Marrying A Thai Girl

[Totster]

I agree with Larry, why not just live together? Or just do the Thai ceremony, that is considered "married" and without "legal obligations" should anything not work out.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The dowry would still need to be paid/shown in this circumstance...in fact this is the ceremony where it matters... so seeing as this was a concern for the OP it's not really a relevent suggestion...

totster

[Heng]

Still wrestling with the dowry ..... but her mother has said the balance will be returned.

This is quite normal... it is important for the family to "show" a large amount of money.... even if they don't intend to keep it..

totster

A few days before the wedding ceremony (which took place outside Khorat), her parents expressed concern for my safety, driving out in the middle of no-where (my words, not theirs) in the early hours of the morning with more money than the average Isaan farmer will make in a lifetime. Hence I suggested, and they thought it was a good idea, that I would write a cheque instead. So I crossed a cheque, wrote down 5 million baht in numbers. and four million in letters and signed with a signature that basically had my initials in them, but otherwise looked mothing like the real thing (just to be on the safe side ).

Anyway, the whole thing went down like a dream, people were stunned at the amount, and both my wife and her parents gained a great deal of face.

They may have been stunned that you put the equivalent of Monopoly money on the engagement "paan."

[Dragonman]

1. A girl can not go to bed with any man until she is married if she does she is difently second hand in the Thai socirty.

6 I got married to Isaan Girl had 250 people with a big band cost me 130,000 baht .

Out of curiousity.................she was a virgin when you met her then?? Never had sex before marriage? You said she would be considered "cheap" if she did.

Just curious to know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets have a reality check.

In my wife's village everyone under 40 seems to be living with a boyfriend, knocking off the next door neighbour, having an affair with one of the local teachers when their husbands are working, or quite openly admit they work bar.

People read tourist guides too much about how moral thai society is, how you can't touch a child on the head, show the soles of your feet, etc. Makes good reading for the gullible.Never seen anybody looked down on in Isaan, unless they come from Cambodia This is 2005 and even little Isaan villages have cable tv. and strive to emulate farangs, thinking it will make them rich.

[SK1972]

Lets have a reality check.

Quite right, Dragonman.

Something to ponder on, if the girl/woman decides not to marry you as you won't pay the "dowry", will she be worth pursuing then? Does that not mean she is after money? I personally think the man paying for the wedding is more than enough. Paying as in he pays the bills, not give the money to the girl or the parents to pay on his behalf.

Sure, you can talk about respect of culture, but what about YOUR own culture, should that be not respected too?

[WhiteShiva]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

A few days before the wedding ceremony (which took place outside Khorat), her parents expressed concern for my safety, driving out in the middle of no-where (my words, not theirs) in the early hours of the morning with more money than the average Isaan farmer will make in a lifetime. Hence I suggested, and they thought it was a good idea, that I would write a cheque instead. So I crossed a cheque, wrote down 5 million baht in numbers. and four million in letters and signed with a signature that basically had my initials in them, but otherwise looked mothing like the real thing (just to be on the safe side ).

Anyway, the whole thing went down like a dream, people were stunned at the amount, and both my wife and her parents gained a great deal of face.

They may have been stunned that you put the equivalent of Monopoly money on the engagement "paan."

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I doubt it - I think the 10 baht of gold accompanying the cheque and the 1.2 carat VVS diamond ring she got when I popped the question 6 months earlier stunned them more...

[RamdomChances]

1. A girl can not go to bed with any man until she is married if she does she is difently second hand in the Thai socirty.

6 I got married to Isaan Girl had 250 people with a big band cost me 130,000 baht .

Out of curiousity.................she was a virgin when you met her then?? Never had sex before marriage? You said she would be considered "cheap" if she did.

Just curious to know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets have a reality check.

In my wife's village everyone under 40 seems to be living with a boyfriend, knocking off the next door neighbour, having an affair with one of the local teachers when their husbands are working, or quite openly admit they work bar.

People read tourist guides too much about how moral thai society is, how you can't touch a child on the head, show the soles of your feet, etc. Makes good reading for the gullible.Never seen anybody looked down on in Isaan, unless they come from Cambodia This is 2005 and even little Isaan villages have cable tv. and strive to emulate farangs, thinking it will make them rich.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets have a reality check 2

In my village, where I have lived for about 5 years. I've never seen or heard of couples "living together" , unless, one or both have had previous marrages or gay. The only affairs I've know about are usually men with "mai noi"s who are usually(the women that is) divorced, seperated or widowed.

The only person I know who has worked a bar (thai karyoke) is a cousins wife and his family wont let her in the house.

A friend of mine had an affair with a 19 yr old after he split from his wife, when people found out they were forced to basicaly go on the run for 2 years. He's back now they are married (legaly) and have a baby, but her parents will still not have anything to do with her.

I've been to many Thai wedings and around here on average the sin sot is 1-200,000 bhat with 10 bhat in gold. The gold is often borrowed from family mambers to show and the money is often (but not always) returned, depending on what arrangments have been made for paying of the wedding.

Nothing wrong with touching children on the head, showing the soles of your feet is still unpolite but cant always be avoided.

Oh I'm not in Issarn just relating to what its like here.

[Dragonman]

1. A girl can not go to bed with any man until she is married if she does she is difently second hand in the Thai socirty.

6 I got married to Isaan Girl had 250 people with a big band cost me 130,000 baht .

Out of curiousity.................she was a virgin when you met her then?? Never had sex before marriage? You said she would be considered "cheap" if she did.

Just curious to know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets have a reality check.

In my wife's village everyone under 40 seems to be living with a boyfriend, knocking off the next door neighbour, having an affair with one of the local teachers when their husbands are working, or quite openly admit they work bar.

People read tourist guides too much about how moral thai society is, how you can't touch a child on the head, show the soles of your feet, etc. Makes good reading for the gullible.Never seen anybody looked down on in Isaan, unless they come from Cambodia This is 2005 and even little Isaan villages have cable tv. and strive to emulate farangs, thinking it will make them rich.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Lets have a reality check 2

In my village, where I have lived for about 5 years. I've never seen or heard of couples "living together" , unless, one or both have had previous marrages or gay. The only affairs I've know about are usually men with "mai noi"s who are usually(the women that is) divorced, seperated or widowed.

The only person I know who has worked a bar (thai karyoke) is a cousins wife and his family wont let her in the house.

A friend of mine had an affair with a 19 yr old after he split from his wife, when people found out they were forced to basicaly go on the run for 2 years. He's back now they are married (legaly) and have a baby, but her parents will still not have anything to do with her.

I've been to many Thai wedings and around here on average the sin sot is 1-200,000 bhat with 10 bhat in gold. The gold is often borrowed from family mambers to show and the money is often (but not always) returned, depending on what arrangments have been made for paying of the wedding.

Nothing wrong with touching children on the head, showing the soles of your feet is still unpolite but cant always be avoided.

Oh I'm not in Issarn just relating to what its like here.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Just goes to show that you cannot generalise about thai society, any more than the generalisations regarding never marry a bar girl, don't give a dowry,etc. One's experiences are all different, and to think that all thais follow any set code will send you insane. Just do what you believe is right in your own conscience.

[Heng]

I doubt it - I think the 10 baht of gold accompanying the cheque and the 1.2 carat VVS diamond ring she got when I popped the question 6 months earlier stunned them more... [/size]

The point was that I think the spirit of the sinsod requires items of actual value (such as cashiers checks... which bumpkins and city folk alike are more than aware exist) to be put on these engagement 'paans.' Of course, the spirit of the sinsod also usually dictates (at least in my experience) that the bride's family gives everything back to the bride and groom, so I guess fake checks are fair game as well.

[SK1972]

Of course, the spirit of the sinsod also usually dictates (at least in my experience) that the bride's family gives everything back to the bride and groom, so I guess fake checks are fair game as well.

Reality check again........there has been cases of sinsod being given back to the newly married couple and there has been cases where it has not.

Just goes to show that you cannot generalise about thai society, any more than the generalisations regarding never marry a bar girl, don't give a dowry,etc. One's experiences are all different, and to think that all thais follow any set code will send you insane. Just do what you believe is right in your own conscience.

Quite right dragonman. Never give more than you can afford to lose is what I always say.

Heng, gak ki nang? Own people?

[WhiteShiva]

I doubt it - I think the 10 baht of gold accompanying the cheque and the 1.2 carat VVS diamond ring she got when I popped the question 6 months earlier stunned them more... [/size]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The point was that I think the spirit of the sinsod requires items of actual value (such as cashiers checks...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am so sorry Heng - When you started talking about "Monopoly money" replying to my story I was under the impression you made a smart-assed comment about me and my wife's sin sot. My apologies!

Edited July 8, 2005 by WhiteShiva

[Heng]

Reality check again........there has been cases of sinsod being given back to the newly married couple and there has been cases where it has not.

I've read enough of this forum, other forums, soc.culture.thai, etc. to know that *not getting it back and sometimes losing one's shirt in an abyss of bitterness* is definitely a reality as well, especially for foreigners. In general though, among Thais of the same socio-economic standing, it's typically returned (although surely there are cases where it is not). I'm getting married next month, and have been to a few less than a dozen weddings this year and last, and sinsod hasn't been a "question" (of being returned or not) in any of them... apart from the security/logistics of getting everything back to the bank or safe(s) of the bride and groom.

Heng, gak ki nang? Own people?

[Heng]

I doubt it - I think the 10 baht of gold accompanying the cheque and the 1.2 carat VVS diamond ring she got when I popped the question 6 months earlier stunned them more... [/size]

The point was that I think the spirit of the sinsod requires items of actual value (such as cashiers checks...

I am so sorry Heng - When you started talking about "Monopoly money" replying to my story I was under the impression you made a smart-assed comment about me and my wife's sin sot. My apologies!

No worries at all, unnecessary. Tongue-in-cheek (as always), yes. Condescending or looking down upon in any way, definitely NOT.

[WhiteShiva]

I doubt it - I think the 10 baht of gold accompanying the cheque and the 1.2 carat VVS diamond ring she got when I popped the question 6 months earlier stunned them more... [/size]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The point was that I think the spirit of the sinsod requires items of actual value (such as cashiers checks...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am so sorry Heng - When you started talking about "Monopoly money" replying to my story I was under the impression you made a smart-assed comment about me and my wife's sin sot. My apologies!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No worries at all, unnecessary. Tongue-in-cheek (as always), yes. Condescending or looking down upon in any way, definitely NOT.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Glad to hear that, buddy - no hard feelings!

[Curt]

Has anyone spun the numbers.

Is it cheaper to rent?

Which is a better return on the baht?

Do any come with warranties?

[Totster]

Reality check again........there has been cases of sinsod being given back to the newly married couple and there has been cases where it has not.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes.. this is reality... one should not expect the sinsod to be returned... it all depends on each individual situation...

In some cases it is returned... in some cases it is partly returned and yes, sometimes it is kept...

It is all about what has been agreed by the two families...

And whatever happens with the sinsod.. no one outcome is the right or wrong outcome.. it is simply what has been agreed..

totster

[bangsaen bob]

Well I waited till my mother in law was dead prior to marriage. The wife hates her father, so no money. I think I paid 20,000 for the wedding party. It could be a big slap in their faces not to give a dowry. Usually min. is 50,000. I think it's a bunch is &lt;deleted&gt; myself. Anyway, in the long run 50k is a drop in the bucked of the future cost.

Make sure she doesn't gamble, there is no cure for that, and they always loose. A friend of mine's wife lost his house gambling, ouch.

Good luck, I think the farang/thai divorce rate is close to 100% and that's not bar girls. The worst thing you could do is take her back home with you. You would be lucky to last a year.

[daleyboy]

Good luck, I think the farang/thai divorce rate is close to 100% and that's not bar girls.    The worst thing you could do is take her back home with you.  You would be lucky to last a year.

What a truly STUPID post. My wife and i have been in the uk for over 3 years and married for 4. I have met a few Brits who are married to Thai girls and most of them have been in the U.K for 4 years upwards. So unless you know the facts i suggest you shut up making stupid comments like the one above.

[Dragonman]

Good luck, I think the farang/thai divorce rate is close to 100% and that's not bar girls.    The worst thing you could do is take her back home with you.  You would be lucky to last a year.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What a truly STUPID post. My wife and i have been in the uk for over 3 years and married for 4. I have met a few Brits who are married to Thai girls and most of them have been in the U.K for 4 years upwards. So unless you know the facts i suggest you shut up making stupid comments like the one above.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My home town in UK has only a 50,000 population and yet has 15 thai/british couples. Only 1 divorce in the 5 years I have had a thai wife, and the guy left his wife for another thai

[Virgil]

Good luck, I think the farang/thai divorce rate is close to 100% and that's not bar girls.    The worst thing you could do is take her back home with you.  You would be lucky to last a year.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What a truly STUPID post. My wife and i have been in the uk for over 3 years and married for 4. I have met a few Brits who are married to Thai girls and most of them have been in the U.K for 4 years upwards. So unless you know the facts i suggest you shut up making stupid comments like the one above.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ditto mate ... I am sure divorce rates are quite similar all over the western world ... regardless of race or class ... and ... put ya hand up if you were once married to a farang girl ... only to get divorced?!

Virg' raises his hand !!!

[gburns57au]

The worst thing you could do is take her back home with you

I am sure divorce rates are quite similar all over the western world ... regardless of race or class

Both are good statements.....

Many guys go over there and throw the hard SAVED dosh around like there is no tomorrow, fall for a girl and take her back. Said girl realises the farang is only Thai holiday rich and quickly the relationship sours. Or the girl hasnt been prepared for the changes that she has to make and because she is not happy the relationship flounders. Or the girl goes over with the intention of " He will do for now and when I get PR...I will piss him off and get someone who is richer, younger, more hansum etc... Not true of all but certainly it does happen.

For those who are in a solid relationship the divorce rate is quite low amongst Thai/Farang marriages. In Perth, there are a few divorces or break ups because of the reasons mentioned above....but of the Thai/farang couples I know there are some that have been going for well over 5 years.

I guess what it comes down too is, make sure that you have a good relationship before committing further, prepare the girl for the changes that she will have to make, DONT lie to her or mislead her about your social status or your disposable income.

I would add on a personal experience note...give her some financial responsibility while she is in your country and be prepared to make sacrifices to your lifestyle for her.

oh yeah .....I am divorced from a farang woman too....

[TheFiend]

I believe in being totally honest with my TGF. Not once has she ever talked about money, how rich I am, or my financial situation- but she has told me that if we marry and she moves to the UK then she wants to work over here - she is a nurse

[sua yai]

I've been looking for original posts that I put on here a few months ago. Excuse me if I'm computer illiterate, but I'll add my final piece to this thread.

Got married at 10am this morning. Amphur/registered etc.

There had been a problem for 4 months previously due to sin sod and which came first - the registration or the Buddhist blessing.

I'm glad to say that everything was resolved. Obviously, the legal marriage today, with the blessing on hold until Nov 4th. It's also been agreed that the sin sod, which is not exorbitant, can be spread over six months to give us both the best financial platform from which to start married life.

Amazing what a bit of sensible discussion brings.

Happiness all the way round.

[OxfordWill]

Im certain that sinsod was only ever supposed to be a 'starter package' for the wife, incase of untimely divorce or death of the husband. It was never meant for the wife's family..!

[sua yai]

Correct, OxfordWill.

At least that's the way it has gone for us.

[The Dude]

I have always wondered why farangs get married over here. I am bewildered by this. Someone help me out. I have heard reasons like easier visa qualifications. You'll have to excuse me but I don't get it

[Dragonman]

I have always wondered why farangs get married over here. I am bewildered by this. Someone help me out. I have heard reasons like easier visa qualifications. You'll have to excuse me but I don't get it

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Because we're not all stud muffins, and when we find someone who will put up with the double incontenence and memory loss we have to grab them quick

[davethailand]

I have always wondered why farangs get married over here. I am bewildered by this. Someone help me out. I have heard reasons like easier visa qualifications. You'll have to excuse me but I don't get it

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In my case it was because I met someone who i decided i wanted to stay with and not &lt;deleted&gt; around anymore.

My visa status is'nt based in anyway on my marraige.

[RamdomChances]

I have always wondered why farangs get married over here. I am bewildered by this. Someone help me out. I have heard reasons like easier visa qualifications. You'll have to excuse me but I don't get it

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In my case it was because I met someone who i decided i wanted to stay with and not &lt;deleted&gt; around anymore.

My visa status is'nt based in anyway on my marraige.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I got married "over here" cos I was living "over here" seem'd a bit of a waste of money to fly all the way back to UK. It did make visa's easier as well as I did'nt have to apply for one for my wife to go to UK....each to their own I suppose

[thomasjojo]

i am a lucky man, married in Norway, never talked about dowry money, Family is nice BKK people, Uttaradit too. Never consider me as an ATM, just ask when they really need, so I always give them doubble then. My wife lived in Norway a year. She is 25 now, she is very Thai, but understand my "culture" too, so do the family.

there is many ways to do this. but I found out I do it my way, that means my wifes way he he. we, family are happy. no arguing, no ill buffalos, just real nice people that manage to do their own, but need some help from the daughter some now and then.

Im so lucky...

oh yeah .....I am divorced from a farang woman too.... same her.

Edited July 16, 2005 by [email protected]

[TheFiend]

I have always wondered why farangs get married over here. I am bewildered by this. Someone help me out. I have heard reasons like easier visa qualifications. You'll have to excuse me but I don't get it

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Because we're not all stud muffins, and when we find someone who will put up with the double incontenence and memory loss we have to grab them quick

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Memory loss - yes

Incontinence - not yet