's put it like this. I hope I die before I get to the point in my life where I start doing this.

[MansonDust]

Ok.. this is my last contribution in this tread.. I just got a sms from 111 or Noi half an hour ago.. 6 days since the last, she text this:

Hi darling. How r u ? hope u r fine,i am fine have a nice day for u. time to working for me now. Take care

Who start working 1 am?? Why and where? I guess I have not enough experience... think I'll give this thing up..

This is the last you hear from MansonDust

[donna]

who starts working at 1am? hookers you fool! did you, for one second, think that you were the only man for her? she told you over and over that she was out looking for business.

sheesh.

[Patsycat]

I think MansonDust needs his head looked at?

I read through his post thinking that he had something positive to give to the poor OP's dilemma. But all we got was a list of boring old SMS's from some bargirl who he met some 2 or three years ago and has had about five massages from - WOW that is REAL love. I could have made them up myself. Does he keep them in his phone all these years to repeat here? Or to get some kick out of?

Some odd people out there.

Manson (strange name) - OK you had a great time in Thailand, met 111, but i find your way of thinking a bit out of order - lying to your wife, especially when she was sitting in the hotel next door, living a secret silly adolescent SMS relationship with 111, and willing to give up everything for that...

When are these men gonna learn? I am not talking about our Expat friends who have lived there for years and have settled etc. iits the wee wide eyed little uns in the candy shop (be they 20 or 40 or 50 plus.)

And i am not being a feminazi here. I have seen it happen to male friends of mine who cry like big babies when they come home. Shees i had a holiday fling over there for three weeks with a nice guy from Quebec - but it ended there. Sent a couple of e-mails and that was that. I didn't pine away and lose sleep over it...

Holidays and holiday romances end when you get home to real life - work, life, reality. End of rant.

And may i add as an edit that Mr. Manson's post is the wierdest that I have ever read here!!

Edited January 31, 2009 by Patsycat

[skippybangkok]

Look after myself,

Thanks for the tip but I am married to a local Thai man from a very good family. He would not touch a bargirl with a ten-foot barge pole. As for the other golddiggers out there, I am sure that some might be attractive and more appropriate but since he spends about 80% of his waking hours out fishing in his boat I doubt he'd ever notice them.

Noooooo............ was talking about the originating OP

[geriatrickid]

I'm male, but I'm going to give this a go. Whether 10 or 25, if my dad had done this to my mum I'd have kicked him in the nads. Maybe it's a midlife crisis, maybe you've grown apart, but in a kid's eyes, the mother is no.1 and doesn't deserve this. From a selfish perspective, I hope you haven't discussed this situation with the children if only to spare them the heartbreak and pain. Wait until you have discussed this with your solicitor and maybe a close friend that can give a sober opinion. As soon as the kids find out, it's going to be stomach wrenching.

When the news breaks, it's going to be you that has to pick up the pieces. No matter what dad says, the kids will still instinctively go to the mother's side, but if you don't handle this calmly or rationally, everyone suffers. Maybe I'm biased, but if I look at my friends that had parents go through marital disruptions, there was alot of stress, anger and damage. I'm not blaming anyone, just that if you're a kid you resent having the family torn apart by these things. It happens to other families, not one's own. So whatever you do, prepare for dealing with the impact on your family since you will be the one that has to hold everything together. Sometimes, marriages reach the end of their shelf life, but there is no need for you to lower yourself to dishonest means or nastiness. You want to emerge from this with your dignity intact and your kids as secure as possible. Even when they age, kids want their mother to be safe and ok, even if it's not evident.

And no I'm not a mama's boy. I just remember what it was to be a kid. Adults forget about the fears they used to have far too quickly.

I know this aint much, but I wish you all the best.

Edited January 31, 2009 by geriatrickid

[Patsycat]

`^ That was lovely...

[sbk]

That was lovely, GC, thanks so much as you have covered all the bases most eloquently and succinctly

[TAWP]

@OP: Another guy bites the dust. Why are beginners so easy?

[britmaveric]

If you are going to play with bg(s) or bb(s) and think its love - leave dosh out of the equation, and see what happens. Then you will know your answer!!!

Think with you head on your shoulders and you can't go wrong for the most part.

[eek]

Yes, nice post geriatrickid, thank you.

I wonder if men (or of course women too, but we are talking about men here atm) ever stop to consider how they would feel if a man did this to their daughters or if they had to watch their mothers crumble because their father did it.

I always trusted my ex fidelity, even though he worked in an environment where he met a lot of beautiful girls and, as he worked away, he had opportunity. The main reason why is because he watched his wonderful, beautiful, and successful mother crumble, when he was a teenager, because his father left her after he had been secretly having an affair for months. For a period of time he had to witness the effects this had on her, until she was able to pick herself back up again. She is a charming, sensitive and lovely woman, who im glad to say found and married another man who treats her as she should be treated. His fathers relationship with the other woman, however, didnt work out. Maybe when the "fantasy" got real and they were living together as a couple and not stealing moments, they realised they were not compatible after all. To this day i know his father regrets what happens and wish he could take it back. I know this because he told me once. He is sad because he lost a wonderful woman, as well as his childrens faith. They love their mother whole-heartedly, and visit/talk to their father (well one son doesnt talk to him at all). Out of respect more than anything. Adults now in their late 20's and early 30's, but the damage he did to them has never really went away.

edit: sorry for waffling on. I guess what i am trying to say is that im sure your husband will end up regretting this 'timetogeteven'. Maybe not right away. Im sorry this has happened to you and please be strong. Look after yourself and your children. If you want love back in your life, im sure there is a man out there who will treat you as you should be. Take care.

Edited January 31, 2009 by eek

[mssabai]

Ok.. this is my last contribution in this tread.. I just got a sms from 111 or Noi half an hour ago.. 6 days since the last, she text this:

Hi darling. How r u ? hope u r fine,i am fine have a nice day for u. time to working for me now. Take care

Who start working 1 am?? Why and where? I guess I have not enough experience... think I'll give this thing up..

This is the last you hear from MansonDust

Bye bye Troll....

[timetogeteven]

Hi everyone

Wow, the response to this thread has been huge, and I thank you all for your thoughts, women - men and geriatrickid. It is nice to see so many different views on this subject. I never imangined it would have provoked so much interest.

Anyway, since I sarted this, things have happened. I'm still no clearer as to where the path I travel will take me, but It's a journey that i've started. I don't suppose it will be smooth!

So, i've established that, I do think my hubby is going through a mid life crisis. No, he's not fat, but balding and in his forties. He is unsure of his own feelings for me and this bar girl.

We have talked quiet alot just lately and he is truly sorry for the way he's treated me! But the feeling he has for this bar girl - who is in her forties also, so i've been told, is so strong. He's never felt in his heart, the way he does for her. Never felt this way about me-charming! Anyway, he knows that he will never have a future with this girl and that really hurts him, wanting something/someone so much that he can't have.

He is to this bar girl a busniess transaction, a supply of endless money - well until it's all gone anyway. She has a job to do, she has to send money back home, lookafter the family, which is something i'm trying to do. She may or may not have choosen what she does, but she does it non the less. As someone else wrote, you can take the girl out of the bar, but can you take the bar out of the girl? I've explained all this to him, to which he said he has listened.

I do feel that he has, whether it's doubt in his mind or i've planted the seed, but he's planning to go back to Pattaya in a couple of weeks, I hope I will be proved right, however i've not thought about the prospect that she will be this good girl waiting for him, like she has said she will do for him.

I have asked what is it that this bar girl does for him? She makes him feel wanted, how cutting that is. He's the one who has pushed me away all these years, that in order for me to stop feeling rejected, I stopped coming on to him. All these things i've wanted to do to him, oh well.

We've established that our marriage is over, but due to our business commitments we still have to communicate with each other. We do effectively to the outside world, live as man and wife. Our kids, who are teenagers, know that Mum and Dad are having problems but don't know the real reason behind it all. We still get on, have a laugh and do things together. I just don't know anymore.

I met him when I was 19, it's a life time of being together. I thought I would have grown old disgracefully with him. I didn't ask for this love I have for him, it sneeked up on me without me realising it, It's blossomed and grown. This love is not something that I can turn off either like a switch. And this is something which he cannot understand or get his head around. Despite all he has done to me. He has said it's not me, i've done nothing wrong, it's him. That's a comfort!

Someone on this thread pointed me in the direction of Stickmanbangkok, a letter on there that some man had wrote, some elements of it are true to my situation, I think that it's something that should be made compulsory to all men on a plane Thailand bound, to read and read again, with a big WARNING sign on it.

All I can do at the moment is take each day as it comes and pray for the best. What that is - I don't know. Time will tell.

I will keep in touch and let you know of any developments.

Once again my sincere thanks to you all.

Regards

Time to get even.

[eek]

Your husband really needs to remove the rose-tinted glasses. Of course she seems so wonderful, shes paid to be wonderful! Everything he says, does, doesnt do, is all received with a smile and reassurance and compliments. No confrontation. She panders to him and feeds him all the lines shes trained to feed. So, everything is just peachy. Again, its her JOB to be that way with him. Wake up man! It would be a different situation if she really did get involved with him as a gf, as many have found out the hard way. Even if she were to become a one man woman, im sure he would soon get a taste of the real girl, rather than the fantasy paid for girl. I wonder how quickly the rose-tint would fade from his eyes once he realises that she doesnt think everything is "mai pen rai, darling", smile smile smile, "up to you" etc etc etc.

------------

Again, good luck, in whatever you decide. Think about yourself first in all this. Take care.