Worst Joke Ever

[scottiejohn]

1 hour ago, riceyummm said:

Do you think that comment melted the ice between them?

[scottiejohn]

11 minutes ago, riceyummm said:

At least they are not trying to escalate the problem!  I am sure signs like this give everyone a lift before they stair into the inferno.

(sorry I will come down to your level one day said the lift attendant to the tramp)

[scottiejohn]

5 hours ago, riceyummm said:

And you thought they were just bumming about it, what a bunch of ar**holes!

[riceyummm]

 

Ice scream.

 

 

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

Ice screamed in frustration trying to get this posted before anyone posted after my 'Bumming' Comment-Ugh! I know when I am licked! but I will post it anyway!

 

 

 

 

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

Meanwhile in Japan.

 

[riceyummm]

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

 

　

I don't trust stairs, because they're always up to something.

　

I haven't slept for three days; I find 8-12 hours sufficient, 3 days would be too long!

　

I saw a sign that said "watch for children", then I thought, "Well that sounds like a fair trade."

　

When everything is coming your way, check it, maybe you're in the wrong lane.

　

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

　

One day, I let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

　

You cannot taste me until you undress me, says the banana.

　

You cannot play with me unless you blow me, says the balloon.

　

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

　

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body.

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

The three-time crook felt a wave of panic come over him as he surveyed the jury in the courthouse.

Positive he’d never beat the murder rap and probable subsequent execution, he managed to get hold of one of the kindlier-looking jurors, and bribe her with his life savings to go for a manslaughter verdict.

Sure enough, at the close of the trial, the jury declared him guilty of manslaughter. Tears of gratitude welling up in his eyes, the young man had a moment with the juror before being led off to prison.

"Thank you, thank you—how’d you do it?"

"It wasn’t easy," she admitted.

 

 

"They all wanted to acquit you at first except me."

Edited October 19, 2017 by scottiejohn

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement from one which he had previously made to the police.

"For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was sure I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left it on my nightstand in my bedroom."

When the judge returned home, his wife asked him, "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn’t sending three men to get it a bit extreme?"

"What?" said the judge, "I didn’t send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?"

"I gave it to the first one," said the wife.

"He knew exactly where it was."

[scottiejohn]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[jenny2017]

   .  James is a lucky guy and his poker games helped him to pay only four million baht Sinsot for his sexy girl Noi, he met at Bukake bar in Pattay's Soi 8. Not eight million, what another very stupid farang, in the same village had to pay. What a stupid man, James said. 

 

. He's going back to Arizona to prepare a huge party for all his relatives and friends, while Noi wants to say goodbye to her loved ones and stays the last three weeks at her brother's nice house that was mostly paid by his mate James. Not long and Noi doesn't get her period and she calls James, who's so happy that he sends another $ 2,000 to get her checked. James never had good luck with American girls, but Noi is stunning and she tells him twice a day that she loves him too much !!

 

   James left $ 20,000 to pay the rest of the car that's in Noi's name and another $ 8,000 for Noi's parents. James is still waiting for Noi to come to America. That was 15 years ago and Noi and Somchai live happily together since then.  

 

    

 

  

 

    

Edited October 19, 2017 by jenny2017

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[riceyummm]

[jenny2017]

What do you call a sheep farmer from Yala with two sheep under his arms?

 

       A pimp....

[riceyummm]

 

Final final for today, I hope I find something more productive to do tomorrow than post jokes all day.....like today, probably not....we'll see.

 

 

 

 

[laislica]

Two days ago, I named my WiFi to "Hack it if you can".

 

Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".

[Carib]

2 hours ago, riceyummm said:

 

Final final for today, I hope I find something more productive to do tomorrow than post jokes all day.....like today, probably not....we'll see.

 

 

 

 

 

Your eyes will become square, but thanks for the laughs.