Disrespect Or Misunderstanding

[coconutmonkey]

They aren't laughing at you. It's like the smiling thing. Laughing I guess is a way to miss out our typical anger stage. "We'll laugh about that someday", know that one? Well, they just bring "that day" forward a bit, to the immediate.

They tend to do this and it annoys me too. But don't get angry, cultural differences is all.

The funniest thing that could happen for a Thai is if a farang got hit by a bus, flew in the air 30 feet, and landed in a dead heap. They would roll in the street laughing.

Imagine when they re-tell the story...... "soong maak loey..., da-lok ship-hai!"

[JimmyConway]

When a 20 something wears Hello Kitty flip flops, gets over excited when sees the teddy bear cart vendor and irritatingly laughs at every 'boing' on the TV it does make you wonder.

watching the soap operas on TV, to which the half population is glued every evening, helps to understand.

It seems to me like one woman slaps another woman then a woman cries then another one cries and one will have that look of scorn and revenge on her face in a close up camera shot slowed down and the cycle continues. Saying that, is still beats sitting in farang land with a once good looking 20 something woman turned into an overweight, hair in a bunch, no makeup tracksuit bottom wearing slob watching Pop Idols on a Saturday night.

Edited May 15, 2009 by JimmyConway

[coconutmonkey]

When a 20 something wears Hello Kitty flip flops, gets over excited when sees the teddy bear cart vendor and irritatingly laughs at every 'boing' on the TV it does make you wonder.

watching the soap operas on TV, to which the half population is glued every evening, helps to understand.

It seems to me like one woman slaps another woman then a woman cries then another one cries and one will have that look of scorn and revenge on her face in a close up camera shot slowed down and the cycle continues. Saying that, is still beats sitting in farang land with a once good looking 20 something woman turned into an overweight, hair in a bunch, no makeup tracksuit bottom wearing slob watching Pop Idols on a Saturday night.

He's got a point....

Back to the cycle........: a bad guy appears, grabs the beautiful naive bimbo by the arm, she tries to break free saying "blouy, blouy"..... then the handsome hero (with feminine looks and too much make up) arrives, with a right hook to the jaw, he grabs her, they flee into the forest (or streets) and the bad guy chases them shooting...... later, the good guy will get hurt, the girl will get kidnapped, they will blame themselves and fight to save each other..........

uh.

[Birdman]

When a 20 something wears Hello Kitty flip flops, gets over excited when sees the teddy bear cart vendor and irritatingly laughs at every 'boing' on the TV it does make you wonder.

watching the soap operas on TV, to which the half population is glued every evening, helps to understand.

It seems to me like one woman slaps another woman then a woman cries then another one cries and one will have that look of scorn and revenge on her face in a close up camera shot slowed down and the cycle continues. Saying that, is still beats sitting in farang land with a once good looking 20 something woman turned into an overweight, hair in a bunch, no makeup tracksuit bottom wearing slob watching Pop Idols on a Saturday night.

The extremely trivial plot is always the same more or less since beginning of time. Actors are terrible. So is the always over sensational background music. It's even worse, if you understand the language.

The main local channels never show something else at prime TV time. No (foreign) movies, cultural events, documentations...something new, never seen before.

But on the other hand Thais love it and the soap operas keep them as they are. TIT and if I don't want to watch that, I should go back home.

[Hawkup2000]

From a western point of view I sometimes find it extremely provocative when someone laugh when things go bad, but then again I think one have to take the cultural aspects in account.

So, is it ok to laugh when it goes wrong for other people? Laughing at disabled people? A guy break his mobile?

If it's ok, would a Patpong salesman appreciate if I went to Patpong and "Hahaha Police took all your stuff?"

[Birdman]

You simple have to know when and how to laugh. Books are written about that.

[oldsparrow]

I am a Thai

Yes, Thai people normally laugh on this situation

1. Laugh at the situation to CONFIRM that it was a happy holiday, even mishap can't do the damage. One way to show that he has strong mind, material lost but not mood.

2. To cover the guilt of the wrong doer and lighten the situation. Many will also laugh if he did that himself.

When you apologise him he will laugh again and tell you don't be serious, you may laugh with him and said "In fact, it's Mai Pen Rai.."

Apologise and say sorry is more effective in Thailand than in the west, even a social relation tool. He has been asked point blank and he LOST FACE. You apologise GIVES his face back.

You may sometimes be annoyed when the Thais did big mistake and SIMPLY said I am sorry.. But in Thai circle people say "Hey, he apologise already, let it go."

[coconutmonkey]

From a western point of view I sometimes find it extremely provocative when someone laugh when things go bad, but then again I think one have to take the cultural aspects in account.

So, is it ok to laugh when it goes wrong for other people? Laughing at disabled people? A guy break his mobile?

If it's ok, would a Patpong salesman appreciate if I went to Patpong and "Hahaha Police took all your stuff?"

Totally agreed!~

How far does it go??

If a construction guy fell off the roof of a house and I laughed, he'd probably stab me.

CULTURE is an EXCUSE for so many injustices in the world.

Saudi woman raped last year by seven guys..... she gets 200 lashes, and 10 months in prison. Seven perpetrators get 6 months

Oh, it's just culture!~

[coconutmonkey]

The taxi driver who took me for a one and a half hour round trip just laughed..... he didn't say sorry at all

I'll take his 250 baht, laugh, and see how he feels.......

Not the same now, right!

[lioness]

Thais use smiles and laughter in ways that would seem inappropriate if used in the west. They use them to apologise, to cover embarrassment, to hide fear, to show remorse. I'm sure your wife's brother wasn't showing you any disrespect but was reacting in a Thai way to the situation. As far as the advice to get your family to react in a western fashion to these situations - that may be possible but what are you going to do about the other 60 million Thais who think it's appropriate behaviour? Best, perhaps, to shift your own thinking slightly to accommodate this cultural difference.

I second this, I doubt your wifes brother was showing any disrespect.

For it being a cultural thing, well I'm not Thai but I have the same reaction to any misadventure, unfortunately the worse the mishap the more I laugh, it's an external thing, inside I will be feeling sorry for the person.

I lost a good friend through this, she was lamenting that her sister hadn;t been feeling well and the sister had asked her Farang husband to take her to the doctors, he said he was going to the pub and she could drive herself to the doctors, I laughed till I cried and my friend hasn't spoken to this heartless bitch since.

[oldsparrow]

The taxi driver who took me for a one and a half hour round trip just laughed..... he didn't say sorry at all I'll take his 250 baht, laugh, and see how he feels....... Not the same now, right!

Cheater is a cheater. In Thai way, you simply pay him half. Other Thai include the cop will jump on you for this.

There is a joke:

During the Vietnam War. An Ubon 3 wheel cart rider got a GI customer. Riding him passed his drinking pals, a guy shouted "Where do you take that dirty dog to?" The rider look back, big Farang still sat quietly, yea, the dumb doesn't comprehend anything. "To the Moon river dear friends, I got to wash this stinky one. HAHAHAHAHA"

At the destination the passanger simply walked away...

"Hey hey, Mister ! where is my DOLLAR??!!!"

The GI turned back and replied in perfect Thai "Seajai, Mah Mai Mee Ngon"

Great joke even for the Thais na krub...

[oldsparrow]

I was in a similar situation a few months ago. On a large boat with my Girl friend and 20 or so decent Thai friends (all of a similar age, Low 30's, all educated to University Degree level or higher). The universal reaction was one of concern and not one of them reacted in the childish manner the Op has described. I mention the level of education as this may well have an impact on the individuals ability to handle a situation respectfully. It's apparent to me that citing cultural difference is simply an alternative means of escaping the fact that someone has been disrespectful. In this case, the Ops Brother-In-Law seems arrogant and ignorant.

IMHO,

Your educated Thai friends know how to handle Farang. I am guite of the opinion that they would react differently among themselves.

Educated Thai is an educated Thai. They may learn Farang technical knowledge and manner but don't mean they will adopt the mentality. May be except the ones who had been in Farang countries since they were very young.

Exposed to Farang mind, many Thais even strengthen their traditional convictions. They may show preference for Farang attitude just to boost their standing as a know-a-lot guy, few really adopts the Farang "standard".

[sanook2me]

The taxi driver who took me for a one and a half hour round trip just laughed..... he didn't say sorry at all I'll take his 250 baht, laugh, and see how he feels....... Not the same now, right!

Cheater is a cheater. In Thai way, you simply pay him half. Other Thai include the cop will jump on you for this.

There is a joke:

During the Vietnam War. An Ubon 3 wheel cart rider got a GI customer. Riding him passed his drinking pals, a guy shouted "Where do you take that dirty dog to?" The rider look back, big Farang still sat quietly, yea, the dumb doesn't comprehend anything. "To the Moon river dear friends, I got to wash this stinky one. HAHAHAHAHA"

At the destination the passanger simply walked away...

"Hey hey, Mister ! where is my DOLLAR??!!!"

The GI turned back and replied in perfect Thai "Seajai, Mah Mai Mee Ngon"

Great joke even for the Thais na krub...

where's the punch line?

You said you are Thai in a previous post was this a joke too? and now you write "the Thais" which implies you are not Thai.

So what are you?

Thai people will laugh at this situation and more so if the farang gets a bit jai ron....

what do you want them to do - say oh sorry i,m sure your house hold contents insurance will cover the cost of a new one!

[oldsparrow]

Yes, I am a Thai

The Thais in this context stress the meaning of the Thais in general. When the Thais talk together WE use a lot of word KHON THAI more often than WE (Rao) as Rao has more meaning of smaler specific group and sometime means I.

The punch line is:

It's funny that a cheater got punished by COOLER head parson who use the cheater plan as a tool. = The Thai proverb "The last one who can laugh, laugh louder."

In this situation if Farang Jai Ron and protest of the spot it is just incident, won't become a story told several years thereafter.

What to do, if one is not sure of the correct words or know that their sincere words can bring bad response, keep quiet.

No word is one form of communication in Thailand and most East Asian countries especially Japan (from my experience working with them).

We think, no one need to assert himself ALL the times.

[oldsparrow]

PS My information is to present how it's going here in local view. I don't offer it as an acceptable excuses for anybody's standard.

[JohnGotti]

I was in a similar situation a few months ago. On a large boat with my Girl friend and 20 or so decent Thai friends (all of a similar age, Low 30's, all educated to University Degree level or higher). The universal reaction was one of concern and not one of them reacted in the childish manner the Op has described. I mention the level of education as this may well have an impact on the individuals ability to handle a situation respectfully. It's apparent to me that citing cultural difference is simply an alternative means of escaping the fact that someone has been disrespectful. In this case, the Ops Brother-In-Law seems arrogant and ignorant.

IMHO,

Your educated Thai friends know how to handle Farang. I am guite of the opinion that they would react differently among themselves.

Educated Thai is an educated Thai. They may learn Farang technical knowledge and manner but don't mean they will adopt the mentality. May be except the ones who had been in Farang countries since they were very young.

Exposed to Farang mind, many Thais even strengthen their traditional convictions. They may show preference for Farang attitude just to boost their standing as a know-a-lot guy, few really adopts the Farang "standard".

You are wrong. He is right.

The ear to ear grinning and constant laughter is more common among lower classes.

Edited May 15, 2009 by JohnGotti

[oldsparrow]

I was in a similar situation a few months ago. On a large boat with my Girl friend and 20 or so decent Thai friends (all of a similar age, Low 30's, all educated to University Degree level or higher). The universal reaction was one of concern and not one of them reacted in the childish manner the Op has described. I mention the level of education as this may well have an impact on the individuals ability to handle a situation respectfully. It's apparent to me that citing cultural difference is simply an alternative means of escaping the fact that someone has been disrespectful. In this case, the Ops Brother-In-Law seems arrogant and ignorant.

IMHO, Your educated Thai friends know how to handle Farang. I am guite of the opinion that they would react differently among themselves. Educated Thai is an educated Thai. They may learn Farang technical knowledge and manner but don't mean they will adopt the mentality. May be except the ones who had been in Farang countries since they were very young. Exposed to Farang mind, many Thais even strengthen their traditional convictions. They may show preference for Farang attitude just to boost their standing as a know-a-lot guy, few really adopts the Farang "standard".

You are wrong. He is right. The ear to ear grinning and constant laughter is more common among lower classes.

"The ear to ear grinning and constant laughter is more common among lower classes."

The grining - I think the point in this situation is grin (no matter big or small) or no grin at all.

Laughter - the excessive non-stop laughter in the same situation also led to tense situation.

Please define your definition of "lower classes" of Thai society that can link to body language.

I think many relative terms like excessive, unreasonable, unsuitable are involved.

I got a Post Grad Degree in Cultural Studies from UK Uni. From their books, limited information in your reason is not sufficient.

[coconutmonkey]

The taxi driver who took me for a one and a half hour round trip just laughed..... he didn't say sorry at all I'll take his 250 baht, laugh, and see how he feels....... Not the same now, right!

Cheater is a cheater. In Thai way, you simply pay him half. Other Thai include the cop will jump on you for this.

There is a joke:

During the Vietnam War. An Ubon 3 wheel cart rider got a GI customer. Riding him passed his drinking pals, a guy shouted "Where do you take that dirty dog to?" The rider look back, big Farang still sat quietly, yea, the dumb doesn't comprehend anything. "To the Moon river dear friends, I got to wash this stinky one. HAHAHAHAHA"

At the destination the passanger simply walked away...

"Hey hey, Mister ! where is my DOLLAR??!!!"

The GI turned back and replied in perfect Thai "Seajai, Mah Mai Mee Ngon"

Great joke even for the Thais na krub...

where's the punch line?

You said you are Thai in a previous post was this a joke too? and now you write "the Thais" which implies you are not Thai.

So what are you?

Thai people will laugh at this situation and more so if the farang gets a bit jai ron....

what do you want them to do - say oh sorry i,m sure your house hold contents insurance will cover the cost of a new one!

He gave the punch line........

The driver said that the falang in the back was a 'dirty old dog' so to speak,

and when asked for the money, the falang said 'dirty old dogs don't have money'........

That's about it.... and he is actually sticking up for the falang by telling the story....

Also, he is Thai, though when he says 'the Thai's', he's using the group name for Thai's so he can relate you and the Thai way of thinking, without it being personally relevant to himself. This is because he understands both sides of the argument, while he also recognizes that his perspectives are a mix of both or either.

I agree with old sparrow; it's the way thai's are...... I don't like it when it's intended at me..... Thai's don't like it when it's intended at them, though..... honestly it's better than going angry and getting all spastic.

[oldsparrow]

"...... I don't like it when it's intended at me"

Indeed, Many Thais laught to other Thais at the wrong time too. You see lot of news of nonsense fightings.

Edited May 15, 2009 by oldsparrow

[Dakhar]

When I first came to Thailand many years ago, I met a long time expat and in our conversation he said the best thing he had learned to help put things into perspective when dealing with Thai's was , just remember you are dealing with children .

My life has just been made so, so much easier.

I think he's got it!

That about sums it up, scary at the same time though.

That said, how many of us watch the "fail"videos on YouTube with great glee? (guilty)

Edited May 15, 2009 by Dakhar

[bungy007]

Thais use smiles and laughter in ways that would seem inappropriate if used in the west. They use them to apologise, to cover embarrassment, to hide fear, to show remorse. I'm sure your wife's brother wasn't showing you any disrespect but was reacting in a Thai way to the situation. As far as the advice to get your family to react in a western fashion to these situations - that may be possible but what are you going to do about the other 60 million Thais who think it's appropriate behaviour? Best, perhaps, to shift your own thinking slightly to accommodate this cultural difference.

Yes. Annoying as it is to us, they are childlike - not childish but childlike. Little kids do the same thing and we just have to accept the congruance between the two - Thais and little children. Now dont get me wrong, I'm not belittling the Thais. Howevr, to come to some kind of an acceptance of their penchant to laugh in the face of our despair we need a rational way to deal with what is considered inappropriate in our cultures. Hope this helps you to get there.

"Keep on looking on the bright side of life - dee dum. Dum dee dum dee dum dee dumm "

[bungy007]

it may well be a non-malicious laugh but the OP's name and location perhaps betray something else for the judgemental

for you other farangs who 'understand thai culture' are we to take it you are never laughed at or instead your understanding does not extend to telling the difference?

anyway i would be interested to see the 'pu yings' the OP belives he's encountered whilst soi girl hunting in pattaya soi 6

for anyone offended by this post please don't be as its my culture which you should of course respect

Yeah, right! Respect is a two way street as we are all people of the world living on the same rock. It's a question of empathy or lack of it that may be at the root of things here. It may be in the Thai culture to laugh at others misfortunes when right in front of them as it is to call Non-Thai people fat to their face - many of us have come to terms with this (see my last post). However, it isn't what we would call civillised behaviour in our cultures. Still, given that this is Thailand we are living in and we can't change 60 million people its best to view it as water of a duck's back and if you must then wait your turn as they will sooner or later experience their own disaster like when they smash up their new car/get taken out when on their motorbike or loose their job - then just rock back and kill yourself laughing.

[jackr]

OK, thanks for all the replies, sounds like i owe this guy an apology.

Culture clash

Well said, SoiGirlHunter, it takes a big man to apologise - you will "Live long and prosper!"

I wouldn't directly apologise in the Western sense of the word as you will lose face (if you are bothered about such things), daft as that sounds. Just warm up to him and go out for some beers or similar. If he is a complete tit and was mocking you, however, then don't.

[Shotime]

I actually have pictures of Thais handing me money. There are fewer sweeter things in life.

Please stop bringing "culture" into this. It's actually "uncultured." Maybe it's cultureless.

You have to love the American GI. It's really unfair to say something derogatory to someone who doesn't understand the language. I usually say something probably worse back to them in my language, but sort of under my breath so they really can't hear me. Except when I say "NO, you are" in their tongue. It's one of the first things I learned to say here.

[Shotime]

"soong maak loey..., da-lok ship-hai!"

Like this. I can't tell what he's saying, so what's the point? Too much already,....?

[Tyree D.]

One songkran I saw three girls on a motorcycle hollering and having a good time. a tuk-tuk cut a short corner and crashed into them totalling the moto. Thais looking on were laughing. I don't care what the culture is but that is wrong.