Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Personally, I am saddened that so many people are morally bankrupt enough to think a "store bought" partner constitutes a relationship. Different strokes for different folks, eh? Mind you as I see it, if you consider Bt200k a purchase of a girl then you are not morally bankrupt.... simply bankrupt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davelec Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Personally, I am saddened that so many people are morally bankrupt enough to think a "store bought" partner constitutes a relationship. Different strokes for different folks, eh? I am saddened that you are saddened about this part of Thai culture, and it IS still largely a part of Thai marriage arrangements. Why do foreigners think they are so morally superior to Thai's when it comes to this tradition? the west has it's own traditions which seem odd to Thai's i.e brides family paying for the wedding. To suggest sin sot is buying a partner is grossly insulting to Thai tradition and Thai women, if you don't like it don't pay it, but don't try to suggest that those who do are 'morally bankrupt'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dttk0009 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Personally I am rather surprised that people are so impoverished that their relationship with their girlfriend isnt even worth Bt200k. You're surprised? You must be new to Asia then. Welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Personally I am rather surprised that people are so impoverished that their relationship with their girlfriend isnt even worth Bt200k. Its called having principles and some things just go against your upbringing and beliefs (religious for some, personal beliefs for me). I swore i would never pay sin sod and i did not even when it was asked. If i interpret your name a bit your from a different culture as me so its quite normal for you to see things different. It all depends on your culture and upbringing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) Personally I am rather surprised that people are so impoverished that their relationship with their girlfriend isnt even worth Bt200k. You're surprised? You must be new to Asia then. Welcome. Well all I can say in my defense is that my ex-wife got over US$1000/day for every day she was married to me. So she clearly valued the relationship very highly. And I swore I would never get married again so Sin Sod isnt even an issue. What you dont do is make a very expensive mistake twice. Edited February 18, 2010 by Abrak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t.s Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Personally, I am saddened that so many people are morally bankrupt enough to think a "store bought" partner constitutes a relationship. Different strokes for different folks, eh? Mind you as I see it, if you consider Bt200k a purchase of a girl then you are not morally bankrupt.... simply bankrupt. you dont even make sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NADTATIDA1 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 What did you do for 7 hours? Lurk outside? I am fairly easy-going but I would have simply left or more likely entered the house after 30 minutes. Exactly! I would of been long gone,rule number 1 in any relationship get the mother in law on your side from day one,if she is proving to be difficult from the very first meeting and only thinking money,you have had your answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NADTATIDA1 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) Personally I am rather surprised that people are so impoverished that their relationship with their girlfriend isnt even worth Bt200k. You're surprised? You must be new to Asia then. Welcome. Well all I can say in my defense is that my ex-wife got over US$1000/day for every day she was married to me. So she clearly valued the relationship very highly. And I swore I would never get married again so Sin Sod isnt even an issue. What you dont do is make a very expensive mistake twice. HOW LONG WAS YOU MARRIED TO HER?? And if she is your ex she clearly did not value the relationship that highly! only the $1000/day??? me thinks. Edited February 18, 2010 by NADTATIDA1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Multi-posts deleted. Calling a woman with two kids "Damaged goods" shows a lack of class. At least she is taking care of her kids, unlike many men in Thailand, locals and expats. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 HOW LONG WAS YOU MARRIED TO HER??And if she is your ex she clearly did not value the relationship that highly! only the $1000/day??? me thinks. Well it was over ten years. It certainly beats working. If I was to work out how much it cost me a shag, it would be truely depressing. Maybe I should say she valued not being in a relationship with me very highly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NADTATIDA1 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 So she is a millionaire now in any currency lol, yes best not to think to deeply i think is the only medicine for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) Personally, I am saddened that so many people are morally bankrupt enough to think a "store bought" partner constitutes a relationship. Different strokes for different folks, eh? Mind you as I see it, if you consider Bt200k a purchase of a girl then you are not morally bankrupt.... simply bankrupt. you dont even make sense. Or maybe you are just pretty dense. At the end of the day if Bt200k is such a big deal to you (which is not the case with the Op) you probably arent wealthy enough to get married in the first place. The suggestion that Bt200k is too much to pay for a marriage or is seen as 'morally bankrupt' 'paying for a bride' 'against ones morals' is totally ridiculous in a western sense whereby you get taken to the cleaners (well I did anyways) when things go wrong. I can promise anyone that just because they didnt pay Sin Sod in the West they should not claim the moral high ground because you get screwed big time. So I really dont give a flying fuc_k for the guy who says his background is different from mine, his morals are different mine, he will not pay sin sod for a girl because all he will end up doing is not paying upfront and being rodgered on the back end. And he will think he is getting a good deal. And Bt200k is absolute peanuts. How many guys on this forum can say they went through a divorce and this is as little as it cost them. (BTW I dont really want to hear about it.) And do not claim the moral highground because it goes against your upbringing and background. As far as I am concerned if you are unwilling to give the girl you want to marry Bt200k to sort out the problem in whichever way she deems fit, then you occupy no ground worth speaking of at all. Do her a favor and dont get married. Edited February 18, 2010 by Abrak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLaughingMan Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) Personally I am rather surprised that people are so impoverished that their relationship with their girlfriend isnt even worth Bt200k. You are not supposed to buy your wife like a new toy you fool! Its not the monetary amount it is the entire principle. Edited February 18, 2010 by TheLaughingMan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Personally I am rather surprised that people are so impoverished that their relationship with their girlfriend isnt even worth Bt200k. You are not supposed to buy your wife like a new toy you fool! Its not the monetary amount it is the entire principle. Dont claim there is any principle involved apart from you are too stingy. The principle of a marriage is that you make your wife happy. If you dont like the principle give the money to her and tell her to pay whatever she deems fit. You buy a wife one way or another, just face it. If you give it to your wife then you can claim principle. Lets face it when you get divorced you are not going to give her half your assets. Just imagine your wife to be explaining your principle - that you are essentially a stingy bastard - to her family. I just dislike the whole concept of people disrespecting their wife to be, not respecting her traditions and claiming the moral high ground at the same time. Everyone knows you are not paying because you are stingy, you can claim a principle as much as you like but when you consider the loss of respect from the girl you want to marry is it worth it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Personally I am rather surprised that people are so impoverished that their relationship with their girlfriend isnt even worth Bt200k. You are not supposed to buy your wife like a new toy you fool! Its not the monetary amount it is the entire principle. Dont claim there is any principle involved apart from you are too stingy. The principle of a marriage is that you make your wife happy. If you dont like the principle give the money to her and tell her to pay whatever she deems fit. You buy a wife one way or another, just face it. If you give it to your wife then you can claim principle. Lets face it when you get divorced you are not going to give her half your assets. Just imagine your wife to be explaining your principle - that you are essentially a stingy bastard - to her family. I just dislike the whole concept of people disrespecting their wife to be, not respecting her traditions and claiming the moral high ground at the same time. Everyone knows you are not paying because you are stingy, you can claim a principle as much as you like but when you consider the loss of respect from the girl you want to marry is it worth it? not respecting her traditions and claiming the moral high ground at the same time. Huh? There is NO tradition for paying sinsod to the family of a woman that has 2 kids. If you were aware of this you would not be discussing "tradition". The OP is willingly supporting 2 children that are not his responsibility, that is far from "stingy". The concept of sinsod as it is practiced today in MOST of Thailand is about providing a nest-egg in case the man bails out on his responsibilities. The way it is practiced in cities and amongst the middle-class it is about showing that you are capable of providing for your wife. For the most part the money is given back to the wife and not kept by the parents. How much have you paid in sinsod Abrak? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 What was the origin of sinsod? Very confusing ...sometimes it is called sinsot other times sinsod. Where did paying for a Thai wife originate? Does one also pay for a Thai husband? If one has to or is asked to pay a sinsod for a wife are therefore daughters valued more than sons? Is that now why families have children? In other countries with different cultures and traditions requesting or demanding sinsod would be considered very offensive! Why must others understand Thai traditions and Thais not understand or care the least about others traditions? If sinsod is not all about money then why not a standard offering. The Thai people have become confused about their beliefs all farangs are wealthy and have a never ending supply of money. Why is that once a farang pays a sinsod then it usually doesn't end with that? Were the poor villagers happy with their life before this perceived newly found never ending windfall? Do most farangs go to Thailand to find a gentle kind softspoken wife or husband or do they go there to find a servant or sex slave? Nowadays with the internet it would behoove farang shoppers for a spouse to do quite a bit of research before going there. Is a woman not valued regardless of her past? Why does having been married once before tarnish a woman? It may sound very harsh but anyone who heads down the path of paying another person's family for the right to marry their child gets what they deserve. If a person eventually refuses what are they going to do take her back and try again? Where the heck does love come into play here? There are plenty of threads about this ---- feel free to research the topic. However, .... You don't know anything about Thai culture of history and automatically assume your culture is "right". This could be best described as an ethnocentric viewpoint in the most gentle phraseology possible. I would personally describe it much more harshly. Why not come to Thailand ... spend a bit of time here. Learn the language and customs of your daughter-in-law and the country she is from; and THEN make an informed observation Until then all you will have is your own pre-conceived ideas of what is "right" and no practical knowledge at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loz Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Abrak's logic appears to show he has been in Thailand too long if anything! He seems to be saying pay the sinsod on the way in to reduce the shafting you get on the way out! This is so open to scrutiny that its not even funny anymore. But if you really think paying a hefty sinsod for a woman who "tradtionally" does not command a hefty sinsod is going to stop you from becoming one of the disaster stories we read about so often, then Via Condios, my friend. You might want to stop by the rabbits foot shop too. Although you will have more joy sucking a chickens foot out here, I suspect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Enough name calling. If you can't make your point without personal attacks go play minesweeper or something till you calm down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 There is NO tradition for paying sinsod to the family of a woman that has 2 kids. If you were aware of this you would not be discussing "tradition". The OP is willingly supporting 2 children that are not his responsibility, that is far from "stingy".The concept of sinsod as it is practiced today in MOST of Thailand is about providing a nest-egg in case the man bails out on his responsibilities. The way it is practiced in cities and amongst the middle-class it is about showing that you are capable of providing for your wife. For the most part the money is given back to the wife and not kept by the parents. How much have you paid in sinsod Abrak? I have never implied that the Op is stingy. Quite the opposite, I suggested that as he could afford the Sin Sod he might say give it to his wife to be and then let her handle it. To be honest Sin Sod isnt much of a tradition at all nowadays so I dont think you get too far explaining that there is no sin sod because you think your future wife is a slut and her parents are bloody lucky to have her taken out of their hands. As you correctly point out the tradition of the sin sod is essentially a prepayment in case of divorce. It has absolutely nothing to do with buying a girl. Up north I gather the parents often keep it because they realize the farang is unlikely to support the greater family (or whatever other reason they dream up.) Look the Op is paying Bt20k a month - he can clearly afford 200k but he doesnt want to give it to her mother who sounds a right bitch. Best solution give it to his wife and say this absolves you of all future liabilities from her mother. Then he can claim the moral high ground. I have absolutely no intention of marrying again and I have not met a girl in polite company that I believe would even ask for a sin sod if I was to marry her. It really is distinctly uncool for parents of the bride to expect a sin sod nowadays. It sort of indicates a lack of class. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) He seems to be saying pay the sinsod on the way in to reduce the shafting you get on the way out! This is so open to scrutiny that its not even funny anymore. But if you really think paying a hefty sinsod for a woman who "tradtionally" does not command a hefty sinsod is going to stop you from becoming one of the disaster stories we read about so often, then Via Condios, my friend. You might want to stop by the rabbits foot shop too. Although you will have more joy sucking a chickens foot out here, I suspect. As JDINASIA explains that is exactly the tradition of the sin sod. It is a prepayment in case the husband bails. And look I dont care whether anyone pays anything just dont go around claiming any principle. Because you are not going to pay upfront or at the back end. If you had any decent principles you would lay themj aside for the sake of your wife to be or as I say give her the money and then claim principle. Do you think your wife will respect you more for your principle. Why shouldnt you help her help her family. That is a Thai principle that many people are unwilling to accept (out of principle). I will totally accept someone who wont pay out of principle and who has given the money to his wife and let her choose how to spend it. I dont get where people get off in claiming the girl you want to marry isnt worth paying for because she has two kids and that this is all a matter of principle. If you talking sin sod anyway there is absolutely no chance they will respect or understand whatever principles you have. And of course when you leave her for a brighter younger model you will claim that under your principles she is entitled to nothing. It is very easy. If the girl's family are asking for sin sod that will not be returned they are dirt poor. If your principle is not to help them or to make your wife happy, I just dont think you have any principles worth speaking of. If you can really turn to her parents and say that you are only giving her Bt100k instead of Bt200k because she already has two kids, well shame on you. Just dont claim some sort of moral high ground because it is pathetic. Edited February 18, 2010 by Abrak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I disagree --- Abrak Sinsot is still a BIG part of tradition these days even amongst the Hi-So. The fact that the parents don't keep it makes it totally palatable in my eyes. My friend's sister was given 6 mil when she got married. It was given to her mother at the ceremony and then immediately deposited in the daughter's account. The very next day construction started on a house in the daughter's name in her mother's compound. The birth of both children came along with several million baht in gold for each. The children would be tken care of until they are 18 years old with just what was given by the husband and all the kid's relatives. Remember Thailand isn't a social welfare state and proving that you can afford to take care of a family is a GOOD thing. The nature of sinsod (being given prior to the marraige) makes it not community property and totally protects the wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawthorne Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Introduce the girl to some of your friends (enemies, acqauntences, local mechanic whatever, anyone you have ever met) , maybe they will take her off your hands. Your gf sounds like a boat ( a hole to throw away all your cash) Why not find a woman to pay for you, don't you consider yourself a rightous dud worth paying sin sod? Go to India it is just the opposite from Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I think its time for the mods to close this down - there are 3 threads on the first page at the moment of men pleading how their g/f's have kids and are totally wonderful - but even so, why should they pay sinsod? i.e. they know they shouldn't be - but are looking for an excuse to do so nonetheless. Let's say it LOUDLY AND CLEARLY - if your g/f has been married before/has kids - NO SINSOD IS PAYABLE!!! If you do so anyway (cos the family are demanding it and you love her too much to say no) then at least accept the fact that your gf is leading you down this path to pay money (that is not payable for a woman with kids) and accept it! Why is your gf trying to tell you its 'right' when its clearly not?! For god's sake - stop posting this rubbish! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carib Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Again a troll subject. The op has not been back after his first post and some of you are killing each other about his troll posting. Isn't Thai visa fun... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penkoprod Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I think its time for the mods to close this down - there are 3 threads on the first page at the moment of men pleading how their g/f's have kids and are totally wonderful - but even so, why should they pay sinsod?i.e. they know they shouldn't be - but are looking for an excuse to do so nonetheless. Let's say it LOUDLY AND CLEARLY - if your g/f has been married before/has kids - NO SINSOD IS PAYABLE!!! If you do so anyway (cos the family are demanding it and you love her too much to say no) then at least accept the fact that your gf is leading you down this path to pay money (that is not payable for a woman with kids) and accept it! Why is your gf trying to tell you its 'right' when its clearly not?! For god's sake - stop posting this rubbish! Aw, come on!!!!! These make compulsive reading sometimes. They are like those soap operas on TV, or professional wrestling.....you know they are crap, but you just CAN'T stop watching them. Bring 'em on is what i say. They only tend to get boring when some people take things too far with the insults. Penkoprod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I think its time for the mods to close this down - there are 3 threads on the first page at the moment of men pleading how their g/f's have kids and are totally wonderful - but even so, why should they pay sinsod?i.e. they know they shouldn't be - but are looking for an excuse to do so nonetheless. Let's say it LOUDLY AND CLEARLY - if your g/f has been married before/has kids - NO SINSOD IS PAYABLE!!! If you do so anyway (cos the family are demanding it and you love her too much to say no) then at least accept the fact that your gf is leading you down this path to pay money (that is not payable for a woman with kids) and accept it! Why is your gf trying to tell you its 'right' when its clearly not?! For god's sake - stop posting this rubbish! Aw, come on!!!!! These make compulsive reading sometimes. They are like those soap operas on TV, or professional wrestling.....you know they are crap, but you just CAN'T stop watching them. Bring 'em on is what i say. They only tend to get boring when some people take things too far with the insults. Penkoprod You're right! Can only apologise that sometimes I get annoyed enough to point out the truth... If I wasn't addicted to this rubbish I wouldn't read it in the first place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 The principle of a marriage is that you make your wife happy. The principle of marriage is that you make each other happy. As I stated earlier - sinsot is for show and is not a dowery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLaughingMan Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) What confuses me to all hel_l Abrak is you keep saying the op should pay sinsod regardless of her having 2 children. Why? This is NOT Thai culture and no Thai man would be caught dead paying in this situation. So why should a falang man go totally AGAINST culture and pay a non returned sinsot? This is a complete scam, the Thaiu wife to be knows it and the mother knows it but the falang husband is clueless he is getting scammed. And yet you are encouraging him? Your logic that he should pay just to make her happy is incomprehensible. We should let people steal and scam us because it makes THEM happy? Edited February 18, 2010 by TheLaughingMan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdinasia Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 The principle of a marriage is that you make your wife happy. The principle of marriage is that you make each other happy. As I stated earlier - sinsot is for show and is not a dowery. Stating it as a fact does not, in fact, make it a fact Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 The principle of a marriage is that you make your wife happy. The principle of marriage is that you make each other happy. As I stated earlier - sinsot is for show and is not a dowery. Stating it as a fact does not, in fact, make it a fact We all bow to your superior wisdom.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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