Where Do You Think You Stand In The Family Pecking Order

[cognos]

Your ranking in the family will depend on how much you bring to the family, if you are a lazy useless drunk with no money then you might get your meal before the dog. If you are wealthy with a Uni degree, contribute lots to the family you will be number one.

..not to beat too heavily on Drum's drum.. but garyh has basically nailed it to the wall.. you get what you put in, the give and take of all relationships, with communication at the heart of the matter

[skipvice]

Your ranking in the family will depend on how much you bring to the family, if you are a lazy useless drunk with no money then you might get your meal before the dog. If you are wealthy with a Uni degree, contribute lots to the family you will be number one.

..not to beat too heavily on Drum's drum.. but garyh has basically nailed it to the wall.. you get what you put in, the give and take of all relationships, with communication at the heart of the matter

Thats what I said only different (same same)

My quote

I think its all about how much money you pass around to the family

[canuckamuck]

I am not sure I understand what is meant by rank.

If you mean who does she listen to, then I would say probably whoever she spoke to last.

But in terms of loyalty, I would say it is neck and neck between her mom, her sister and I (depends on the moon I think)

Her brother and father aren't even on the radar scale.

However if my parents make any suggestion, they definitely outrank all others.

My wife adores my folks and vice versa.

[Somtamnication]

Let me see....... Wife is the youngest of the siblings. The order is: Dad, Mom, older tomboy sister who always asks for money, very dark skinned brother who is the black sheep of the family, 2nd. brother who never helps family when he gets paid.....then, if you look in the closet, deeply under some blankets, unused bhudda amulets and old underwear......... is me.

[cognos]

"...I am not sure I understand what is meant by rank..."

min mak

[cognos]

"..But in terms of loyalty, I would say it is neck and neck between her mom, her sister and I (depends on the moon I think).."

and the horses are in the home stretch..mom is in the lead, followed closely by sister and farang's star...its.. its..a PHOTO FINISH...Mom, sister and farangs's star.. folks we'll check the camera's to determine this, but I am quite certain that farangs's star edged into the tie, thus beating the odds.. my gawd!!! what a PAYOFF!!

[Gary A]

Why would I care where I "RANK"? As long as my wife takes care of me, I have no room to complain. No one takes advantage of my wife except for her very young nephews. She does spoil them. The money she spends on the junk toys and crap she buys for them is her money. Before anyone asks where that money comes from, she makes her own money and she works hard for that money. When a man marries a young immature girl, he should expect his wife's family to have a lot of influence on her.

[canuckamuck]

lol @ Cognos

[Dakhar]

Your ranking in the family will depend on how much you bring to the family, if you are a lazy useless drunk with no money then you might get your meal before the dog. If you are wealthy with a Uni degree, contribute lots to the family you will be number one.

..not to beat too heavily on Drum's drum.. but garyh has basically nailed it to the wall.. you get what you put in, the give and take of all relationships, with communication at the heart of the matter

Thats what I said only different (same same)

My quote

I think its all about how much money you pass around to the family

I am a uni-degree, make a good sum etc... but the wife's family already has money,

so.... bottom of the bucket

Edited December 27, 2009 by Dakhar

[torrenova]

Whilst how the girl makes her money when you meet her is important, it is perhaps more important how the parents and family make theirs. If there does not appear to be some productive activity to put food on the table then it may well put pressure on your partner and push her to choose who is more important. In most cases the guy will come second. In those cases, he should chuck her to the curb and move on unless he is willing to be a constant source of cash for their desires which they are not prepared to work for themselves.

[neverdie]

drum, that is me counting down towards warnings and closings.... u seem to be having a bad hair day.

bina

bina, when I first read that I thought you were getting excited about New Years Eve

[carmine]

You stand on the bottom rung because you are not Thai, and the reason you don't already know this is???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!

[garyh]

I am not sure I understand what is meant by rank.

If you mean who does she listen to, then I would say probably whoever she spoke to last.

But in terms of loyalty, I would say it is neck and neck between her mom, her sister and I (depends on the moon I think)

Her brother and father aren't even on the radar scale.

However if my parents make any suggestion, they definitely outrank all others.

My wife adores my folks and vice versa.

Every Thai ranks themselves against others, that why they ask you how old you are, what is your profession etc. If you are unaware of this (If you live in Thailand you should know) the book "Culture Shock Thailand' may be well worth reading.

[lioness]

An old englishman I know, got divorced from his first Thai wife, he said I never really did matter to you, did I? you thought of me as the dog. She assured him he was wrong, more like the flea on the dog.

[languageexpress]

Just out of interest...where do you reckon a Thai hubby would rank with his Thai wife's family?

[carmine]

Just out of interest...where do you reckon a Thai hubby would rank with his Thai wife's family?

He would imediately start on the next rung up from a foreigner

[canuckamuck]

Every Thai ranks themselves against others, that why they ask you how old you are, what is your profession etc. If you are unaware of this (If you live in Thailand you should know) the book "Culture Shock Thailand' may be well worth reading.

Been here almost 7 years, married for 5. I am pretty sure I am past culture shock.

But thanks for the advice

[drum]

"...I am not sure I understand what is meant by rank..."

min mak

im not sure what (min mak) means mak-to much min ?

[kikoman]

My wife listens to what I say, but she also listens to her mother's advise, There is no ranking, We are a family and tend to the needs of the 4 under my roof, my wife, two daughters and I .

Her parents have their own income and 2 homes one in Bangkok, One in the village.They take care of themselves.

My wife had her own job , Two jobs that I asked her to quit. She is 40 years old and not from the bar crowd.

You can not be taken advantage of unless you allow it.

Cheers:

[MAJIC]

As a partner, you are down on the list.

Family is first.

nothing new.

Seems this thread will not last long,Steven has got it in one. Some will not choose to believe that they are a poor second but thats the God honest truth,take it or leave it.

[473geo]

Just out of interest...where do you reckon a Thai hubby would rank with his Thai wife's family?

He would imediately start on the next rung up from a foreigner

Funny....I have one relative who has been on lao kao for a while...still manages to hold down a job.....but I think his wife keeps moving the ladder.....at the moment I doubt he knows where it is!!!...

[whichschool]

As a partner, you are down on the list.

Family is first.

nothing new.

If this theory is correct then either the mother or father in law is still on a lower rung of the ladder as one had to marry into the others family, unless of course the inlaws were already family when they married.

Luckily for me i know nothing of this family pecking order jazz and care even less where someone else sees me in it.

Farang think too much when it comes to this kind of talk.

[torrenova]

.......Farang think too much when it comes to this kind of talk.

Oh dear, another one who has gone "native" and now quotes the same excuse Thais use when they don't want to admit that they are or could even possibly be wrong. I am English, a westerner perhaps but never a "farang". They may call me a farang but I will never admit to being one nor use the derogatory term myself.

[bifftastic]

Of the many aspects of life which are spectacularly different in Thailand compared to the East End of London where I grew up, this one is remarkably similar.

I'm 4th, the order goes as follows;

1. Children

2. Mum (Dad's no longer with us)

3. Family (sisters, brothers)

4. Me

5. Cats

6. Dogs

7. Everything else

(4 and 5 are interchangeable depending on the lunar calendar)

[IMA_FARANG]

I guess I got some criticisim from people on this thread...but I am not unhappy with my "standing" in my family.

My Thai wife's children love and respect me...and they call me Daddy...even though they are all over 25 years old now.

My Thai wife, 30 years ago, when we first met, made her children "wai" me when they came home everyday from school. If they hadn't she would have kicked their a**. She made it clear to them that I was the one paying for their education and who kept them fed.

My family does love me...I've had them say so many times. I've no problems with any of them. My children have said to me many times how much they respect and loved me. I have a good relationship with all of them, I treat them as though they were my children. And they respond to that.

But the point I wanted to make is that my wife's children are her close biological family. After all, she carried all of them for 9 months, didn't she. The grand daughter is the "future" of her family, also. Naturally, she loves them.

Like somebody else said on this thread....we are a family, and we all love and respect each other.

[caf]

I guess I got some criticisim from people on this thread...but I am not unhappy with my "standing" in my family.

My Thai wife's children love and respect me...and they call me Daddy...even though they are all over 25 years old now.

My Thai wife, 30 years ago, when we first met, made her children "wai" me when they came home everyday from school. If they hadn't she would have kicked their a**. She made it clear to them that I was the one paying for their education and who kept them fed.

My family does love me...I've had them say so many times. I've no problems with any of them. My children have said to me many times how much they respect and loved me. I have a good relationship with all of them, I treat them as though they were my children. And they respond to that.

But the point I wanted to make is that my wife's children are her close biological family. After all, she carried all of them for 9 months, didn't she. The grand daughter is the "future" of her family, also. Naturally, she loves them.

Like somebody else said on this thread....we are a family, and we all love and respect each other.

"made her children "wai" me when they came home everyday from school. If they hadn't she would have kicked their a**. She made it clear to them that I was the one paying for their education"

So what does that tell you?

[mmushr00m]

lets twist this around...

I am sure there are times when the thai spouse gets asked this question as well.

So where does she/he stand in the pecking order of things? Lets be honest....I am sure the answers wont be that much diffrent then the answers on this thread.

Also look at it from an Asian perspective. Culturally in asia it is always family/blood first.

Edited December 28, 2009 by mmushr00m

[cuddleypete]

I agree with transam "Marry a Thai, marry the family" thai family first no matter what you got or how good you are.

[carmine]

.......Farang think too much when it comes to this kind of talk.

Oh dear, another one who has gone "native" and now quotes the same excuse Thais use when they don't want to admit that they are or could even possibly be wrong. I am English, a westerner perhaps but never a "farang". They may call me a farang but I will never admit to being one nor use the derogatory term myself.

Correct

[cognos]

My wife listens to what I say, but she also listens to her mother's advise, There is no ranking, We are a family and tend to the needs of the 4 under my roof, my wife, two daughters and I .

Her parents have their own income and 2 homes one in Bangkok, One in the village.They take care of themselves.

My wife had her own job , Two jobs that I asked her to quit. She is 40 years old and not from the bar crowd.

You can not be taken advantage of unless you allow it.

Cheers:

..finally some"normalcy".. its nice to see that some things are unchanging, timeless.. signed: this could have been written 100 years ago( bar crowd the exception)