How Much To Pay In Child Support?

[dopster]

Hiya all,

I wanted to ask people's advice as to my curent situation. I've been with my wife for 5 years and married for just over a year. We have a 3 year old son. Recently we haven't got on at all and therefore seperating. The key issues here as always is money, how much I should give her and what she's demanding for child support.

She has taken my sons british passport as well as his british citizenship birth certificate and won't return it as she says shes scared I will try and leave the country with my son, not the case at all. I'm more worried about her meeting some guy on the internet and uprooting with my boy to go and live in another country. Now I'm leaving the house with all the furniture in it for her to stay..Its rented. I make about 50k a month and she was demanding 20k. I have gone up to 12k plus pay for the boys school (2k)and also give some shopping vouchers (2k)for the supermarket every month.. Can you tell me what you think is a reasonable amount to give her as Im trying to be fair and reasonable bearing in mind she has a job and makes about 15-20k a month. She also insists on her mother continuing as the nanny(she does a lousy job and part of the reason for my marriage split, too much to say and always moaning).

She is insisting that I go to the amphur and sign divorce paper just so that I can sign paper to say how much I give her every month for our son. This woman who I love so dearly has turned into a real nasty ice cold b***h(pardon the expression) and is only interested in me paying money so she can find a new fella.

She is threatening me with the lawyers and obviously don't care about me anymore...

Can she keep my son's passport and british birth certificate???

My mates say I should be more ruthless and not give her much as Ive spent 4 years paying for her university, she has a degree now and a job.

Any helpful advice would be helpful, I don't mind supporting for my son but not so that I can't live myself...

[Mario2008]

Remember that you will pay child support, it is for the child and not for her.

Given the fact that she already has an income herself and supporting the child is also her responsibility and not yours only, I my self think you make a genourous offer right now. Certainly given the fact that a lot of families in Thailand only make 10,000 or less a month.

Divorce in Thailand can be done at the amphur in a quick and cheap way. At the same time you and your wife can file an agreement about the child support.

You can however only divorce at the amphur if both of you agree. So if she wants the divorce, you can say no and then she has to go to court. That is much more expensive and will also make it more difficult to get a divorce, as at the court you can only divorce for the reasons specified in the law. it will also take a lot more time.

This gives you some room for negotiation, as you claim she wants a quick divorce.

Under Thai law you can both keep costudy over the child when divorced. You could also try and file for sole costudy yourself.

As to the passport and birthcertificate, they are the child's. You both have a right to hold it.

[torrenova]

Passports and certificates can be replaced so don't sweat over them. Your wife has no connection to the UK and actually, your wife could have problems if you reported the passport as being witheld or stolen as doesn't it actually belong to the UK government ?

I suspect you are worrying that whatever you pay, it will never be used for the benefit of the child and will in fact be used by the mother as general income, effectively just subsidising her lifestyle. This seems common and greed has entered the equation. Having her mother in the middle of things is not going to help either, as you already know.

20k a month is outrageous, especially if she has the income you describe. Your wife needs no support from you for herself. The child needs school fees, clothes and food, totalling perhaps 5k a month. Your 12k plus 2+2 is OTT already and why is your wife not putting something towards the cost of the child herself ?

What about rent ? She should contribute towards that and the biklls as well from her salary.

At your 50k and presuming a rent of 10k then giving her 20k would leave you with 20k and you'd have to find somewhere else to live (say 5k) and live on 15k. Great. Meanwhile, she has 20k plus another 20k and no rent. All bills, including the child come to perhaps 10k maximum, which leaves her 30k for whatever. That is just potty.

You are worried about her and another guy. Do you have any evidence or just a feeling that she is or will be looking ? Is she just out to hook the next ATM ?

[Mario2008]

Passports and certificates can be replaced so don't sweat over them. Your wife has no connection to the UK and actually, your wife could have problems if you reported the passport as being witheld or stolen as doesn't it actually belong to the UK government ?

The mother is holding them for the child. If he reports them stolen he might be in trouble himself for making a false report. He will need to tell that the mother has them and won't give them to him.

[torrenova]

Passports and certificates can be replaced so don't sweat over them. Your wife has no connection to the UK and actually, your wife could have problems if you reported the passport as being witheld or stolen as doesn't it actually belong to the UK government ?

The mother is holding them for the child. If he reports them stolen he might be in trouble himself for making a false report. He will need to tell that the mother has them and won't give them to him.

Stolen / won't give them back, little difference. Replacements needed and her reported.

[Mario2008]

Passports and certificates can be replaced so don't sweat over them. Your wife has no connection to the UK and actually, your wife could have problems if you reported the passport as being witheld or stolen as doesn't it actually belong to the UK government ?

The mother is holding them for the child. If he reports them stolen he might be in trouble himself for making a false report. He will need to tell that the mother has them and won't give them to him.

Stolen / won't give them back, little difference. Replacements needed and her reported.

The law makes a difference and if the OP knows the mother has them and the mother has a right to hold them for the child there is no loss or theft and he would be making a false police report. That could further bring him in trouble.

[Bobsyouruncle]

Child support is exactly that. It is NOT wife support.

You need to work out how much she will need to pay your child's needs only.

5k a month MAX, that would be my assesment.

[lannarebirth]

I would say 10K/mo plus school fees and health insurance would be appropriate. Everyone is different, but I imagine the school that charges 2k/mo is not suitable to provide your child with every opportunity he might dream of. Sorry for your troubles. good Luck.

[JohanBKK]

My wife told me if we divorce she will ask me something like 100 000 per month lol... you are pretty lucky.

[Theyreallrubbish]

What I've heard, and its only something reported to me so take that for what its worth, is that if she takes you to court she'll get a maximum of 4k a month awarded by a judge and custody might not go in her favour.

Don't let her bully you. This isn't the West. The courts aren't totally biased against the father here

[harrry]

Birth certificate: No problem to replace

Passport: Need her consent to replace.

You should report to the Embassy thatyou fear the wife may try to remove the chilld from your shared custody using the passport. They can put a hold on the passport which will prevent it's use although they cannot guarantee this will work

[cosmont]

I have talk about this matter with my Thai lawyer few months ago and he told me that if both parents share 50% the time with kid, you don't have anything to pay !!!

Will you gonna ask to share time or just get few week ends and half of holidays ?

If so, I think 10.000B is enough at all and trust me, she cannot get more at court !

[torrenova]

I'll bet that if I go to the British Embassy and say that the mother has the kid's British passport and won't give it back to me then they'll cancel it and give me another one (after some form filling). The alternative is to do what ? nothing ? let her decide ? wiat for her to "come around" ?

You need the passport for the child to exit the country / open a bank account / for identity purposes / to show the police / pick a reason, and if someone is witholding that, then the is a problem, whether it is the mother or not.

[Farma]

In my experience, If the OP goes to court for his divorce, the panel of judges will attempt to mediate a lump sum payment to cover the child support prior to proceeding with the case.

If an agreement can’t be reached, the court will decide. The final divorce ruling may include a lump sum amount to assist with the child’s upbringing.

[DMasut]

Where was your son born? UK or Thailand?

Birth Certificate: Easy enough to get a copy from either country.

Passport: It was nice when the parent put the child on their passport in the UK, since it is now a EU Passport it is similar to the USA where every child has their own passport...even an infant...silly considering how quickly the change and grow.

Regarding Child Support and monies to her... pay directly for school and expenses... never give her money directly until it has been negotiated and agreed upon by lawyers and / or the courts.

Paying too much now sets a precedent you do not want to continue to go up from.

Average income in in Bangkok is about 8-10K per month and less in rural areas. Why should she have 3 x that amount?

Women, not just Thai women will use your child for money against you just like a terrorist asking for ransom.

Whenever they want more...they just demand it.

REFUSE!!! Most Thai men would.

Teach her that is she wants something from you she needs to learn to communicate reasonably with you.... otherwise...NOTHING...0

But most western men are too weak and give into the terrorist demands because of their upbringing.

If it turns out she deprives the child of things needed because you won't give her what she needs... go to a lawyer and file to gain custody of your son on the claim and proof that your ex-wife is abusing him.

Everything I have suggested will come with some grief...but better to get it over with upfront and not set unrealistic precedents for future demands. You have nothing to gain by giving in too soon.

If she is reasonable...(and you are too) then things can be resolved...if not...better to keep as much cash in your war chest to fight the battles...

You wouldn't give your enemy bullets would you?

Why would you give your ex-wife more money to weaken your position and strengthen hers?

Boy needs shoes...buy them yourself for him.

Boy needs clothes...buy them yourself for him.

Boy needs anything...buy them yourself for him.

Besides, when you take him along and pick them out together you have more time to bond, relate and learn what he likes, he sees you provide for him and are less likely to have him become alienated with you by you ex-wife.

Good luck mate.

[dopster]

Thanks to everyone for all thier input. Ive offered her 10k a month and pay for lads school. I intend to move him to a bilingual school before long, basically when he gets a bit older. She can threaten me with the lawyers as much as she likes but she aint getting no more and until she can be reasonable and talk to me in a proper manner she won't get a penny. Im all for providing for my son but not so that it substains her and her mothers lifestyle.

Im just going to wait to hear from her regarding my offer, ill sign divorce papers when she can agree to what I have offered until then its a no no. Im hoping I get to see my son before long, shell soon see i aint budging.

[cosmont]

Thanks to everyone for all thier input. Ive offered her 10k a month and pay for lads school. I intend to move him to a bilingual school before long, basically when he gets a bit older. She can threaten me with the lawyers as much as she likes but she aint getting no more and until she can be reasonable and talk to me in a proper manner she won't get a penny. Im all for providing for my son but not so that it substains her and her mothers lifestyle.

Im just going to wait to hear from her regarding my offer, ill sign divorce papers when she can agree to what I have offered until then its a no no. Im hoping I get to see my son before long, shell soon see i aint budging.

Great decision, Let us know the issue and be strong always

[backsoon]

Hiya all,

I wanted to ask people's advice as to my curent situation. I've been with my wife for 5 years and married for just over a year. We have a 3 year old son. Recently we haven't got on at all and therefore seperating. The key issues here as always is money, how much I should give her and what she's demanding for child support.

She has taken my sons british passport as well as his british citizenship birth certificate and won't return it as she says shes scared I will try and leave the country with my son, not the case at all. I'm more worried about her meeting some guy on the internet and uprooting with my boy to go and live in another country. Now I'm leaving the house with all the furniture in it for her to stay..Its rented. I make about 50k a month and she was demanding 20k. I have gone up to 12k plus pay for the boys school (2k)and also give some shopping vouchers (2k)for the supermarket every month.. Can you tell me what you think is a reasonable amount to give her as Im trying to be fair and reasonable bearing in mind she has a job and makes about 15-20k a month. She also insists on her mother continuing as the nanny(she does a lousy job and part of the reason for my marriage split, too much to say and always moaning).

She is insisting that I go to the amphur and sign divorce paper just so that I can sign paper to say how much I give her every month for our son. This woman who I love so dearly has turned into a real nasty ice cold b***h(pardon the expression) and is only interested in me paying money so she can find a new fella.

She is threatening me with the lawyers and obviously don't care about me anymore...

Can she keep my son's passport and british birth certificate???

My mates say I should be more ruthless and not give her much as Ive spent 4 years paying for her university, she has a degree now and a job.

Any helpful advice would be helpful, I don't mind supporting for my son but not so that I can't live myself...

FIRST. 'No woman is worth more than a fiver, unless you love her. If you do, she will cost you everything you've got....

SECOND. Ask yourself (and her too), - 'What would have she gotten from her husband, if you were a thai? We all know it is very near ZERO.

THIRD. If you are a gentleman, or want to feel good about this whole sordid affair, give to the child, not to her... 20,000/month?... does he drink already?...hmm.

FOURTH. Make sure YOU talk to a lawyer. And if she remarries, or enters into a de-facto relationship, - make sure you are not providing HIM with a bed, a roof and drinks.

[torrenova]

In my experience of dealing with many Thais from non middle and higher class backgrounds, they have a near complete inability to actually comprehend numbers and you often hear the saying "money too much". They know the number "million" but they don't actually know what it represents, just "lots". Many have never seen or held 10k and have certainly not had that amount just to fritter away. I think you can link this into their inability to save as again, they cannot comprehend the numbers over very low amounts.

I suspect that when women ask for these ridiculous amounts, they have no means of justifying why they want so much, but rather that it sound like "money too much" and that is good. I doubt if they can even think how they would spend it rather than just waste it.

[dopster]

Well folks,

looks like d-day has arrived, recieved a letter from the court today at my school that she took in. Im due in court next month, shes demanding 200k lump sum and also 15,000 a month for 20 years for the upkeep of my son. As I suspected her and her mum have plotted well and just trying to get as much as they can out of me..At the moment I pay 10k a month about 2500 a week and also my sons school.

I walked away from my marriage with just my clothes on my back and my computer. All the furniture left for her and my son.

Anyway I need to get in touch with a fairly decent lawyer that isnt going to cost me an arm and leg! Also they have obviously made me out to be a bad guy. I apparently threatened to kill them both. I strangled my ex and attacked her mother according to the documentation. As it happens my ex attacked me several times punching and kicking me and I restrained her. Ok I slapped her but she deserved it and also I never laid a hand her hand on her mother only shouted abuse at her for being such a horrible vicious cow.

I was actually looking at going back to the UKat the end of the month to renew my visa but have been told I have to get this sorted first. Is that right? Anyway im happy to go to court as she won't get what shes looking for! Im happy to support my son in any way but not to indulge her and her mother.

Anyway thanks for any helpful comments and advice...

[63Tommy1]

Sorry to read this, and wish you good luck in court!

Talk to your lawyer and ask him if you have the right to costudy or at least share 50% the time with kid, and how much you should ask from her.

One of my Swedish friends got 100% costudy of his son when he divorced from his Thai wife, he could show that the mother was unable to take care of the baby, this was 7 years ago, but i belive the laws remain the same.

Edit: My friend still lives with his son in Thailand.

Good Luck!

/Tommy

Edited September 14, 2009 by 63Tommy1

[Mario2008]

Well folks,

looks like d-day has arrived, recieved a letter from the court today at my school that she took in. Im due in court next month, shes demanding 200k lump sum and also 15,000 a month for 20 years for the upkeep of my son. As I suspected her and her mum have plotted well and just trying to get as much as they can out of me..At the moment I pay 10k a month about 2500 a week and also my sons school.

I walked away from my marriage with just my clothes on my back and my computer. All the furniture left for her and my son.

Anyway I need to get in touch with a fairly decent lawyer that isnt going to cost me an arm and leg! Also they have obviously made me out to be a bad guy. I apparently threatened to kill them both. I strangled my ex and attacked her mother according to the documentation. As it happens my ex attacked me several times punching and kicking me and I restrained her. Ok I slapped her but she deserved it and also I never laid a hand her hand on her mother only shouted abuse at her for being such a horrible vicious cow.

I was actually looking at going back to the UKat the end of the month to renew my visa but have been told I have to get this sorted first. Is that right? Anyway im happy to go to court as she won't get what shes looking for! Im happy to support my son in any way but not to indulge her and her mother.

Anyway thanks for any helpful comments and advice...

If you look for a lawyer, the first thing that is important is in which area are you living. If you live in the isaan area I would recommend

isaanlawyers, one of our forum sponsors. They have a good reputation regarding family law.

As for your visa issue, what kind of visa or extension of stay are you on now? An extension of stay based on marriage will end when you are not longer married or no longer living together as man and wife. You could get an extension of stay for 60 days based on having a Tai wife or for 90 days for being involved in a Lawsuit.

[63Tommy1]

Discussed this with my wife.

When I met her she was separated from her husband (they were never registerd married, only the "budda marrige"), she got 5000/month from his family, and half of school costs.

Her ex-husbands family are rich, thai upperclass rich, so rich that my wifes ex (now 40) never worked 1 day yet, he owns some properties that he lets, the stated reason for separation was "Playboyism", and I belive it, I have met his new wife and one of his girlfriends.

He is actually sort of a nice guy, who loves his daughter and takes care of her almost every weekend, just that he plays around a lot.

Anyway my wife tells me, about 1000bath /month, plus 1/2 of the school fee, is about right, you will want everything on paper, including visiting rights and such, make sure all papers you sign are in both English and Thai and signed by both parties.

About the visa things, I guess you are on some sort of work

related visa? If not i belive you can state that you stay here to support your son, who is a Thai citizen?

Regards

/Tommy

Edited September 14, 2009 by 63Tommy1

[Krap]

Well folks,

looks like d-day has arrived, recieved a letter from the court today at my school that she took in. Im due in court next month, shes demanding 200k lump sum and also 15,000 a month for 20 years for the upkeep of my son. As I suspected her and her mum have plotted well and just trying to get as much as they can out of me..At the moment I pay 10k a month about 2500 a week and also my sons school.

I walked away from my marriage with just my clothes on my back and my computer. All the furniture left for her and my son.

Anyway I need to get in touch with a fairly decent lawyer that isnt going to cost me an arm and leg! Also they have obviously made me out to be a bad guy. I apparently threatened to kill them both. I strangled my ex and attacked her mother according to the documentation. As it happens my ex attacked me several times punching and kicking me and I restrained her. Ok I slapped her but she deserved it and also I never laid a hand her hand on her mother only shouted abuse at her for being such a horrible vicious cow.

I was actually looking at going back to the UKat the end of the month to renew my visa but have been told I have to get this sorted first. Is that right? Anyway im happy to go to court as she won't get what shes looking for! Im happy to support my son in any way but not to indulge her and her mother.

Anyway thanks for any helpful comments and advice...

Hope u get a fair deal. One should imgagine u allready paid a lot. Pls educate us about the court ruling, it would be tremendously illuminating in this area.

Goodluck!

[SoloFlyer]

progress??

[Sumarianson]

What you are offering is over the top. A court will award 4 to 5K a month for a child and if you want them to have a good education you set your own limit. A word of warning put it all in writing and get the child's passports with you. She is protected by international law but you are the one most likely to take the child on holidays and abroad. Make sure you get the times you can see your child in writing and what would happen if either of you gets a partner or leaves the country. I have and do suffer from not getting the fine details in writing. Expect the worst type of sycophantic x and you wont go wrong.

[motdaeng]

btw, the topic is from 2009  ????

[thai006]

i pay every month 10 000 b for my 2  child   8 and 10 when i am not in thailand 6 month in a year  but i pay for the scool fee too 

Edited April 5, 2020 by thai006