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Posted

There are thousands of unwed mothers with small children in Thailand. Many of these young women are hoping to meet a man who will help support the family. Many of these lovely young ladies have been abandoned by Thai men the moment the man realized the girl was pregnant. Some of the gals choose to work in bars and hope to meet a man that way. Unfortunately, working in a bar is a dead end street for many of them because there are not enough suitable men to go around. The handsome young foreigners are only here in Thailand for a short time. Those men have to have an income outside the country to survive. The older men who are retired, or have the money to invest in a Thai business are about all that the young women have to look at as possible mates. Hence we constantly hear about the old guy with the pretty young wife in tow. The old guy gets a pretty, young thing and the gal gets someone to pay the bills... just like a business arrangement. This is nothing new and everyone here knows the situation. What I suggest is something a little different.

You don't HAVE to marry a woman if you just want to raise a family and have a little nooky once in a while. Pick out someone you like and send them money each month. Visit them occasionally and spend time with the children by spoiling them a bit. The kids will love you for it. But, live your life outside the family and preferably in a different city. Don't get too involved because your imput won't be used anyway. You can set a limit on how much to send the family each month and leave it at that. There will be no need to find some other sweety on the side like the poor married guys do when momma is having a bad hair day. You can do all that right in the open with no problems if you stay single. It's the best of both worlds. No need to buy a big home or pay for the sick buffalo if you don't want to. And, if the lady gets too demanding then you just move on to someone new. Just consider it a bit of charity and leave it at that. I've been doing it for 5 years and it certainly works for me. I love the children like they were my own, but I can leave the moment their mother starts any crap.

Posted

you sound like a selfish old man,a user for is own need,dont kid your self your doing a or any single parent a favour ,

Posted

Ian wrote:

"I love the children like they were my own, but I can leave the moment their mother starts any crap."

Sorry Ian, I can't buy that line. IMHO, someone who develops a relationship with a child to the point to where they "love" them, wouldn't opt to take a walk at the first sign of trouble with relationship with the mother, especially if you have become the closest thing to a father the child has ever known. It's better to keep the relationship with the mother on separate ground without bringing the children into it. My partner's daughter never knew her real father, who was killed in a car crash before she was born. Now she calls me "Papa" and I care for her as if she were my own. I would never have allowed things to become that close without an intention of a long term relationship. And if the relationship ever detoriated to a worst case scenario, I would still feel obligation to care for the child. I know single moms with revolving door boyfriends and it can be emotionally devasting to the children. Apologies if I sound a bit altruistic or self-righteous. I'm as far from perfect as the next person, but what you suggest is something I could never do (in Thailand or any other country).

Posted

I agree with most of your thoughts. The problem is that girls like to get married to secure the guy. The whole problem with the concept of marriage in general is that it raises the stakes in the relationship. Both people have more to lose after they get married so they are more likley to push the limits of the relationship.

I might not tell my girlfriend that I hate her mother for fear of getting dumped but I would probably say it after we are married because I know she will not go through the trouble of divorcing me for it. That is just an example.

Posted

"I love the children like they were my own, but I can leave the moment their mother starts any crap."

Such irony.

Ian, i truly hope you are very young, or having a silly moment, ( I fear..... neither?) for the sake of the people who come into intimate contact with you. You really should try and refrain from idulging your childish emotions with children and families - they really don't compliment!

I would say more, but probably best not to!

Posted

I agree totally with what Spee said and I follow his example completely. I have no interest in the children's mother, but I continue to support the family and send money each month. I try to visit as often as I can and make each time with the children special. I don't care what happens with the mother other than she looks after the children... which she does. She could find another man and that would not concern me in the least. But, that is unlikely because very few (if any) Thai men are willing to take over a woman with 3 children. That is what I meant by rent-a-family. I'll continue to send money until I can no longer do so and then leave something in my will for the children.

I used to give to World Vision that does a good job, but I get more satisfaction helping one family that I can at least have some small part in raising. It would be nice if I could bring one or two of the children to Canada on a holiday visit, but our Canadian immigration policies are so screwed up that would be impossible. Canada immigration only seems to want terrorists, Indian plane bombers and drug pushers.

Posted
"I love the children like they were my own, but I can leave the moment their mother starts any crap."

Such irony.

Ian, i truly hope you are very young, or having a silly moment, ( I fear..... neither?) for the sake of the people who come into intimate contact with you. You really should try and refrain from idulging your childish emotions with children and families - they really don't compliment!

I would say more, but probably best not to!

What childish emotions are you referring to? Are you saying it is impossible to love a child that is not your own? Are you saying that nobody should help families in need? If you want to explain yourself more clearly without starting negative crap then use a PM. I answer everyone if an adult fashion.

Posted
I agree totally with what Spee said and I follow his example completely. I have no interest in the children's mother, but I continue to support the family and send money each month. I try to visit as often as I can and make each time with the children special. I don't care what happens with the mother other than she looks after the children... which she does. She could find another man and that would not concern me in the least. But, that is unlikely because very few (if any) Thai men are willing to take over a woman with 3 children. That is what I meant by rent-a-family. I'll continue to send money until I can no longer do so and then leave something in my will for the children.

I used to give to World Vision that does a good job, but I get more satisfaction helping one family that I can at least have some small part in raising. It would be nice if I could bring one or two of the children to Canada on a holiday visit, but our Canadian immigration policies are so screwed up that would be impossible. Canada immigration only seems to want terrorists, Indian plane bombers and drug pushers.

Just consider it a bit of charity and leave it at that.

I think you are confusing emotional and financial commitments Ian! Like chalk and cheese!

Posted
the best way to support these families is to rent a girl, no games just business :)

That is the other issue, Donnyboy. I do that also. I don't mind sharing the ladies with other men. If some guy wants to make a permanent arrangement with them then I'm happy for them both. Three of my former girl friends are now either married or have very steady boyfriends. I'm happy for all of them. I'm just too old for the silly marriage game any more. I've done that twice already, and I don't regret either of my marriages. I just don't want to do it again. As it stands now I have 3 regulars that keep me happy and they are free to do whatever they wish. And, everybody seems to enjoy themselves. I look on that as a bit of charity also, but one that I also get enjoyment from.

Posted
Is this what's called 'Pump and Dump'?

It is ALWAY pump and dump, endure. It's been that way forever, all over the world. Sometimes you are the dumper and sometimes you are the dumpee. :) It's only when you make a written agreement such as marriage that it gets nasty.

Posted
Is this what's called 'Pump and Dump'?

It is ALWAY pump and dump, endure. It's been that way forever, all over the world. Sometimes you are the dumper and sometimes you are the dumpee. :) It's only when you make a written agreement such as marriage that it gets nasty.

:D Keep of the spirits Ian.

Posted

"..I might not tell my girlfriend that I hate her mother for fear of getting dumped but I would probably say it after we are married because I know she will not go through the trouble of divorcing me for it. That is just an example..."

my " problem" is all her relatives were very nice to me when I dated her, and married they are even nicer.. but I get your drift. I can be irritable, but usually hide it quite well. A few of her relatives mildly irritate me at times, but most of the time its because I am being a moody s.o.b, so I don't bother telling the wife my minor little gripes, like about the sister's food "obsession", for 1 example

signed: my problem, not theirs

but regarding the topic..if you have the right kind of heart.. it can work out for all parties involved signed: more than 1 way to skin a cat

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