Sin ( Groan ) Sod For Previously Married Girl

[khaowong1]

Married my wife about 40 years ago. She was divorced and had a child. No Sin Sod...not a Thai custom for second marriage. I'd really evaluate what you AND her really want.

My son has gotten married (outside of Thailand) to a Thai (first marriage) and no sin sod was asked at the Daughter's request. I'm quite sure the parents will do much better just staying mum in later years. I believe they may come and visit this year after being married about 2 years; and I don't think the topic will come up. The father seems to care about his children.

Personally I'd be prepared to walk away, however reluctantly; or you will be asked constantly forever for assistance.

"constantly and forever" because your a farang and the majority of Thai's cannot and do not believe you don't have a pile of money salted away somewhere.

[khaowong1]

If parents only invest in their children because they want something "material" back, should they even be allowed to be parents?

How many kids at cheltenham ladies college are thinking, "dam_n, I better come out this able to pull a rich hubby SO MY MUM AND DAD CAN GET THEIR MONEY BACK".

I am sure SURE S U R E than most parents of kids where I grew up wanted their kids to be happy in their own lives. Not to exist to make the parents lives materially better.

Maybe this is just a "little" culture clash. But it seems the values are very much at odds if the girl's parents want "PAYBACK" for their investment because YOU are going to reap the rewards, not them.

And to ask for it twice is nothing short of turning a possibly once treasured tradition into a bloody cottage industry

"This is Thailand" I tell Thai people that in America, the father of the bride pays for the wedding and there's no such thing as "Sin Sod", they don't believe me. They thank I'm just joking.

[khaowong1]

"my fiancee ( 32 ) and I have reached an impasse....a stalemate, and I need some advice."

You don't want to hear this, but...if you and she are arguing about money NOW, it's going to get worse after the marriage. I have no idea why farang men want to get taken advantage of, and I have no sympathy for them when the inevitable happens.

I really don't believe that it's being taken advantage so much as we just don't understand and never will understand Thai culture. And you can ask Thai friends about all this family and Sin Sod stuff and they really don't want to talk about it.

[khaowong1]

"my fiancee ( 32 ) and I have reached an impasse....a stalemate, and I need some advice."

You don't want to hear this, but...if you and she are arguing about money NOW, it's going to get worse after the marriage. I have no idea why farang men want to get taken advantage of, and I have no sympathy for them when the inevitable happens.

I really don't believe that it's being taken advantage so much as we just don't understand and never will understand Thai culture. And you can ask Thai friends about all this family and Sin Sod stuff and they really don't want to talk about it.

I've even asked older respected Thai monks about this, and they normally just shake their heads, and don't want to talk about it. The only one who has ever given me a straight answer, said, farangs are being taken advantage of. This is my last post on this matter.

[Loz]

I've found plenty of Thai's willing to talk on matters such as these. What kind of friends would they be if they were not willing to share insights into their culture? One in which I have chosen to live? Its not hard getting a straight answer from a friend with no agenda, hidden or otherwise. But if you ask a girl you are going to marry, or anyone that you have met through her, you would have to be a bit soft in the head to not think they would look for the best short term fix which is, "Pay the money, its thai culture".

Here is a (self proclaimed) great piece of advice:

Before you marry YOUR Thai girl. Go (with or without her) to at least 4 Weddings. See how they go and what is done and what is not done. This way you can show that you are GENUINELY learning thai culture so you can be the best husband for your wife. (A cynic might suggest she attend a few farang weddings, but I am not that guy, right now).

[Latindancer]

I am the OP.

Moderators, could we please close this thread ? I think it's all been said, and it seems the thread is taking on a life of it's own.....it's getting so long that there are people posting who don't realize I have resolved the issue, because they have not read all the pages.

Thanks to all for your input; there has been some very good advice.

It does seem to be an Issan custom, sometimes expected, sometimes not....according to the family involved.

Edited February 1, 2010 by Latindancer

[way2muchcoffee]

I am the OP.

Moderators, could we please close this thread ? I think it's all been said, and it seems the thread is taking on a life of it's own.....it's getting so long that there are people posting who don't realize I have resolved the issue, because they have not read all the pages.

Thanks to all for your input; there has been some very good advice.

It does seem to be an Issan custom, sometimes expected, sometimes not....according to the family involved.

Yes. A Thai custom for the first marriage only, and often returned in part or full so that the new family can start their lives together or hold it as a kind of financial security. Nevertheless, you refuse to understand Thai culture in this circumstance because it would mean accepting that your fiance and her family are trying to scam you. I wish you luck in your lives together though. One day you will understand.

Edited February 1, 2010 by way2muchcoffee

[Latindancer]

Yes. A Thai custom for the first marriage only, and often returned in part or full so that the new family can start their lives together or hold it as a kind of financial security. Nevertheless, you refuse to understand Thai culture in this circumstance because it would mean accepting that your fiance and her family are trying to scam you. I wish you luck in your lives together though. One day you will understand.

It's interesting how so many posters in this forum state their opinion or their experience as an absolute last word of what happens in this culture.

It am sure sin sot is returned sometimes, but as far as I can make out, not every time. There have been various people on various threads stating that not only did they pay sin sot (not returned), but that they know where this happened with Thai people too. This is reality....it happened (unless they are lying). As far as I know, there is no single mainstream "Thai culture". It varies from region to region. I understand I would offend her father if I did not pay something. He would lose face.

[PeaceBlondie]

Closing the thread, but with a shout: you as original poster do not control your thread. Closed because matter's been settled.