Amicable Divorce: Checklist

[philo]

There is no need for a lawyer yet, but better safe than sorry.

The status is:

Thai wife

Two children: girl aged 3, boy aged 1 (both have Thai and farang passports)

One farang (me, that is)

A house (paid for by me)

A car (downpayment)

Some 40 rai of rubber plantation

If we divorce, I will pay my wife B 5000 a week (she is unable to budget, so paying weekly is better than monthly). I will also pay for BUPA health insurance for her and the children. In addition, I will pay all expences for the rubber plantation until it starts to give income (some trees are 5yo, some 1).

These are my concerns right now:

I do not want to sepate the children, and they are better off with their mother than with me. The boy I am not overly concerned about - he will be a Buddhist monk to make merit for his mother - and will get a decent education. But if my wife remarry, I will not let my daughter stay with a stepfather.

I want to 'cash out' the car, and transfer it to my name (I am not cheap, her father has a pick up, paid for by me (mostly)).

I would like to know other peoples thoughts about an 'amicable divorce'

[Brunus]

Does your wife agree to these conditions? If she doesn't the divorce won't be very amicable.

What I can see as the biggest problem is "I do not want to sepate the children, and they are better off with their mother than with me. The boy I am not overly concerned about - he will be a Buddhist monk to make merit for his mother - and will get a decent education. But if my wife remarry, I will not let my daughter stay with a stepfather."

If your wife divorces from you and she gets the custody of the kids, she has the right to remarry. I am not a Thai lawyer but I don't think a judge can order your wife not to remarry after divorce. You can take her word as a guarantee but I don't think that's enough for you.

[torrenova]

Cash out the car by paying the remaining finance (should get 50% discount on any remaining interest) and transfer to your name. If your status merits it, they might transfer it to your name with the finance.

What about the kids education ? presumably they are your kids ? Who is going to pay for that ? Surely you don't want them educated Thai style and on the cheap ? Where are you going ? will you be around ?

[Mario2008]

If both of you agree to the divorce you can get a divorce at the amphur. When you register the divorce at the amphur you can also enter any deals regardig the seperation into the register. That means delas about child support, dividing assets etc. and regarding the custody over the children. You can either give sole custody to the mother or keep joined custody if you don't make arrangements about his.

Given the assets involed, I would recommend seeking advice for a lawyer. You might want to make a will or give part of the house to your children.

Regarding not wanting your daughter to live with a stepfather I must say what you want and what you will get are two different things. Once seperated she can remarry. The only way you would be able to prevent your daughter staying with a stepfather would be if your wife agres the daughter will stay with you or if you can get sole custody over the child. That last one is unlikely, for two reasons. First of all a judge doesn't like to separate two children and would prefer it in the interst of both of them if they stay together. The second point is that a judge will look at who can take the best care of the child(ren). You yourself claim they are better of with her.

Regarding divorce there is an interesting article here: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/redirect.php...n-thailand.html

[philo]

Thanks for all replies

The car will be a triviality - I have read somewhere that if I have documentation showing that I have paid for the house, then I have the right to get half of the house. If I pay down the car, and she refuses to sign it over to me - then I will claim half of the money for the house (which will be hers anyway).

Both of the kids will get an aducation within my means. Now it is not a problem - the boy is breastfeeding and the girl goes to a nursery (anuban). In the future I will pay for bilingual decent schools for them - real international schools are beyond my means.

The rubber plantation is her land - I will pay for all maintenance because when my wife has money (in the future), my children will also.

I have also made a SCB Saver+ account for them that will give them some 500 k in 14 years. I will try to make one more. The point about 'locking up' the money, is that their mother can not waste it now.

I guess it is possible that my wife gets sole custody for the boy, I get sole custody for the girl, and I pay her mother for taking care of her.

Also - I will 'live' in the car (2 bags, a laptop and a printer) and stay in cheap rented rooms close to where my children are. That way I can see them often.

My wife (a farmer's daughter) was the only one out of 5 siblings that got 14 years of education. My guess is that she wants the same (or more) for her children, and move from the jungle to somewhere where there are some half-decent bilingual schools. I will follow and stay close. When they are grown up they can go to my country of origin and study for free (the government even give scholarships and loans)).

Also it should be possible to make a written arrangement that the two of us have to tell the other where we stay, and keep in contact on telephone.

But if she remarry, I will take the girl back to Europe or get her to stay with me and a nanny. I can already see signs of her being jealouse and feeling somewhat 'neglected' because her brother is the youngest one and a boy (which is much more appreciated here).

Anyway - no haste. And I will get a lawyer before I sign anything.

Thanks

[Brunus]

I guess it is possible that my wife gets sole custody for the boy, I get sole custody for the girl, and I pay her mother for taking care of her.

But if she remarry, I will take the girl back to Europe or get her to stay with me and a nanny.

Be careful. In this case your wife could go to a judge and ask the sole custody for the girl too. She could claim that the girl has de facto lived with her and her brother, and that separating the kid from the family she grew up with, to take her to another country, might be traumatic for the kid. And likely the judge will agree with her.

[MikeyIdea]

Difficult situation philo. You didn’t state if you registered the marriage but I suppose you did. Note that if you did not, then you are almost not even a father of your own children (in the eye of the law) until you have proven it in court… You currently have zero rights to the kids in that case

OK, assuming that you did register the marriage: Then you currently have shared custody. The mother has the right to remarry and she has the right to bring both the kids anywhere she wants and the only way for you if you can’t follow is to sue for sole custody. Which you would not get. As in all custody cases, the longer you wait the more difficult it gets

You are giving the mother a lot of money I must say, 5000 per week is plenty. That compares to a friend of mine at work: legally married 2 children, divorce. Husband makes approx. 100,000 / month when tax is paid (including bonus), wife somewhere around 40,000 bath per month. Divorce agreement state that husband shall give 20,000 bath per month to ex wife, school and hospital costs for the kids are shared equally outside of that. This is in Bangkok. It sounds that you are offering your wife more than that – up-country. Not a bad deal… If you are prepared to pay that much, then you should be able to bargain a lot, father decide school and residence for both the children, very important point, or maybe even sole custody for the girl.

There is no way to guarantee that you can take the girl to stay with you if the mother remarries even if you have sole custody. The mother can sue to get custody back and it is likely that she would get that if you suddenly come and demand to take the girl away from the mother that she has spent the last couple of years with and also split the children up.

Tricky, get a lawyer specialising in family law, negotiate as much as possible with the mother, get the lawyer to write a divorce and custody agreement. I think that since you are willing to pay so much, then you are likely to get a better deal negotiating with the mother than you would get in court

[frenchFARANGbkk]

Is it difficult to tell the mother to do exactly what you want if she expects some money ?