Do Not Touch A Thai Lady?

[mc2]

Story is, I was asked to pass a message on to someone, a Thai lady, after she was not answering her phone and the belief was she could not hear it because she was in a club and the music was blasting. It was on my way home, so was no problem for me to pass on the message.

I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) It was in a club, the music was loud and she was there with her female friends.

I touched her on the arm to get her attention and had to stand close to hear her talk.

I am finding it a bit strange that I received a phone call today and have been 'told off' for holding that Thai lady last night.

The conversation went along the lines of, 'You understand last night you hold lady. You are a Farang and she is Thai. This is not good for her.'

So to be told I am not allowed to do that because I am a Farang seems crazy. If I was a total stranger to her and her friends, I could understand it.

On recollection, I did put my fingertips on her back for a second or two as I spoke to her, but have never had a problem with this before. It was not a cuddle type touch or anything romantic. I was in the club about 10 minutes in total and most of that time was spent locating her. The whole conversation took maybe two minutes.

Is this such a bad thing all things considered?

Thoughts anyone?

there is only one acceptable place to touch a woman you dont know or not really aquainted with, that is a gentle touch on her ELBOW. it is a very non personal region of the body compared to the other bits.

the order of safe to dangerous goes like this:

1. elbow or handshake

2 forearm or a pat on the head

3. fingers, upper arm, shoulder

4. hair, anywhere on the back

5. breasts or ass

6. you get the idea.

[GungaDin]

Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message.

Seems to me as SBK says, an overreaction. I could understand it if I had not known the lady at all. The gist of the phone call was not to touch at all and that does seem over the top, but also something I have to respect at the end of the day.

We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it.

Maybe she wanted to divert attention away from another subject. I honestly do not know. But now it means I have to take care even on a simple touch. Sigh.

Is this man (the man who called you) involved with this woman? Is it clear that the woman was upset too, or did she just mention it in passing, and then the guy got jealous or over-protective? I guess what I'm getting at is, maybe this is all in the guy's head, and has nothing to do with the woman at all. He wasn't even present when it happened, after all. He could be just reading too much into it.

Anyhow, sounds like you have a handle on the situation. Or a hand on the situation. Or something.

Okay, in the club....... not sure about it.... dpds on the situation

Past experience: On the street, in the office, everyday life never touch another Thai lady..... seen that happen and not pleasant. If you have to, be very clean and well dressed... not flip flops, singlet and beer holder with food stuck in your beard or a dodgy combover (gonna get flamed by hillbillies, ferals, bushies, and old-dirty-bastards for this...) etc. <snip>

Paul Keating immediately comes to mind. Australia's Lounge Lizard.

[G54]

Not so much his reaction. It is she who has stated it is improper for me - a white man - to have touched her in the club and she does not like it. He has simply passed it on to me so I am aware.

Yes she and he are in an on/off relationship but that is all I'll say on that for reasons of tact and discretion

All things said, I will be careful around her even though I have known her - through him - for a year or so.

[samuibeachcomber]

Lady in the bar once said to me " you can touch me i'm a bar girl" For others its hands off.But me thinks said lady is making a mountain out of a molehill

[dave111223]

Not so much his reaction. It is she who has stated it is improper for me - a white man - to have touched her in the club and she does not like it. He has simply passed it on to me so I am aware.

Yes she and he are in an on/off relationship but that is all I'll say on that for reasons of tact and discretion

All things said, I will be careful around her even though I have known her - through him - for a year or so.

Here's what a real mate would say "Thanks for giving that messaging to her for me, but just so you know XXXX is a bit touchy and doesn't like people touching her, so might be best not to actually touch her in the future".

(whether that was the actual reason she gave or not)

Here's what your "mate" says "Your White, White people shouldn't touch Asian women, don't do it."

Your mate just sounds like a plonker...

Imagine being back home, and you have a friend of a different race (let's black), and a girl complained that he's touched her, and she doesn't like black people to touch her.

Would you call up your friend and says "Your Black, don't touch white women, it's not right"....?

[AceCafe]

All things said, I will be careful around her even though I have known her - through him - for a year or so.

You're such a nice chap....... I'd take the piss without mercy!!

[Birdman]

Your touch could mean, that there is something going on between you and her or you were considered as somebody lower class than her, who is not entitled to touch her.

In both cases, she lost face to the others.

[oevna]

Not so much his reaction. It is she who has stated it is improper for me - a white man - to have touched her in the club and she does not like it. He has simply passed it on to me so I am aware.

Yes she and he are in an on/off relationship but that is all I'll say on that for reasons of tact and discretion

All things said, I will be careful around her even though I have known her - through him - for a year or so.

Oh, in your original post you said that you had been 'told off' on the phone, so I assumed it was the caller who was angry.

Anyhow, sounds like an overreaction, but best to be safe.

[TAWP]

Find a real woman instead, instead of a stuck-up-bi'atch.

Is this the same one that was braking up with you over bringing her fruit in her office or another...?

[Birdman]

You said, you were just 10 minutes in the club. So you just came to the club to tell her the message of her on/off boyfriend. Are you their employee? How long did you drive to the club and back home? What message? Why did not he tell her that message? Does he wants that you apologizes to her?

[CarlBkk]

The touching part wouldn't be what bothered me, but the guy saying "you are a farang, she is Thai..not good" would make me ask him some questions back. That has nothing to do with it. Some slack should be given to farangs for now conforming to Thai social etiquette sometimes, but in Thai culture certainly guys do not touch girls they hardly know anywhere (that is in the middle plus classes). Even RCA, drunk youngsters getting together, you don't see handholding or touching of arms/backs when talking, even though they may go home with each other at the end of the night!

[Neeranam]

As long as i've been here i have never experienced something like this nor heard of this rule that farangs can't touch thai women in a public place. I've done it and i see thai do it all the time, never any problems. I think it's a made up thing with some basis in old fashioned etiquette, wouldn't worry too much about it.

Agreed. The woman in question just obviously hates foriegners or the OP.

[sbk]

The touching part wouldn't be what bothered me, but the guy saying "you are a farang, she is Thai..not good" would make me ask him some questions back. That has nothing to do with it. Some slack should be given to farangs for now conforming to Thai social etiquette sometimes, but in Thai culture certainly guys do not touch girls they hardly know anywhere (that is in the middle plus classes). Even RCA, drunk youngsters getting together, you don't see handholding or touching of arms/backs when talking, even though they may go home with each other at the end of the night!

not just middle classes carl. all classes.

Yes, he probably should have been cut some slack as an ignorant farang, But for the poster who think she is "stuck up", hardly. It is not polite in Thai culture for a man to touch a woman he hardly knows.

[Neeranam]

The touching part wouldn't be what bothered me, but the guy saying "you are a farang, she is Thai..not good" would make me ask him some questions back. That has nothing to do with it. Some slack should be given to farangs for now conforming to Thai social etiquette sometimes, but in Thai culture certainly guys do not touch girls they hardly know anywhere (that is in the middle plus classes). Even RCA, drunk youngsters getting together, you don't see handholding or touching of arms/backs when talking, even though they may go home with each other at the end of the night!

not just middle classes carl. all classes.

Yes, he probably should have been cut some slack as an ignorant farang, But for the poster who think she is "stuck up", hardly. It is not polite in Thai culture for a man to touch a woman he hardly knows.

Is it polite in UK, USA for men to touch women they don't know?

[rick75]

Handholding is a weird one for me, when in Thailand my girlfriend wants to hold hands when walking etc, I know its against Thai culture and tell Her its not on, she is against any other affection in public, I am not sure if she has picked up this handholding thing in Australia, I can't figure her out.

As for the night club its not unusual to touch someone on the arm to get there attention or to have your hand around there back while talking, you are after all only an inch away from there ear otherwise they can't hear you.

Edited April 10, 2009 by rick75

[AceCafe]

not just middle classes carl. all classes.

Yes, he probably should have been cut some slack as an ignorant farang, But for the poster who think she is "stuck up", hardly. It is not polite in Thai culture for a man to touch a woman he hardly knows.

So go back and read the OP again. Oh, don't bother, here's the relevant part:

"I know this lady as she is a good friend of a Thai male I know. ( I have known her about a year or so. She will stop and talk to me if she sees me out. ) "

Hardly knows? Nah!

And why is he an "ignorant" farang?

[JimsKnight]

Apologies for my lack of clarity on who phoned. It was the same friend who asked me to pass on the message. Seems she phoned him at about 2 a.m. after the club had shut. So maybe an hour after I passed on the message.

Seems to me as SBK says, an overreaction. I could understand it if I had not known the lady at all. The gist of the phone call was not to touch at all and that does seem over the top, but also something I have to respect at the end of the day.

We (farang) often tend to touch. A hand on the shoulder, the arm or whatever, in a friendly way and this comes natural to most of us and we tend not to think about it.

Maybe she wanted to divert attention away from another subject. I honestly do not know. But now it means I have to take care even on a simple touch. Sigh.

Sounds to me as though she's a drama queen to make a big deal out of it, this is a nightclub folks, not broad daylight outside a government office.

It also shows she's (or maybe he's) a bit racist towards the white man for touching yellow skin?

Much ado over nothing is what this is.

Edited April 10, 2009 by JimsKnight

[G54]

The touching part wouldn't be what bothered me, but the guy saying "you are a farang, she is Thai..not good" would make me ask him some questions back. That has nothing to do with it. Some slack should be given to farangs for now conforming to Thai social etiquette sometimes, but in Thai culture certainly guys do not touch girls they hardly know anywhere (that is in the middle plus classes). Even RCA, drunk youngsters getting together, you don't see handholding or touching of arms/backs when talking, even though they may go home with each other at the end of the night!

not just middle classes carl. all classes.

Yes, he probably should have been cut some slack as an ignorant farang, But for the poster who think she is "stuck up", hardly. It is not polite in Thai culture for a man to touch a woman he hardly knows.

Thanks SBK. Ignorant Farang? Not exactly as if I was pawing her or doing anything really untoward. It was a night club, loud music and I had to lean closer to hear her. The touch on the back is all it was after getting her attention by touching her arm.

[MrHammer]

I think where the man puts his hand below the lower back to 'guide' or show 'support'........ I've seen some "Me cool macho farang please love me" jocks who do this repeatedly around the BTS, Siam, Pattaya, thinking it radiates charm, or some kind of charisma.

Hahaha.. you just reek of being one of the 'nerds' that come to Thailand and find even nerds get laid here.

How is putting your hand on the back of a woman 'macho' or 'jock' as you say in a negative way?

Real men protect their women, and do small things like this naturally in their home country, and normal women appreciate it. If a thai woman feels this makes her look like a prositute then she must have incredibly low self esteem.

I agree you have to be more careful here, but it is perfectly normal thing to all over the world.

[edwardandtubs]

Find a real woman instead, instead of a stuck-up-bi'atch.

Is this the same one that was braking up with you over bringing her fruit in her office or another...?

I remember that one. The OP is either winding us up or is very accident-prone around women.

[neverdie]

the echos of grandmothers voice rings aloud now "Don't touch her, you don't know where shes been" .

If only I had applied this rule to more of the ladies I had come across, I would be at least twice as wealth.....make that 45 times more wealthy.....doh!

[MrHammer]

The touching part wouldn't be what bothered me, but the guy saying "you are a farang, she is Thai..not good" would make me ask him some questions back. That has nothing to do with it. Some slack should be given to farangs for now conforming to Thai social etiquette sometimes, but in Thai culture certainly guys do not touch girls they hardly know anywhere (that is in the middle plus classes). Even RCA, drunk youngsters getting together, you don't see handholding or touching of arms/backs when talking, even though they may go home with each other at the end of the night!

not just middle classes carl. all classes.

Yes, he probably should have been cut some slack as an ignorant farang, But for the poster who think she is "stuck up", hardly. It is not polite in Thai culture for a man to touch a woman he hardly knows.

Is it polite in UK, USA for men to touch women they don't know?

Lol the ingnorance in this thread! In many countries men and women KISS each other on the cheek when bthey first meet.

Get out of here with that no touch bs, this isnt Saudi Arabia.

What we got here is just a jealous racist thai, who probably is to shy to initiate something romantic with the girl he like. It seems to be a common affliction for thai males.

[G54]

The touching part wouldn't be what bothered me, but the guy saying "you are a farang, she is Thai..not good" would make me ask him some questions back. That has nothing to do with it. Some slack should be given to farangs for now conforming to Thai social etiquette sometimes, but in Thai culture certainly guys do not touch girls they hardly know anywhere (that is in the middle plus classes). Even RCA, drunk youngsters getting together, you don't see handholding or touching of arms/backs when talking, even though they may go home with each other at the end of the night!

not just middle classes carl. all classes.

Yes, he probably should have been cut some slack as an ignorant farang, But for the poster who think she is "stuck up", hardly. It is not polite in Thai culture for a man to touch a woman he hardly knows.

Is it polite in UK, USA for men to touch women they don't know?

2 points.

Hardly knows? Well after being in company in restaurants with her and her friends and other clubs is that 'hardly knows'? Granted she is not an actual friend of mine or a woman I fancy for that matter. But this was fingertips touching her.

There is no problem in general with touching a woman you know in the UK even if you do not know her that well. It is classed as being friendly and not really something we would think about.

If you go beyond touching, that can be a different matter

[G54]

You said, you were just 10 minutes in the club. So you just came to the club to tell her the message of her on/off boyfriend. Are you their employee? How long did you drive to the club and back home? What message? Why did not he tell her that message? Does he wants that you apologizes to her?

Read back :-

I did say it was on my way home. So I was not put out to pass on a message. This for a man who has helped me out on previous occasions. Also I have said why I passed on the message.

[MrHammer]

Discussions like this make me miss Europe and white women

[neverdie]

Discussions like this make me miss Europe and white women

Snap out of it MrHammer

[dave111223]

Discussions like this make me miss Europe and white women

I think you've had enough to already! Someone cut him off

[samuibeachcomber]

the echos of grandmothers voice rings aloud now "Don't touch her, you don't know where shes been" .

If only I had applied this rule to more of the ladies I had come across, I would be at least twice as wealth.....make that 45 times more wealthy.....doh!

or 'dont touch what you cant afford"...............now i bet that's happened to you

[neverdie]

Mr Hammer, heres a pic of your white european women, just to get you thru this difficult time

[samuibeachcomber]

Mr Hammer, heres a pic of your white european women, just to get you thru this difficult time

absolutely gorgeous!!!!!!

you could get lost in there.

Edited April 10, 2009 by samuibeachcomber