Thai G/f Moving In With Me In Bkk

[rixalex]

I have dated at least 50 Thai women from all Thai subcultures and social and economic class levels. Have you? I am not the expert.

By "dated" do you mean shagged?

[a2396]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

What kind of advices do you want? O_o... "sleep with your wallet under the pillow" "make sure you don't have a balcony where she can start a fire to cook?" ..If you have doubts about it DON'T MOVE TOGETHER........!!!

p.s. Im starting to get piss off of so many guys asking for stupid advices with the thai girlfriends. Why in the world do you want to be with someone that you don't trust 100% or you don't understand 100%? F that really!

I think this topic constantly reoccurs because, unfortunately, the majority of these women cannot be trusted. Lying and deception is so commonplace here that it takes a goodly amount of time to determine if someone is is even believable enough to be considered for a live-in. I have had nothing but problems with this issue of trust and honesty and I have not chosen ladies from the bars & parlors. Most of them want money and will do whatever they have to to get it.

[neverdie]

You should live alone & get a new girlfriend every week.....never let them have the keys to the appartment & always make them ride blindfolded back there, that way they have no idea where you actually live. THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

GODDAMM!! neverdie i hope you will accept the dry cleaners bill for me crapping my pants... :jerk:

Dear Ozzieovaseas....I can't help you out, I'm broke, it all started when I let my thai g/f move into my condo....now the who family lives in there, all 65 of us . Just kidding.

Young Zen, Mate, as a second option you need to set down some really strick guidelines about this & stay on the ball.....my first option is still the RUN FOREST, RUN thing. Don't say you werent warned....NEVERDIE never speak with forked tongue

[Travel2003]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

Hi there.

What has she told her parents?

I am surprised if she comes from a decent family that they will let her move in with you.

Ask her about this.

Has she maybe mentioned to her parents that you two are on the path to get married?

That might be why they do not object to the living arrangements.

If that is the case, then get ready for the big money question.

Of course, for the younger generations in Thailand, this is not an issue anymore.

But believe me, for most mid aged (and older), it is quite common that this becomes an issue when their daughter is about to move in with a man.

[HYENA]

The one room apartment may be OK IF you both have somewhere to go. You also need to know Thais have a very different understanding of relationships versus Americans (and most any Farang, as well).

I hear generalizations about class, socioeconomic status, etc. Nothing matters but the individual. If it were me, I'd take an interest in her religion, life and begin trusting her. I've learned most who get ripped off (I later learn) they seem to be stay at home drinkers coasting time out in LOS, abusive (emotionally, maybe economically-inappropriately stingy depending on whose standards you measure, etc). What I'm saying is it sounds like everything is OK and fair so far. Remember she and her family are looking for security. You are looking for lasting love and a relationship. You will be hard pressed to find many of this culture getting into philosophical discussions (their education system and upbringing is completely different...you really need to understand how different!!!) Memorization education does not prepare one for debates, interest in the outside world and what makes something (government, machine, relationship) tick. There's a fundamental difference between American buddhism and Thai Buddhism, as well (very important you investigate this, too). Honesty is a large part but if she cares about you, then you'll get more than most and over time you'll be able to "feel" her and figure her out.

They're experts at human behavior and observing desires (something we don't even know the rules on and they're pro's at the game). This leaves us at a huge disadvantage in some respects...and can also lead us to offend when we didn't mean to or get us to do things we swear was our idea. Women can steer an American man like AJ Foyt a car. Make sure you're not the "nice guy" but the "decisive man" instead. One example: my friend went there 2 wks ago and a "good girl" started dominating hist time, telling all others to stay away (unbeknownst to him). He's seeking a gf/wife but he has no clue if he "does the deed" he sure as hel_l better marry her (she's a 41yr old virgin as are 30% of her friends). Now he's in a situation wanting to "date" but in Thai eyes he's "taken and desined to marry" since one night she slipped into his bed (nothing happened) but because he didn't say NO, that was the same as saying yes...so it was HIS choice. Now he's stuck with no other dating opportunities in their circle. I tried to get him to slow down and hold hands with no one until he knows <deleted> he's doing. Now he has 6 more weeks of a one girl vacation but my stupid friend kept thinking of "American" dating not realizing he sealed himself from all options and interested women before he even met them! Now no one will see him or talk to him since he's "taken" now She doesn't care. SHe needs a husband and my friend needs love but their motivations are different (doesn't mean it won't work out just fine, though)...but he hasn't a clue what support, sin sod and all that is yet. She's prepared to quit her job just to "take care" of him and return when he goes and he has no clue he'll be expected to support her and her family. I tried to help but he's stupid and som nom na as far as I'm concerned (for both of them rushing into it).

. From my experience, understand just because she knows the word or phrase has nothing to do with her full comprehension of the term or idea and may tell you some things which frankly you may misunderstand for a long, long time until you have an aha moment.

I've learned the more I had trusted my wife, the more trustworthy she became. In Thailand money IS love--meaning we hold money dear so sharing it means we hold them dear. If you treat them cheap, stingy and hold back (depending on your feelings) then she will reciprocate. If you start treating her badly or she feels you're going to dump her (and a "used" girl has much, much worse connotations than a 1920's "used" American lady) then you may very well have your apartment cleaned out or something she will rationalize as payment for being "used" and not married as you "should" in her and her family's eyes.

I assume you have religious similarities based on your screen name but you must remember, their version is completely different than the American and Book version of Buddhism. Thailand is the least Buddhist country of all the other truly Buddhist countries I've visited. One example "saving face" and ego feeding is opposite to the basic principles. Be aware of that, connect where you can and remember, there's a "bigger picture" she and her family desire from you. Also know her family will push her to do certain things she may not normally do.

I'm lucky in the fact I agree with my mother in law and my teerak is the one feeling singled out (regarding planning, finances, this ego/face saving game, etc). Your gf's family will not tolerate your shacking up unless they're certain it's going somewhere. The face-cost is too high. You'll soon likely be asked to meet her family after you move in together. I strongly suggest you research your responsibilities before making a marriage decision (that's what you're doing in Thai...dating by our standards but not so there). I'm surprised you haven't read the yellow book yet...educate yourself. Read the good and the bad blogs (most are either black and white but in the middle lies reality).

You only hear about the bad experiences on the internet (who wants to come her and make a sudden post "me and my gf are wonderful, everything worked out, I'm so happy"). It's only the one's who have barked up the wrong tree or got what they put into a relationship and wonder why it happened.

She may never have interest in the discussions you mention. That's a rare quality to find in Thailand, even from the most educated, intelligent elite. They're taught via memorization vs reasoning and debate; a fundamental difference.

If you end up marrying you're going to statistically be at an advantage to that of an American/American couple. You should read a LOT more about their culture before moving in....I didn't and it cost me a few gray hairs BUT it all worked out just dandy!

Best of luck!

Edited February 20, 2009 by HYENA

[dave9988]

I hope you have known her for a reasonable time and you know she is stable and trustworthy. I once shared an apt with a Thai girl once & she took off with all the stuff one morning, while I was gone. I am also surprised you may have communication problems, if she is a uni grad with an English major. They are the one catagory of Thai, who usually have a reasonable command of Englsih. One room apt also pretty tight for two on al full-time basis. Good luck.

And he is reasonable and trustworthy or just another typical farang in Thailand?

[ZenTraveler]

Best of luck!

@Hyena,

Thanks for taking the time to write such a long and involved post. I'll have to read it again.

She is Buddhist by association more than anything. I knew Buddhist here in Thailand was different than other parts of the world - mainly because no one is vegetarian (except the monks!). I am Spiritual, not religious, but of Taoist philosophy.

I have met her family because I arrived here initially as a backpacker and her family was excited to meet my g/f's native English speaking friend. (at that time we just started dating but didn't tell her family). I met them again when I returned to Thailand last month and they knew we were dating. I thought that my initial introduction to her family hurt my long-term success with them because I was a broke backpacker. I believe that their 'first impression' of me will stay with them. I'm sure that when her family starts to hear about me spending money on trips and other expenses that they will then consider me to be rich. So we'll see.

I've read a bunch of blogs but everything was, as you said, focused on things turning out badly and I stopped reading about the girls/culture from that perspective because I've never encountered any of it with my travels or my g/f. There isn't anything truly negetaive about her or our relationship, even though there is a cultural difference and language barrier. It comes down to she is a girl who wants to leave Thailand and explore the world and leave the Thai society and their ideals of how people should live and interact. I'm a guy who wants to travel the world. We just grew up in different places with different environments. So we're learning about each other and the world at the same time.

Peace,

Zen.

[zorro1]

Disable the Thai drama TV channel

My ex and me lived in a 4 story villa in Cozy Beach Pattaya and it was still to small !!. 30 sqm though me thinks your doomed from the start.

Edited February 21, 2009 by zorro1

[pop_corn]

I have lived in Thailand for more than 3 yrs. Have you? I have dated at least 50 Thai women from all Thai subcultures and social and economic class levels. Have you? I am not the expert. I certainly know people with more experience than me.

wooooooooow........ O_o... thats waaaay to much.. ew! I don't think you are very selective. hehe.

[scottyd]

50 women in 3 years? My goodness, that long? You must know each and every one of them like the back of your hand!

So, lets say you went out with each girl for the same ammount of time over the 3 years, that would give you a lengthy 21.9 days with each girl. Phwwwwooorrrrr you are the relationship guru aren't you!

[pop_corn]

50 women in 3 years? My goodness, that long? You must know each and every one of them like the back of your hand!

So, lets say you went out with each girl for the same ammount of time over the 3 years, that would give you a lengthy 21.9 days with each girl. Phwwwwooorrrrr you are the relationship guru aren't you!

[zorro1]

What he was really saying and we all know its true is that he had paid sex 50 times.

[edwardandtubs]

I hope you have known her for a reasonable time and you know she is stable and trustworthy. I once shared an apt with a Thai girl once & she took off with all the stuff one morning, while I was gone. I am also surprised you may have communication problems, if she is a uni grad with an English major. They are the one catagory of Thai, who usually have a reasonable command of Englsih. One room apt also pretty tight for two on al full-time basis. Good luck.

I have known her since March of last year (almost a year now) and we've been dating since beginning of September (almost 7 months). She is truthworthy and I have met her main friends and her family twice. I don't have anything worth taking aside from my laptop and digi.

It seems that people who go to college for English here in Thailand don't really know a lot of English. I talk to her friends, all in the same English faculty and she has to translate for me with them all. She has studied English longer than her friends, prior to college, but English here seems to be standard or international without any understanding of American humor, metaphors, innuendos, analogies, figure of speech, etc. Such as I can't have a philosophical debate with her or use wisdom or quotes when talking to her... which greatly lessons what I say since that is how I speak usually.

Whenever I hear young Americans talk to each other I wonder when they lost the ability to speak English. 'He was like...yeah right and I'm like...whatever I mean c'mon! She was like...uh oh and I'm like...yeah?' Maybe you should use the opportunity to improve your ability to speak English in a way that can be understood by other people in the world.

Edited February 21, 2009 by edwardandtubs

[Shotime]

The male ego creates many unnecessary problems for us. 50 women in 3 years. I'm impressed. It's so difficult to meet ladies here. You must be really smooth. You must have gained a lot of insight during your one-night stands.

If you seriously want to have a relationship with this woman, you should do what everyone else has to do in a similar situation. That means making concessions, and working problems out when they arise so the relationship can move forward. Realize that you're a guest here, and cultural differences are minor in comparison to the difficulties of living with someone, anywhere. Any differences that do get in the way, will be explained to you so that they don't create a problem in the future. I wouldn't worry about that. Just don't let her use that as a catch-all for defending herself or making you look bad.

Edited February 21, 2009 by Shotime

[Asbestos]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

Hi there.

What has she told her parents?

I am surprised if she comes from a decent family that they will let her move in with you.

Ask her about this.

Has she maybe mentioned to her parents that you two are on the path to get married?

That might be why they do not object to the living arrangements.

If that is the case, then get ready for the big money question.

Of course, for the younger generations in Thailand, this is not an issue anymore.

But believe me, for most mid aged (and older), it is quite common that this becomes an issue when their daughter is about to move in with a man.

I was going to ask some of these question's.

A decent girl from a descent background would have had to be chaporoened for about 3 month's before you get to hold hands.

She's moving in while at Uni???

How long have you known her, you have been here 1 month, not a descent girl me thinks, troll on.

Edited February 21, 2009 by Asbestos

[chiang mai]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

If you've only been here a month and you don't really understand the culture, is living together a sensible move for you in light of all the horror stories you have likely read in this forum? Not a criticism, just a question for you to consider. Either way there's only two possible outcomes. Either you will hit it off and and both have a great time or you will suffer much pain and anguish and you will have learned, it's a positive result either way, good luck.

[spongeman]

"I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit".

No mate its not going to work. Not enough room for her to do all the cooking,ironing,cleaning,scrubbing etc.

Oh PS did you know that Thailand has the greatest experts in the field of goolie reattachment?

Just some friendly advice for ya.........

[desertrat]

Good ear plugs are a must

[medegen]

There are 2 sides of the tracks here. Were on the good side. Most of these guys have no comprehension whatsoever of a normal relationship with a Thai woman. Like the guy said before most of the advice you'll get comes from guys that are only with prostitutes. Harsh truth for some, but you'll rarely if ever get good advice from them. Talk to a Thai male of the same class and he can give you some better advice. Don't pay attention to the horror stories as most are involved with prostitutes. As for Thailand Fever, It should be called "Uneducated Lao Fever".

[scottyd]

Why not treat a Thai woman like any other woman. Hold on, I think I just had a breakthrough............

[neverdie]

I have lived in Thailand for more than 3 yrs. Have you? I have dated at least 50 Thai women from all Thai subcultures and social and economic class levels. Have you? I am not the expert. I certainly know people with more experience than me.

wooooooooow........ O_o... thats waaaay to much.. ew! I don't think you are very selective. hehe.

He failed to mention that out of the 50, 23 or them actually flipped him over and gave him one up the blurter, 9 of them were deaf dumb and blind, 6 of them were picked up whilst holding plastic cups on overhead bridges & 3 of them had four legs. Anyway, that throws a bit more light on the situation

[neverdie]

Why not treat a Thai woman like any other woman. Hold on, I think I just had a breakthrough............

Scotty, ARe you as ugly as that <deleted> in ur avatar? This could possibly be one of the worse cases of the pot calling the kettle black

[grim]

To be honest ZenTraveller, I do find it a little unsettling when people need to ask for advice as to how to handle girlfriends, and on an internet forum?? How on earth do you expect to conduct a philosophical debate with your girlfriend when english is not her mother tongue? Have you taken the time to learn Thai, and tried to conduct such a debate with her in her own language?? ...mmmmm let me guess...No! It's difficult isn't it, and equally so for her and her friends.

I do not mean to be rude, but you do sound a little bit like Dr Spock off Star Treck (are you a fan?). You need to relax and let the exprience of being with this girl flourish in it's own way. Why do you need to canvass the ideas of unknown folks on the internet, some of whom will be grumpy people with bad experiences or read crappy books that were written in a style to ensure people buy copies? What is the point of reading Thai Fever, what do you expect to get from it? It is the experiences of one person.

Let your relationship go the way it wants to go, and do not heed the advice of others who know neither you or your girlfriend or your respective situations.

Here here.

Your type of query is akin to showing a red rag to a bull -- a lot of people here are just looking for a chance to rant which is of zero significance of use to you.

Unless you are living with the girls family just relax as Tigs said 'be cool' - your life is your life.

[KozureOkami]

I think you'll do fine, just use the principals of the "dynamic sphere" and may the force be with you.

She informed her mother, who of course, was against it. Then, to my surprise, my g/f used logic to convience her mother. Saying that her friends from Uni were going to stay in the outskirts of BKK where there were no job opportunities for her, or return to the south to their parents house. And that since her mom wanted her to live with someone else to help ensure that she was safe and not living by herself (a young woman in Bangkok) that living with me would be better than her getting her own apt in BKK alone. I am not sure if her parents know that she spends the night here on the weekends - I would assume so since she talks to her parents every weekend but I should not assume anything here.

We have to be more 'traditional' when we are visiting her parents, however, and not touch or be close together or anything like that. Which I am seeking a balance between me not being allowed to be me and accepting another culture...

[a2396]

There are 2 sides of the tracks here. Were on the good side. Most of these guys have no comprehension whatsoever of a normal relationship with a Thai woman. Like the guy said before most of the advice you'll get comes from guys that are only with prostitutes. Harsh truth for some, but you'll rarely if ever get good advice from them. Talk to a Thai male of the same class and he can give you some better advice. Don't pay attention to the horror stories as most are involved with prostitutes. As for Thailand Fever, It should be called "Uneducated Lao Fever".

Foreign men in "normal relationships" with a Thai woman are rare. Talking to a Thai male about such is useless, since they operate on a totally different level with a Thai woman. It's apples & oranges.

[thaibkk]

Disable the Thai drama TV channel

Here's the most amazing part.... I don't have a television in my apartment! Wild, isn't it! You have to pay extra for that each month and I didn't opt too. There are televisions in each of the two restaurants on the first floor and the main lobby also has a television. The other night when she was over and we returned she wanted to sit in the lobby for awhile and watch television. I got my laptop and brought it down to sit with her but the wifi wasn't working so she agreed to go back to the room with me instead of sitting there by herself to watch television.

are you one of those cheap b##### ? and how old are you ?

guess you will both drive yourself crazy in no time in ur birth cage

[Jimjim]

Advice. Just break up now to avoid the inevitable.

[scottyd]

Scotty, ARe you as ugly as that <deleted> in ur avatar? This could possibly be one of the worse cases of the pot calling the kettle black

I'm one of the baddest mothefuc_kers of all time. I'm one of the best singers, and one of the best looking motherfuc_kers you've ever seen.

Edited February 22, 2009 by scottyd

[warmwater7]

I am an American who moved to Bangkok a month ago. I have a studio (one room) 30 sq m. apartment on late Sukhumvit. My Thai girlfriend graduates from her Uni in the Bangkok outskirts in two weeks and then will be moving in with me. Wondering if there was any advice or things I should know in advance for this transition.

She tends to be a little messy with her belongings and wants to cook for me which isn't allowed in the apartments. I haven't read ''Thailand Fever'' yet and we're still working on the American English/Thai language barrier. She has studied English for many years and her B.A. is in English. She is trying to obtain a job as a Flight Attendant as she is taking weekend courses at a FA School. She doesn't live off of me financially and we're splitting the rent.

Thanks for any advice!

Zen.

my gal is Thai p.h.d.

family. well ower jewlry was made by the kings jewler.

you have been here just long enough to totally <deleted> up.

dont do it. dont do it dont do it.

i assure you , you have no idea what you are getting HER into...................................... and what YOUR cost will be in the event of a break up. no idea. ignorance is bliss.

p.s. no cooking? what kind of digs are you headed for? please think it over for a year.

take some time. date for a while. let her travel for a couple of years.

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[scottyd]

Warmwater7, that post was legendary, the first two sentences had me staring at them blankly, I think they actually blew my mind. It hurts me to look at them. Please help me.