Dating Girls Is Really, Really Hard

[a2396]

I think buy the time you trawl through all of the scammers on Internet dating sites, you will be too old to know what the Internet is, and start calling it the wireless...

I found my current girlfriend on the Internet.

It took awhile to figure out how, but I found out that the trick for me was:

To be myself.

I initially went on those sites and would approach girls by telling them how much money I made in the US. That attracted the wrong types of girls. And realistically, there is no way I will make that type of money in Thailand. Once I started being more honest and forthcoming, I started dating the right types.

...and you found girls who were also honest & forthcoming? From the Internet. How many did you have to go through before you found a "keeper". I have been on one site 6 months and have got about 200 phone numbers, 95% of them useless, for one reason or another.

[a2396]

OP mentioned he tried IRC with little success. I suggest trying other chatrooms that are available on the net. Yahoo might be a good start. Lots of Thai chatters there. Good luck.

You can chat until you are blue in the face. Oftentimes it is useless. Many Thai women like to chat to practice their (written) English. 90% of them can chat & write, due to translations software, but they cant speak a sentence.

[ray23]

Everyone goes through what you are in now. Learn to speak Thai turn off your computer and go out. Do the things you enjoy doing if that means hanging out in bars your in trouble. Bowling whatever, find a woman with a common interest to start with.

Thailand is a very racist, money and class aware society.

For some Thai women being seen with a foreigner, actually makes them lose face, Face up to where you are, don't try to make what is isn't. It's all up to you, don't expect them to beat your door down unless it's money motivated.

For what your looking for it can be difficult for Thai men as well. So adapt.

[japkoo]

...and you found girls who were also honest & forthcoming? From the Internet. How many did you have to go through before you found a "keeper". I have been on one site 6 months and have got about 200 phone numbers, 95% of them useless, for one reason or another.

At the end of the day, all you need is one

It takes me a pretty short amount of time, at least relative to nightclubs or via friends. Finding the right person will always take time, but I think it's worth it.

[SeanMoran]

Yesterday I found the smoothest way to pay for a date with a woman. It's my sister's birthday today, but just happens to be her son's birthday too - my beautiful friend, not my sister. So I just passed her 500 baht under the table, paid the check-bin, got on my motorbike and left for a nice kon diao restaurant to get myself a darned feed!

Tell me that was more expensive than if I'd asked her out on a date on her son's (and my sister's) birthday and I'll work on improving the cost-benefit equation of my mojo for next year.

<ed: sorry, my sister is in Australia, but the recipient of my bleeding heart is here in Thailand - two different kinds of the same problem, but I don't date my own sisters>

Edited February 9, 2010 by SeanMoran

[Thongkorn]

If you think dating women is is hard , have you thought of dating men.

[sceadugenga]

Well, if you are bisexual it doubles the amount of people you can ask for a date.

[Loz]

I understand how you feel and feel the same way. Very hard to meet desirable women here. The ones I would want to date by and large would be fearful of upsetting the apple cart or would already be married. But that second part was true back home. I think married women are the best to date in blighty because I don't like strings and it keeps it exciting. I started off with recently separated and worked my way up to happily married but "experimental". Being Black in England and liking white women plays in your favour.

I thailand I have a very different lifestyle. I came here with relationships as far back in my mind as possible. Never knew it was the world sex capital either. I had never been to Asia. What I found out quickly is that the women who want you are usually not worth your time. The women you want think are you not worth their time and thus I suggest a hobby and a good DVD player.

When I need contact I have a massage. occasionally that has led to more than just the massage but mostly its just regular massage. I have a couple of girls as friends one with a chequered past by my puritanical standards but I love her very much as my friend. We have grown together and developed respect. The other is very respectable in Thai terms (drives a Benz gifted from her dad (not sugar dad), has a masters degree and is going for PHD). Alas she is still a bit too thai for me. But it is what it is. When I am ready for a real relationship I'll probably go abroad. I honestly think the farang ladies here that I have met wouldn't be my cup of tea even if I happened to be theirs.

Sure I have alienated a few groups here but its as honest as you can get and maybe will help the OP.

I'll just add this. I am an outgoing person and can strike up conversation anywhere. I also speak decent Thai so don't fear the language barrier as much as the OP I imagine. I don't like pubs clubs and bars. I hit BKK two or three times a year for shyts and giggles. Pattaya turns me right off, but bkk has good Indian food that I can't find in the North East.

My 2 penneth:

Change your personality to outgoing and you'll meet more girls But, changing your personality won't make you like the girls you meet any more than you do now. So stop fishing here and enjoy it for what ever else it offers you.

[StreetCowboy]

8>< SNIP ><*\

I hit BKK two or three times a year for shyts and giggles.

Pattaya turns me right off, but bkk has good Indian food that I can't find in the North East.

My 2 penneth:

Change your personality to outgoing and you'll meet more girls But, changing your personality won't make you like the girls you meet any more than you do now. So stop fishing here and enjoy it for what ever else it offers you.

><8 SNIP ><8

I think "shyts" should read "SYTs" - could lead to a gross misunderstanding, or maybe it is a longer acronym than I am familiar with. Anyway, notwithstanding that I think I know what you mean, as an acronym its prone to misunderstanding IMHAIO.

Most of the girls I have met in Bangkok have been as nice as you could hope to meet, but I am no more stuck up about their careers than they are about my hobbies.

SC

[Abrak]

Apologies if that has been mentioned before.

Find one of your mates (preferably farang) who is going out with a nice girl. Tell either your mate or his GF what you are looking for. Most girls who are going out with a farang have one or two GFs who would also like to go out with a farang and have already asked her if she knows someone. If possible check vague compatibility with your mate. Also when you meet her check that she isnt a potential psycho

[ozzieovaseas]

Good post from Loz..those sentiments would just about sum it up as far as im concerned.

Abrak: great idea..but in my case my so-called mates are not to keen on drumming me up a better deal than thev'ye got!!

I first came to LOS with the same thinking as the OP, but the more you learn about life here the higher the barriers appear to be.

As the OP and others have said..if you hang out at tourist places then you will certainly not expect to find the type of girl you'd want to have a long term relationship with...trouble is these are sometimes the only places a guy can have direct contact with English speaking Thai women.

In reality you would have to be lottery-lucky to meet an educated woman who speaks good English (for legitimate causes), whos single, has a good job, and who wants to be with you. In some cases these girls are from families who hold onto the old-gaurd thinking that only "bad" girls hang out with foriegners.

Things may be different if you are both super young, work as University lecturer, and/or hold some form of power and money, but when you think about it isnt it all relative to people who want to marry for the wrong reason?...

Human nature is the same way in every country..some crave power and wealth...and this is reciprocal for guys who search for a slim attractive woman who they percieve to be fitting and of their own class.

As others have said, the types of Thai girls you prefer would probably prefer to build a life with one of their own, instead of having all the hassles of marrying a farang and going against the grain of family. You also have to consider that these girls families can often have financial means way beyond that of the average farang anyway.

So it stands to reason that the girls who DO want to be with you are that way inclined for ONE reason..SECURITY and a better life. And who could blame them?

If you want to pursue that route then all good and dandy for you, but just dont think/expect love (as we know it) to come into it straight away. Choose wisely and the average (poorish) Thai girl will take the commitment of marriage very seriously and train herself to love you in her own time, and in her own way.

I dont think you need question their dedication and loyalty in most cases. Maybe this is the best anyone can hope for...??

As for me, i am happy to mix and mingle with those who i might meet on my travels. I feel lucky to do this and am happy with my own company and glad to have the carefree freedom of being alone...and its not as if you need to be starved of female contact

Things will happen as they will, but i certainly have no illusions of falling in love in a "mutual" western way.

Its not like these things are racially motivated or acknowledging them is being bitter and negative towards Thai females, its just the way things are.

I reckon be happy with your singleness, visit places like Nana and do some people watching...you might then appreciate being single.

Certainly after reading some stories on these pages you could consider yourself blessed to be single

Edited February 10, 2010 by ozzieovaseas

[a2396]

Good post from Loz..those sentiments would just about sum it up as far as im concerned.

Abrak: great idea..but in my case my so-called mates are not to keen on drumming me up a better deal than thev'ye got!!

I first came to LOS with the same thinking as the OP, but the more you learn about life here the higher the barriers appear to be.

As the OP and others have said..if you hang out at tourist places then you will certainly not expect to find the type of girl you'd want to have a long term relationship with...trouble is these are sometimes the only places a guy can have direct contact with English speaking Thai women.

In reality you would have to be lottery-lucky to meet an educated woman who speaks good English (for legitimate causes), whos single, has a good job, and who wants to be with you. In some cases these girls are from families who hold onto the old-gaurd thinking that only "bad" girls hang out with foriegners.

Things may be different if you are both super young, work as University lecturer, and/or hold some form of power and money, but when you think about it isnt it all relative to people who want to marry for the wrong reason?...

Human nature is the same way in every country..some crave power and wealth...and this is reciprocal for guys who search for a slim attractive woman who they percieve to be fitting and of their own class.

As others have said, the types of Thai girls you prefer would probably prefer to build a life with one of their own, instead of having all the hassles of marrying a farang and going against the grain of family. You also have to consider that these girls families can often have financial means way beyond that of the average farang anyway.

So it stands to reason that the girls who DO want to be with you are that way inclined for ONE reason..SECURITY and a better life. And who could blame them?

If you want to pursue that route then all good and dandy for you, but just dont think/expect love (as we know it) to come into it straight away. Choose wisely and the average (poorish) Thai girl will take the commitment of marriage very seriously and train herself to love you in her own time, and in her own way.

I dont think you need question their dedication and loyalty in most cases. Maybe this is the best anyone can hope for...??

As for me, i am happy to mix and mingle with those who i might meet on my travels. I feel lucky to do this and am happy with my own company and glad to have the carefree freedom of being alone...and its not as if you need to be starved of female contact

Things will happen as they will, but i certainly have no illusions of falling in love in a "mutual" western way.

Its not like these things are racially motivated or acknowledging them is being bitter and negative towards Thai females, its just the way things are.

I reckon be happy with your singleness, visit places like Nana and do some people watching...you might then appreciate being single.

Certainly after reading some stories on these pages you could consider yourself blessed to be single

Congrats. Excellent post. You pretty much describe my experiences as well. I don't know what kind of B.S. these guys are spreading when they brag about how easy it is to meet girls on the BTS and department stores. Unless you look like Brad Pitt, a fantasy. I would not give up though, after 5 years here I have met a couple, who meet my compatibilities for a relationship, that does NOT include any quick marriages, if ever at all.

[Travel2003]

Just go up to a girl and say "Hi"

You have a 50-50 chance. But if you dont try you get 0% chance.

Thats what i did with the missus and man did she shoot me down hard the 1st time. Shot down in flames!!!!

So you are one of those.

My wife used to hate going alone to the mall.

The reason was the foreigners that approached her assuming she was single, and ready to date the first foreigner whom looked at her.

I started to look for this phenomenon online, and noticed a lot of the foreigners here actually write about how they "hunt" for girls working (or shopping) in the various stores in the malls.

I even found some posts here on TV about it.

Moving on,

I know several clubs where they deny Indians and Arabs entrance.

Normally the girl/guy at the entrance will tell them it is a private club/members only.

As one of the members here correctly stated, a lot of Thais think people form these countries/regions smell strange.

Moving on again.

Easiest way to meet local girls are to befriend Thai males.

Might be colleagues, neighbours, or someone next to you when you are out having a drink.

Via your new friends you will also meet their female friends.

[britmaveric]

easiest way to meet thai ladies is to meet thai ladies wherever you encounter them. Not hard and you will be surprised how many dates you can easily have.

[Travel2003]

It reminded me of a story I might have told here on TV some years back.

Some of my friends are musicians, and they had this gig inside one of the huge gated industry areas about 15-20 minutes drive passing the old airport in BKK.

The place they played was a very standard (and simple) Thai place, with 100s of tables, and a big stage for the entertainment.

In we walk, and the place has about 1100-1200 people inside.

I place myself by one of the front tables, because the guys (and gals) in the band have a drink with me between the songs.

I turn around and I meet the eyes of probably 1000 ladies!

A just unbelievable situation.

My friends told me later it was because many of the factories inside this area had mainly female workers.

I look around and I notice there are hardly any guys there.

Maybe about 100.

And as far as I can see, I am the only foreigner there.

Many of you that has been to these kind of places know that people there seems to never be shy when it comes to speak to strangers (or foreigners).

They stop by the table with their glass, saying cheers, and ask where you are from, your name, age, etc.

Very often they bring a message from one of their friends asking if you want their telephone number.

Maybe not because they all want to date you, but want to befriend you.

I dont think it would have been a problem getting some dates there.

One of of those experiences one will never forget.

[mmushr00m]

Travel2003...hahah you got me wrong mate. I just smile and say Hi, I never went out looking for a date. Trust me I dont think Im god's gift to women. ( I know I am)

And again i reiterate to the OP, forget about the internet, just go outside and be yourself. Eye contact and a smile is all you need. Dont go looking for a date or a GF/relationship. Start with making friends.

NOTE: Smile, a normal friendly smile NOT leering smile, NOT a "come hither" smile, NOT a "you want some of this" smile.

[Fishenough]

Travel2003...hahah you got me wrong mate. I just smile and say Hi, I never went out looking for a date. Trust me I dont think Im god's gift to women. ( I know I am)

And again i reiterate to the OP, forget about the internet, just go outside and be yourself. Eye contact and a smile is all you need. Dont go looking for a date or a GF/relationship. Start with making friends.

NOTE: Smile, a normal friendly smile NOT leering smile, NOT a "come hither" smile, NOT a "you want some of this" smile.

And wear nice, new, fashionable clothing (dress nice); be well groomed and smell nice too!

This seems to make a tremendous difference - this morning I was out and about, wearing new fashionable threads (that my wife bought for me), and had a new shave and haircut to boot - what a difference! From ladies smiling and striking up conversations in the car park; to a very well dressed lady sitting beside me in the bank, smiling and flirting non stop (we were the only two people sitting waiting and she happened to choose the seat right beside me). Never happens when I'm at my grubby norm.

[Travel2003]

Travel2003...hahah you got me wrong mate. I just smile and say Hi, I never went out looking for a date. Trust me I dont think Im god's gift to women. ( I know I am)

And again i reiterate to the OP, forget about the internet, just go outside and be yourself. Eye contact and a smile is all you need. Dont go looking for a date or a GF/relationship. Start with making friends.

NOTE: Smile, a normal friendly smile NOT leering smile, NOT a "come hither" smile, NOT a "you want some of this" smile.

hahaha

I think actually you got me wrong as well pal.

My little whink indicated that I was joking about you being one of those.

However, you are actually correct.

It is amazing how easy it is to strike up a conversation with a stranger in this country, if one is properly dressed and have a nice behavour.

Back in the west if one try to so hello to a stranger, he/she will automatically think it is a crazy or sleezy person greeting them.

Really sad stuff.

[Birdman]

My wife used to hate going alone to the mall.

The reason was the foreigners that approached her assuming she was single, and ready to date the first foreigner whom looked at her.

I started to look for this phenomenon online, and noticed a lot of the foreigners here actually write about how they "hunt" for girls working (or shopping) in the various stores in the malls.

I even found some posts here on TV about it.

My wife, who never was a bg and clearly does not look like one, get asked and smiled at often, if she is alone. The way of flirting can be that charming like one English guy did, who just opened the door of his Vigo and said nothing more to her than "come!"

Some dumbheads think that all Thai women are everywhere available.

[britmaveric]

Some are, some are not. However never assume anything because it might literally get yourself in trouble. Act like a gent always and if a lady is interested she will make it known.

[Colabamumbai]

Learn the Thai language and you can basically approach who you like. I am constantly told that "I have girlfriends that would like to meet you." I am dating a woman here who is not Thai. Get out of your hotel room stand in the BTS with a map in your hand, learn some Thai, you won't have a problem.

[Loz]

Learn some thai language is great advice.

you'd be surprised how more interesting you'll be to all kinds of folks. After nearly 4 years here I find people are still stunned when after queuing silently listening to snippets of gossip, I arrive at the counter and ask for something in thai. Often times the conversations that ensue are benal and pointless, but I have met a few good folk from such chance encounters. led to beneficial treatment on many occasions. But more importantly, it makes you more approachable because the language fear is withdrawn at least partially.

[cognos]

"..If you can't get a "hiso" girl in your home country, I wouldn't set your sights on one here either.."

truer words were never spoken on TV, or television for that matter

signed: they do anyway

[Colabamumbai]

"..If you can't get a "hiso" girl in your home country, I wouldn't set your sights on one here either.."

truer words were never spoken on TV, or television for that matter

signed: they do anyway

What is a "hiso" girl?

[britmaveric]

hiso=vapid thai lady who thinks she is more than she is.

Anyways there is no such thing as someone is out of your class, go for whatever single lady or lad you fancy. What's the worst that can happen?? You get turned away! Then you are on to the next person who interests you. More you try the more chance for success.

[Portlandstone]

What I'm finding here are three kinds of people: those who have a very low income and, in general, they are the most friendly of them all. The people who need us but at the same time hate us (i.e. almost everyone in my experience). And the people who have travelled and they understand that the world is not "Thai-Farangs-Japanese-Indians".

Although I haven't witnessed your third one, I really agree with your post. I, like you, have been here almost a half year and wow, all I can say is this place is not even close to as much fun as it is for 2 weeks. When you're here for a couple of weeks, you don't need to think, just go out eat, buy ice creams, say hi to any girls, hopefully hook up and if you don't, you know you have redlight bars that will satisfy that in the evening. Next day repeat all over again.

On vacation it doesn't matter what people think because first, you won't know and honestly, you don't have to care. All you need to think about is food, shelter, and hooking up, then redlight at night if nothing goes. It's fun, simple. Once you are here getting set up, you start to move towards regular people. You want not only to get laid but people to hang with, crack jokes with, learn from, build a little, do fun things, or even meet numerous times and establish learning and living relations. Man have I found that to be going not well at all. The small handful of women I've met more than once turned out to be rather bad news. Literally I found the women in Korea less trouble than those here. I hope I'm just having a bad luck slump.

Anyhow, the first category of women you mentioned, the ones that like us because they are poor, you tend to want to move away from. I mean who wants to live their life on a daily basis around people that essentially 'need' us. You want, or hope, to move up the chain of equality. The first type are quite friendly but you can't spend much time around those.

By the way, are you of Indian origin? Just wondered as your brought it up in your writing.

[rogerdee123]

dam_n .. what a disappointment ... I misread this forum topic as ... "Dating Girls Makes it Really Really Hard" ....

[IanForbes]

dam_n .. what a disappointment ... I misread this forum topic as ... "Dating Girls Makes it Really Really Hard" ....

Well... that too... depending on the girl.

[MrHammer]

easiest way to meet thai ladies is to meet thai ladies wherever you encounter them. Not hard and you will be surprised how many dates you can easily have.

Particularly if you hang out around Sukhumvit in an expat trap where every single mother from Isaan goes to find someone.

Now, if I want to meet a 21 year old, pretty thing with a Bachelors Degree in Humanities, where do I go? She certainly don't stumble in to any expat pub.

In my own country, I get invited to parties and Friday bars at colleges, to student dorm parties, to bars where there are exchange students or similar places.

I was back in my country for about 3 days until I met a nice girl, 20 year old girl, from Georgia, US, who would like to practice with my native tongue And could you believe it; she didn't want any monetary compensation! Shock and horror!

I find Thailand and the Thais to be quite close minded in lots of areas in life. Social circle, and your (financial) standing within it, is everything here. But whatever, let's all pretend it's so easy to meet women here without flashing a big wad of cash.

[britmaveric]

^Don't need dosh mate, just need the ability to speak to the ladies with confidence and show your personality. If you are void of this I can see why you might have problems here.