Were You A Dishy Young Man (when Under 25)?

[Jingthing]

So going under the assumption that gay men being men are rather visually oriented and that the youngman period is the glorified age of life for gay men, it occurred to me that it would be rather sad to have NEVER been dishy. So just curious about the oldies here, and lets face it, most of us are well past 30 (gay man's 60), were you a dishy twink?

Edited October 25, 2009 by Jingthing

[PeaceBlondie]

Aside from the fact I wasn't actively gay until 43...

Define dishy

[Jingthing]

Good looking. Good enough to eat!

[sbk]

I bet PB was dishy, from photos I've seen, he's still pretty cute.

[Jingthing]

So many super dishy? Hmmm.

[PeaceBlondie]

I bet PB was dishy, from photos I've seen, he's still pretty cute.

You bet I was. Got some photos of age 18 but can't download them.

Come up and see me some time.

[bangsecks]

Yeah, what is dishy, good looking? I guess I don't know how to answer that. I'm told I'm hot all the time in Thailand, whatever that means. Do you ever, honestly, think you're good looking generally, say in my case, symmetrical features, naturally thin arching eyebrows, a cool cowlick off to the side, big eyes, nice straight teeth, but there is something ugly about you too? In my case I have kind of a sharp point nose and kind of smallish chin/mouth area, so they kind of don't go together. I guess my face is dishy for the most part, but I've never been in shape, I'm too hairy and I'm not tall. Thank you for this opportunity to talk about myself.

[PeaceBlondie]

Two crewcut shots at age 18 and Blondie at 14. Can't upload

[villagefarang]

Okay not gay, but if dishy is not the sole domain of the non-hetro, I would say that coming to Thailand in my very early twenties sure made me feel super dishy. Back home I was second tier normal dishy. Now I am just old. Those were good days, as I remember. Everyone should have the opportunity to at least feel as if they are super something in their lives.

[samuibeachcomber]

ok we've established you dont have to be gay to be dishy,am i right? I think we all think we're dishy in our 20's.but its a down hill battle after the 20's until you come to thailand and you hear"come here you hansome man! so there's life after death after all.

[Jingthing]

ok we've established you dont have to be gay to be dishy,am i right? I think we all think we're dishy in our 20's.but its a down hill battle after the 20's until you come to thailand and you hear"come here you hansome man! so there's life after death after all.

Right, you don't have to be gay to be dishy (in fact, its irrelevant). But NO! NO! NO! Just being a young man does NOT make you dishy! Most aren't. Now that's gay.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Jingthing

[alyx]

Well let's put it this way: when I was 18/20 people thought I was between 30 and 35

I was not attractive (by European standards; it makes a huge difference compared to this country's standards- not complaining though) but it never stopped from getting (most of the time) what I wanted

Now years have gone by but, agewise, things seem to get better as people are surprised to know how old I am (but really it doesn't matter to me as I find I have enjoyed, in a different way of course, but enjoyed for sure, every jump in the next category (20 to 30, 30 to 40...)

Looking back I am quite happy I was not as handsome as some of my friends: I saw them some years later and all they could say was that they used to be handsome; they seemed to regret those times (it is understandable) and I guess it is difficult to adapt

For the rest of us, who consider themselves as ordinary, unattractive persons we still have one thing: Charm and that....whatever age one is, one has it

And it works

[sbk]

Charm goes far alyx. Very far

[Jingthing]

If you were never the least bit dishy, the bright side is you never have to suffer the feeling of loss of your comeliness. Similar I suppose to being rich and then being poor, probably harder to handle that way than if never rich. However, for me the loss part was worth the experiences I had being cock of the walk (and I was "only" dishy, never super dishy) ... and yes, even the memories.

I remember quite well the utter rude cruel reality of no longer being such man bait. A coworker said to me at about age 35, you know you're not as cute as you think. Ouch!

I must also say it feels very weird using the word dishy so much in this thread. It is a retro word I have never actually used much, but I find it more evocative and whimsical than hot or whatever the current disherati are saying these days. I also think dishy is more inclusive a word than hot or other words, as it can mean a muscled guy, a cute guy, or really anyone too luscious to not notice. By now, with this male beauty stuff, I think I might have scared away the not so gay, so sorry.

Actually, I was just thinking about it, and I was indeed super dishy for a short period of time while I was only 13. I couldn't handle the attention from the girls, so subconsciously decided to ruin my looks (fat) for awhile until more ripe and ready for prime time.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Jingthing

[alyx]

Charm goes far alyx. Very far

You bet

[elkangorito]

I was an ugly duckiling (so I thought) when I was young. I think my looks have improved with age. Shall I post a pic? (not to be used for a dart board).

[Ijustwannateach]

I was probably so-so at best. However, I think I've had more attractive periods since- relative to my actual age, of course. It's all relative- some were blessed with really good young looks through no responsibility of their own- but is it so sad that others were not so blessed, or that those who were might define the value of their selves- for the rest of their lives- by that short, arbitrary period? Could it be so hard to let go for some people that they never learn to appreciate the good looks (and other benefits) of mature men and chase after twinks long after it has started to seem, well, embarrassing? Could there be a connection?

[Jingthing]

I don't really know if it is so sad for those who were never dishy. You can't know what is missed if you never experienced it. Having experienced it, I would not want to have missed it. Most of us adapt somehow to the cards we are dealt. As far as your theory, that those who were good looking when young have a higher incidence of twink lust when aged is interesting, but clearly just a shot in the dark, unless you can point to some kind of study.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Jingthing

[PeaceBlondie]

Frankly, I was dishy.....

[Ijustwannateach]

Dishy, dishy, PB! But I don't usually go for blonds...

JT, just teasing you- but partly serious- as you probably know already, looks aren't everything. Or are they? If looks fade, does life go on? Were you still obsessed with looks at 35? Are you today?

The guys I've had the most fun with have been the least dishy- or as Shakespeare put it,

My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;

If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,

But no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some perfumes is there more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak, yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound;

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare.

[Jingthing]

Were you still obsessed with looks at 35? Are you today?

I really don't think so and don't see any point at getting so personal. I just started this topic because I thought it was interesting. The idea came as I was looking at a gay website with contact ads with Thai young men and most of them were young, yes, but decidedly not particularly attractive. Yes, I do realize people's concept of beauty differs but on the other hand there are some people who are stunners and very few don't see it, they turn heads everywhere. It made me think that life might be different for people who were never dishy, even while young. I start topics here on many different subjects and the only area of interest I am really obsessed about is FOOD.

Cheers.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Jingthing

[Ijustwannateach]

Didn't mean to touch a nerve, JT- but if I did maybe it serves as good material for reflection. You've been very revealing about yourself on this thread- bravely- and it's not my intention to give you trouble.

I think the whole obsession with youth and "looks" as the main basis for attraction- and the presumption that one is the prerequisite for the other- either in ourselves or in our partners- is one of the most harmful myths and weaknesses of media culture, and is especially harmful for gay men.

If we can't find ourselves attractive- at whatever age- what do we think our partners are doing, then? Here's to sexy, dishy gay men- of all ages.

[Jingthing]

I don't subscribe to the "we are all brainwashed by media" theory. The reasons why we find some people attractive or not attractive is much deeper than that and probably starts while we are babies. Yes, culture is an influence but not the only one.

Edited October 25, 2009 by Jingthing

[Jingthing]

If we can't find ourselves attractive- at whatever age- what do we think our partners are doing, then? Here's to sexy, dishy gay men- of all ages.

I am sorry but this comes off as PC twaddle. Can't we face the reality that MOST people are not especially attractive just as most people are not intellectually brilliant? In the US, there is a cultural thrust to boost the self esteem of all young people, even the totally incompetent, how silly is that to have self esteem rooted in delusion? BTW, the word DISHY really does evoke attractive young men. To call a 40 year old dishy would be weird. On the other hand, my intention was certainly not to conjure up some kind of chicken-thread.

Edited October 26, 2009 by Jingthing

[Ijustwannateach]

Well, since you *do* want to discuss this after all, I would ask: where did you get your idea for what 'dishy' means? Why can't a 40yo be 'dishy,' 'yummy,' or what have you? Is the delusion that a wide variety of attractiveness exists, or that only a very few individuals defined by movies, advertising, etc., are actually attractive? Perhaps the first of these ideas (that there is a wide variety of attractiveness) threatens the image you have of yourself as having been 'special' for a short time as a young man? Has holding on to that perception (and its subsequent loss) really been of benefit to you (this are questions you raised yourself in reverse, so I think they're fair!)?

[villagefarang]

I'm with Jing. Hot is hot and not is not. Very few people are worth a second glance, let alone a long lustful jaw-dropping stare.

[PeaceBlondie]

And haven't we all noticed that many of those who are abnormally well endowed with rrreally large sex organs or a gorgeous face, flaunt it? And expect you to pay for it, one way or the other? And don't think you deserve their best?

And Norchai Normal tries harder to make you harder?

[onni4me]

I posted an answer with a pic when I was 16 with my friend and it was removed saying that I was insinuating...

OK, if I can't even adore myself when I was young innocent lad then this will be the last post ever.

Have a gay day! Nothing dishy here I see!

Edited October 26, 2009 by onni4me

[Ijustwannateach]

I don't know who deleted your photo, Onni4me, but we do have to be careful. To that end, here are some tentative guidelines for posting photos (at least in this subforum):

Guidelines For Posting Photos On Thaivisa

On Thaivisa we cannot be sure of the history of images posted, and like all large websites we have to be careful to respect individual rights and the law. Therefore, when posting photos, keep the following guidelines in mind:

1. First of all, the general Thaivisa forum rules (regarding pornography, etc.) should be followed.

2. Linking to images existing on other websites is generally fine (if acceptable under rule#1), subject to copyright restrictions of the site you are linking from.

3. When uploading your own photos, please avoid photos that depict sleeping or potentially underage individuals (or any other context in which permission of those photographed is questionable), especially if depicted as being of prurient interest. If any doubts exist, the photos will probably be removed at moderator/admin discretion.

4. If anyone raises objections over the posting of a photo (related to copyright, personal rights, etc.), it will most likely be removed.

I hope all of you will understand that these guidelines are for the legal protection of the forum and its members.

[Jingthing]

Well, since you *do* want to discuss this after all, I would ask: where did you get your idea for what 'dishy' means? Why can't a 40yo be 'dishy,' 'yummy,' or what have you? Is the delusion that a wide variety of attractiveness exists, or that only a very few individuals defined by movies, advertising, etc., are actually attractive? Perhaps the first of these ideas (that there is a wide variety of attractiveness) threatens the image you have of yourself as having been 'special' for a short time as a young man? Has holding on to that perception (and its subsequent loss) really been of benefit to you (this are questions you raised yourself in reverse, so I think they're fair!)?

-- I got the idea of the use of the word dishy from personal experience in America. It is not used to describe older guys. It is use to describe especially toothsome young men, at least in common usage. You are free to use it to describe anyone you like but I think it is more useful to use words in the way they are usually understood. For example, the ladies seem to like George Klooney for some reason, an attractive older man (though not my type), they call him a handsome man.

-- Of course a 40 year old can be an attractive 40 year old, no doubt, who looks 40. There are some freakish exceptions where an attractive 40 year old really looks like an attractive 25 year old. The guy who actually looks 40 is not dishy, the rare exception that looks much younger than his years can be dishy. Again, dishy is inclusive of different kinds of attractiveness, but in my opinion it really is a word to describe young men.

-- I reject your media brainwashing idea, I just do. I know what I like, and most of you do too.

-- It is my opinion that the majority of gay men (NOT ALL!) find younger men more attractive than old men, even when they themselves have grown older. The same is true for straight men being more attracted to younger women. No amount of PC platitudes will change this perhaps base reality. I think you could probably find many academic studies to back up my assertion (but I am too lazy to do that so I will call it only an opinion).

-- Another non-PC opinion: I feel for mainstream gay men the ages of 18 to 25 (or 30) are the golden years of desirability, when if we are in the least bit attractive, most gay men want us. Base, but real, why be afraid of reality? This is different than the hetero universe, where most women don't want anything to do with young guys like that. Straight men peak later in their desirability to women, again, my non-PC opinion. Try being a dumpy 50 year old walking into a West Hollywood gay bar, it isn't pretty, it isn't nice, but it is real.

-- Yes my attractive period was definitely a benefit to me. Attractive people attract more success in free societies. They are more likely to get the job, more likely to make a lucrative networking connection that can change their life, usually for the better. Again, these are base realities, not very nice, but still very, very real.

Edited October 26, 2009 by Jingthing