Testing The Live In.

[garyk]

When i arrived a few years ago I meet as everyone does a nice Issan gal. When i decided to move her in i said I would give her 5000 baht a month and that was it.

So.. 1.5 years later i decided to test the waters. Of course she said she loved me and no matter if i had money or not she would stay with me for life.

At the beginning of the month i told her i was short and did not have the 5000 to give her this month and said i would start again next month. Nothing was said and I think OK. Great she has feeling for me.

About three days passed and it started getting very chilly in the bedroom. As far as pushing me away... Well.... Ok...

This went on for about a week. Then i said i sold something and had extra money to pay her. I Paid and wowowowowo. Everything went back to normal. Cooks for me cleans and takes care of me in everyway.

Now, since i decided against buying anything in her name and only own a car and motorcycle here. Renting a house. I think it is pretty clear where i stand. Only a meal ticket. Now she didn't leave but i think if a better offer came along in the times i did not pay her she would think pretty seriously about jumping ship.

I am pretty safe here.

But someone without any rights here and gives all to the wife or gf. I think should test the waters in a long term relationship. I was shocked but it has brought me back down to earth and reinforced my belief about finaces in Thailand. Leave investments where they can bennifit you and do not invest in Thailand. Or at least I never will. I love it here but for living and traveling only. I keep my home and cars back home for a graseful departure if needed.

Ok,, now for you old timers to tell me i am with the wrong girl, and i picked up a hooker to begin with. I have heard it all. The truth is the old timers here reinforce there fears by scolding the ones who upset there way of thinking. Any new commers here are wise to not listen to the old timers here and be very careful with you finances. I have seen too many guys here listen to the praises of the expats here and after the relationship ends they say. Well that is what you get... and i expected it anyway. The old timers here are the minority and to listen to the monority is a very bad mistake.

I will stay here for life probily but will never invest here. I am very comfortable but you must know where you stand....

[midasthailand]

Wow! Thank you Guru Gary for the advice, I don't know how I would survive in Thailand had I not read your gems of wisdom and how generous of you to pay your "live in" 5,000 a month with no cost of living adjustments for 18 months.

I will never again read a post by an older member as clearly, they know nothing and all their posts are the bitter ramblings of broken old men.

My friend, you are what is known in the vernacular as an oxygen thief!

[Slaps]

Wow! Thank you Guru Gary for the advice, I don't know how I would survive in Thailand had I not read your gems of wisdom and how generous of you to pay your "live in" 5,000 a month with no cost of living adjustments for 18 months.

I will never again read a post by an older member as clearly, they know nothing and all their posts are the bitter ramblings of broken old men.

My friend, you are what is known in the vernacular as an oxygen thief!

Nicely put Midas

And you know what they say money talks BS walks

I wonder which one the OP has most of

[ronthompson]

U have been living with a Thai lady for 18 months and giving her 5K sor living expensesand now want to explore other Thai ladies and have discovered your friend is not friendly if u do not pay her the 5k a month. Her history does not really matter, no reason to mention her live prior to meeting u unless u care to discuss your history. Do u really consider 18 months a long term relationship?

You rent your house, have a truck and motor bike but have u given your friend any thing excrpt the 5K a month?

Just why do u think she is with u? I really doubt it is because u are a super stud but because she wants a better life no other reason.

The world or Thailand owes u nothing!

Two rules of life for men regardless of where u live.

1. spend no more than u can afford and or walk away from.

2. women will love u as along as they receive something in return.

Now the above is only MHO and I have been wrong in the past once or twice..

[MeMock]

I never try and judge others (hard not to do) but the one thing I never understand is why people pay their girlfriend/wife/partner a monthly 'wage'. Surely you are either in it together or not in it at all?

[Gary A]

My wife always hated to ask me for money and I knew it. I decided to have her set an amount that covered all household expenses. I then added 5,000 baht and told her that whatever she had left over, she could spend as she liked. Since she is very frugal, she put the extra in her savings account. It works well for us.

How would you like to have a mate who thought it best to keep you broke and begging? If I were in that position I would soon tell you find another slave.

[MeMock]

My wife and I have joint ATM cards and we both withdrawal money when we need it. She never wastes it and neither do I. Any big purchases we discuss together before hand. Simple really.

Edited March 5, 2010 by MeMock

[TheWalkingMan]

Hmmmm....

I don't know about condemning the OP. He has a non-working live-in whose marketable skills are nothing that can be listed on a resume. She is living rent free, eating regularly and I presume she has free and ready access to TV and clean water. In addition she gets 5k baht per month to do with as she feels.

After 18 months, he decides to test her by withholding her monthly stipend and she cuts off affection. I would think that after 18 months together the woman would have more than 5k/month feelings towards him.

Sometimes when I read stories like this, it really makes me wonder if all these live-ins are just there for the money or is affection really there. Has it come to the point that the girls are merely employees expected to do what the boss tells them? Or is it just an offshoot of the nightlife where instead of a daily (or shorter) stipend the girls are on the payroll on a monthly basis.

TheWalkingMan

[TerryLH]

OP

Is it customary in your country to pay your gf to live with you? I know it isn't in mine.

[neverdie]

INTERESTING THREAD. I am sure I have read another one/s like it before.

[somtampet]

Horses for courses.

If the gf isnt chinese/thai she isnt very good lady based on this forum,so only have chinese/thai gf/wife who are much better for the farang.

[richard_smith237]

Hmmmm....

I don't know about condemning the OP. He has a non-working live-in whose marketable skills are nothing that can be listed on a resume. She is living rent free, eating regularly and I presume she has free and ready access to TV and clean water. In addition she gets 5k baht per month to do with as she feels.

After 18 months, he decides to test her by withholding her monthly stipend and she cuts off affection. I would think that after 18 months together the woman would have more than 5k/month feelings towards him.

Sometimes when I read stories like this, it really makes me wonder if all these live-ins are just there for the money or is affection really there. Has it come to the point that the girls are merely employees expected to do what the boss tells them? Or is it just an offshoot of the nightlife where instead of a daily (or shorter) stipend the girls are on the payroll on a monthly basis.

TheWalkingMan

It seems to me that she is an employee. In my work, if I stop getting paid I stop doing the job.

IMO: This is simply a business agreement from the girls point of view, and quite rightly the Op has recognised this. Although why he thought he could successfully pursue a relationship which commenced with a monetary agreement is beyond me. As nice as the lady in question may be she is simply paid to be there.

Any relationship which starts with financial agreement is highly questionable - There really isn't much grey area.

[DreamRider]

My wife and I have joint ATM cards and we both withdrawal money when we need it. She never wastes it and neither do I. Any big purchases we discuss together before hand. Simple really.

Hello MeMock,

I have to agree with GaryA here. I have lived with my GF for 7 years now and have always given her an "allowance". I still am on a 3 month work; 3 month home basis and she does not work.

I would much rather she had this freedom and independence of an "allowance" than to come to me cap-in-hand for every expenditure or purchase for me to, apparently, vet.

Having a joint bank account is OK and tantamount to the same thing but giving her this financial independence is important .. for me aswell IMO!!

Perhaps our attitude would be different if we were in a joint business venture such as yours but for now it is mutually agreeable.

A parcel of land and a car are in her name and have been for 4 and 3 years respectively so she is free to walk whenever.

She is not high maintenance ... you have met her and you know us.

By the way, to use your wife and relationship as a comparison is not fair as she, your wife, is arguably one of the most decent people I have met in Thailand ... so there!!

[MeMock]

Hi Dreamweaver,

Thanks very much you your thoughts on this subject. I made sure in my first post that I wrote "one thing I never understand" meaning that I am up for thoughts and opinions to the contrary which is what you have given. If you were just an anonymous internet user I may have ignored it but as you said we know each other and I think a lot of you and your wife so it has given me something to think about. Cheers. Being away for long periods of time like you are also changes things.

[DreamRider]

Hi Dreamweaver,

Thanks very much you your thoughts on this subject. I made sure in my first post that I wrote "one thing I never understand" meaning that I am up for thoughts and opinions to the contrary which is what you have given. If you were just an anonymous internet user I may have ignored it but as you said we know each other and I think a lot of you and your wife so it has given me something to think about. Cheers. Being away for long periods of time like you are also changes things.

Not too long now, mate, I'll see you within a week ... yeah Baby!!!

[kenk3z]

While there are many comments that might be made with respect to how much commitment you each have to the other in the relationship you describe - one thing I will mention is that for the vast majority of the time, my wife can easily observe that she spends more of the discretionary household money on herself than I do on myself.

[Brigante7]

OP

Is it customary in your country to pay your gf to live with you? I know it isn't in mine.

Most husbands pay their wife, one way or another, maybe most husbands just don't realise it.

Brigante7.

Edited March 5, 2010 by Brigante7

[prakhonchai nick]

My wife gave up work when we started out together. Some of the money she earned went to help her family. It seemed only right to recompense her for her loss of salary, and I continue this "allowance" to this day.

[soihok]

Most husbands pay their wife, one way or another, maybe most husbands just don't realise it.

Brigante7.

Thats a valid point.

My wife and I are married now for 7 years and have two kids, so not really in the same ball park as GaryK

But.

Do help out with family matters sometimes, so while we hold a joint account and she can take what she wants , when she wants, she can. But she does,nt.

We talk about their needs before acting.

I used to work with a Brit friend and he was paying his Thai wife an allowance, I could,nt get my head around it but he told me one day that she went out and bought a diamond watch with his money,, thats how it came about.

Funny old game.

If thats the case GaryK, and the relationship is purely financial in her eyes,,that means you can get out on the town when and with who you want....wheyhey!!!

Edited March 6, 2010 by soihok

[somtampet]

Been living with my gf for 6 years and she gave up work to take care of her son who i accepted as my own.She could go back to work in hotel but when the son is at school we have so much prime time its not worth it for 6-8,000 baht a month.

I dont give her any form of allowance and dont need to send money to her mum,but my wallet is there when she needs something as is the atm card,but i pay for all the bills.This seems to work for us as we go everywhere together and she is very shrewd with money

[NADTATIDA1]

There is no right or wrong way as everybodys financial abilities are different,the one thing i would say is that giving an allowance to a lady every month does not instill any get up and go in their own financial productivity towards the relationship and in the long run creates a lazy attitude towards working as team to better your life experiences together.

Everyone needs the capacity to earn and control there own money,it is better for any long term relationships to flourish and create harmony in other areas.

Any woman who goes cold if you do not give your monthly allowance to her because you are going through a rough time ....well get rid!....because a good woman and someone who really loves you? would be on your side and thinking of ways to earn money to help you through the bad patch.

Not Sulking like a unpaid employee!

[rick75]

In Australia back maybe 20 years, the Man would go to work and the wife would stay at home and look after the kids, at the end of the week the husband would take his pay packet and give the wife Housekeeping money, mostly he would control the cash and give her the money for bills etc, this is no different IMHO. Times change and now a lot of ladies work and have financial independance but, I still have friends that maintain independant bank accounts from there wives. Keep in mind we are talking about people my age in there 30's. If your choice is that you would rather your wife stay at home at look after you rather than work in a somtam stall or laundry for 4000bht a month whats wrong with slinging her some cash.

[jazzbo]

it's not worth it for 6-8,000 baht a month.... and how does all this figure if the TGF is used to making 6-8000 Baht per week?

[Travel2003]

It took 1,5 years to get to know the person one live with????

[ray23]

Hmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wheres the problem sounds like you have got your monies worth, not happy rent another.

OLD TIMER

[JMS]

I agree with the OP if you stop the money the so called love and perks finish. So when you rent one of these ladies do it on a short time basis and get your moneys worth. A lot of people here pay for their lady to live with them and when the money stops they move on.

[cdnvic]

Ever think that she might just have seen through your story and reacted to you depriving her of all her income just so you could experiment? No matter where you are in the world, women don't tend to get very romantic when they feel they are being treated badly.

[Chaimai]

I paid my wife the equivalent of 7,500,000 Baht over 25 years (+ another 7,500,000 for the house).

I pay my Thai G/F 2,000 Baht a week - I calculate that I have another 72 years to go with my Thai partner.

Anybody seen Garyk since the first [post

[Dave the Dude]

I paid my wife the equivalent of 7,500,000 Baht over 25 years (+ another 7,500,000 for the house).

I pay my Thai G/F 2,000 Baht a week - I calculate that I have another 72 years to go with my Thai partner.

Anybody seen Garyk since the first [post

Interesting, Ray.

I try to look forwards instead of backwards. It scares me too much, then I fall over.

Edited March 6, 2010 by Dave the Dude

[MAJIC]

Hmmmm....

I don't know about condemning the OP. He has a non-working live-in whose marketable skills are nothing that can be listed on a resume. She is living rent free, eating regularly and I presume she has free and ready access to TV and clean water. In addition she gets 5k baht per month to do with as she feels.

After 18 months, he decides to test her by withholding her monthly stipend and she cuts off affection. I would think that after 18 months together the woman would have more than 5k/month feelings towards him.

Sometimes when I read stories like this, it really makes me wonder if all these live-ins are just there for the money or is affection really there. Has it come to the point that the girls are merely employees expected to do what the boss tells them? Or is it just an offshoot of the nightlife where instead of a daily (or shorter) stipend the girls are on the payroll on a monthly basis.

TheWalkingMan

It seems to me that she is an employee. In my work, if I stop getting paid I stop doing the job.

IMO: This is simply a business agreement from the girls point of view, and quite rightly the Op has recognised this. Although why he thought he could successfully pursue a relationship which commenced with a monetary agreement is beyond me. As nice as the lady in question may be she is simply paid to be there.

Any relationship which starts with financial agreement is highly questionable - There really isn't much grey area.

Now he has found out for himself he has decided to tell the "Old timers" that no doubt tried to wise him up, that he really knew the deal himself all along.Hindsight is great for proving yourself right at all times!