[Opinion. This article caused me to reflect on what we leave behind. Donnie & Bennie will go down in history, you & I won’t. In fact, most who are remembered by history are those that were most evil. 

The people on those planes and who died in the Towers are long forgotten except by their families.

My father always said that the only way we live on is when the anecdotes which marked our lives are told. When those who cannot remember those anecdotes, you are well & truly dead.

The legacy I’ve nurtured is by acting against war and injustice. I am unyielding in this pursuit but with no hate or anger in my heart. I just do what is necessary no matter the consequences.

And you? What will you be remembered for?]

What legacy do we leave behind when we die? As Sam Neill taught me, it’s more about sweetness than ego

As men we’re often taught to chase lives defined by vanity and hollow expressions. But genuine decency lasts far longer than any name on a building

Clarke Gayford

The Guardian: 18 Aug 2026

SOURCE: https://www.theguardian.com/world/commentisfree/2026/aug/18/clarke-gayford-sam-neill-death-life-legacy-of-decency

Occasionally, in our lives, there are markers that arrive with enough strength to hop us off the treadmill just long enough to remind ourselves that everyone’s race has a finish line, and none of us are getting out of this jolly for free.

One of these blots is often when someone we know passes away.

I always find the saddest part of a funeral the idea that the deceased will never hear the nice words being shared around the room in that moment. Our online world has enhanced this grieving process with posthumous accolades flowing from friends and strangers alike, creating yet more space for others to add comment as well. These modern outpourings help shape a fuller picture of the person we’ve just lost and what that person meant to others.

The recent death of the New Zealand acting legend Sam Neill is one such marker for so many of us. It was in the outpouring of words for Sir Sam after his death that we got a better glimpse of the person behind the actor, and a wonderful mosaic of a life properly lived.

In New Zealand’s Māori culture, there is a saying that “the kumara (sweet potato) never speaks of its own sweetness”, an adage Sam lived by. Those who read and listened to the many tributes for him all got to collectively enjoy this hidden sweetness, learning how he had selflessly affected those in his orbit and beyond. That’s not a legacy of ego, but a legacy of presence and genuine human decency.

Some men (and it’s nearly always men) spend their life striving for a tainted version of legacy. It presents in the extremes of authoritarianism, with insatiable desires to have names on buildings, excessive money in banks or statues in streets. Men, who may be trying to soothe the gnawing hole left by the lack of attention from their own dads, who were perhaps absent as they too chased straw deity legacies of their own.

I will be remembered by my descendents. They are the only ones that matter.

The rest is irrelevant.

Only immediate family and possibly very close friends matter.

Everyone else, it doesn't matter. Everyone's perception of you is different. And people's perceptions are often warped. And you don't care what people think.

Unless you were famous and left a legacy behind for the masses ... most of us haven't.

Fun fact: many people will remember Trump as a pedo / grifter / failed casino owner. Even if the GDP goes up 40% while he's in power.

A lot of people hate me. I don't even know why. Lol !!

Edited August 19Aug 19 by save the frogs

No memory for the average person lasts more than one or two generations.

I remember the name of the first Australian conscript who was killed in Vietnam. Errol Wayne Noack.

He is remembered in Wikipedia, and by AI. Even AI cannot tell me who were the second and third conscripts killed in Vietnam, even though their lives are just as significant.

Depends on whether you believe in further lives, as do Buddhists. I've warned people never to squash caterpillars etc, in case it's me in my next life....

Everyone moves on so quickly don't waste too much time on legacy, not important, they are always stirring it up for sportspeople, who cares

Over the last day or two the world lost a great man and I'm proud to say a good friend of mine. He was a former ThaiVisa mod who went by the online name Scott. RIP my friend. Scott won't be remembered for his time online.

Scott was also an advisor to a former US Vice President, I'm not sure which one and that doesn't matter. Again, he won't be remembered for his political contributions.

What will he be remember for? He was a teacher/head of the English department for five school branches in the largest private school system in Southeast Asia (if you know, you know). He was loved by students and teachers. He had that "thing" when he walked in a room, you knew he was there. His charisma and charm electrified the air. He and I would share jokes that would have gotten us fired if we were in the US.

Scott will be remembered over the next generation, then his memory will fade.

I have had a personal conviction to be an encourager whenever possible, particularly to young people. I used to be a summer camp counselor for abused and neglected children. We received special training for dealing with such kids, and an important lesson was you will never know how or when you say or do something that will influence a young one, and it can stick with them rest of their lives. They will remember you.

Being a teacher, I know I will be remembered by many of my students, mostly positively and a few I locked horns with. And when they go, my memory will go, too, but if you can put out positive energies and infect someone else with that same thing, they may pass it on. And that's just the way it is.

11 hours ago, unblocktheplanet said:

[Opinion. This article caused me to reflect on what we leave behind. Donnie & Bennie will go down in history, you & I won’t. In fact, most who are remembered by history are those that were most evil. 

The people on those planes and who died in the Towers are long forgotten except by their families.

My father always said that the only way we live on is when the anecdotes which marked our lives are told. When those who cannot remember those anecdotes, you are well & truly dead.

The legacy I’ve nurtured is by acting against war and injustice. I am unyielding in this pursuit but with no hate or anger in my heart. I just do what is necessary no matter the consequences.

And you? What will you be remembered for?]

What legacy do we leave behind when we die? As Sam Neill taught me, it’s more about sweetness than ego

As men we’re often taught to chase lives defined by vanity and hollow expressions. But genuine decency lasts far longer than any name on a building

Clarke Gayford

The Guardian: 18 Aug 2026

SOURCE: https://www.theguardian.com/world/commentisfree/2026/aug/18/clarke-gayford-sam-neill-death-life-legacy-of-decency

Occasionally, in our lives, there are markers that arrive with enough strength to hop us off the treadmill just long enough to remind ourselves that everyone’s race has a finish line, and none of us are getting out of this jolly for free.

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One of these blots is often when someone we know passes away.

I always find the saddest part of a funeral the idea that the deceased will never hear the nice words being shared around the room in that moment. Our online world has enhanced this grieving process with posthumous accolades flowing from friends and strangers alike, creating yet more space for others to add comment as well. These modern outpourings help shape a fuller picture of the person we’ve just lost and what that person meant to others.

The recent death of the New Zealand acting legend Sam Neill is one such marker for so many of us. It was in the outpouring of words for Sir Sam after his death that we got a better glimpse of the person behind the actor, and a wonderful mosaic of a life properly lived.

In New Zealand’s Māori culture, there is a saying that “the kumara (sweet potato) never speaks of its own sweetness”, an adage Sam lived by. Those who read and listened to the many tributes for him all got to collectively enjoy this hidden sweetness, learning how he had selflessly affected those in his orbit and beyond. That’s not a legacy of ego, but a legacy of presence and genuine human decency.

Some men (and it’s nearly always men) spend their life striving for a tainted version of legacy. It presents in the extremes of authoritarianism, with insatiable desires to have names on buildings, excessive money in banks or statues in streets. Men, who may be trying to soothe the gnawing hole left by the lack of attention from their own dads, who were perhaps absent as they too chased straw deity legacies of their own.

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Who the f are Donnie and Bennie?

At least as far as my remaining family in the US, they have forgotten me already.

11 hours ago, unblocktheplanet said:

The legacy I’ve nurtured is by acting against war and injustice. I am unyielding in this pursuit but with no hate or anger in my heart. I just do what is necessary no matter the consequences.

And you? What will you be remembered for?]

Nobody will remember you for talking.

Especially because it's mostly unhinged nonsense.

36 minutes ago, JerryM said:

At least as far as my remaining family in the US, they have forgotten me already.

Out of sight, out of mind.

11 minutes ago, Mr Awesome said:

Out of sight, out of mind.

Sure but in my case more complicated than that.

Just now, JerryM said:

Sure but in my case more complicated than that .

This doesn’t sound good, or maybe it is. I’m not sure.

23 minutes ago, Mr Awesome said:

Out of sight, out of mind.

Except with a few, I'm at that stage already, as only talk with about 5 people back in USA. Other few here are mine or wife's family.

Anyone going down memory lane in USA, will be like ... "LA, he crapped a little while ago. Damn he was a crazy bastard. You remember when he ...." That will be a long list of silly ass sh!t.

Here, TH ... "WOW, what a guy, miss him" ❤️

2 hours ago, HappyExpat57 said:

Over the last day or two the world lost a great man and I'm proud to say a good friend of mine. He was a former ThaiVisa mod who went by the online name Scott. RIP my friend. Scott won't be remembered for his time online.

Scott was also an advisor to a former US Vice President, I'm not sure which one and that doesn't matter. Again, he won't be remembered for his political contributions.

What will he be remember for? He was a teacher/head of the English department for five school branches in the largest private school system in Southeast Asia (if you know, you know). He was loved by students and teachers. He had that "thing" when he walked in a room, you knew he was there. His charisma and charm electrified the air. He and I would share jokes that would have gotten us fired if we were in the US.

Scott will be remembered over the next generation, then his memory will fade.

I have had a personal conviction to be an encourager whenever possible, particularly to young people. I used to be a summer camp counselor for abused and neglected children. We received special training for dealing with such kids, and an important lesson was you will never know how or when you say or do something that will influence a young one, and it can stick with them rest of their lives. They will remember you.

Being a teacher, I know I will be remembered by many of my students, mostly positively and a few I locked horns with. And when they go, my memory will go, too, but if you can put out positive energies and infect someone else with that same thing, they may pass it on. And that's just the way it is.

Did you twist their ear while walking beside them when they misbehaved?

Or throw erasers and hit them in the head when not paying attention in class ?

Or whack a ruler across their knuckles when they acted up in class?

If not, you didn’t teach at a Catholic school.

12 minutes ago, HolmesEquivelant said:

Did you twist their ear while walking beside them when they misbehaved?

Or throw erasers and hit them in the head when not paying attention in class ?

Or whack a ruler across their knuckles when they acted up in class?

If not, you didn’t teach at a Catholic school.

THAT brings back some unpleasant memories! I gotta tell you, I have had music in my soul since birth. I was playing piano at 4 years old and have been paid handsomely as a part timer in ensembles and a one man act. In the 4th Grade at Mt Carmel Catholic School, we had this nun, Sister Andrew, who thought herself quite the maestro. While the class was singing a song, she bent her head down to listen to me, and actually sent a note home to my parents that I couldn't sing. What she failed to understand is I was singing harmony.

And DON'T get me started on all that effing nonsense about casting doom and gloom on impressionable young minds with the concept of original sin. Native American Indians didn't even have a word for sin, that concept was completely foreign to them.

33 minutes ago, HolmesEquivelant said:

Did you twist their ear while walking beside them when they misbehaved?

Or throw erasers and hit them in the head when not paying attention in class ?

Or whack a ruler across their knuckles when they acted up in class?

If not, you didn’t teach at a Catholic school.

Not all teachers in Catholic schools were like that, although many nuns and a couple of lay teachers in my experience were. Some nuns were very congenial and never hit the students, as well as those lay teachers that didn't. One lay teacher , Miss DeCosmo, was a little harsh, banging the heads of students on the black board when they messed up, including mine. A Mr. Pisani, from the same school, was a very nice man. The only punishment he gave was detention, and everyone liked him. Rulers and erasers were used in that school also.

10 minutes ago, fredwiggy said:

Not all teachers in Catholic schools were like that, although many nuns and a couple of lay teachers in my experience were. Some nuns were very congenial and never hit the students, as well as those lay teachers that didn't. One lay teacher , Miss DeCosmo, was a little harsh, banging the heads of students on the black board when they messed up, including mine. A Mr. Pisani, from the same school, was a very nice man. The only punishment he gave was detention, and everyone liked him. Rulers and erasers were used in that school also.

The harsh ones are more fun to reminisce about.

My son will remember me. My wife will remember me. And most importantly, my students will remember me. (I'm still in close contact with students I taught 40-50 years ago. All grown now with kids of their own.)
This is more than enough for me.

1 hour ago, HappyExpat57 said:

THAT brings back some unpleasant memories! I gotta tell you, I have had music in my soul since birth. I was playing piano at 4 years old and have been paid handsomely as a part timer in ensembles and a one man act. In the 4th Grade at Mt Carmel Catholic School, we had this nun, Sister Andrew, who thought herself quite the maestro. While the class was singing a song, she bent her head down to listen to me, and actually sent a note home to my parents that I couldn't sing. What she failed to understand is I was singing harmony.

And DON'T get me started on all that effing nonsense about casting doom and gloom on impressionable young minds with the concept of original sin. Native American Indians didn't even have a word for sin, that concept was completely foreign to them.

I fail to see any difference between Christian religious education, and the madrassas of Islam. Both are exercises in brainwashing children into believing in an entity for which there is no evidence. To me, it is child abuse.

3 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I fail to see any difference between Christian religious education, and the madrassas of Islam. Both are exercises in brainwashing children into believing in an entity for which there is no evidence. To me, it is child abuse.

So you will be remembered as an atheist?

I will be remembered as an argumentative person on internet forums.

Edited August 20Aug 20 by save the frogs

1 hour ago, fredwiggy said:

Not all teachers in Catholic schools were like that, although many nuns and a couple of lay teachers in my experience were. Some nuns were very congenial and never hit the students, as well as those lay teachers that didn't. One lay teacher , Miss DeCosmo, was a little harsh, banging the heads of students on the black board when they messed up, including mine. A Mr. Pisani, from the same school, was a very nice man. The only punishment he gave was detention, and everyone liked him. Rulers and erasers were used in that school also.

Nowadays, Miss DeCosmo could find herself charged with assault. And rightly so, potentially inflicting CTE on developing children.

IME the best teachers commanded a room with their presence, and by getting students interested in what they were teaching. The poor ones either went through the motions, or needed to get physical to control students.

I remember once reading something by William Somerset Maugham, he said if you have a book published you achieve some degree of immortality because it could be decades, even centuries, later somebody reads your book and they are in your world, seeing things as you saw them. So I feel fortunate that I had a book of Thailand travel stories published in the late 1990s, it's out of print now, but copies are around, in some libraries, and decades, possibly centuries after my death hopefully someone will read my travel stories and have a laugh and imagine what it was like to sitting in a longtail boat taking off from Ao Nang, Krabi and heading for the Phi Phi Islands.

55 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

I fail to see any difference between Christian religious education, and the madrassas of Islam. Both are exercises in brainwashing children into believing in an entity for which there is no evidence. To me, it is child abuse.

You have your reasons why you don't believe in God, and most of the world has their reasons why we do. Teaching your child the most important thing in their life isn't child abuse. If they're taught that God exists, they might live their lives following God's commandments, which are obviously good rules, and they will go to heaven.

If there isn't a God, they won't be hurt in any way and will have lived their lives as decent people, hopefully, and will just die and go nowhere.

Child abuse is neglecting, abusing or both. Everyone goes into adulthood and has free will to choose their beliefs, even if they were taught about any gods.

48 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Nowadays, Miss DeCosmo could find herself charged with assault. And rightly so, potentially inflicting CTE on developing children.

IME the best teachers commanded a room with their presence, and by getting students interested in what they were teaching. The poor ones either went through the motions, or needed to get physical to control students.

Children are still hit in schools, in Thailand especially, even though it's against the laws, as corporal punishment is a large part of Thai society, and if parents hit their children, they are more likely to let teachers "keep them in line" at school. I've seen it numerous times by a few teachers, and had to stop it in my daughter's school.

How will people remember you?

I believe the proverb "out of sight, out of mind" just about covers it. Anecdotes survive only as long as the people who know them.

The most important people in anyone's lives will be remembered with a smile or disgust. parents being the most important are first and foremost. People who are politicians, especially those who are involved in wars or good actions, along with certain TV personalities and sports figures are next, mainly because there is TV. Anyone who has either helped or hurt someone in good or bad ways will also be remembered. My children and family will remember me as someone who cared enough to stick around and put their lives before mine in most ways, making sure they were as prepared to enter the world as I could make them.

Edited August 20Aug 20 by fredwiggy

This goes back to the what Life is about.

The notion I tend to follow is helping and contributing to others when I can. Trying to bring joy and laughter to people. Teaching the children so they can grow and be better prepared, have more knowledge and experience for their future.

Hopefully that is how I am remembered.

I believe we all have areas of strength where we can contribute and help others.

When my Father passed the memorial was in a small church, probably held 150 people and it was packed with people standing in the back and down the hall.

Helping others brought a lot of joy to him and the people he helped.

Wasn't till later that I thought how big an impact he made on others that they would all take the time, effort and travel from other states to pay their respects.

Next time your out try to spread a little joy to someone

2 hours ago, FolkGuitar said:

My son will remember me. My wife will remember me. And most importantly, my students will remember me. (I'm still in close contact with students I taught 40-50 years ago. All grown now with kids of their own.)
This is more than enough for me.

2 hours ago, FolkGuitar said:

My son will remember me. My wife will remember me. And most importantly, my students will remember me. (I'm still in close contact with students I taught 40-50 years ago. All grown now with kids of their own.)
This is more than enough for me.

Apparently, @BritManToo disagrees.

I guess it must not be enough for me.

Who knew? Thanks for the help, Britmantoo.

9 minutes ago, FolkGuitar said:

Apparently, @BritManToo disagrees.

I guess it must not be enough for me.

Who knew? Thanks for the help, Britmantoo.

He's having a bad day. Don't take it personally.