Best Smart Ass Answer

[Chris Lawrence]

SMART bum ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the

flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John

asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART bum ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his

trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need

to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART bum ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but

she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do

these turkeys get any bigger?' The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're

dead.'

SMART bum ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for

speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the

officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a

ticket.

SMART bum ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that

read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of

him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the

truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?' The

truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of fuel!

SMART bum ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009 !!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class,

I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might

consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death

in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A

smart-bum student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What

would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter

sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student,

shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam

with your other hand.'

A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nud_e looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy

with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,

fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband

replied, 'Your eyesight's Perfect'.

P.S. Husband is expected to get out of the hospital in 2 weeks