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Are You Married?

Jockstar

By Jockstar
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Married to a Thai or not?  

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Jockstar Star Member

Jockstar

Posted
Posted

I am gonna have big party / marriage in October. But on Monday we are gonna go and sign the paper.(makes it easier for visas later) So its R.I.P to single life. I'm happy though. But was just wondering. How many people on TV are married to a Thai or are still single? Or even just married to a non Thai citizen. Any info would be cool.

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tuky Diamond Member

tuky

Posted
Posted

Married with children, well child anyhow.

Been married for nearly 1 and a half years, whilst marrying a Thai was not something I sought out, it has worked perfectly. My wife is the best woman I have known, her Thai nature supports my career and the Thai family structure means I can pursue my career whilst I am still young enough to so we can reap the rewards hopefully by the time I am 40.

As I said, I never set out to marry a Thai lady, but I thank the supreme whoever that I have.

Mrs tukyleith and Kitty, I love you darlings!!!

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ThaiPauly Diamond Member

ThaiPauly

Posted
Posted

I married my Thai wife six months ago, best thing I ever done, after 3 failed marriages to mostly whinging money grabbing BITCHES (apart from the mother of my 3 sons) it is refreshing to be treated in the old fashioned way, the same as my parents relationship is. I am NOT allowed in the kitchen that is her domain, i have my responsibilities that are not hers, I do not provide for her family (except her son-who I am going to adopt as his father does not give a rats arse about him) I get very well looked after (if you get my point) the only downside is converstaion, although my wife speaks reasonably good English, it aint the same,I miss my freinds in Farangland, but i get to go back twice a year, so life should be bliss, and it would be if I did not have so much time on my hands. (my prblem to deal with folks) :o

You can do a lot worse than marrrying a Thai girl IMHO

All the best of luck

TP

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Ken Gold Member

Ken

Posted
Posted
Having enjoyed the privilege of two very different Thai wives I feel I have experienced sufficient pain and pleasure to last me a very long lifetime. Very happy now to be everyone's uncle. :o

I like that, couldn't have said it better myself.

Two different Thai wives and two different Farang wives. Really hoping there won't be a fifth wife. Good luck Jock! :D

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Pudgimelon Advanced Member

Pudgimelon

Posted
Posted
Just got married last week.

congrats pudgi :o

do you have any pearls of wisdom concerning the ceremony?

#1

Don't expect to recoup your costs, and consider yourself fortunate if you get back something close to 50% of what you put out. I actually did pretty well, I got back enough to square myself with the hotel and pay the phenomenally large liquor bill, but as far as all the other wedding expenses (photo shoot, invitations, gifts, etc...) that was all strictly out-of-pocket.

#2

That said, I STRONGLY recommend you don't focus too much on money, you'll only come off looking like an a$$. Just grin and bear it. It's a once-in-a-lifetime expense, so suck it up and deal. It's a very good idea to keep the lines of communication open. Prior to the wedding, I sat down with my future in-laws and said, "This is what I can afford to pay for this wedding, etc...." We worked out what exactly I would be paying for, and those things that I couldn't afford (but they still wanted), they agreed to pay for them.

We also worked out areas of responsibility and a time table for taking care of things. For example, I handled designing and ordering the cards, while my mother-in-law handled the cake and buffet menu (since she's the chef at the hotel we had it at). My father-in-law took care of the decorations and room set up (since he's the hotel purchasing manager), and my lovely bride-to-be had the responsibility of b!tching and complaining about EVERYTHING :D, but that's why I love her :D.

#3

Don't be embarassed about admitting that you can't afford something. That whole "my girlfriend's family refuses to believe I'm poor" thing is really just a myth based on lack of communication and misunderstanding. The family knows you aren't "rich"-rich, but let's face it, anyone who makes more than 20K a month in this country is doing pretty well in most people's minds. The difference is that a Thai man in your position would have been saving for his wedding for decades (I have friends who are doing just that) and he'd have his family to fall back on if he needed help fronting enough money and gold for the wedding. Most farang in this country are "on our own" and therefore don't feel comfortable taking money out of our retirement/insurance funds to pay for some big wedding blowout for a bunch of people we hardly know.

The key to correcting any misunderstanding is like I said: communication. Sit down with your fiance and go over your finances together. Explain to her the need for a retirement fund or insurance money and why wedding expenses can't be drawn from those accounts (I told my girlfriend it was my way of making sure she'd always be taken care of, something her parents appreciated). Then go over the savings and income you can use for the wedding and draw up a budget. If you can afford to save 5K or 10K a month until the wedding then put that money into a "wedding fund" and draw the miscellaeous expenses from that account (for things like photos, flowers, etc...). Once everyone knows how much you can honestly afford to spend on the wedding, they'll do their best to help reign in expenses. But if you don't talk about it, they're going to operate under the assumption that you're just like a Thai man who has family here and a 20K+ a month job (and who's been living with his family for 10 years while he saves money to pay for the wedding). That's probably not a budget you can afford, trust me.

#4

What's really important is that you understand that it's not just your wedding (or her wedding), it's mostly a ceremony honoring her parents and family. That's Thai culture and that's what you're marrying into, so you have to acknowledge it and understand it. Don't ever say to her parents, "Hey, it's not your wedding, so we're not going to do things the way you want." You'd be dead wrong. Why the heck do you think the bride and groom have to stand outside and greet people while everyone else goes inside to eat and party? If it really was your wedding, wouldn't you get to enjoy it too? Exactly my point. Your post is at the front door because you and your wife are on display. Everything about the wedding reception is an opportunity for her parents to network and show off. You're just part of that package.

And NO, I'm not being cynical about that either. I'm just pointing out that if you go into the wedding planning with the attitude that it's "your" wedding and everyone else can go to ######, you're not going to have some major problems. The parents are going to have a lot of expectations. That doesn't mean you have to do everything their way, but it does mean that you'd better listen when they ask for something, because at the very least, they are going to expect to have their say in the plans.

#5

Between the morning and afternoon ceremonies, TAKE A NAP. Trust me, you'll need it.

#6

Eat before you go to the reception, because you won't get to eat any of the food there. You'll be too busy posing for photos, wai'ing the guests, and smiling until your teeth dry out and your cheeks hurt.

#7

Shoe inserts are a good idea too, because you won't be doing any sitting.

I had nearly 500 guests at my wedding so it was a real marathon work out. Around 11PM after everyone left we did manage to scrounge up some cold scraps from the buffet line, but it wasn't until then that we managed to take a break.

#8

Be creative. One really important thing I wanted was to have some traditional American elements to the wedding ceremony. That way it would "feel real" to me and give the otherwise alien ceremony a sense of personal meaning to me. That said, however, I had to make some adjustments in order to suit the situation.

For example, I wanted to have the guests at the morning ceremony throw rice on us as we left to go to the hotel. But in Thailand it's bad luck and bad manners to step on white rice, so that had idea had to be vetoed. My in-laws, however, saw that it was important to me and so they came up with a clever compromise. My wife's in-laws decided to make up a mixture of flowers, puffed rice (still on the stem) and uncooked rice still in it's husk (so it was brown). Her grandparents up north prepared the mixture and even went to the temple to have a ceremony to bless it.

That way, I got my traditional rice-throwing experience, and at the same time, I didn't break any local social etiquette. Likewise, if you find yourself presented with a cultural-clash dilemna, try to find creative alternatives that satisfy everyone involved.

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Jai Dee Star Member

Jai Dee

Posted
Posted

I'm getting married to a wonderful Thai girl in a couple of months time.

Been living together for over 2 years now, and I'm absolutely positively sure that she's the most wonderful person in the world.

Many tests... by both of us... all passed with flying colours... and we're both very very happy. :D

Thanks for your post Pudgi... I'll keep it in mind when my time comes. :o

Congrats to all who have discovered the most perfect (well, nearly) women on earth.! :D

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Jockstar Star Member

Jockstar

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Just got married last week.

congrats pudgi :o

do you have any pearls of wisdom concerning the ceremony?

#1

Don't expect to recoup your costs, and consider yourself fortunate if you get back something close to 50% of what you put out. I actually did pretty well, I got back enough to square myself with the hotel and pay the phenomenally large liquor bill, but as far as all the other wedding expenses (photo shoot, invitations, gifts, etc...) that was all strictly out-of-pocket.

#2

That said, I STRONGLY recommend you don't focus too much on money, you'll only come off looking like an a$$. Just grin and bear it. It's a once-in-a-lifetime expense, so suck it up and deal. It's a very good idea to keep the lines of communication open. Prior to the wedding, I sat down with my future in-laws and said, "This is what I can afford to pay for this wedding, etc...." We worked out what exactly I would be paying for, and those things that I couldn't afford (but they still wanted), they agreed to pay for them.

We also worked out areas of responsibility and a time table for taking care of things. For example, I handled designing and ordering the cards, while my mother-in-law handled the cake and buffet menu (since she's the chef at the hotel we had it at). My father-in-law took care of the decorations and room set up (since he's the hotel purchasing manager), and my lovely bride-to-be had the responsibility of b!tching and complaining about EVERYTHING :D, but that's why I love her :D.

#3

Don't be embarassed about admitting that you can't afford something. That whole "my girlfriend's family refuses to believe I'm poor" thing is really just a myth based on lack of communication and misunderstanding. The family knows you aren't "rich"-rich, but let's face it, anyone who makes more than 20K a month in this country is doing pretty well in most people's minds. The difference is that a Thai man in your position would have been saving for his wedding for decades (I have friends who are doing just that) and he'd have his family to fall back on if he needed help fronting enough money and gold for the wedding. Most farang in this country are "on our own" and therefore don't feel comfortable taking money out of our retirement/insurance funds to pay for some big wedding blowout for a bunch of people we hardly know.

The key to correcting any misunderstanding is like I said: communication. Sit down with your fiance and go over your finances together. Explain to her the need for a retirement fund or insurance money and why wedding expenses can't be drawn from those accounts (I told my girlfriend it was my way of making sure she'd always be taken care of, something her parents appreciated). Then go over the savings and income you can use for the wedding and draw up a budget. If you can afford to save 5K or 10K a month until the wedding then put that money into a "wedding fund" and draw the miscellaeous expenses from that account (for things like photos, flowers, etc...). Once everyone knows how much you can honestly afford to spend on the wedding, they'll do their best to help reign in expenses. But if you don't talk about it, they're going to operate under the assumption that you're just like a Thai man who has family here and a 20K+ a month job (and who's been living with his family for 10 years while he saves money to pay for the wedding). That's probably not a budget you can afford, trust me.

#4

What's really important is that you understand that it's not just your wedding (or her wedding), it's mostly a ceremony honoring her parents and family. That's Thai culture and that's what you're marrying into, so you have to acknowledge it and understand it. Don't ever say to her parents, "Hey, it's not your wedding, so we're not going to do things the way you want." You'd be dead wrong. Why the heck do you think the bride and groom have to stand outside and greet people while everyone else goes inside to eat and party? If it really was your wedding, wouldn't you get to enjoy it too? Exactly my point. Your post is at the front door because you and your wife are on display. Everything about the wedding reception is an opportunity for her parents to network and show off. You're just part of that package.

And NO, I'm not being cynical about that either. I'm just pointing out that if you go into the wedding planning with the attitude that it's "your" wedding and everyone else can go to ######, you're not going to have some major problems. The parents are going to have a lot of expectations. That doesn't mean you have to do everything their way, but it does mean that you'd better listen when they ask for something, because at the very least, they are going to expect to have their say in the plans.

#5

Between the morning and afternoon ceremonies, TAKE A NAP. Trust me, you'll need it.

#6

Eat before you go to the reception, because you won't get to eat any of the food there. You'll be too busy posing for photos, wai'ing the guests, and smiling until your teeth dry out and your cheeks hurt.

#7

Shoe inserts are a good idea too, because you won't be doing any sitting.

I had nearly 500 guests at my wedding so it was a real marathon work out. Around 11PM after everyone left we did manage to scrounge up some cold scraps from the buffet line, but it wasn't until then that we managed to take a break.

#8

Be creative. One really important thing I wanted was to have some traditional American elements to the wedding ceremony. That way it would "feel real" to me and give the otherwise alien ceremony a sense of personal meaning to me. That said, however, I had to make some adjustments in order to suit the situation.

For example, I wanted to have the guests at the morning ceremony throw rice on us as we left to go to the hotel. But in Thailand it's bad luck and bad manners to step on white rice, so that had idea had to be vetoed. My in-laws, however, saw that it was important to me and so they came up with a clever compromise. My wife's in-laws decided to make up a mixture of flowers, puffed rice (still on the stem) and uncooked rice still in it's husk (so it was brown). Her grandparents up north prepared the mixture and even went to the temple to have a ceremony to bless it.

That way, I got my traditional rice-throwing experience, and at the same time, I didn't break any local social etiquette. Likewise, if you find yourself presented with a cultural-clash dilemna, try to find creative alternatives that satisfy everyone involved.

\

Many of the points that you said, are valid. Though some wont apply to me.. My gf and i both earn a reasonable salary. Sometimes she earns heaps more than me. We are paying for the wedding together. Though i will be putting up the dowry. Which i'll get back. I'll buy the gold. She already has an engagement ring. We are not having a morning thing. She doesnt want the monks there. Instead we will have a small family affair 2 days before the wedding. My folks and bros will be there. We are not going for the full posing for photos as people arrive thing. Instead I will be inside and my gf will come to me. Just like in the west. The minister will then do the ceromony. We will then say i do. Then it will be one big party. Yes i will have to walk around doing the pleasantries. But we will eat and get drunk. WE dont want it being a stuffy old style wedding. We are both 30 and 32. My mates and family are coming over from UK/NZ/Oz and even Canada . We want to have a big party atmosphere. We are both deciding what we will do. My gfs family are happy with this. They just want us to be happy. Should be fun. At least. But you are right. Things have to be said and refgarding what will happen on the day. We dont have all the answers yet. But we are working on it. I guess i'm lucky that her parents are easy going. Should be a few hundred guests. So we will get SOME money back. But we dont expect to get it all. All the best to everyone getting married soon or have just got married.

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Shola Silver Member

Shola

Posted
Posted

involved.

Many of the points that you said, are valid. Though some wont apply to me.. My gf and i both earn a reasonable salary. Sometimes she earns heaps more than me. We are paying for the wedding together. Though i will be putting up the dowry. Which i'll get back. I'll buy the gold. She already has an engagement ring. We are not having a morning thing. She doesnt want the monks there. Instead we will have a small family affair 2 days before the wedding. My folks and bros will be there. We are not going for the full posing for photos as people arrive thing. Instead I will be inside and my gf will come to me. Just like in the west. The minister will then do the ceromony. We will then say i do. Then it will be one big party. Yes i will have to walk around doing the pleasantries. But we will eat and get drunk. WE dont want it being a stuffy old style wedding. We are both 30 and 32. My mates and family are coming over from UK/NZ/Oz and even Canada . We want to have a big party atmosphere. We are both deciding what we will do. My gfs family are happy with this. They just want us to be happy. Should be fun. At least. But you are right. Things have to be said and refgarding what will happen on the day. We dont have all the answers yet. But we are working on it. I guess i'm lucky that her parents are easy going. Should be a few hundred guests. So we will get SOME money back. But we dont expect to get it all. All the best to everyone getting married soon or have just got married.

Sounds like it'll be a grand affair Jock'! Just how I want my big day to be! (married but haven't had the big celebration day yet)

I've been to two traditional Thai weddings here, although v. happy for brides and grooms, overall a very droll day, monks in the morning, the reception in the afternoon in a hotel convention room where local business men get up to make speaches, the bride and groom both being slather in inch thick make-up for very posed photos.

Anyway the point I was coming to was can I come!! :D

Joking! Have a great day! Post some pics of it on TV afterwards :o

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anna234cn Advanced Member

anna234cn

Posted
Posted
I am gonna have big party / marriage in October. But on Monday we are gonna go and sign the paper.(makes it easier for visas later) So its R.I.P to single life. I'm happy though. But was just wondering. How many people on TV are married to a Thai or are still single? Or even just married to a non Thai citizen. Any info would be cool.

Congratulations, Jockstar! :o

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tuky Diamond Member

tuky

Posted
Posted

Congratulations everyone!!!! Well done.

We are married, at the Amphur which is just the way I liked it.

However, the little wifey told me the other day she wants to combine our house ceremony with the wedding ceremony, kill two birds with the one stone.

Sounds fair to me. We won't have any more than 50 people at ours as my wifes family isn't all that big.

I have never seen the need to have a big wedding, infact I never saw the need to get married at all but one days we decided to go to BKK and visit the embassy to see what was involved, two hours later she was legally my wife :D and about 6 months pregnant :o

Good luck to all.

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Khutan Platinum Member

Khutan

Posted
Posted
Congratulations everyone!!!! Well done.

We are married, at the Amphur which is just the way  I liked it.

However, the little wifey told me the other day she wants to combine our house ceremony with the wedding ceremony, kill two birds with the one stone.

Sounds fair to me. We won't have any more than 50 people at ours as my wifes family isn't all that big.

I have never seen the need to have a big wedding, infact I never saw the need to get married at all but one days we decided to go to BKK and visit the embassy to see what was involved, two hours later she was legally my wife  :D  and about 6 months pregnant :o

Good luck to all.

That is my advice, kep it small and short.

The ceremony can be so complicated, and often, particularly if you and your partner aren't conversant with it, it can be an embarrasing show.

Mine was small and short (probably 4 hours), I loved it. My wife loved it. We went to a more formal do, whichwas just long and tiring.

Good Luck, enjoy the rest of your life - the wedding is but an icon to waking up with your partner for the rest of your life.

:D

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too true Advanced Member

too true

Posted
Posted
marriage to Thai man is a reality in Thailand?

Thai men are all the rage these days with the white girls, aren't they???

Been with mine for 6 years. Actually, all the foreign women I'm friends with here in Thailand, except one, have got Thai husbands or boyfriends.

Parties at our house always end up with a fabulous mix of farang women, tour guides, bartenders, bar girls, olderish farang men who are either attached to a Thai woman or a young Thai man, a bunch of Thais who speak no English, and a handful of kids under the age of 5. Never a dull moment :o

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