Did I Make Her Lose Face?

[neverdie]

^yeah to think i use to have a problem with premature ejeculation

[mrtoad]

^yeah to think i use to have a problem with premature ejeculation

Only in moderation.

[DegenFarang]

Can't believe this topic has generated so much interest. If ThaiVisa will give me a cut of the ad revenues I'll post all of my relationship problems here in the future

As expected, when I asked her if her and her sister were actually lesbian lovers, she burst out laughing and had to cover her mouth not to spit out the food she was eating. Not conclusive evidence by any means but I'm going to go with, no, they are probably not dikes.

[neverdie]

Degen, you are one of a kind.

[DegenFarang]

As far as your GF losing face? How well do you know her? if i tell my wife that i do not feel like hanging out with her and her friends for whatever reason, then this is respected, and nobody loses face. I never feel obligated to pick up a big tab either, so talk it out with your GF. Communication is your friend!

Know her pretty well but she typically doesn't hang out with many friends. Usually just her sister and one other friend. I don't even know if she knew most of these girls. So this situation had never come up for us before.

And I would not have felt obligated to pick up the tab - I'm so sorry I ever even put that in my OP. They all have jobs, they would not have expected me to pay - I just would have, thats how I am. I know I make far more every month than all of them combined and 300 or 400 baht per person would have been a lot of money to them.

No obligations. My girlfriend does not view me as an ATM. I have been with plenty of women who have and believe me I can tell the difference.

She may not view you as an ATM, but she obviously doesnt view you as a person. This whole thread was about you making her lose face.

Tell me, if you were dating a girl in your own country, arranged a nice evening out and she changed her plans to go out with her mates rather than her boyfriend, what would you do?

When in a mixed cultural relationship it should be a 50/50 split. (i dont mean money here) Losing face in Thailand is often used by a thai to gety what they want.

Instead of asking the 'did i make her lose face' question, i would be asking myself 'do i want to be with a women who would prefer to ruin our night out and go out with her friends at the drop of a hat' By choosing her friends its evident shed rather be with them than enjoy a romantic date with you!

She didn't ditch me to go out with them, I was invited to go along. Thai's are a communal people, group oriented. I was not and am not offended at all that she wanted to bring more people along with us. In the West I might be, but Thai's are different. You can't apply western standards of behaviors to the behaviors of Thai's just as you can't apply Thai standards to the behaviors of western women.

I can't imagine moving back to the states and expecting to be able to get married and have multiple mia noi's and have my wife turn a blind-eye to it, for instance. Nor could I expect to have a law in place saying I can rape my wife any time I want.

[DegenFarang]

now her pretty well but she typically doesn't hang out with many friends. Usually just her sister and one other friend. I don't even know if she knew most of these girls. So this situation had never come up for us before.

And I would not have felt obligated to pick up the tab - I'm so sorry I ever even put that in my OP. They all have jobs, they would not have expected me to pay - I just would have, thats how I am. I know I make far more every month than all of them combined and 300 or 400 baht per person would have been a lot of money to them.

No obligations. My girlfriend does not view me as an ATM. I have been with plenty of women who have and believe me I can tell the difference.

Of course you are not an atm lol.

You say your girlfriend and friends work? they all went out till the early hours this morning getting pissed so i doubt they have a daytime job? maybe work nights? wonder what kind of ''work'' that might do...

They came back from Suan Lum at around midnight. However even if they stayed out till 4, this is not uncommon for office girls. Party all night, get four hours sleep and go to work in the morning.

Why does everybody here assume bad character, intentions and morals? Not everything in Thailand is as it seems on Walking Street.

[DegenFarang]

Degen, you are one of a kind.

I just say what other people are thinking, but are too afraid to say.

[neverdie]

^ahh degen, I hate to be the barer of bad news.

[Tonto21]

#So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

What about your girlfriends respect for you? You stated you already made plans with your girlfriend, and sure, thing change, and you can go with the flow if you want, no worries. I love living in Thailand, But, (here we go) It do’s tic me off when I’m made to feel like I’m being disrespectful, or told, “your not Thai, you don’t understand our culture” Just so an argument can be won, or you are made to feel stupid and ignorant of “Thai life” maybe I will never grasp the inner working of the Thai though process , but one thing I know is you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to tell when your being taken for, granted, treated like a cash cow (ATM) or their fool. It makes no difference as to which other cultures we interact with; we ALL have the ability to know what’s going on when someone takes the p*ss. What separates us are the actions when we know!

[mrtoad]

^ahh degen, I hate to be the barer of bad news.

[slapout]

Well the op's girlfriend sounds like typical Thai, in that she started out going to eat, and in post 123 she was eating again so all is well.

[sassienie]

Can't believe this topic has generated so much interest. If ThaiVisa will give me a cut of the ad revenues I'll post all of my relationship problems here in the future

As expected, when I asked her if her and her sister were actually lesbian lovers, she burst out laughing and had to cover her mouth not to spit out the food she was eating. Not conclusive evidence by any means but I'm going to go with, no, they are probably not dikes.

I think the reason you keep responding to these posts, is that you have a strong uncertainty about this girl in your mind.

She probably has her own motives for what she does and another side to her life that doesn`t include you.

In other words, you are just a side line and I doubt if this so-called relationship has any long term prospects.

Edited November 3, 2009 by sassienie

[JUDAS]

Can't believe this topic has generated so much interest. If ThaiVisa will give me a cut of the ad revenues I'll post all of my relationship problems here in the future

As expected, when I asked her if her and her sister were actually lesbian lovers, she burst out laughing and had to cover her mouth not to spit out the food she was eating. Not conclusive evidence by any means but I'm going to go with, no, they are probably not dikes.

I think the reason you keep responding to these posts, is that you have a strong uncertainty about this girl in your mind.

She probably has her own motives for what she does and another side to her life that doesn`t include you.

In other words, you are just a side line and I doubt if this so-called relationship has any long term prospects.

"In other words, you are just a side line and I doubt if this so-called relationship has any long term prospects." I for one would like to be enlightened as to how you came that conclusion.

[Heng]

Tonight me and my girlfriend had planned to go to Queen Sirikit park for Loy Kratong. We had planned to go at 8:00 but then at 8:00 her sister called and said she wanted to eat with her. My girlfriend asked me to go, I declined and told them to call me when they were done, and I said I didn't mind if her sister came with us to Queen Sirikit Park. So I get a call at about 8:40 that they are done eating and I go and meet them. We then walk to their apartment so her sister could change and then walk to her sisters work (none of this planned but whatever). We are standing around forever waiting outside her sisters work and finally 6 Thai girls come out and my girlfriend and joins them and motions for me to come over. They then all start talking in Thai and saying up to you up to you, they are trying to figure out where to go as only Thai's can do. They finally decide upon Suan Lum Night Bizaare, a place I have no particular affection for and can't see the point of visiting on Loy Kratong. So they all start piling into taxi's and I make sure most of them are gone before I tell my girlfriend I'd rather go home and work - I said I wanted her to have fun with her friends and it would be odd for me to be the lone guy with 8 girls. She seemed upset about this and tried to resist getting in the taxi but I told her to go and come back to my place when she was finished. A secondary reason for me not going was that I'm sure I would have been expected to pick up the tab for whatever drinking they did - something I don't mind for 2 or 3 people but 9 is a bit much. However I wouldn't have minded if there were at least one or two other guys there.

So my question is, is she going to lose face with her friends when they all arrive at Suan Lum and I'm not there? Was I a dick for doing this or would other guys have done the same thing?

It's not nearly as complicated as folks like to make it out to be.

You tell your group of friends back in school that you have a date this evening with one of the better looking gals on campus. In fact you tell them that you just made it around the bases with her last weekend. She shows up to your party and over the course of the evening makes sure that everyone knows that none of that is true. Are you embarrassed at all? Pretty much the same thing.

p.s. um, this isn't some kind of catharsis

[hhgz]

"Was I a dick for doing this..."

No, you're a dick for not being able to answer a simple relationship question.

[DegenFarang]

Can't believe this topic has generated so much interest. If ThaiVisa will give me a cut of the ad revenues I'll post all of my relationship problems here in the future

As expected, when I asked her if her and her sister were actually lesbian lovers, she burst out laughing and had to cover her mouth not to spit out the food she was eating. Not conclusive evidence by any means but I'm going to go with, no, they are probably not dikes.

I think the reason you keep responding to these posts, is that you have a strong uncertainty about this girl in your mind.

She probably has her own motives for what she does and another side to her life that doesn`t include you.

In other words, you are just a side line and I doubt if this so-called relationship has any long term prospects.

No the reason I keep replying is I can't help myself arguing with idiots on the internet. Probably why I have been banned from like 5 forums.

I'm perfectly secure in my relationship, at least so far as the topics in this thread are concerned.

[YoungNRich12]

I have never understood the excitement of these celebratory occasions (song kran, new years, etc). Its just another night, only with one hundred times as many drunk drivers. How does being in an even more crowded bar than usual heighten the experience? I don't even care to go out during the weekends as I know everywhere will be packed. In my mind, I just think, wait until Monday morning when all the ants are uniformed and back to tunneling. I much prefer dead quiet restaurants where the bored waiting staff is practically patting my lips with a tissue because I am the only person there as opposed to having ask three times for your bill.

[DegenFarang]

"Was I a dick for doing this..."

No, you're a dick for not being able to answer a simple relationship question.

eh? You mean I'm a dick for not knowing whether or not she lost face?

It isn't a simple relationship question, it is a question of Thai culture. I know how an American woman would have felt, I was unsure how a Thai woman would have felt in this particular situation.

Every wonder why your Thai girlfriend gets really mad at you about things you think are trivial or where you don't think you did anything wrong at all? It is because you don't understand her and her culture. A blatant example is touching your girlfriend with your feet. In the west, perfectly fine. If in Thailand and you do it in public or in front of her family, she may even break up with you - or at the very least be extremely upset.

Edited November 3, 2009 by DegenFarang

[DegenFarang]

I have never understood the excitement of these celebratory occasions (song kran, new years, etc). Its just another night, only with one hundred times as many drunk drivers. How does being in an even more crowded bar than usual heighten the experience? I don't even care to go out during the weekends as I know everywhere will be packed. In my mind, I just think, wait until Monday morning when all the ants are uniformed and back to tunneling. I much prefer dead quiet restaurants where the bored waiting staff is practically patting my lips with a tissue because I am the only person there as opposed to having ask three times for your bill.

You must not go out looking for women too often

[Heng]

I have never understood the excitement of these celebratory occasions (song kran, new years, etc). Its just another night, only with one hundred times as many drunk drivers. How does being in an even more crowded bar than usual heighten the experience? I don't even care to go out during the weekends as I know everywhere will be packed. In my mind, I just think, wait until Monday morning when all the ants are uniformed and back to tunneling. I much prefer dead quiet restaurants where the bored waiting staff is practically patting my lips with a tissue because I am the only person there as opposed to having ask three times for your bill.

Tend to avoid holidays as well. There are plenty of folks out and about on Monday to Thursday and non-national holidays to socialize with.

[neverdie]

Can't believe this topic has generated so much interest. If ThaiVisa will give me a cut of the ad revenues I'll post all of my relationship problems here in the future

As expected, when I asked her if her and her sister were actually lesbian lovers, she burst out laughing and had to cover her mouth not to spit out the food she was eating. Not conclusive evidence by any means but I'm going to go with, no, they are probably not dikes.

I think the reason you keep responding to these posts, is that you have a strong uncertainty about this girl in your mind.

She probably has her own motives for what she does and another side to her life that doesn`t include you.

In other words, you are just a side line and I doubt if this so-called relationship has any long term prospects.

No the reason I keep replying is I can't help myself arguing with idiots on the internet. Probably why I have been banned from like 5 forums.

I'm perfectly secure in my relationship, at least so far as the topics in this thread are concerned.

Let me see, 5 thailand forums??? So no doubt you were a member previously here at thai visa and subsequently banned.

I wonder if I should start taking punts on how long you will last this time around....you seem to have alot of trouble fitting in places, don't you dengen?

[neverdie]

dengen......the temporary forum member!

[YoungNRich12]

Chasing women in Thailand is like catching fish in a pet store. If you need the advantage of a calendar or alcohol, you are doing it wrong.

[mrtoad]

Chasing women in Thailand is like catching fish in a pet store. If you need the advantage of a calendar or alcohol, you are doing it wrong.

Why would you need a calendar?

[MiG16]

it seems no one really has the need to discuss the topic any further

I am '-' this close to closing this thread

but will give it a couple of minutes to see where this goes.......

[Geekfreaklover]

These threads are like buses. There will be another one along soon.

[OxfordWill]

This is pretty simple. Yes she lost face if the friends had already left in other taxis and were expecting you to be there at the other end. They will assume you had a fight or something she did caused you to run off. Or they will worry they caused offence by crashing your night, and she will lose face because they lost face. However if they have enough experience with farangs they will chalk it up to craziness and if they are nice girls it wont be something that is a big issue. You should apologise to your girlfriend, insist it was about the work, do not bring up any other issue unless you want to because its a problem for your relationship, and invite her to bring her friends out some other time which is more suitable for you so you can restore some face for her.

Or not bother, up to you.

[t.s]

What doesn't add up between this thread and my ladyboy posts? I didn't get a good look at all of them and one of them actually did look sort of masculine, could have been a ladyboy. I don't really care, my girlfriend was by far the most attractive girl in the bunch so I didn't see it as 'oh boy me and 8 girls' I just saw it as 'oh fk i'm going to be sitting alone drinking beer while they all talk in Thai the whole time. Doesn't sound like fun to me. Me and 2-3 girls is fun - me and 8? Thats a bit much I think.

In recent posts you have said that you have been here a fairly long time and have been around the block, you then say in this thread you say you don't know anything about Loy Kratong.

what are you? a f*cking detective? the man made an interesting post, has responded to all questions asked directly and you are focusing on remarks he has made in an entirely different thread. what are you trying to prove? what do you hope to acheive? give it a rest sherlock.

ive been here 14 years and i have no idea what macha bucha day is all about. does that mean i am lying?

[fletchsmile]

..

in terms of footing the bill: unless the host has explicitly invited people and stated they are footing the bill Thais do NOT assume some guy will have to pick up the bill. at least not the Thais I know.

These 8 young ladies don't sound anything like you MIG. Totally different class I'd say.

The MIG we know wears some very alluring polka dot dresses and is never short of male company should she desire it.

But these 8 girls could only attract one guy between them on a special day like Loy Krathong - and even then that was a degenerate farang.

[neverdie]

ive been here 14 years and i have no idea what macha bucha day is all about. does that mean i am lying?

t.s'. I don't take you as the lying type, but please dont use such harsh words when referring to detectives

Perhaps the OP could indicate to us now if he understands what is going on with his GF and her loss of face or lack there of, if so kapiche - do your thing MIG.