A Selection Of Quickies

Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no

legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you

getting on?"

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby.

"Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything

else"

A gypsy girl sent an email to an agony Aunt "I am 12 years old and

haven't had sex yet, do you think my brother is queer ?"

My missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes and a broken

jaw! It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted

decking on the patio

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is

to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its <deleted>!!

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are

right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive!

Whats the difference between Basil Brush and a Paki with a rucksack?

The Paki with a rucksack only goes "Boom" once..

....(Asif)...!

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel

in my room disabled ?" "No" she replies "its just regular porn you sick

bastard"

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her

twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a

moustache!"

A biker goes to the Doctor with hearing problems "Can you describe the

symptoms to me". "Yes.....Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge

is a skinny bird with big blue hair!!"

My black-eye & fat lip suggests that 'up the backside'....was definately the wrong answer, when my girlfriend asked me 'where are you taking me for my birthday?'

And then there was my mate who'd just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. "It's the best in the world", he said. "What type is it?", I asked and he said "ten past twelve".