What To Expect With A Issan Wedding?

[Tokay]

My lady is wanting a traditional wedding at her home, just the ceremony, not on paper. She's been with me for a very long time and I figure it's the least I can do if it makes her feel better.

I've been here for several years now but have never attended an Issan wedding. As a falang, what should I expect and be expected to do (besides pay for it all )

A little info about her family: Her family is small and not dirt poor. I would consider them middle class or just shy of it. Not once have they ever asked for money or my assistance in any way. Additionally, she is not on a salary with me or asks for my money. She makes her own. Her father passed away, leaving her mother, a married sister and a married brother, with only the eldest sister and husband living with the mother.

Given this situation, what am I getting into and how should it all play out?

Thanks.

Edited January 24, 2010 by Tokay

[paulandmaneerat]

Sounds like the same genuine type of Isaan lady I married 5 years ago. There will be a meeting of the monks in her home. You will be required to sit with her whilst they perform certain rites. The monks will then receive money. There will be a big party in the garden with tables for 8-10 people. People will show up that you have never seen before and will never see again, a farang wedding party is an open invitation to the whole village. The total exercise cost a friend of mine recently 120,000 baht. (My Thai wife overheard a family member say to the bride, we've got the farang's money now, so it doesn't matter if it doesn't work).

In my case I was not prepared to see all and sundry drink beer and whisky at my expense, I'd rather my money was put to constructive use for the family. So we paid 80,000 baht for a small piece of land next to my wife's father's house so that in the event of my passing (age difference 21 years), my wife can have a home near her family. This was accepted as a better alternative and there was no party.

She has a lovely family and like you they have never made demands on me for money. My wife's brother made the only demand - please take care of my sister. And I do. But it's the hangers on who appear from the woodwork that is the problem because they think there is a farang in the family now and a PIN free ATM.

The horror stories about Thai lady / farang marriages are true, but they are not the rule. There are many happy marriages like this and I wish you success, just excercise a little caution for the attention you will attract from the locals!

P&M

[rfukata]

Hello Tokay,

here's my take as I also live in Issan with my wife & 2 children.

I think your thought and kindness will be well accepted for this ceremony. I didn't have a ceremony nor a wedding party due to family reasons on the Thai side and probably will never have one, but good luck to you.

having said that, what to expect from a big ceremony.. you'll have to invite the entire village people.

- buy a pig, cow, secure a Issan musician with the Issan banjo, a metric tone of beer and local whiskey, food, soft drinks, sweets for the children. this can cost you depending on the guests and options - maybe 30,000 baht.

The final result: everyone drunk and sleeping on the grass, also asking when is the next party.

why don't you talk it out with the lady and figure out how many guest you would like to invite + uninvited estimates

or, just take her on a nice vacation to a ASEAN nation where a visa is not necessary for a Thai citizen such as

Korea, Singapore, Malaysia, Hongkong.

[jamescollister]

Hi

I have posted the whole wedding form start to finish on youtube. Just type in james collister my issan wedding. It goes for about 40 mim. Best advice just do as you are told and keep a bottle of whiskey handy. Best of luck Jim

[bellagrego]

I just finished up an Esaan wedding last week. Every situation has it's own story. Each couple makes the decision how it goes. Monks, lay monks or no monks. We had a lay monk. Low cost, and her and village choice. If you are loaded, get nine monks and have bigface as they say up here. The ceremony was beautiful, simple, and required two venues as it started in one house and ended in the other. Depends on the couple and families. The big deal, the party, is all about controlling bigface expenditures,. Learn how to say no and limit your liability. Don't blow big baht for bigface,. Pick a number and draw the line. When the beer, and Thai whisky runs out DO NOT BUY MORE, and then the freeloaders will go home, not until then. I stopped at a modest 10000, fed the mutitudes and flowed a lot of leo beer. Everyone was happy. The other house sis about the same money and that party went 24 hours. So, watch yourself, enjoy the experience and don't be another ATM. Sounds like you have a good woman and a good situation,m as I do . best of luck.

[SantiSuk]

BLOG FROM OUR ISAAN VILLAGE (1) Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:18 pm

Well, that was some experience. Two days of intense partying and now we are in recovery phase.

Proceedings started in earnest about 5 days before wedding day with the formal studio photo shoot of the loving couple. Full wedding regalia required and a full two hour make-up/hair-up session for Ann. How unfair, I was left totally untouched and left to saunter around Kantaralak in the teeming rain while Ann was pampered and petted by two katoey stylists. Katoey are 'ladyboys' – men who want to be ladies and who dress, act and have operations to a greater or lesser extent with that goal in mind. Katoey are not just a figment of Bangkok and other sex resort’s conception; they are ingrained in Thai society as the third sex; every village has them and many girls best friends are katoey. Thailand has gays of both sexes as well by the way, but they do not seem to be tolerated as much as katoey (which is possibly why so many boys of that desire go down the katoey route).

Things then returned to a normal routine – three hours of hard labour on drive and path construction in the early morning, followed by visits to shops to buy stuff for the house. The labour got harder for me as Thon and Som seemed to have given up. Thais are notorious for being work-shy or just disappearing if work is my sanuk (not fun). But thankfully no - it transpires they were all part of the masterplan for collecting relatives and organising stuff I was not to know about. They are back on-plot as I write this sitting in our kitchen at the breakfast bar while Ann watches ‘The Dark Night’ (Batman) on our newly arrived home theatre. The satellite dish arrives on Wednesday and then I can catch up with English news (and Thai for that matter). Life is not all outback here you know.

Invites were still being handed out (right up until the eve of the wedding). A few honoured guests were to also be visited formally by Ann, myself and mare lay poor (Mum and Dad). Typical of my passenger status in all of this – and also typical of the Thai mentality of lack of program planning came 4 days before the wedding when we got up as normal at 6am, I put my driveway preparation clothes on (means as little as possible to cater for the heat) and was on my way out when Ann called out ‘Mum wants we go see special guest - now’. I reacted badly, muttered something about diaries and pre-planning and common-sense and stormed off to work. Needless to say I mended fences later and we duly trotted off to see said special guest early the next morning.

Special guest turned out to be the local politician. Well, actually he did not turn out as he was not at home. No surprise there – 3 times out of 4 we head off to places to find that people are not there, but curiously no-one thinks to telephone ahead, unless I get annoyed and insist on it! I know I know, I am supposed to adapt to their culture, but the way I see it the world has changed over millennia as a result of invading hordes and I do not see why the falang invasion of Thailand has to be different.

No surprise he was not there (#2) as his party had just won an important election in the region. His wife was chez nous however - a charming lady who nurses in Si Saket (the nearest big town 45 kilometress away), but for all that still a politician’s wife with a gracious hail-fellow-well-met style and an ability to talk like Neil Kinnock when given a platform. A simple question about the campaign involvement of the disgraced or loved - depending on your Bangkok or Isaan viewpoint - former leader, Thaksin Shinawatra, provided such a platform.

Lady politician’s wife was also the only Thai I had met up to this point living in this small area of about 4 villages who says 'I speak a little English' and can deliver on that promise. Ann and Mum were deferential as hel_l and on tenterhooks – particularly when I blotted our copy book by saying yes to the offered coffee. Apparently you are supposed to make an excuse as to why you should not put an honoured and socially superior receiving host to any trouble. So the charming politician's wife was forced to order a lacky to bring some coffee, but she did not seem too put out by the effort that took nor by my lack of social skills. Maybe she was affording me the higher status that falang are apparently supposed to receive (I have not hitherto noticed).

‘So are they going to come?’ I enquired as we headed glap baarn (back home). ‘Oh yes I hope so’ said Ann. ‘Them very special for wedding’. Heavens, what chance of getting the local MP or council leader in the UK to turn up to your wedding after a local election with a few grovelling commoners visiting you 3 days prior to the event. I’m still not sure how important this guy is in the firmament but he does collect pick-ups by the score outside his rather large house and office every weekend – I refer to the favoured Isaan mode of transport here, not the other type of pick-up often linked with politicians.

With three days to go we collected the pictures from the photo shoot - all pretty schmaltzy stuff which the Thais must have sourced from Americans. There were many GI brides after the Vietnam war and some US vets are still dotted around in the backwoods of Isaan including our area. Ubon airport, now a tranquil regional domestic airport, once launched wave on wave of napalm onto the HoChi Min trail only 200 miles away in Laos. The blank screen background we had been shot against now turned into multifarious backdrops (jungles, seashores etc) courtesy of Photoshop and a an overly colour-happy photo lab assistant. One was quite a nice picture and we selected it for a big print to be displayed at the wedding night party (attached low rendition version*) Goodness knows where the library came from - I've never seen one like that in Thailand

* Sorry - can't get the rendition low enough to get through the Crumblies gate! Will e-mail along with a few others in next couple of days or try to find some web-site to upload to)

With two days to go things started to appear in the back garden. This was still a bomb site of holes, clay and heaps of rock for concreting preparations, but it soon acquired a couple of open small marquee-like structures in between the gravel piles. I then spotted the makings of a Thai festival kitchen. ‘How many are we having for the house warming/blessing on Thursday?’ I nervously asked. ‘Oh only about 40’ said Ann – same number I had been promised for the wedding ceremony that would take place on Friday morning. I couldn’t quite see why they could not use the nice new kitchen we had built, but surmised that Thais in Isaan hate cooking indoors and were probably rather intimidated by a European style of kitchen anyway.

Thursday soon arrived and was hectic - big time. Heavy stuff like beds and sofas were arriving at the house all morning and had to be stripped out of boxes. A visit to the booze shop and to Tesco soon filled the pick-up with spirits, beers and soft drinks. Although we had carefully worked out how many bottles of various sodas and soft drinks to buy I had not anticipated what physical bulk was implied by lubricating 250 people on a warm night. On a very warm day, I was already regretting not trusting the sourcing and delivery of drinks to a local supplier.

Early afternoon and Ann and I were finally allowed to collect our personal effects from the family home and start to move in properly. Since upwards of 15 people would be sleeping in our new house on our first night of occupation it was a relief to be given the green light to get the house ready. Ann shared none of this relief and seemed totally unphased by the prospect of said arrivals. I don't know whether this is because Thais don't do anything special to accommodate guests (other than ply them with lots of victuals) but it seemed to me that I alone was being left to plan/implement the purchase of towels, soap and bog rolls. Probably they would have miraculously appeared anyway had I not done so!

Arriving back with our effects I was a little surprised to find that the sofas I had so carefully arranged in the living room had been disassembled and moved to various bedrooms. Various Buddhist paraphernalia around the outside edges of the room had taken their place. I was a lot surprised to find about 30 Thai women busily cooking food outside when I opened the back door! I guess that foreigners in most countries have this strange feeling of sitting on an unfamiliar train (spaceship?) watching the scenery change quickly and in unexpected ways.

Ummh – 30 women cooking – that makes another 10 guests then. Silly me. There still was not really enough food for the 200 or so familiar faces and not so familiar faces that showed up. I was still fussing around making sure the bathrooms had the right showergel, which is why I think the food managed to run out without me getting any! If you are not there when someone rings some silent bell for grub time, you go hungry. Ann admitted attendance was higher than she expected (but in a manner which made me suspect she expected 150). Maybe Ann was worried I would throw a wobbly if I knew the scale of forthcoming events in our shiny new home – she would have been wrong though - it was rather nice to see so many guests. Of course this ceremony/party was a heaven sent (delete heaven - can't remember what Buddhists call it) opportunity to look inside the falang’s house and marvel at its falang pretensions. This was done with much cries of ... well I’m not sure what, but those who did feel confident (older matriarchs), or were drunk (most of the men), enough to come up to me later typically uttered soo-ay mark mark (very beautiful) or paeng mark mark (extremely expensive) . One or two asked tow-rye crap (how much?).

It is not unusual to be bluntly asked about how much money you earn or how much things cost – Thais have a fascination for the cost of anything – from eggs to your flight here to your new car or house. I believe it to be impolite to fob off such questions with ‘money in fair words’, so I tell them. I normally do a bit of off fobbing on the subject of how much I earn though.

The main part of the occasion, apart from eating. Let me start again to get the emphasis right. A subsidiary purpose of the moving in party is to have a procession around the house and then through it – reasonably quickly, so you can get to the free food (ladies) and drink (men, and Ann’s sister Joom and her friends). The local shayman (i'm sure he has some more appropriate title to Thailand but shayman he seems to be) leads the march, which proceeds 3 times around the house then up through the front door and out the back (ah now I know why the temporary kitchen is located at the back). In between entry and exit the local shayman also has to pretend to go to sleep in one of the beds, with as many people as can cram in to the bedroom there to attest that when he wakes up he has affirmed that ‘this is a comfortable house appropriate for habitation’. Which he duly did. On to the party, this was enjoyed by all.

I think it must have been the lack of food that primed my irritation that night. Firstly I was annoyed with Joom – who crashed out dead drunk in one of our two spare bedrooms when she had a perfectly good one occupied by husband Som back at the family home. Two perfectly good bedrooms in a population of only 5 between the two houses were therefore put out of commission for visiting hordes of relatives. No matter – Isaan folk are natural backpackers: give them a rush mat and a few traditional stuffed cushion headrests and they will sleep soundly all night. No matter # 2 – Aunty from Bangkok and her family would not arrive until 6am and at lights out there were enough mats left for Aunty from Chantaburi and her family who would arrive at 3 am. Thais are also accomplished long distance travellers and treks back to family homes in Isaan are more quickly accomplished at the dead of night.

Annoyance number 2 came as I prepared for bed. Ann announced that she needed me to give her another 20,000 baht (£375) for wedding day food. 'But I have already paid for the wedding party' I protested. No – this is for the morning wedding ceremony food Ann said – I need the money now because Mum will go to the market at 2 o’clock (2am – yes this really is another planet!). ‘What wedding day morning party’ I protested again – my mind racing with the thought that most of the cheap whiskey and soft drinks and all of the beer (purchased carefully to allow plenty for the formal wedding night party) needed replacing for the formal event, let alone any intermediate piss-ups along the way. I reminded Ann that the formal wedding party food itself only cost 35,000 baht, so presumably we were not talking tea and biscuits for the morning affair.

My wobbly was in danger of getting out of control with measured words turning to questions of how much were the soon-to-be enriched (by sin sot dowry) parents contributing to the wedding anyway. Ann acted as honest peace broker between me, collapsed on the bed, and Mum somewhere outside. The great thing about Ann is she gets irritated with me too, but it never lasts long enough to make it a real issue and there is always a mye-pen lie (don't worry/who cares) in view. Ann told me not to worry about the cost because we would get wedding gifts to offset the food cost. I told her it was not about cost (liar). A deal was struck and if I lent Mum the money, she would pay me back after the wedding out of the sin sot – which has to remain intact for presentation on the wedding day – and Mum could keep any cash we received from guests. Luckily I was too exhausted and the reason for the food was too divine (‘we have to feed the monks’) to make a grade 1 row out of it and the deal was done, I duly handed over the cash and we fell asleep exhausted at 11pm.

At least I was finally in a really comfortable soft 6 foot wide bed at a regulation height above the floor, looking forward to a really sound night’s sleep. I quickly nodded off

Next morning, wedding morning, at 4 am (to be continued)

I can post the follow up wedding day blog if it is of interest

[ronthompson]

If u have been with your Lady for a while u must have had a village party and know they can be expensive. If u do not want to spend money do not have a party and just go to Vegas for the wedding.

A village wedding is a party to celebrate the wedding, spend what u can afford, if u can not afford a party do not have one,

If u want a small party tell your Lady. You set the limits on any and everything u will spend money for and on, the rule of thumb is spend no more than u can stand to walk away from.

Weddings the world over can be very expensive, if u have an open ATM even more so, decide in advanceme how much to spend.

A good life is available in Thailand but it is not free and or cheap.

[Chaimai]

Hi

I have posted the whole wedding form start to finish on youtube. Just type in james collister my issan wedding. It goes for about 40 mim. Best advice just do as you are told and keep a bottle of whiskey handy. Best of luck Jim

Most succinct and accurate advice that I have seen

[ThailandTommy]

Sounds like you have been lucky with your wife to be and her family, my Issan wedding cost around 20,000THB, I think the 'trick' is the ground rules that are laid at the start of a serious relationship.

I made it quite clear from the start that I was not interested in her families finances or the buffalo etc, and that I would not entertain any request for money.

That was several years ago as far as I am aware the only person who has asked for 'help' is the free loading brother.

We had the tradition thing monks etc. Obviously I paid for/supplied the food and drink however once it was gone that was it! Of course some of the villagers asked/indicated that it would be nice if the falung brought more!

There were no complaints most of the men were drunk within an hour or so there was food left over which went the following morning! I am not sure where it went but I would imagine the neighbours had it!

I do on occasions I over hear part telephone conversations from which I glean that there is a problem (normally relating to an immediate family member needing medical treatment) I then offer to send money home the request has never exceeded 2,000 THB.

In short lay out what you think is reasonable (obviously you will have to be guided by your wife to be) come to an agreement with her and stick to it!

I wish you a long and happy marriage.

[ballpoint]

We have held three big parties in our village: For the wedding, many, many years ago; when our house and out buildings were finished; and for my 40th birthday. Each time we had a full band with singers and dancing girls, and tables for hundreds of invited people. Doing it this way, you know exactly what it will cost, as there is a fixed price for the band etc, and the caterers charge a set price for the tables and food, with a certain number of bottles of whiskey, beer and soft drinks per table. Free loaders are welcome to come to dance and ogle the dancing girls, but they don't cost you a satang more. You will also find that each invited guest will give you an envelope containing money. These "donations" are anonymous and voluntary, but you'll probably find that many are vey generous. The party for my 40th birthday cost me less than 10,000 baht once these donations were taken into account. Not that I expect this money, I'm quite willing to pay the full amount, it is still ridiculously cheap considering the food, drink, entertainment and pleasure you've given hundreds of people, but it will give you a warm feeling for your fellow villagers. Even some of the freeloaders have come and tied 20, 50 and 100 baht notes to my wrist. I still have people reminding me of the party for my 40th, despite it being too many years ago for my liking, and I intend doing the same for my far too rapidly approaching 50th. It is occasions such as these that get you accepted, and further cement your position, in village life.

Edited January 24, 2010 by ballpoint

[Tokay]

Wow, very positive responses here, full of info. THANK YOU for your input, it is appreciated.

Also, thanks for the blog posting and youtube videos. Very nice.

I don't have an endless supply of money so this will be a small ceremony, just enough to make her happy (gasp).

Thanks again everyone!

[ruskiehat]

I just finished up an Esaan wedding last week. Every situation has it's own story. Each couple makes the decision how it goes. Monks, lay monks or no monks. We had a lay monk. Low cost, and her and village choice. If you are loaded, get nine monks and have bigface as they say up here. The ceremony was beautiful, simple, and required two venues as it started in one house and ended in the other. Depends on the couple and families. The big deal, the party, is all about controlling bigface expenditures,. Learn how to say no and limit your liability. Don't blow big baht for bigface,. Pick a number and draw the line. When the beer, and Thai whisky runs out DO NOT BUY MORE, and then the freeloaders will go home, not until then. I stopped at a modest 10000, fed the mutitudes and flowed a lot of leo beer. Everyone was happy. The other house sis about the same money and that party went 24 hours. So, watch yourself, enjoy the experience and don't be another ATM. Sounds like you have a good woman and a good situation,m as I do . best of luck.

Very sound advice there, I agree about not being embarrased about being carefull, a similar situation just happened to me in Ubon last week.

[luangtom]

Spend what you can and no more. If all is well betwixt you and your lady, it will be suffice. I have been married to my Isaan wife for 36 years. Costs for our marriage back then were minimal. No calls for help for someone being ill or any other malady to befall the family. We have paid for educations for nieces, purchased farm equipment and built houses, but never have been asked to do so. Our biggest non-home cost has been the "mor lam" for celebrating after her mother's death. It was a party of honor and actually entailed thousands of people. I was there and have the video of it all. This blow-out cost us $3,500 (US) back when it was 40-baht to the dollar. You do NOT have to finance the well-being of the whole community. Do whatever you wish to and if you wife is happy, then you will be, too. Chok dee.

[Blackandwhite]

Hello, This arrangment/wedding/traditional ceremony can be as simple as you wish, simple for us

Discuss with your partner what you feel is an acceptable budget

Ask her to explain what she feels about what she want from the day and who she feel might attend

Sit back and let the family deal with it

We made a small amount of money go a long way and had lots of fun

Hang over cure is a good bet, and enjoy.

It will only go out of control if you do not know what to expect or you do not have a clear idea of what will happen and what your and your wife agree is acceptable.

$1000 will do it with out any skimping, you may have more or less but any way will be great

[robbo1]

Best party I have ever been to was my issan wedding closed the streets had big stage with entertainment and dancing girls whisky and beer enough food for 300 or so people.

I had about 5 farangs that I met at the hotel for moral support come they loved it.

Only knew probably 15 people my wife probably knew 30 but who cares it was a great party and only cost me around 1500 to 2000 aus dollars

We got married back in Aus when we got home had about 80 people come was a good night but the cost was about 10 000 dollars.

Anyway issan weddings are great and quite cheap

[bina]

my husband and i had a morning only party. it started at 4 a.m. (for me to get made over and make my white face even whiter, hair etc) and him to get his hair cut....

family worked all night preparing the pig, cow and whatever other delicacies. they bought a small !! amoutn of beer and whiskey since my daughter was attending and we didnt want to deal with drunken guys hitting on her all the time, we limited the invitees (mil wasnt thrilled but understood when we explained that we had limited time, limited finances and not much choice). mil chose my 'chut' (silk jacket and dress) and chose the day that best fit , by consulting monks. we had limited dates so they finagled it around the best they could get (day after loy kratong). by 9 a.m. we were finished. hubby handed large part of money back to mil, we kept some for travel, we paid off all the helpers and gatherers (sis/brother in laws)took tons of video and photos as it was also a family renunion as hubby hadnt been back for six years. we foregoed the evening party karoeke shebang and went to bangkok the next early morning to do the amphur/embassy/mfa registration deal (which u say u are skipping).

oh. i gave my husband the wedding bands i chose and he did a mini ring ceremony (jewish style, ring on fore finger-- to placate my side of the family) which the thai side thought was cute and sweet and then he gave me a quarter seleung gold necklace i chose. that was it. oh. and i wore the one baht gold 'sin sot' during the ceremony which we have since sold to buy a camera.

its all in how u go with the flow. my second marriage so didnt fuss about the clothes (i preferred the other colour silk suit, hubby decided at last minute not to wear the wedding outfit we had bought with us but to wear something more conformtable, duaghter was made to take off her blue platform shoes as she was a head taller then all of the others. she also felt overdressed. it took me two days to get the hair stuff out of my hair.

had a great time, it makes for exotic photos to put on the walls at home, not more i can say..

bina

israel

[jaideeguy]

Double all the above mentioned festivities if your wife is Khmer, which mine is as we had 2 ceremonies.....one buddhist and the other Khmer with their own monks/witch dr. Too much food and drink and as mentioned before, expect lots of people that you don't know or will ever see again to show up for the 'free falang party' money gifts will be given in envelopes...theoretically to defray your expenses and if you are Thai/Thai, you may make a profit, but being Thai/Falang, you will loose. My MIL was in charge of collecting the envelopes and we lost big time.

Would I do it again???? NEVER!!

Have I eaten insects??? Once!!

[harry1]

it will cost as much as you are willing to pay,,i speak a little issan and trust me..these people are un educated and have no respect for forlangs,,only the thai man,,offer your future bride to go to register wedding properly at nearest goverment building,make it official,if she agree's then have a great party,,but not before,,sneaky feeling she will say no,,good luck

[livingthedream]

it will cost as much as you are willing to pay,,i speak a little issan and trust me..these people are un educated and have no respect for forlangs,,only the thai man,,offer your future bride to go to register wedding properly at nearest goverment building,make it official,if she agree's then have a great party,,but not before,,sneaky feeling she will say no,,good luck

Agree with all above posts...various as they may be...there are no two thai/ farang weddings the same in my experience.

my weddiing was great and expensive (not by western standards though)

You'll need any or all of the following - Isaan marching band, printed invitations, rings, catering hire, dress and hair for the bride, take home gifts for the guests, LOADS of beer and 100pipers, monks, karaoke, photographer/video, guestbook, garlands, tables/chairs/canopy, ice, kneepads, string, patience and stamina. -Oh and sin sot. So start as you mean to go on within your own limits. The main thing is get everyone fed and drunk quickly and then they will forget the rest. You could probably have a decent respectable ceremony for 20,000-30,000 not including sin sot. All the best to you and your intended,

[dmax]

my thai wife is beside me now, i asked her about your question, she said " why she want marry but not want make paper, maybe she (chillat) clever and want him make house after marry then she can finish easy with him " there you go mate ,from a thai not from me. i also asked my self why would she want to marry and not make it legal in the amphur ? smells dodgy to me but its only my opinion so maybe doesnt matter much to you but you did ask me.

[dmax]

maybe on the other hand she just wants a big party and is pretending to the villiage that she is marrying you in order not to lose face ? when i married we hired the local isaan dancers and singers for around 6000 thb, throw in a few cases of lao kao and leo beer and a roasted pig, should have a good night for around 12,000 baht. before the party was in full swing me and the wife and her family and all the villiage elders andall the nosey people of the villiage went into my wifes fathers house where i had to kneel on the floor for an hour getting cotton bands wrapped round my arm for good luck hahaha..then the dish was laid out in front of me with all to see and i was asked to kindly put my atm card into it,( what are you going to d i this situation? ) i had forgotten to lift the 100,000 thb sin sod out earlier. anyway a great time had by all.

[johnnyj]

<br />it will cost as much as you are willing to pay,,i speak a little issan and trust me..these people are un educated and have no respect for forlangs,,only the thai man,,offer your future bride to go to register wedding properly at nearest goverment building,make it official,if she agree's then have a great party,,but not before,,sneaky feeling she will say no,,good luck<br />

<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I always find it amusing how much respect it garners my wife, in her hometown that she has a farang - sure it is a bit like having a nice horse, or solid bull, but I just accept the people there for what they are.<br /><br />sure they might not have much respect for me, but to be fair, I dont see that many people anywhere have particular "respect", that said, there are plenty of thais and Thai/lao/khymer that I have a mutual respect / repore with, however as you point out these are generally the more educated ones.<br /><br />that said, plenty of the guys who have grown up in the villages can be fun and entertaining to get on the drink with. I had a great new years just recently, which had a _lot_ of people attend once they heard that there would be a farang in attendance.<br /><br />did I care? not at all. shit. I spent about 10,000 baht, and my wifes older sister (who lives overseas with her husband as well, but her husband couldnt make it this time) spend 10,000 baht.<br /><br />we had a great family reunion (as in my wifes family - extended, around 45 people coming from all around thailand) during the day, then in the evening we had an open door from the village, and plenty of people came, but I dont think i saw anyone come empty handed either. <br /><br />it was a hel_l of a party. did I care about my part in paying it?? I can tell you I have hosted family events and parties that have certainly cost me more than ~$400, hel_l I have spent more than that having dinner with just my wife in some western countries (albeit at a really nice resteraunt) so to pay that much and entertain that many people? its worth while and have fun.<br /><br /><br />I cant really blame a lot of them for viewing us as being able to pay for anything, particularl in some of the villages. where (im guessing) I probably earn in a week what they earn in a year, (or perhaps worse)<br /><br /><br />sorry for blabbing on a bit there lol.<br /> Edited February 8, 2010 by johnnyj

[torrenova]

I've been to a few parties, some wedding, some house building, some Thai on Thai and others with a westerner involved.

For the Thai / Thai morning party, some beer in large ice boxes was presented. All Chang or Leo. I got someone to bring in some Singha I think. Food was poor quality (read large lumps of gristle etc.), I guess home cooked stuff and soup. Booze flowed and some started on whisky brought or bought, not provided. Perhaps some small number of bottles of local whisky was provided; I don't drink the stuff. What was apparent was that the locals were hardly interested in the actual ceremony but in the boozing. They had little or no money and they tried to hit us up, some out of town Thais and my partner and me to chip in. Begging cigarettes as well. The bride, a friend of my partner, came out in the end sans all the garb and sat with us (a table of 12 or so) and ate and drank. A few hours later we left. The nightime affair was largely a damp squib as the elders had passed out or been thrown out for fighting and being aggressive. It did not go on long. I think there were financial constraints as well. People chipped in (not me) to help the groom up to a show sinsot of Bt100,000 which all went tits up when it was not returned (and thus he could not repay it to some who were expecting it back at the wedding) and it had been "disappeared" which soured the whole thing tremendously. As well as the missus chipping in with some decent whisky for her and her mate, me with a box of beer and a Bt500 tied to the bride's wrist, we paid nothing else. No envelopes.

A nightime western / Thai wedding party saw the local dancing maidens on stage with the usual music. Food and drink was provided up to a level of about 1 bottle of whisky, X soda, 1 large coke, 1 large fanta on each table. Any more and you bought it yourself. I think I again organised some beer for me and a couple of other westerners. Top table dignitaries got red label and beer I think instead of Sang Som. Food began as nicknacks, followed by individual pork knuckle at one place, omitted at another, then the usual Tilapia fish and ended with tom yum goong soup. Rice of course. There were perhaps 30/40 tables, some with 8, some as few as 4. My missus thought it might be Bt200 / 300 per head for the food and drink. I know the cost of the whole thing came in around 80k including the music and dancers and about half of that was recovered from the envelopes. I suspect though that there were some additional "forgotten" costs and tips to the waiting staff.

A house party at an up market place went down similar lines on the food / booze set up. They even had police working to keep people out !

What was patently obvious at each place I went was that if there had been a fully expensed bar, then the locals would still be there drinking. Fighting, pissing in the street, falling asleep in a stupor, all par for the course. The Thais getting terribly drunk on very little either beer or more often whisky was the norm. I understood the well to do Thai couple having the police keep some out. They all followed a similar theme. There appeared to be nothing at a higher level. One of the local police chiefs also hired out all the chairs, did the catering etc. Rather a closed shop I'd say in that area. Down market from that you had home cooking, self service and less booze.

After seeing maybe half a dozen over the years, I am in no hurry to see another one unless someone I know was involved.

[bina]

apropo parties and of course, off topic a bit:

a friend of ours, thai , has been in israel for 11 yrs !!! working (home once for visit to wife and child). before he left, he, being a bigwig in the sub culture of thai society work force on his moshav, invited close to 400 friends (99% male) to a string tieing /bbq/booze thing... complete with morlum sing (they have an impromtu type group set up). anyhow, he spent lots and lots and lots of money and preparations for this party.

it seemed very quiet and well behaved for a 300+ group of drinking thai males UNTIL someone touched someone else on the head by accident with his foot (stepped over/around the guy, we were all sitting on the floor in rows)... blood, broken beer bottles, chaos and a very angry farang employer later, the party broke up. friend was furious, sia naa -lost major face-- ....

went home to thailand the following day. week later we get a phone call, the guy , who had been working his butt off for 11 ! yrs and has built a house/car/kid in school found out his wife had a pua noi! the whole time. guess his party was an omen.

anyway......

bina

israel

not having anything to do with wedding parties, just thai parties, food alcohol and 'boxing' in the end...

[prakhonchai nick]

I've been to a few parties, some wedding, some house building, some Thai on Thai and others with a westerner involved.

For the Thai / Thai morning party, some beer in large ice boxes was presented. All Chang or Leo. I got someone to bring in some Singha I think. Food was poor quality (read large lumps of gristle etc.), I guess home cooked stuff and soup. Booze flowed and some started on whisky brought or bought, not provided. Perhaps some small number of bottles of local whisky was provided; I don't drink the stuff. What was apparent was that the locals were hardly interested in the actual ceremony but in the boozing. They had little or no money and they tried to hit us up, some out of town Thais and my partner and me to chip in. Begging cigarettes as well. The bride, a friend of my partner, came out in the end sans all the garb and sat with us (a table of 12 or so) and ate and drank. A few hours later we left. The nightime affair was largely a damp squib as the elders had passed out or been thrown out for fighting and being aggressive. It did not go on long. I think there were financial constraints as well. People chipped in (not me) to help the groom up to a show sinsot of Bt100,000 which all went tits up when it was not returned (and thus he could not repay it to some who were expecting it back at the wedding) and it had been "disappeared" which soured the whole thing tremendously. As well as the missus chipping in with some decent whisky for her and her mate, me with a box of beer and a Bt500 tied to the bride's wrist, we paid nothing else. No envelopes.

A nightime western / Thai wedding party saw the local dancing maidens on stage with the usual music. Food and drink was provided up to a level of about 1 bottle of whisky, X soda, 1 large coke, 1 large fanta on each table. Any more and you bought it yourself. I think I again organised some beer for me and a couple of other westerners. Top table dignitaries got red label and beer I think instead of Sang Som. Food began as nicknacks, followed by individual pork knuckle at one place, omitted at another, then the usual Tilapia fish and ended with tom yum goong soup. Rice of course. There were perhaps 30/40 tables, some with 8, some as few as 4. My missus thought it might be Bt200 / 300 per head for the food and drink. I know the cost of the whole thing came in around 80k including the music and dancers and about half of that was recovered from the envelopes. I suspect though that there were some additional "forgotten" costs and tips to the waiting staff.

A house party at an up market place went down similar lines on the food / booze set up. They even had police working to keep people out !

What was patently obvious at each place I went was that if there had been a fully expensed bar, then the locals would still be there drinking. Fighting, pissing in the street, falling asleep in a stupor, all par for the course. The Thais getting terribly drunk on very little either beer or more often whisky was the norm. I understood the well to do Thai couple having the police keep some out. They all followed a similar theme. There appeared to be nothing at a higher level. One of the local police chiefs also hired out all the chairs, did the catering etc. Rather a closed shop I'd say in that area. Down market from that you had home cooking, self service and less booze.

After seeing maybe half a dozen over the years, I am in no hurry to see another one unless someone I know was involved.

Spot on reporting Torrenova. That's how it is folks out here in Isaan. Nobody cares about the "event" - just the boozing. I avoid them all!

[TheWalkingMan]

Been to one falang/thai wedding in Issan which was held in a smallish town about an hour or so from Khon Kaen.

Standard Issan music stage with singers and coyote type dancing girls and police security to hopefully prevent the eventual fight. Of course a fight started, but it was with some girls. Just like being at a party in the ghetto, you know that a fight will start later in the evening so you either leave early or stay on your toes and be prepared for a quick escape.

Overall an interesting experience but nothing that I have an urge to repeat in the near future.

TheWalkingMan