Marrying A Thai Girl

[Boon Mee]

Read this guy for some answers on why to marry a Thai or not.

[Heng]

Well I waited till my mother in law was dead prior to marriage.

Nothing says 'I love you' more than waiting until your mother in law is dead.

[richard10365]

I must be a really selfish person. As far as a dowery goes, I'm not paying to get married.

Mostly because, I don't have the money.

I'm not planning monthly support either. I'll help from time to time.

My dowery is going to buy my house that my future wife and I will live in.

After that, we need a truck. Thats going to take about 2 years of savings to get.

Then after that, with no bills, I will be able to take care of her family.

But, at this point, I don't see how going into debt to pay a dowery is going to help my marriage much.

I plan on living in Thailand.

Virgil seems like he has pleanty of money to pay the dowery and if he trust her, then pay it and forget about it.

If I had it, I would pay it as well. More for her mom than her father. Her mom is nice but dads a little alcoholic. He did offer to give me a house if I marry her. Her mom is so nice, I would move her in with us if she wanted.

In your case Virgil, I think, if possible, you should live with your girlfriend in Thailand before you marry her. You can see if anything strange pops up.

But thats just me.

[daleyboy]

Her mom is nice but dads a little alcoholic.

What do you define as a little alcoholic?

[davethailand]

Her mom is nice but dads a little alcoholic.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What do you define as a little alcoholic?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your average village thai man?

[Dragonman]

Her mom is nice but dads a little alcoholic.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What do you define as a little alcoholic?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

5 foot and 5 Sang Som a day. Daleyboy, now you could be a really big alcoholic

[globerunner4]

some of whom have already expressed an interest in what I do, what I earn and what I own.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is normal for people to ask you.... even if they aren't relatives. Wouldn't you make inquiries if a close family member was in the same position?

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No. I wouldn't ask what people earn. I wouldn't ask about mortgage repayments, insurance, investments, cost of the car, what my business turns over and how much tax is paid .... and I don't tell people those things either. I'm happy to talk about the actual work I do, describe the house I live in, the colour of my car (silver) and the fact that I believe it is wise to have private health cover. But that's about it.

Virg'

Interesting posts. I noticed it's a few years old. Any news, updates, regrets, advice?

[thithi]

buy some cows with extra money pay monthly for the sick cow hahahah

[Marmelad]

I have a message to all Thai men: don't be so shy around the farang women! Look at the pluses: they are fair- skinned, usually are doing well financially, educated, have reputable good paid jobs, not whoring themselves for money, definitely will not ask you to support them, you don't need to pay sin sod and they even might take you to their farang country! Don't you agree it sounds pretty good?

[maraudingscot]

I have a message to all Thai men: don't be so shy around the farang women! Look at the pluses: they are fair- skinned, usually are doing well financially, educated, have reputable good paid jobs, not whoring themselves for money, definitely will not ask you to support them, you don't need to pay sin sod and they even might take you to their farang country! Don't you agree it sounds pretty good?

You never know they might even take note of their female counterparts and start looking for sin sod and an allowance for mama/papa

[a2396]

some of whom have already expressed an interest in what I do, what I earn and what I own.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is normal for people to ask you.... even if they aren't relatives. Wouldn't you make inquiries if a close family member was in the same position?

cv

Making a casual inquiry and expecting to get a piece of his wealth are two different things. Hopefully, the extended family has no designs on future support from the kind-hearted lad.

[crazyOZ80]

where are you in Issarn mate? If you are near Khon Kaen I can give you the address of a good marriage service who will organise everything for you very cheaply

G'day Bronco,

I am very new to this or any other forums, and computers really!

I am a 29 y.o Perth guy,my girlfriend lives in Udon and we are looking at getting married soon. So in regard to your offer to "Virgil" i would be so happy if you could pass that info on to me.

I'd love to catch up for a beer next time i go through Khon kaen.

[crazyOZ80]

The worst thing you could do is take her back home with you

I am sure divorce rates are quite similar all over the western world ... regardless of race or class

Both are good statements.....

Many guys go over there and throw the hard SAVED dosh around like there is no tomorrow, fall for a girl and take her back. Said girl realises the farang is only Thai holiday rich and quickly the relationship sours. Or the girl hasnt been prepared for the changes that she has to make and because she is not happy the relationship flounders. Or the girl goes over with the intention of " He will do for now and when I get PR...I will piss him off and get someone who is richer, younger, more hansum etc... Not true of all but certainly it does happen.

For those who are in a solid relationship the divorce rate is quite low amongst Thai/Farang marriages. In Perth, there are a few divorces or break ups because of the reasons mentioned above....but of the Thai/farang couples I know there are some that have been going for well over 5 years.

I guess what it comes down too is, make sure that you have a good relationship before committing further, prepare the girl for the changes that she will have to make, DONT lie to her or mislead her about your social status or your disposable income.

I would add on a personal experience note...give her some financial responsibility while she is in your country and be prepared to make sacrifices to your lifestyle for her.

oh yeah .....I am divorced from a farang woman too....

Hello mate, I am also from Perth and have only just recently found and joined this forum.It is great to see that life is good for you.

I am only 29 y.o and am looking on this forum to become a little more educated on this subject . I'm not to sure how this forum works yet but i would love to fire a few questions at you somehow, sometime soon. I also would love to find out about the Thai social scene in Perth so if i am so lucky to be able to get my girlfriend out here she could have some Thai people to talk with.

Hope to hear something back from you.

Kind Regards

[Sirdar]

For what it's worth.. Live/spend time with her before you marry, would you not do this in a 'normal' relationship? As for money.. Ae's parents are investing in her for their future, hence paying for her studies, is this something that you are prepared to take on? You'll be expected to by both the parents and Ae, so your original lay out will increase over the years.. Good luck..

I married a Thai Muslim girl and changed my religion. The only problem I had was learning Arabic for the wedding ceremony. I agree Thai girls tend to get very homesick not only for families but they develop close personal friendships which are important to them. You can marry in both countries if you wish. I think the most important thing to watch for is - are there any hidden debts? As far as a dowry is concerned, talk it out with the family ask for their advice - you have to remember that Asians of all nationalities do not like to use face, that is important to them.

It sounds Ok to me - just go with the flow when you are 100% sure you are doing the right thing.

[gburns57au]

Hello mate, I am also from Perth and have only just recently found and joined this forum.It is great to see that life is good for you.

I am only 29 y.o and am looking on this forum to become a little more educated on this subject . I'm not to sure how this forum works yet but i would love to fire a few questions at you somehow, sometime soon. I also would love to find out about the Thai social scene in Perth so if i am so lucky to be able to get my girlfriend out here she could have some Thai people to talk with.

Hope to hear something back from you.

Kind Regards

Ask me about the Perth Thai social scene once you have done the deed and are ready to bring her over......Suffice to say there is quite a large number of Thais living here and an active social scene, it mainly revolves around food festivals, Thai festivals and the temple.

[spongeman]

Strangely enough my Mrs is from Issan and her Pops was a principal and her 2 bros teachers as well.......

No way was my first visit to them for 6 weeks......I got a few icy stares and a room downstairs on me own.

[bobbysan124]

I think you and Ae should do what you both feel comfortable with. Making some concessions for her parent's view might not hurt, but ultimately you and your lady have to be in agreement and happy with your decisions. Good luck.

[SiamWallaby]

Virgil,

You are such a sweetheart and that's the problem here. You are basically charting the lines in the sand right now. And they are already &lt;deleted&gt; with you. Things in this country work very different than in the west. Often the opposite of what we tend to think works. If you can, the best thing is just to get her to OZ without marrying her.

Now 38 is young. In this country, girls get married to 50 year old guys when they are 16. You are basically doing her parents and her a big favor by taking her and taking care of her. Marriage or no marriage.

All this talk about money just makes me sick! You're stressing about it and getting sucked into the game. Take control of the situation. At the end of the day she will be with you if you marry her or not and if you give money or not. Call the whole thing off because the money thing makes you sick and you'll see a whole family running after you and agreeing to everything you say. And the most important thing is that you will gain their respect. Respect goes a long way in this country. And they will not try to &lt;deleted&gt; with you after that.

Thai people have no business sense. They already have a great deal (you). You are willing to marry their daughter who is, in Thai society, over the hill because if her age. But they still try to push it and milk you for more. And you because you are a nice guy think you need to go along with it. You don't! You can do what ever you want. It's your life. In two years you will still be a rich young man. But their daughter will be over the hill (as far as they see it). You don't need to negotiate, you can name a number. Zero is probably the best number. Don't forget. In FarangLand the person who pays makes the rules. Who said you need to dance to their song?

You are basically making the rules now. Back paddling is really hard once you are on the way. Better be over strict now because problems will arise in the future. Don't make any money promises. In fact make it clear not to ask you for money when the cow dies, the roof falls off or the grandmother is sick. They will ask you anyway but then you have something to fall on and say: "I told you not to ask me".

Virg...

I've read this forum thread with great interest, because I feel I've been where you've been. Except for meeting over the internet part, I too got sucked into the game, and had to make some hard choices, especially where it comes to drawing the lines. You're in conflict on how much you should accept another culture, and be flexible, and how much you should be a man and be true to your principles. Thats natural, and I applaud you for gathering opinions and experiences of others for insight.

Before I met my current wife, I almost fell for the "sick buffalo" routine. Luckily I found out that its a common method of manipulation, and yet I cared for this girl and didnt want her worried about her family, and didnt want to seem like I was cheap. Then a mate of mine said "What would her family have done before she met you?"

During my next one, I decided that I'd make some ground rules early on. Remember, you are a man and therefore have some latitude in looking at this logically, just as a woman has some latitude in looking at it emotionally. You are/will be taking on a liability mate! Should you pay for this "priviledge"? Was she better off before she met you or will you provide her a better future? If that was the only angle then of course she/her family should be paying you for christ sakes lol. But yes, there is other angles. You care about her and by proxy her family and so do want to show some respect to their culture. But keep those points in the back of your mind if you feel you are losing negotiating leverage or perspective on this situation. My wife subtly got the hint that I'd be hurt but not dead if I walked away from the whole thing, so was happy to negotiate a much more reasonable and face saving solution. And for me I guess it didnt hurt that I'd been married in Oz before and wasn't that keen on the marriage thing anyway. On the other hand I did respect that since she was a virgin the parents would expect some compensation under their culture and traditions.

Also, do read the book that a previous poster mentioned called "Thailand Fever". Its written in both English and Thai on opposing pages, so its easy for you two to read together...brilliant read actually.

Hope this helps a bit, sounds like you could be going into it with a clearer head than when you first posted. Hope I'm right. Best of luck.

[witsawakorn]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My mistake ..... farang boyfriend was 2003 ... it was too late at night for me. Ae is only 21. He was American. Used to fly into town every few weeks.

Yes, I think 600,000 is crazy. I won't stand for it. I was going to write to her mother and negotiate directly with her. I was going to suggest 50,000 for the wedding and 50,000 bride price. Ae told me that her brother-in-law paid 200,000 and that her mother gave most of it back. I thought that if they need to show face they can borrow some of their own money to make themselves look good .... is this unreasonable on my part?

OK, I'd like some comments about the social ladder in Thailand, if I could. Ae's parents are both primary school teachers. She claims they are important in the town and that everyone can know them. Therefore they must have face if I am to marry their daughter. Is this true? Important?

Yes, I am in the wood ... and that's why I'm talking to all you "expat daddies".

I was going to write to her mother and propose the above 50,000/50,000 ... along with 10,000 per month once Ae starts work and to continue for as long as we can aford .... along with one trip to Oz for her mother each time a baby comes along and one trip for Ae's youngest sister to study here for a year ... in about 4 years time. I thought that is a more appropriate dowry than paying a huge sum of money that Ae's aunts and uncles are going to piss up a wall ..... they all drink whisky like water.

Any other thoughts?

Dump the girl? Mate, I am in love. I think Ae is too. It is now about 10 days since she's talked with her mother .... but then, that might all be part of the game, right?

Please comment, all and sundry

Virg'

Farang Boyfriend in 2003 and she's 21 now. So she had a Farang boyfriend when she was 15 or 16! Sound strange?

[smew]

Virgil...

give us an update please.. it was ..hum... "nice" to read your life story with Thai gf/ soon to be wife.. well since 2005.. still talking about ..same $$.. are U still together...within that time....

waiting..

[a2396]

This is all UNBELIEVABLE to me that there are 7 pages devoted to this, with chumps opting to pay this outdated extortion/bribery money every day. The reasonable appropriate amount is ZERO. Otherwise, go down to the local "cat house" & pick out a lady to purchase. Same principle.

[rolypie]

If you throw a million baht at this wedding it still will not be enough believe me i know!

What is the hurry to marry?

Take some serious time to really get to know what makes you both tick before you end up pennyless and divorced ive seen it too many times.

[leeboy13]

some of whom have already expressed an interest in what I do, what I earn and what I own.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is normal for people to ask you.... even if they aren't relatives. Wouldn't you make inquiries if a close family member was in the same position?

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No. I wouldn't ask what people earn. I wouldn't ask about mortgage repayments, insurance, investments, cost of the car, what my business turns over and how much tax is paid .... and I don't tell people those things either. I'm happy to talk about the actual work I do, describe the house I live in, the colour of my car (silver) and the fact that I believe it is wise to have private health cover. But that's about it.

Virg'

I could really do with some advise on this matter also, i am engaged to my thai girlfriend, moved my life out here to be with her and am very unsure as too what i should be giving her parents..... will someone who knows a lot about this email me at: [email protected] : )

thanks in advance

Lee

[Loz]

can't wait to read this update! Thaivisa is better that Televison, hands down! Laughing and crying in the internet shop is becoming the norm...

As Dr Corness Says, "You don't go to the hardware store to by cheese".

[connel707]

Her parents pay for Ae's Uni fees and dorm.

Ae's current position is that her mother always thinks about herself and never thinks about Ae.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Did Ae ever stop to appreciate the sacrifices her parents have made for her?

Have you?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes mate, I have had that discussion with her ... on several occasions. But then, isn't that what parenting is about? My parents made the same concessions for me - they sent me to a private school but never had a new car ... never.

In my opinion, it's a parent's duty to do the best that they can do for their children:- spiritually, morally, socially and economically.

Aha.... already you are making assumptions with that Western attitude... This is Thailand and parents here as Thai custom, invest in their children to take care of them in their old age... no health service here... you are stealing their investment..!! Sure you have to pay a dowry ... why would you not want to... if you can afford a million baht , give them it... its only money..!! Look what you are getting, you are 38 yrs old, used and abused, failed marriage already, now you will have a beautiful young clever bride, go for it ...!

[atyclb]

I think you have got some good advice!

"Also few 'good' Thai girls would start, let alone go that far down the Internet!" .... ok, enlighten me here ... do you think Ae might have spent time in "the wrong profession"? She is certainly "liberal" and admits to having had a farang boyfriend in 1993. I'd like to know your thoughts on girls on the internet etc.

Cheers

Virg

there r many uni grads online. the thing is just cause they have a degree does not mean they don't look for a sugar daddy. for whatever reason. many r very nice people but the issues of you/we/us becoming the future welfare support for family.

i suppose there r some bar girls online too but not everyone. many expats have had less than optimal experiences with bar girls to word it politely. many have learned from their mistakes , many haven't.

i would definitely have a solid prenup agreement recognized in both countries. i have thai mainstream society friends from middle to wealthy and even they are very leery of being leached off of. See if your gf is willing to become the one that earns the money for her family in thailand. she may be a great person, but extended family "low lives" can and will have access to your finances via her. I am sorry to be the bearer of reality but it is reality.

Middles class or above thai society usually does not marry into a family that can become a burden. The exceptions i have seen would be say a middle class gal/guy marrying a lower society person that is in law or medical school. yes, educational mobility does indeed transcend borders.

perhaps her family can realize the HUGE value of their daughter gaining the ability to live and work in Oz, certainly worth much much more than the ransom they call a dowry.

Cheers mate

[tommybkk]

5 years later now, I wonder if they are still together

[nickgonewalkabout]

Virgil,

You are such a sweetheart and that's the problem here. You are basically charting the lines in the sand right now. And they are already &lt;deleted&gt; with you. Things in this country work very different than in the west. Often the opposite of what we tend to think works. If you can, the best thing is just to get her to OZ without marrying her.

Now 38 is young. In this country, girls get married to 50 year old guys when they are 16. You are basically doing her parents and her a big favor by taking her and taking care of her. Marriage or no marriage.

All this talk about money just makes me sick! You're stressing about it and getting sucked into the game. Take control of the situation. At the end of the day she will be with you if you marry her or not and if you give money or not. Call the whole thing off because the money thing makes you sick and you'll see a whole family running after you and agreeing to everything you say. And the most important thing is that you will gain their respect. Respect goes a long way in this country. And they will not try to &lt;deleted&gt; with you after that.

Thai people have no business sense. They already have a great deal (you). You are willing to marry their daughter who is, in Thai society, over the hill because if her age. But they still try to push it and milk you for more. And you because you are a nice guy think you need to go along with it. You don't! You can do what ever you want. It's your life. In two years you will still be a rich young man. But their daughter will be over the hill (as far as they see it). You don't need to negotiate, you can name a number. Zero is probably the best number. Don't forget. In FarangLand the person who pays makes the rules. Who said you need to dance to their song?

You are basically making the rules now. Back paddling is really hard once you are on the way. Better be over strict now because problems will arise in the future. Don't make any money promises. In fact make it clear not to ask you for money when the cow dies, the roof falls off or the grandmother is sick. They will ask you anyway but then you have something to fall on and say: "I told you not to ask me".

sage advice my friend, thank you.

[kevozman1]

Be careful dude. Keep your wits about you.

[andytime]

What ever he's going to pay is probably not all that bad. People who think a dowry is not important are just being cheap. If you want to know what a pay out is really like, don't marry a rural Thai farm girl; marry a middle class Chinese girl. You'll really feel the hurt in your wallet then.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No, it's not about being cheap mate. It's not that at all. I earn the money. I will decide how it's spent. That's what it is. I choose to spend it on flying Ae out her for 3 months. I choose to spend it on $2,500 worth of English lessons. I will choose to spend it on a nice engagement ring and honeymoon in Europe (if we can swing the visas for her). I do not choose to spend my money supporting her family or extended family, some of whom have already expressed an interest in what I do, what I earn and what I own. There is a marked difference between being tight with your money and being smart with it. I will probably pay a dowry, once I establish what is fair and reasonable.

Mate.. firstly best of luck with your relationship and marriage.. been there and done that and now on round 2 - both times with thais. I am an Aussie and previously had village wedding and took a thai partner to Oz married for 5 years and now are married second time around to a thai 10 plus years and living here with our kids. I don't doubt that your clever and the one who decides how money is spent. However, the one and only thing in thai culture that you may be overlooking is that the way to a thai woman's heart is through the family. Your plans all sound great.. a nice engagement ring will likely be bought for 100% more than it's worth, your partner would likely have limited appreciation for it's value and a trip to Europe on a honeymoon for many thais would likely be wasted. Likely better to take her traveling in thailand or elsewhere in asia, see that you are compatible and spare the saved money for the "dowry" and or village wedding if it looks good from there. My only word of advice if you don't choose to support or help support the family you will either have a very short or a very unhappy marriage or both guaranteed. Some others have some great recommendations and comments out there.. spending a little more time here to familiarize yourself with more asian cultures and her might make all the difference. I am not talking about paying for the extended family and their pet dog but if you don't have some support for her immediate family now and in the future.. then you will be toast at some point with your new marriage.... guaranteed, you will never have her heart. Keep smiling and all the best with the plans.