How Many Single Thai Ladies With Children Marry Again

[IanForbes]

Specifically, how many single Thai ladies with children marry Thai men again? I know many single Thai women with children marry farangs, but what percentage marry Thai men? I know that in the western cultures 50 years ago there was a stigma of being an unwed mother. That is no longer the case today and nobody I know makes any negative comments because a woman doesn't have a husband if she has kids. Nobody gives it any thought unless they are trying to plan how to raise a surrogate family.

It appears from what I've seen in Thailand that it is not the same. Unmarried women with children are somehow looked down upon and single Thai men won't have anything to do with them. Maybe I'm wrong and it is just an economic thing where a single Thai man can't afford to look after a woman and her children when he could more easily find a single woman without children.

I'm asking this on the ladies forum where I'm more likely to get a responsible reply without turning it into a bar girl discussion. But, it MIGHT explain why so many bar girls work where they do.

[cognos]

13.4% marry Thais, and 31.8% marry Farang..sorry Ian,just guessing....my loooo

[sbk]

It is an odd question tbh, I can't imagine there are any statistics anywhere and it would all be very dependent on the woman and her location. I know many Thai women with children who have remarried Thai men, certainly more than have remarried to foreigners.

[IanForbes]

It is an odd question tbh, I can't imagine there are any statistics anywhere and it would all be very dependent on the woman and her location. I know many Thai women with children who have remarried Thai men, certainly more than have remarried to foreigners.

That is good to hear, sbk. I always wish the best for everyone, but unless you speak the Thai language fluently (which I don't) it is hard to meet the more normal working person that makes up 98% of the population. Part time expats tend to congregate at places where everyone speaks English, and too frequently that is the bar scene. You get a jaded picture of what everyone is like if you only frequent bars. That is the same the world over.

My friend runs a fly tying business in Chiang Mai where he has up to 80 women working for him. Most are married and only a few of them speak English. I seldom get a chance to talk to them other than to say hello, so it's hard to hold an in depth conversation about anything but small talk.

[loong]

I've no idea of percentages.

I know of a lot of Thai women that are married to Thai men and have children from previous relationships. Whether the previous relationship was marriage or not, well, you don't ask, do you.

[Boo]

My husbands last serious gf before meeting me was an older thai women with a disable daughter. Now to hear a lot of the so called thaivisa experts not only would this women not be of interest to a thai man due to her age, having a child & esp one with a disability would have made her even less desirable to a thai man.

The truth is actually to the contrary & my husband has a great deal of respect & affection for her still to this day. We have also met on several occasions, she is a lovely women & I can see what my husband saw in her & her daughter, who is now studying at KKU still visits my MIL & the older niece who lives there.

The ex gf btw is a chief nurse at the local hospital, has traveled in Europe to medical conventions, speaks fluent English & has never dated a western man.

A thai woman that (according to some of the posts I have read over the years here ) either doesn't exist or of she does wouldn't be interested in a thai man

She (and her relationship with my husband) busts so many of the tired old stereotypes that it's quite fun & nice to tell the story again

[sbk]

It is an odd question tbh, I can't imagine there are any statistics anywhere and it would all be very dependent on the woman and her location. I know many Thai women with children who have remarried Thai men, certainly more than have remarried to foreigners.

That is good to hear, sbk. I always wish the best for everyone, but unless you speak the Thai language fluently (which I don't) it is hard to meet the more normal working person that makes up 98% of the population. Part time expats tend to congregate at places where everyone speaks English, and too frequently that is the bar scene. You get a jaded picture of what everyone is like if you only frequent bars. That is the same the world over.

My friend runs a fly tying business in Chiang Mai where he has up to 80 women working for him. Most are married and only a few of them speak English. I seldom get a chance to talk to them other than to say hello, so it's hard to hold an in depth conversation about anything but small talk.

Well, anyone living in a touristed area would have a hard time meeting "normal" thai people, regardless of their language skills. Thai people don't go out of their way to make friends with total strangers (well, lets be honest, who does?). I know hundreds, quite literally, of totally "normal" Thai people, a fraction of which actually have any interaction with any foreigners at all (other than myself, obviously). I go to all the funerals and weddings and am almost always the only foreigner there. I guess thats why I find these kinds of questions odd.

[IanForbes]

Well, anyone living in a touristed area would have a hard time meeting "normal" thai people, regardless of their language skills. Thai people don't go out of their way to make friends with total strangers (well, lets be honest, who does?). I know hundreds, quite literally, of totally "normal" Thai people, a fraction of which actually have any interaction with any foreigners at all (other than myself, obviously). I go to all the funerals and weddings and am almost always the only foreigner there. I guess thats why I find these kinds of questions odd.

And it is experiences such as yours that I asked the original question. I would like to know more from an insider's viewpoint rather than a tourist looking from the outside in. However, I've met many people from other countries who I consider good friends. I never have a problem no matter what country I'm in because I always talk to strangers if we speak the same language. I can't do that in Thailand unless I'm introduced by someone.

[teacup]

Ian

Most “normal” thai women are quite shy and very cautious. They don’t go out of their way to make friends with strangers easily, esp a farang one.

If they see a farang, the first thing comes to their mind is…oh why is he here, or what he’s doing in Thailand?…esp the “older and still unmarried”

NOT>>>> oh that's a farang, I want to marry him, or he's rich or I need to get him to notice me....blah blah blah

To tell you the truth…..farangs men don’t have a good reputation in their mind, ….wink wink

Unless you can gain their trust through their mutual friends and acquaintances, it is unlikely you will even be sitting 10 ft apart and sharing a coffee with any of them.

Many of them think, farangs like to have an easy boom boom and that’s it. Most thai women are extremely conservative, and proper.

That’s why be able to speak thai is very important to see another Thailand, but many farangs here think….why should I, when English is a more universal language, and the thai should be learning them more, not me learning the thai more if they want my money or me buying their stuffs? Etcs.

Edited June 4, 2009 by teacup

[Violet Fonce]

I agree with teacup

Many farangs in Thailand have never left their fantasy ghetto or their fantasy circle or their fantasy mind about the thai women….to see what might be the real Thailand, people, and esp the normal thai women.

Being a farang doesn’t give you any automatic priority over the local boys, whether she’s single or divorcee. Most thai women still like to be married to their own thai men.

And

Many mature thai men do like mature thai women, even tho she’s with kids--no problems.

Because many of these thai women do not have the Cinderella attitude and can help in the family financial coz many of them have some sort of jobs and know the value ofhard earned money.

[bina]

my husband's two younger sisters have divorced (or separated, not married in amphur) husbands. one sister remarried and the new husband is taking care of his young stepdaughters as if they are his own, plus a son from him. the other sister sent her two boys from previous marriage to live with other sister and grandma because new husband doesnt want to really deal with the boys and she felt that he was being too harsh with them. they have a young daughter together. for that matter, there are several like this in the village. second marriages with kids from both husbands, some living with step father and mom, some living with grandparents. and then again, my (thai) husband married me, complete with three teenage kids that dont even speak his language although his relationship with them isnt as a 'father' as their father is still a few houses away...

on the other hand, again, when discussing adopting kids, my husband has no problem with that, but feels that his extended family in thailand would have a major problem since its not one of 'their' kids...

and i had a thai woman friend here, originally from yala who almost married a buriram guy working here, but when they went back to thailand for a home visit, his family put hard pressure on him not to marry as my friend had a teenage daughter from her previous husband (a farang from here, israel, who divorced her here). not sure if they were against her because she wasnt a virgin wife, or because her daughter was mixed (jewish muslem to complicate matters!!). she has remarried an other thai, and given birth, but first daughter had already been sent back to thailand to be raised by relatives as she had a hard time here too.

bina

israel

[IanForbes]

Thanks for all the positive, well thought out replies. It tells me that relationships in Thailand are not really much different than anywhere else in the educated world. I say educated because in many parts of the world there is still tribal living, and in some cases women and children are considered second class humans with little or no rights.

[insideleft]

Thanks for the thread.

I'm in my early 50's and plan to move to Thailand in the next year or two. If Thailand suits me, I'll settle there. I'm learning the language and will continue to work for a living.

I hope to have opportunities to meet single Thai women too. I'd love to be involved with children, my own or another's, so long as the former partner is clearly separated.

I'm thinking that 38-years is the youngest my partner should be: to have similar interests and engergy levels, to not be too young when I'm 65, to not be wanting more children in 10-years time.

I've wondered myself whether opportunities will arise, and just how they may do so. Like I said, I'm learning the language and have solid foundation in speaking, listening, reading and writing Thai.

Thanks to all of the replies to this thread - they have given me plenty of food for thought.

[473geo]

Good informative posts..... have we concluded, that apart from some isolated areas where taking responsibility for the children of another man is frowned upon.....Thai people are generally 'normal' when it comes to relationships.....?

No surprises there then...... .....I agree it is good to hear it from people who actually speak and understand Thai people

[kellimba]

Thanks for the thread.

I'm in my early 50's and plan to move to Thailand in the next year or two. If Thailand suits me, I'll settle there. I'm learning the language and will continue to work for a living.

I've wondered myself whether opportunities will arise, and just how they may do so. Like I said, I'm learning the language and have solid foundation in speaking, listening, reading and writing Thai.

Thanks to all of the replies to this thread - they have given me plenty of food for thought.

There are as many answers to these questions as there are grains of sand on all the beaches...

Yes I agree. Learning the language of the country - whilst not essential - will make things infinitely easier especially from a social standpoint.

A few general comments:

I know thai women who would never marry/remarry a thai man under any circumstances because of the "boxing" (a thai euphemism for wife beating) they have seen throughout their lives, or worse have done to them.

Like people and relationships everywhere, so much depends on the individuals' character, expectations, and cultural differences that are not taken into serious consideration when entering a new relationship are doomed to failure.

Meeting each other 'halfway' is a good starting point in the cultural stakes. Who needs to change ? and why?

Speaking from personal experience, any relationship is only as good as you both (mutual interest) want it to be. There are libraries filled with 'how to' books but learning by your (or other's ) mistakes is crucial - but often overlooked.

[tulipgirl]

I often speak to children of divorced parents who remarried and had more children. Apart from that, I also hear them talk about their fathers having even more children with their Mia Nois.

So I think Thai men don't have a problem with children, even if they are not directly related by blood. Perhaps Thai women with children who prefer to marry a farang have a different agenda.

[capt_canada42]

Specifically, how many single Thai ladies with children marry Thai men again? I know many single Thai women with children marry farangs, but what percentage marry Thai men? I know that in the western cultures 50 years ago there was a stigma of being an unwed mother. That is no longer the case today and nobody I know makes any negative comments because a woman doesn't have a husband if she has kids. Nobody gives it any thought unless they are trying to plan how to raise a surrogate family.

It appears from what I've seen in Thailand that it is not the same. Unmarried women with children are somehow looked down upon and single Thai men won't have anything to do with them. Maybe I'm wrong and it is just an economic thing where a single Thai man can't afford to look after a woman and her children when he could more easily find a single woman without children.

I'm asking this on the ladies forum where I'm more likely to get a responsible reply without turning it into a bar girl discussion. But, it MIGHT explain why so many bar girls work where they do.

Man you sure havn't been around a lot or you would know what going on !

[britmaveric]

common sense would tell you just by shear numbers thai(s) would prefer thai(s) - not enough farangs around to threaten the local thai lad population. Any rate I would say the vast majority of thai ladies with lil ones prob have their second relationship with other thai lads. (statistically - this is the only sensible outcome when farang population in thailand is so small)

[mssabai]

Obviously 'taking on' another person's child requires a pretty large emotional and perhaps financial commitment. But this is the case across all cultures. Some men may balk at it, or their families may not agree with it. You could say that families have more of a say here hence why someone could be [ressuerd out of a marriage, but I would be more inclined tothink they had doubts already.

In my experience it is very common here. My m-i-l was married twice. Her first husband is never discussed, and I have a suspicion he was a nasty piece of work. Her son from that marriage was then raised by her mother in the adjoining house. A rather odd situation that I think is the root of some unspoken tensions here. She then went on to have 3 children with her second husband, all of whom lived in the same house as her.

My boyfriend got together with his ex at the tender age of 15 - she was 19 and already had a 1 year old daughter. He adopted that daughter as his and 4 years later they had a child together. They then broke up 3 years ago and both children live with us at their gradma's house, and their mum lives in BKK.

So yes, remarying, stepchildren etc are all very common in my experience. I would hazard a guess though to say high class families probably see much less divorce and it is perhaps more of a stigma to be a divorcee with children.

[sbk]

common sense would tell you just by shear numbers thai(s) would prefer thai(s) - not enough farangs around to threaten the local thai lad population. Any rate I would say the vast majority of thai ladies with lil ones prob have their second relationship with other thai lads. (statistically - this is the only sensible outcome when farang population in thailand is so small)

Now now brit, bringing in statistical probabilities and common sense, surely you know better by now