Pattaya Man...the Missing Link?

[mahtin]

I took this rare footage 20 years ago of Chiang Mai man.

You CM lot don't half dress funny.

Edited June 6, 2009 by mahtin

[KingJames]

On all my trips to LOS I had avoided Pattaya up until now,heeding all warnings of how terrible it was there but this time I decided that I had to see for myself...and this is what I found...

I booked into a very nice hotel called Jomtien Palm Beach,it had huge rooms and was full of holidaying Russian couples.My friend and I booked separate but adjoining rooms,the swimming pool on the front terrace was absolutely enormous.

We found some very nice restaurants along the promenade at Jomtien beach,good food and reasonably priced.Along Walking Street we discovered even better seafood,the Lobster House became a firm favourite of ours,excellent Thermidor and a fine selection of red wines from around the World to accompany.

But something wasn't quite right,there was something in our midst that didn't add up but we couldn't quite put our finger on it.Then we realised we were not alone,walking among us,hardly sparing us a second glance was...

PATTAYA MAN!!!

It was a once in a lifetime chance to study this rare breed up close and in all his glory,an opportunity we couldn't pass up...

His head was shaven and bereft of all traces of hair,he was above 50 years of age.His clothes were of the fake sportswear variety,think Nike and Adidas.His shorts were elasticated at the waistband and on his feet were flip-flops or thongs as some like to call them,of the cheap,market stall variety.

A shy and retiring creature,he was seldom seen alone but more usually in the company of a not too pretty,not too young,jaded-looking bargirl!

Obviously a direct descendent of Neanderthal Man and Homo Erectus[sic] ,it was indeed a rare treat to see this genus,once thought extinct,for myself and my colleague,worth all those hours of travelling.The Royal Anthropological Society would scarcely believe it,luckily we had bought photographic evedence with us to prove our claim to be a genuine one...

You just insulted 90% of this board, good job.

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[crudy21]

Can't wait for my transgresion in to Pattayaman, will certainly be on the lookout for the parasite known as Isaan Wife tho!

[Ricardo]

They arrive here towards the end of their lifespan, than go through this mating ritual after which they die within a couple of hours.

So a migratory species, like lemmings perhaps, but which hopefully die with a smile on their faces ?

Can't wait for my transgresion in to Pattayaman, will certainly be on the lookout for the parasite known as Isaan Wife tho!

Parasite, or symbiote?

[thaibeachlovers]

Actually the OP is probably mistaken, from the description he has actually observed Ex-Pat Pattaya man. Pattaya man is very rarely sighted at this time of year.

Ex-Pat Pattaya man is one of the last adult stages of the species.

Life for Ex-Pat Pattaya man begins on far flung shores.

After completing his first childhood he enters his first adult stage when he is known as Family Man.

Family Man builds a nest and breeds with Family woman. He forages to feed the offspring from this union and gradually builds a stronger and bigger nest. When the nest is sufficiently large, he is set upon and forced out of the nest by Family Woman and the predator commonly known as Family Lawyer and has to move to a smaller nest to live alone.

Family Man finds it difficult to survive the cold winter months in these far off shores as nearly all the flesh has been picked from his bones by Family Woman and Family Lawyer.

Using his last remaining strength and resources he manages to migrate to warmer climates, especially Pattaya.

Here, he sheds his Family Man skin and enters the next stage of the cycle – Second Childhood.

During Second Childhood he regains his handsumness and achieves new sexy-man status. He nourishes himself at the various oasis called beer bars Eventually, he stumbles across the tribe known as Agogo and is enchanted by their mating dances.

When the weather in Pattaya becomes too hot, he returns to his homeland and forages to build up sustainance for the next migration.

This migration occurs for a few years, until he acclimatizes and is able to stay in Pattaya for longer periods. This is when he evolves from second childhood into Pattaya Man.

Pattaya Man continues to nourish himself at the Bar Beers and builds up sufficient fat layers to become irresistible to the local wildlife. He now has ample resources and resistance that he no longer needs to return to his homeland for additional sustainance.

At this point he enters the last stage of his life. By a strange quirk, not all of the Pattaya Man species will evolve the same. Many will become Ex-Pat Pattaya Man, Others will regress to Family Man again and some will become Isaan Man.

Unfortunately Family Man and Isaan Man often suffer with the disease "My girl is different" and get infected by a parasite known as Isaan Wife. This parasite sucks his blood until he is nearly dry and forced to return and forage in his homeland

Great post, and oh so true, especially the part about family woman, and being forced from the nest.

Just wait till the OP has joined the ranks of ( ex ) family man, and becomes Pattaya man. Will he remember his words then?