Disrespect And Prejudice Towards My Thai Wife In The Uk

[ukme]

It was always a worry of mine when I met the woman of my dreams in Thailand and returned to my homecountry with her. I have done my best to protect her/myself/the relationship from the viperous, hurtful barbs - but from Family? How the fXXk are you supposed to deal with that.

On more than one occassion I have been on the receiving end of some pretty hurtful comments, by my elder farang sister especially and even my own mother. I didn't bring the poor woman thousands of miles across the world to be met with disrespect and prejudice.

I feel very hurt. I am considering cutting ties.

I may return with the full story when I have the time. Any similar experiences?

[bkkjames]

hmm my experience is a mirror but only with her relatives here

[ongoing]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

Edited March 5, 2010 by ongoing

[whichschool]

hmm my experience is a mirror but only with her relatives here

Lucky man, saves going to family gatherings.

[GarryP]

Never suffered either way. Although we have not spent much time in the UK, my wife was always treated with respect, and I was treated likewise by most of her family. Actually, I was a bit worried because I really did not know my father's views on race, but he was great.

On the other hand a couple of my wife's sisters know that they should keep well away from me, but they know why.

[Latindancer]

If she's the type of girl who never says anything nasty ( as many Thais are ), you might like to point out that this is the main reason you value her.....

[chiang mai]

I don't know the answer, but I'm very very keen to understand more from anyone who has first hand knowledge on this subject - I'm planning to take my my Thai wife back to the UK to live later this year and I have major concerns about the attitudes of resident Brits.

[GarryP]

For me I am talking about 20 years ago. The number of Thais marrying Brits was much lower then. The average Brit didn't even know where Thailand was then. I am not sure but understand that perceptions have changed over the years with all the news of rip-offs etc. Couples living happy loving lives are not news. The odd few sad stories do, however, tend to tar all.

[ukme]

These F****ers (yes I am talking about my UK family) didn't seem to mind coming to my home and being treated with the hospitality of kings and queens by my Thai wife though.

[Who, me ?]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

[/quote

I don't know which Thai people you usually meet, but I am pretty sure that I am not with the same as yours....I never heard from any of my wife's family or my wife's friends that I am a walking ATM, or a 2nd rate people. Most of the Thai I know and I interact with are really nice persons, and I am very sure that they would not have such thoughts. I am also convinced that the immense majority of Thai are quite different from what you mention. I have been here long enough not to be dreaming of wonder land anymore, but I find your comment quite aggressive .

Back to topic.... When I introduced my wife to my family back in my home country, they were a bit "reserved" , and at first worried a bit. They heard some stories about some "bad" Thai ladies, but also they heard similar stories about some other ladies from elsewhere. After a very short time, they became absolutely charmed by my wife, and can not say enough good about her....

I would suggest to the OP to give a bit of time, and to see how things go after a while..

[Tonto21]

What did you think would happen? The UK is an Island, with an Island mentality, (small minded) I’m English and proud to be so, however, there are way to many people in the UK that have never been any where…. Done anything or been anyone, who works all week, or not! And go on about the (not in any particular order) wars we have won, football and how they would run the England team, how to pull a bird, and be happy to tell you how much they know about everything. If you need to know anything in the UK, go to a pub on a Fri night, find the biggest bar fly and ask him…. Anything! Everything in the UK is dumbed down for the bone heads that now live there. Anything you say that doesn’t fit their view or what they’ve seen on TV…. And you’re a liar. Sorry to hear your family seems to be cast from the same stone. Time to move on, you’ve out grown them mate. The world is a big place, life a journey, not a destination. Good luck!

[ukme]

It's funny. As I am no longer willing to tolerate my families abusive/insulting behaviour and slowly distance myself from them, their small mindedness, ignorance and prejudice, they have lovingly accussed me of thinking that my wife and I are "above them"???? and are no doubt attacking us even more.

Sigh.

[chiang mai]

This is all looking very sad and not very promising.

[Boo]

unless you want to provide some more information as to why & how this bad situation happened/ocurred the it seems you It seems to me that in your anger you are just opening up your sister & mother to abuse on an internet forum.

The assumption is that you & your wife are totally without blame or have done or said nothing to these 2 people who presumably before this, loved & cared about you & your welfare.

Why not try to calm down & provide a bit more information. Be fair & if you or your wife did do anything to antagonize your family or played a part in this issue then it is worth admitting it (if only to yourself)

My husband lived in Uk for 5.5 years but when he first met my family (mum & sister initially) they were both very suspicious & weary of him as 1) they had never met him 2) he was a bit (a lot) different to anyone they had ever met before 3) were concerned that I had hitched myself to someone who could potentially cause me grief in the future.

All perfectly normal & natural feelings from the people who care about me the most. At the start I made it clear that he was my husband, I wasn't some sort f idiot & that they owed it to us both to give him a chance. So over the years he has made an effort to get to know them & vise versa & now they trust him & understand that he is a good husband & father to our son but I didn't (and neither did he) expect them to fall all over him just cause he was my husband.

Comment have been made over the years, unthinkingly about Thailand (do they have electric then? yes really, mum having a mum moment) & usually most comments related to the food he eats (gawd, whats that stink, urgh your not eating that are you, when mum saw congealed jellied chicken feet in a pot) but he takes it good humored & they say it in a nice (small minded) way rather than maliciously.

Oh course as we don't know what has got you so upset that you are prepared to drop your own mother & sister then I offer only my story as an example of families not behaving how we would hope.

[true blue]

I don't know the answer, but I'm very very keen to understand more from anyone who has first hand knowledge on this subject - I'm planning to take my my Thai wife back to the UK to live later this year and I have major concerns about the attitudes of resident Brits.

we were in uk,last year for 6 months and my missus (thai) was treated with respect by all my family and friends,and we had no proplem were ever we went,in fact she loved it,more me wanted to get back to los.

[Travel2003]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

I respect your opinion, but really fail to see the logic in it.

You would only stick up for OP's wife if you yourself were threated better by someone else in Thailand?

I obviously live in a different Thailand as you do.

Sure there are loads of negative stuff about Thailand, just as it is loads of negative stuff in my home country as well.

After 10 years, I have mostly been treated with respect.

I guess it is partly because I treat most people with respect as well.

But that should actually not be taken into account at all when it comes to how the people back home treat someone.

Because you feel you are treated very bad in Thailand, does not justify why someone else should act the same way back home.

[EvilDrSomkid]

Sorry to hear this OP.

My family and friends just adore my wife. Never had any nasty words come my way. Even my old man said in his speech at our wedding that: "This is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Don't mess it up!"

Her family are also very sweet people. Never had any nasty comments from them either. Then again, my Thai is not that good, but from what I see and from what I hear all is good.

You have small minded people everywhere.

ukme, I hope you don't have to cut off contact with your family. They are your family after all.

If you would not consider it too private, what have they said? Is there anyway you can change their mind?

What kind of background does your family have?

[geriatrickid]

Boo summed it up best.

I don't know the circumstances here, but I do know that if I showed up with a bimbo bar girl my sister would shred me.

I used to rip into my brother on his choice of ladies. Some of them were right decent people, nothing wrong with them, but being a loving brother, I made my stupid comments because that's what brothers usually do. My siblings and I were quite nasty to our step mother at first, but after 20 years+ of her dealing with our father we now call her the angel. Give it time.

[eurasianthai]

Thai women are very respectful of other people.

And well, as far as I know, everybody likes it.

But Brits are probably a special breed...

Edited March 5, 2010 by eurasianthai

[NALAK]

my mother told be never to bring my partner to her house when i went back, i said no problem but you will have to accept seeing a lot less of me because i cannot be in 2 places at once. after a week of not seeing me she asked to see my partner, within hours she was won over, used to ring her to take her shopping took to see the queen plus many other things. my wife as she now is did not want to be going shopping with a 75 year old but did it of respect. they are best of friends now, and i get an earfull if i send photos home and my wife is not in them. in my case it was plain racism and and made it clear to mum i would not tolerate it.

i live in small village, wife has been to England 7 times and never had a problem, apart from one when some old dear asked my wife where she was going to, my wife told her and the old dear insisted the bus coming was the one she should get on. my wife new it was wrong but out of respect got on it, it went a couple of miles away from where she wanted to go, so she rang me and i picked up. funny the old dear was trying to help her, and the missus did not want to offend her.

for me your problem is pure racism, well it was in my case, your family are not even giving the girl a chance to prove herself, they should think if your happy they should be happy for you. just my opinion. i bet if your sister is married her hubby will understand why you married a Thai lady.

p.s my father in law is so proud his daughter has married a Brit he has put a Union Jack flag sticker on the back of his pick up, bless him. so theres no problem coming from them.

Edited March 5, 2010 by NALAK

[Thaifan2]

Sorry to hear this OP.

My family and friends just adore my wife. Never had any nasty words come my way. Even my old man said in his speech at our wedding that: "This is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Don't mess it up!"

Her family are also very sweet people. Never had any nasty comments from them either. Then again, my Thai is not that good, but from what I see and from what I hear all is good.

You have small minded people everywhere.

ukme, I hope you don't have to cut off contact with your family. They are your family after all.

If you would not consider it too private, what have they said? Is there anyway you can change their mind?

What kind of background does your family have?

Pikeys ? They hate if one of their own marryies outside the clan .

[esprit]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

Exactly, what goes round comes round. If they can't take they shouldn't give it !

[kennkate]

I Think a lot people have a perception that All Thai ladies are selling there bodies and you have got yourself a poor Whore.

My wife as been in the UK now for 8 months I do feel it as got much better. My family and my Old friends do not visit. Not that they did much before.

I say things have got better because I feel more at ease with the situation. When you feel better your wife will

I do not have mother or father, Nor do I have any sisters brothers. I do have a aunt who is 93 she never had any kids so she thinks I am her Son.

She gets on fine with my wife. I think you have to give it time, Once they know this is for real they will come round .

Try not to get Too bitter It will be alright in the end. Just tell your folks she takes good care of you and that you love her.

All the best

[Travel2003]

If the OP feels very bad treated, maybe he should opt for leaving and/or put the family ties on hold (or less and less contact).

Never cut the family ties (burn bridges) totally.

One never know how people change over time.

[Carib]

Put things on hold with your family and explain them why.

Your wife you chose yourself, your family was " forced upon" you if you get my drift.

Just make it very clear to them that you will not accept the behaviour which bothers you.

[jdinasia]

I wouldnt worry about it if i was you. With all the comments Farangs get from Thai's in Thailand.... i am sure some of her family members have said alot worse to her about you.

The way Thai's treat Farangs in genral in Thailand as 2nd rate people and walking ATMS . Thai people have no right to moan or be surprised when people say bad things about them when they go to other countrys .

Now maybe if Thais start treating us Farangs a bit better then i could stick up for your Thai Wife. If this was in Thailand and a Thai saying bad about Farangs no would care and they would just smile and laugh. So why should we care when someone says something bad about Thai's in another country

P.S if i was you i would not even consider cutting ties with your real family for a thai girl ( i am not saying your thai wife is bad or anything like that ) . But she would never cut ties with her family for you. Also more Thai - Farangs Marriages dont work than ones that do. So dont lose your real family over this .

How many Thai bashing threads do you currently have going? Then you have to come to this thread about problems a (I assume) farang is having with his family in the UK and pollute this thread?

[ukme]

Op. here. The whole situation has become down right nasty and is eating me up. My "problem" is I don't think on my feet so when a nasty remark is directed at me/my wife I don't seem able to respond on the spot. It's the resentment and bitterness that seems to poison me afterwards, I seem to hate the individual that the barb came from and get down on myself for not giving some back.

My "family" here in the UK are to find a better word C***S and should be ashamed of themselves for the pain that they have caused. Not one of their viperous commments have passed me by and although I have tried to protect my sweet, good natured wife from the racism and prejudice she is picking up on it, if only by way of picking up on my hurt.

I have a bit of a track record of falling out with my elder farang sister and for a number of years I didn't speak to her at all. Looks like ther same thing is going to happen again, in fact I am considering cutting ties with her all together, closely followed by my mother.

My elder sister is an extremely toxic individual, a creater of chaos, a gossip monger, abusive and insulting. With hindsight I should never have exposed my wife to the dam_n woman in the first place.

When I can find the energy I will post the full story of my situation..

[EvilDrSomkid]

Pikeys ? They hate if one of their own marryies outside the clan .

[snatch mode]

Pikeys?! I fokkin 'ate pikeys...

[/snatch mode]

[jdinasia]

My partner and I have been together for 6+ years and he talks to my parents even more often than I do. I sometimes wonder .... is this a good thing? They love him because I do. That was all they needed. Then again the trust me so why would they doubt my decisions?

[eurasianthai]

My elder sister is an extremely toxic individual, a creater of chaos, a gossip monger, abusive and insulting. With hindsight I should never have exposed my wife to the dam_n woman in the first place.

Well, dysfunctional families are quite common these days.

Not a reason you should make yours dysfunctional.

Get your priorities right and everything should be fine