True Colours

[dumball]

Don't know about you guys, but when dating, the girl is not entitled to half of my shit, and she definatley will not be getting a wage from me, and even more definatley will not be stopping work to sit on her arse just because I can "afford" to. No no no, children you have got it all wrong.

This is a relationship, not sponsor a child.

Yes when i'm dating, I LIKE to pay for things, like meals, cinema, pretty much if she is out with me, I LIKE to pay for her, but in no way am I OBLIGED to pay for her regardless of her financial situation. If she ever offers to pay, I let her because that shows the relationship is 2 ways, not 1.

Well said , they are not married so sharing does not come into the ball-park , why would a man take an obviously loose woman and treat her like a princess ? The time to quit is now , the family have dug thier claws in and are all looking for a share of what the 'Golden Goose' is supposed or expected to lay in the multiple outstretched grubby fingers .Sounds like the relationship could have gone somewhere good , and the baby would have benifitted as it so obviously already had , money and sex are the main causes of strife in the majority of failed relationships , the sex has been with-held and the money is being demanded , not a good basis for any relationship , let alone a lasting one , as this trait is being fully exposed at an early stage . You have your motor-cycle , mount it and ride off into the sunset whilst there is still one to enjoy .

[Sabum]

Ya, lets all just keep pretending he's not an old man and she's not a teenager, like this is a normal every day situation. The rules change when you want what you normally cannot have, you have to be willing to change the rules of engagement, ie. pay the girl a salary. Acting all insulted like his face aint wrinkly and he's not chubby and she's not normally waaaaay out of his league kid or no kid if it wasn't for the huge fininacial disparity between the two of them is delusional. I don't see anything wrong with this kind of relationship, I just can't stand people lying to themselves about the reality of the situation. Drives me nucking futs.

[mahtin]

Well. its been fun, but the beer must be cold enough by now.

Everyone else seems to have gone that route

[thaiwanderer]

money and sex are the main causes of strife in the majority of failed relationships , the sex has been with-held and the money is being demanded , not a good basis for any relationship , let alone a lasting one , as this trait is being fully exposed at an early stage .

some might say money and sex are the main causes of relationships beginning otherwise whats the point??

[dumball]

money and sex are the main causes of strife in the majority of failed relationships , the sex has been with-held and the money is being demanded , not a good basis for any relationship , let alone a lasting one , as this trait is being fully exposed at an early stage .

some might say money and sex are the main causes of relationships beginning otherwise whats the point??

What you say is true of course , but when one or both go on a downward trend , problems usually ensue .

[G54]

Saburn. I did not and have not paid a 'salary' as you put it. If you read the original post, you would see that. Surely part of a relationship is for one party to help another, be it monetry or physical help? How is buying milk for the baby and giving her a small amount classed as 'salary'?? If you read it you will see I have refused to pay her to stop work.

I make her work in a factory? It was her choice. She is happy working there as a whole and has done so since she left school. Her friends work there. It is the done thing. So you have the wrong tack altogether.

Yes, Eek.

How can someone not have feelings after together for so long? I think maybe she is also hurting. This is not a clear cut case. Some of us can have feelings and care deeply and that can cut both ways. Strange that the 'family' seem to be helping me rather than fighting against me. The car for example. Mother lent me hers while mine was having an engine changed and for 5 weeks. OK, she wants gold for her daughter, but she seems kind enough apart from that

The sis in law is actually younger by a year or two but that does not, I believe, stop her from adding her twopennorth and stirring it.

I never said the sex was withheld. Far from it. OK now on a limited basis due to not seeing each other, but still as good as ever and beautiful too. Make that love-making, not sex. Sex is a roll on roll off job. Love-making is kissing, cuddling, caressing and taking care to makle love.

Scottyd As it happens, I too like to pay for nights out here or in the U.K. To buy small presents. To show I care. And I also do not feel obliged to pay.

Same as - and I lay myself open to a slaying here from some - I will do the laundry, hers and mine. I will do the ironing. I cook when she has been at work all day. I take care to make fresh Green Tea that she likes. Yet I do these things for myself. I do not want a slave to cook and clean and wash. It is about sharing and caring for one you love.

Ouch. Bed time now near 3-30 a.m.

[OxfordWill]

It baffles the mind.

[way2muchcoffee]

It really is amazing. So many westerners earning 100,000 bt/month plus in committed relationships with Thai women working low end jobs earning less than 8,000 bt/month. Why? I really don't see the point of it. Is it some kind of lingering sense of propriety from Western culture?

In this situation any man worth his salt would have his partner quit the job, spend her time taking care of the baby properly, and live in a modest, but comfortable, apartment or condo. It should not be immediate, and absolutely not in the 'dating' phase. That would be ridiculous. The timing would be when the relationship has evolved to the serious and committed stage. To me it is just plain decency.

Would a man earning $150,000+ per year back home really want his committed partner working a dead end $15,000 per year job with long hours and a 6-day work week, living in a hovel, all while trying to raise a young child?

Edited February 27, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[Chaimai]

Its certainly a balanced view Eek and I'm sure its appreciated even if he his a Troll. Maigo6 has spoken and he/she does have a nose for sniffing said creatures out. There's so many obviously wrong relationships in my Village and local area that I tend to see things Black and white.

Times are hard Eek, If I came calling with 250K in gold and 30K a month for life would you think about it ?

I disagree, the OP is not a virgin:-

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Post

#1

Senior Member

Group: Advanced Members

Posts: 552

Joined: 2008-06-11

Member No.: 63,280

Eight months on I doubt that we would see a troll post.

His comments looked straight forward and honest to me - any responses are therefore subjective/judgemental. Full marks to Maigo6 for avoiding his usual stereotypical responses. The OP does not dislike Thai girls/Thai people - he is just not prepared to become an ATM.

[tartempion]

She married at 16. 1 baby 18 mnth. Now divorced. Works factory 7k Baht mth (now) previously at a shop owned by cousin 4k Baht mth.

Don't get this, there must be 100.000 farangs like you in this country, always the same story over and over again.

You guys left your brain in your home country.

Who in his right mind would do the same where he comes from???

BTW, she thought she found the winning lottery ticket but got that wrong.

I know a hundred or so lucky Thai women who won that free lottery ticket, but there must be may many more

[Livinginexile]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

Somebody help me out here. Is this poster on a wind up or is he serious?

You can allways pick the ones that pay

[LooseCannon]

You know you are in Thailand when..... an ageing farang man attempts to form a relationships with a Thai women 30 years his junior & deludes

himself into believing that it is an attraction based on his magnificent physique, engaging repartee, boyish charm & rugged good looks.

Oops - wrong thread.

[john b good]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

Somebody help me out here. Is this poster on a wind up or is he serious?

If it is not a "wind up" he must come from cuckoo land "or on his way there any time very soon"

[john b good]

Don't know about you guys, but when dating, the girl is not entitled to half of my shit, and she definatley will not be getting a wage from me, and even more definatley will not be stopping work to sit on her arse just because I can "afford" to. No no no, children you have got it all wrong.

This is a relationship, not sponsor a child.

Yes when i'm dating, I LIKE to pay for things, like meals, cinema, pretty much if she is out with me, I LIKE to pay for her, but in no way am I OBLIGED to pay for her regardless of her financial situation. If she ever offers to pay, I let her because that shows the relationship is 2 ways, not 1.

I like (and agree with) your style. Not that I have been very successful in finding a 50/50 girl myself.

It's been cars, motorcycles, and gold (and money) Have avoided buying a house though.

[PattayaParent]

It really is amazing. So many westerners earning 100,000 bt/month plus in committed relationships with Thai women working low end jobs earning less than 8,000 bt/month. Why? I really don't see the point of it. Is it some kind of lingering sense of propriety from Western culture?

In this situation any man worth his salt would have his partner quit the job, spend her time taking care of the baby properly, and live in a modest, but comfortable, apartment or condo. It should not be immediate, and absolutely not in the 'dating' phase. That would be ridiculous. The timing would be when the relationship has evolved to the serious and committed stage. To me it is just plain decency.

Would a man earning $150,000+ per year back home really want his committed partner working a dead end $15,000 per year job with long hours and a 6-day work week, living in a hovel, all while trying to raise a young child?

When I got married I was earning US$10,000 month and my wife went to work for US$150 a month.

Why?

Because she wanted to.

Even now when we have young child and she stays home she still would prefer to be working even though she'll never earn as much as me.

[G54]

It does not really matter how much the lady is earning. The point is, she likes to work at the sugar factory and has done so for quite a few years. Most of her friends work there also. Not exactly hard labour working in the office and it gives her experience for later. She goes to college to learn English and computing. With her office skills and the college she is at least making an effort to improve herself. She wants a future for herself and the baby. As usual the father of the baby has gone off and pays nothing so it is left to the woman (women) to go out and work and pay for everything.

Ahhh, to make her leave her job of work and sit around all day doing what? Watching Thai TV? Sleeping? At least in her work she was happy until recently.

The current situation has, I feel for certain now after a recent phone call, been brought about by the family coming from Phuket and filling her head with the idea we are all ATM's. She cannot see she is being led by the nose by the sis in law.

You would need to know the lady before and after. Age was not the problem. You can tell when someone is being truly affectionate after a time. The little things show that. But maybe the slaters do not and have not had that. In a relationship I see nothing wrong with sharing, with helping and supporting. I do draw the line at paying through the nose because some family member fills her head full of sh*t.

I cannot blame her for being duped into believing she can have everything now. A lot has to do with the Thai culture. You also need to remember it was the g/f who told the mother to forget it when the mother started on about gold.

So the ex and her family now have to pay for everything again. As another poster pointed out the son has also been deprived of what may well have been a better future. That son that had also just really begun to get used to me being around and lost the wariness he had.

On the whole though, the point is that I am out of it and it shows that no matter what you think you have it can take time for the true nature of the beast to show through. Be it from the influence of others or not. It has not cost me a fortune and I was happy to support her.

I can sell the bike. The gold I bought for Valentines day is worth more now than before. And I did what I did for her because I wanted to. I took her out to the restaurant, the pub, days out, bought things for her because I was happy to do so.

I stated earlier that the older ones wanted a lot more than this one so I do not see how her younger age is directly relative. She was a lot more loving and attentive than those over 30.

Strange but I did not say I have been blinkered by her and her age. If I was besotted why did I put the bike in my name? Maybe some ought to read what was written and not assume.

Plenty more fun to be had out there

[dave9988]

maigo's wife no work sugar factory?

[nigelandjan]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

Somebody help me out here. Is this poster on a wind up or is he serious?

Serious ,,,,,,,,,, thats her brother 555555

[nigelandjan]

Troll or wind up this OP"S post has made me laugh in bed before I go to work today , this has put me in a good frame of mind for work , reading all the ensuing disscusions ,, having said that I am sure the sad fact is it is ringing bells with many who are reading the post.

Makes me realise how damm lucky I am with my lovely wife, even though we fit into the ( fat old git -- younger bird category ) not only does she look after me in a loving happy way that only she could do for me , she insists we go to my alcholic brothers home so she can clean up his disgusting pig pen .

The only mention of money she has ever made is the fact she wants to begin work here ASAP so I can go down to 3 days a week , bless her.

[skettios]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

Really, back home when you dated a girl did you buy her motorbikes, take care of her kid, and give her 4-5 times what she was earning???

Have you done that with all your girlfriends? 55555

I know people that do. It's up to them if they think it's worth it, and love the person they are marrying.

OP's girl was asking him to make a commitment, to see if things were going anywhere. In the meantime he was so convinced that he was doing her a favor, he didn't care about building their relationship. Obviously if this dude was capable of getting a girl that he didn't have to pay for he would have done it by now. Seems like she already had him pretty well figured out.

Thais aren't dumb, she is probably as glad to be rid of him as he is to be rid of her.

[chrisartist]

It really is amazing. So many westerners earning 100,000 bt/month plus in committed relationships with Thai women working low end jobs earning less than 8,000 bt/month. Why? I really don't see the point of it. Is it some kind of lingering sense of propriety from Western culture?

In this situation any man worth his salt would have his partner quit the job, spend her time taking care of the baby properly, and live in a modest, but comfortable, apartment or condo. It should not be immediate, and absolutely not in the 'dating' phase. That would be ridiculous. The timing would be when the relationship has evolved to the serious and committed stage. To me it is just plain decency.

Would a man earning $150,000+ per year back home really want his committed partner working a dead end $15,000 per year job with long hours and a 6-day work week, living in a hovel, all while trying to raise a young child?

I have a different perspective. Why would anyone who earns THB100,000 a month want a relationship with someone whose earning power is only THB8000 a month with a family whose members never save anything and who don't have health insurance, etc., etc? You're asking for trouble right there. What on earth can such a woman have to offer, besides sex? Is she an interesting conversationalist? Does she have any hobbies beyond watching television and reading comic books? Does she have the understanding of what you do that is necessary for her to be supportive of your career, rather than just milk the cash cow? If you took her to your home country, could you go out to a fine restaurant with her without being embarrassed?  

I look for a woman with whom I can have a relationship on an equal footing. That means she needs to be educated and have a decent career (PhD, or doctor, lawyer, vet, dentist, etc.) She needs to earn a decent amount of money so that she doesn't regard me as a cash cow. Her family need to be comfortably off and not regard me as a source of income. We need to be able to talk to each other at the same level. She needs to have some interesting hobbies so that I am not constantly having to think about how to alleviate her boredom. If such a lady decided to stop working full-time, have children, look after the house, and support me in my quest to provide a good lifestyle for her and the children, then I would be most happy to use whatever funds are available. Would I do that for someone who earns THB8000 a month? No chance. I wouldn't even take her out on a date, no matter how attracted to her I was.

Now, having said all that, I am a lonely dude. Thailand is not a particularly good place for me to find a soul mate. Eligible candidates are thin on the ground and, as I work alone, I have no opportunities to meet them. However, I came to Thailand to build a business. I've now done that, and I will soon be on my way to greener pastures, for example, South Korea, where I lived for six years before. I have been more than willing to endure being lonely, when the alternative is to have a "relationship" with someone who earns THB8000 a month, taps me up for cash for herself and her mother's water buffalo, and with whom I cannot even have a decent conversation.

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble.

[Kf6vci]

Pure speculation, but your gf seems to get some coaching about what to demand and how to go about it. Her sister seems to be putting these ideas into her head.

Now that you split up, she will have regrets.

I encountered an incredible brutality and unbelieveable egotism by family members towards single girls. (Years ago, I saw a BIL snatch thousands for a pointless AIA insurance he sold from an unemployed girl in need of every Baht.

it is sad that you never had a chance to work this out among yourselves. There was the mother and the 6 Baht of gold (~ 80,000) plus the cost of a wedding. And that outrageous and ridiculous demand of a monthly allowance.

Money and love are different things. But something tells me, with her family out of the picture, you could and would be happy together.

[Maigo6]

maigo's wife no work sugar factory?

She owns the Sugar Factory.

[PattayaParent]

I'm just so shocked that you are so tight with your money. She deserves better.

What a tight arse. So this guy wants his gf to love and adore home whilst living like a pauper. 20k a month is not a lot to keep herself and a baby and help out the mother etc.

Unlless you have a bit more going ffor yourself than your miserly accounting skill then I think you will never find any gf affordable. Poor girls expect to move up a bit when they have hooked a ferang

She wasn't getting this sort of money before she met the OP. And where do you think she's going to be seeing that sort of money now he's gone?

[scottyd]

She wasn't getting this sort of money before she met the OP. And where do you think she's going to be seeing that sort of money now he's gone?

Nail on the Head there.

[Sabum]

G54 how on earth did you misunderstand what I was saying... I wasn't criticising you for paying her a salary dear lord no... I was criticising you for NOT paying her a salary.

Bottom line is you are old and she is a teenager, I know you want to believe in the 50/50 relationship that all of us other people have that hooked up with people somewhere close to our age bracket and social status but you cannot have that when you hook up with a dirt poor teenager! You should be paying her a salary, that's all there is to it.

But I think she is totally lying to you, she works a factory AND goes to school AND sometimes works at her other job... are you &lt;deleted&gt; daft? She's totally lying. She's desperately trying to set you up to pay the salary or marriage fee that you are SUPPOSED to pay being an old man with a young young girl.

Wake up to reality! There is no suck thing as true love between people of such vast age difference and social standing combined! Absolutely NO WAY.

[a2396]

20-30.000 is the usual "fee" the bar-girlz asking... it's top money!

How come she know?

new trend is for freelanceers to have a job, anything, as it is for "cover" - "never been there, never done that"...

they will convince anyone - NOT everyone! - that they aren't from the redlight....even look down and make bad coments about bar girls - tell you on the streets, in shopping malls, anywhere - who is a bar girl and who isn't.... well, well, well - much, much money and a very, very good life is the result - who wouldn't?

Of course, these ladies are not going to admit to a shady past as BG or Mia Noi, etc. Perceptive Thais likely can see through this cover-up, but a foreigner has little ability to get to the truth. Unbelievable for this lady to be asking for 20,000. But unfortunately many drunken sailor Farangs are spending this and more for ladies of dubious worth, who contribute nothing to the relationship. I would be asking where is the Father of her baby and what is her relationship with him, if any and good luck getting any truthfull answers.

[a2396]

G54 how on earth did you misunderstand what I was saying... I wasn't criticising you for paying her a salary dear lord no... I was criticising you for NOT paying her a salary.

Bottom line is you are old and she is a teenager, I know you want to believe in the 50/50 relationship that all of us other people have that hooked up with people somewhere close to our age bracket and social status but you cannot have that when you hook up with a dirt poor teenager! You should be paying her a salary, that's all there is to it.

But I think she is totally lying to you, she works a factory AND goes to school AND sometimes works at her other job... are you &lt;deleted&gt; daft? She's totally lying. She's desperately trying to set you up to pay the salary or marriage fee that you are SUPPOSED to pay being an old man with a young young girl.

Wake up to reality! There is no suck thing as true love between people of such vast age difference and social standing combined! Absolutely NO WAY.

So, what's an appropriate amount for her "fees"? 20,000 bht is reasonable for some uneducated country girl??? How much would she get from a Thai?

[a2396]

It really is amazing. So many westerners earning 100,000 bt/month plus in committed relationships with Thai women working low end jobs earning less than 8,000 bt/month. Why? I really don't see the point of it. Is it some kind of lingering sense of propriety from Western culture?

In this situation any man worth his salt would have his partner quit the job, spend her time taking care of the baby properly, and live in a modest, but comfortable, apartment or condo. It should not be immediate, and absolutely not in the 'dating' phase. That would be ridiculous. The timing would be when the relationship has evolved to the serious and committed stage. To me it is just plain decency.

Would a man earning $150,000+ per year back home really want his committed partner working a dead end $15,000 per year job with long hours and a 6-day work week, living in a hovel, all while trying to raise a young child?

I have a different perspective. Why would anyone who earns THB100,000 a month want a relationship with someone whose earning power is only THB8000 a month with a family whose members never save anything and who don't have health insurance, etc., etc? You're asking for trouble right there. What on earth can such a woman have to offer, besides sex? Is she an interesting conversationalist? Does she have any hobbies beyond watching television and reading comic books? Does she have the understanding of what you do that is necessary for her to be supportive of your career, rather than just milk the cash cow? If you took her to your home country, could you go out to a fine restaurant with her without being embarrassed?  

I look for a woman with whom I can have a relationship on an equal footing. That means she needs to be educated and have a decent career (PhD, or doctor, lawyer, vet, dentist, etc.) She needs to earn a decent amount of money so that she doesn't regard me as a cash cow. Her family need to be comfortably off and not regard me as a source of income. We need to be able to talk to each other at the same level. She needs to have some interesting hobbies so that I am not constantly having to think about how to alleviate her boredom. If such a lady decided to stop working full-time, have children, look after the house, and support me in my quest to provide a good lifestyle for her and the children, then I would be most happy to use whatever funds are available. Would I do that for someone who earns THB8000 a month? No chance. I wouldn't even take her out on a date, no matter how attracted to her I was.

Now, having said all that, I am a lonely dude. Thailand is not a particularly good place for me to find a soul mate. Eligible candidates are thin on the ground and, as I work alone, I have no opportunities to meet them. However, I came to Thailand to build a business. I've now done that, and I will soon be on my way to greener pastures, for example, South Korea, where I lived for six years before. I have been more than willing to endure being lonely, when the alternative is to have a "relationship" with someone who earns THB8000 a month, taps me up for cash for herself and her mother's water buffalo, and with whom I cannot even have a decent conversation.

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble.

"....but I recommend that western blokes in Thailand find a woman whom they would regard as their social and financial equal in their home country. If they don't, they are asking for trouble."

Certainly good advice, but as you point out, not an easy task here. Educated and/or professional Thai women, who are of marriage age 25/35, do not desire and are generally not interested in foreign men. They don't need them and they would be taking a step down on their social standing to marry one. I am talking about those who would be living and staying in Thailand, not relocating overseas. I have lived in LOS and have never seen such a marriage. 40+ professional women who are widowed or divorced - maybe.

[dumball]

G54 how on earth did you misunderstand what I was saying... I wasn't criticising you for paying her a salary dear lord no... I was criticising you for NOT paying her a salary.

Bottom line is you are old and she is a teenager, I know you want to believe in the 50/50 relationship that all of us other people have that hooked up with people somewhere close to our age bracket and social status but you cannot have that when you hook up with a dirt poor teenager! You should be paying her a salary, that's all there is to it.

But I think she is totally lying to you, she works a factory AND goes to school AND sometimes works at her other job... are you &lt;deleted&gt; daft? She's totally lying. She's desperately trying to set you up to pay the salary or marriage fee that you are SUPPOSED to pay being an old man with a young young girl.

Wake up to reality! There is no suck thing as true love between people of such vast age difference and social standing combined! Absolutely NO WAY.

So, what's an appropriate amount for her "fees"? 20,000 bht is reasonable for some uneducated country girl??? How much would she get from a Thai?

Why do you not ask the father of the child that question ? The OP already said he had improved the general well being and life style of this young lady and some other mans child , she appeared to be quite happy with both him and that situation , what is required by some posters , blood ? He also had intent to improve and enhance her situation to a life standard she had no hope of achieving , then along came the 'Blood suckers' , you want him to hand over his hard earned money just to keep these leaches happy , sorry , the young lady is being used in an attempt to enhance the whole families life style , they have caused the break up of what could/may have been a happy future for three people . When are people going to realise TiT and not much is likely to change .