Top Help Wanted Adverts You Would Never Reply To

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Looking for inexperienced, young, incompetent, high-school drop-outs for nuclear plant operation

Dart team goalie

Male wanted for experimental new procedure in castration.

School for the Blind seeking new javelin coach

Volunteers for Medical Experiments

I want another baby and am looking for a sperm donor

I will evaluate your wife/girlfriend. Send her to me. Takes 5 days or less.

Must be over 18, have good balance, and a good gag reflex

Proctologist's Assistant Wanted - Hands-On, In-Depth Training Provided

Sperm Bank Patient Assistant wanted: good bedside manner a must. Lots of hands-on treatment.

wanted: sex slave....100% submissive required

Procurer for entertainment for high government official

Wanted: White woman who doesn't bruise easily.

Wanted: Exotic Barney Dancer(Must dress like Barney)

Wanted: Lion Dentist

You too could be a male escort, no previous experience necessary.

Personal assistant wanted. Why eat dead rats in a prison cell when you can work for me?

Stewardess wanted: must have current parachute certification

Wanted: straight man to be a bouncer at gay bar

Animal Gynaecologist

Driver: Own car optional.

Lap Dance Instructor Wanted

Patient Needed, One who does not mind pain

Sidekick needed for a superhero. Dress: birthday suit.

Wanted: Boy Toy

WANTED: Female companion rider at beach parties!

I’m, in need of a person willing to pop zits in places i can't reach

Little boys to play at my house.

Accountants R Us now hiring!

Wanted: Armpit Sniffer for product testing.

WANTED: Back Scrubber for Fat Farm's Group Tub

WANTED: For new retro Star Trek show, guys to wear the red Uniform.

Wanted: Target Practice Volunteers

Wanted: Human liposuction pump

We are looking for a new mayor for our nice little town

We're looking for a few good men!

"Shotgun targets for Army; free sweatshirts! Great medical plan."

Assistant Pit Bull Neuterer

Cell-Mate Wanted - Large, Tasty Type Preferred

Cow parade-street cleaners needed!

Executioners needed; company plans downsizing by the most direct approach

In Bowl Toilet Scrubber.

OS/2 Development Manager for ongoing support

Quality control specialists wanted at nuclear power plant

Replacements for gun-loving postal workers recently fired

Target-area Score Keeper for Cruise Missile Practice Exercises

Telemarketer

Wanted a cadaver at medical school

Wanted: Animal husbandry "facilitator"

Wanted: Artificial Inseminator for Dairy Cow Farm.

Wanted: Teacher for Inner City school. Bullet-proof vests a plus.

WANTED: one sheep, for personal reasons.

Wanted: R&D Engineer to test human thresholds of pain

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