Trust In A Relationship

[stopdarot]

Hi guys, a mate has put me on to this site to help me 'learn' from the wise (his words).

I have been to Thailand 4 times now, on the second trip I met a girl (hears the groans) who worked in a hotel at the end of Soi 4 Sukkumfit.

Now, I have been back to Bangkok to see her twice, she is 10 years younger than me, I'm 33, she is not a tart (I hope) and to be honest I have really fallen for her.

I don't want to bring her back to the UK, after reading through some of the posts on here makes me think that would be a bad idea, but I am preparing to move over there. I have registered to do a CELTA and intend to work as a teacher. I am a bricklayer and there's not a lot of work around in the UK right now.

Nok has been very good with the little money I have sent her, she has never asked for more or even money for her parents' sick buffalo, but they live in Bangkok so I guess they haven't got one! But she has said that when I meet her parents, I haven't yet, I should give them a 'gift' of money. 5k Baht was mentioned. Only I'm not sure why, and I can't find any posts about this on here.

I'm not saying she is not telling the truth but it does seem strange. She has not worked in the hotel since November and has lived on only £500 I have sent her each month. But, because she lives with her parents, she has been leaving the house each day as if going to work so they don't think she is a kept/lazy woman.

Something doesn't feel right. I can't put my finger on it.... Anyway, I am due to surprise her on Monday with a visit when I intend to ask for her hand in marriage...

I am going to go to her old place of work to find out her parents' address and knock on her door. I can't wait.

Maybe I am just getting cold feet!!

[Petesear]

I'm not sure what it is you want to know

Soi 4 hotel? Nana? Ummmm

Edited March 25, 2010 by Petesear

[drum]

get your ear plugs ready ,

[Farang0tang]

I'm not sure what it is you want to know

Soi 4 hotel? Nana? Ummmm

I think he would like to hear from the kind, considerate posters on TV if he should trust her.

[Slaps]

Do yo know what,

I haven't heard a story like this since the 20.000 a month thread and I think that's still going

Hang on I'll just go and get some of the good replies

[britadders28]

How long have you actually stayed with her ( i mean was it just 2 weeks each time or what)

remember most of thai girls are kind and sweet when you first meet them but once they get their claws in they change - not all do so hope you found good one but asking her to marry you already??? are you mad???

p.s - I can live on koh samui for 500quid a month and party (including paying 100quid rent a month) so maybe you need think hard mate!!! - thats around 26,000 baht month now!!

Also a good one is call her around 10-11pm thai time, if she is on the game you will hear music, giggling etc... if she at home even in bkk will not be so noisy!!!

chok dee

[onnut]

Good luck!

[stopdarot]

How long have you actually stayed with her ( i mean was it just 2 weeks each time or what)

remember most of thai girls are kind and sweet when you first meet them but once they get their claws in they change - not all do so hope you found good one but asking her to marry you already??? are you mad???

p.s - I can live on koh samui for 500quid a month and party (including paying 100quid rent a month) so maybe you need think hard mate!!! - thats around 26,000 baht month now!!

Also a good one is call her around 10-11pm thai time, if she is on the game you will hear music, giggling etc... if she at home even in bkk will not be so noisy!!!

chok dee

Hi, I have spent a good 8 weeks 24/7 with her.

I can ask her to marry me now but I'm not going to marry for a while. She might not have me!!

I speak to her at 5.30 my time everyday, not far off that now, and it is always quiet. I have no reason to think she is 'on the game' as you put it. Why would I? Not all Thai girls are you know.

She did work in Nana hotel, but not the big one, in the little one at the other end, I don't think it has anything to do with big one.

26k a month doesn't seem a lot. I hope to earn a lot more then that!!

[WinnieTheKhwai]

> Something doesn't feel right. I can't put my finger on it.... Anyway, I am due to surprise her on Monday with a visit

> when I intend to ask for her hand in marriage...

Ok.. something doesn't feel right, so you're going to propose to her? And, at 33 years of age you're going to pursue a teaching career and move to Thailand?

I'm not usually overly suspicious or paranoid of posts, but I really struggle to find any of this sensible, or even likely.

[onnut]

As a teacher you will not earn much more.

[stopdarot]

As a teacher you will not earn much more.

Whilst I was there at Christmas I met a guy, who I am still in contact with, who earns 45k a month.

The Uk is slowly falling apart, jobs are scarce. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to change their career at any age.

I guess I just wrote my original post to say Hi and introduce myself. I know that meeting people is not easy when you first move abroad and my friend told me about meetings you lot have.

[britadders28]

How long have you actually stayed with her ( i mean was it just 2 weeks each time or what)

remember most of thai girls are kind and sweet when you first meet them but once they get their claws in they change - not all do so hope you found good one but asking her to marry you already??? are you mad???

p.s - I can live on koh samui for 500quid a month and party (including paying 100quid rent a month) so maybe you need think hard mate!!! - thats around 26,000 baht month now!!

Also a good one is call her around 10-11pm thai time, if she is on the game you will hear music, giggling etc... if she at home even in bkk will not be so noisy!!!

chok dee

Hi, I have spent a good 8 weeks 24/7 with her.

I can ask her to marry me now but I'm not going to marry for a while. She might not have me!!

I speak to her at 5.30 my time everyday, not far off that now, and it is always quiet. I have no reason to think she is 'on the game' as you put it. Why would I? Not all Thai girls are you know.

She did work in Nana hotel, but not the big one, in the little one at the other end, I don't think it has anything to do with big one.

26k a month doesn't seem a lot. I hope to earn a lot more then that!!

sorry i didnt just mean on the game but could be out partying!! Try changing the time abit when you call, like hour earlier and later thais are shit with change!!!

Hey mate 26k a month in thailand is alot considering most get around 8000 a month!!

8 whole weeks, would you propose to an english girl you know that long/short and dont know where lives or if can trust????

Also how do you know other men dont send her money every month?? Hey i lived in thai a long while and have seen it all and had my heart broken by a goodish one after over 3 years so its hard..

Forget proposing and try living with her for 6 months solid, believe me they really think different to us , sometimes scary shit!! then think about proposing - good luck and maybe you should read private dancer!!!

[onnut]

You are a builder, not a teacher. Once you have taken the course you will end up on a low wage over here. 30k if you are lucky.

Even if you get what you think, 45k is low and that would mean no work permit also. Think this one through before you come.

[rgs2001uk]

As a teacher you will not earn much more.

Whilst I was there at Christmas I met a guy, who I am still in contact with, who earns 45k a month.

The Uk is slowly falling apart, jobs are scarce. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to change their career at any age.

I guess I just wrote my original post to say Hi and introduce myself. I know that meeting people is not easy when you first move abroad and my friend told me about meetings you lot have.

45k a month, wow, do people actually get out of bed for that?

Must be another teacher, the blind leading the blind.

[britadders28]

> Something doesn't feel right. I can't put my finger on it.... Anyway, I am due to surprise her on Monday with a visit

> when I intend to ask for her hand in marriage...

Ok.. something doesn't feel right, so you're going to propose to her? And, at 33 years of age you're going to pursue a teaching career and move to Thailand?

I'm not usually overly suspicious or paranoid of posts, but I really struggle to find any of this sensible, or even likely.

I have many friends that work as teachers in bkk but none earn anything near 45k, also its not easy as thais dont want to learn, you are not allowed to teach and help them question things. You also have to lie about things like thai history - its not easy mate!! maybe you can lay bricks for 300 baht a day!!!

[britadders28]

As a teacher you will not earn much more.

Whilst I was there at Christmas I met a guy, who I am still in contact with, who earns 45k a month.

The Uk is slowly falling apart, jobs are scarce. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to change their career at any age.

I guess I just wrote my original post to say Hi and introduce myself. I know that meeting people is not easy when you first move abroad and my friend told me about meetings you lot have.

p.s thailand is falling apart mate, do you watch the news??? a certain HM is old now so things will get worse in future in thailand believe me!!! do you know most thais are taught at school not too trust farang and you want to be a teacher there

45k a month, wow, do people actually get out of bed for that?

Must be another teacher, the blind leading the blind.

[stopdarot]

Cheers Britadders, we have talked about living together but she says her parents would not let her.

I know what you are saying about asking a girl to marry after such a sort time but I have known her for more than 8 months, and if I met the right girl then I may do this in the UK too... But we are not talking about here are we, and it is different there.

[ding]

As a teacher you will not earn much more.

Whilst I was there at Christmas I met a guy, who I am still in contact with, who earns 45k a month.

The Uk is slowly falling apart, jobs are scarce. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to change their career at any age.

I guess I just wrote my original post to say Hi and introduce myself. I know that meeting people is not easy when you first move abroad and my friend told me about meetings you lot have.

Welcome stopdarot.

That's too much money.

If your gut tells you something is up, something is very likely "up".

There are good ladies in Thailand and I have no idea about yours, nobody does. Work is hard to find in Thailand too, so maybe that's what opened up for her. But many ladies subsidized their meager wages. If you're OK with that then you will have an easier time of it.

Teaching in Thailand pays squat, but that's all it costs to live in Thailand, so it's a wash. Ajarn dot com for teaching. 45K is fine, 30K more likely - if you have no "bad" habits and don't need much. No work in the west is less than squat, but the cost of living is high. Don't let the jaded here dissuade you unnecessarily. But be very realistic.

A Thai lady can steal your heart and take your cash as you leave your brain behind. Go very s l o w l y and let her earn your trust over lots of time.

Edited March 25, 2010 by ding

[britmaveric]

Why are you giving her 500quid a month? Also why would you give her parents 5K just because you meet them? (small gift for each is appropriate - dosh is simply low class)

[stopdarot]

I am not stupid, builder or not, if I train as a teacher then I am a teacher. That's how it works.

I have sold my firm and I'm going to let out my house. All paid for.

So 45k is good enough for me. We can't all be high flyers working on ex-pat wages!!

And what do you mean 45k won't get a work permit? Of course it will.

[stopdarot]

Cheers Ding, I'm not rushing anything.

Just because my girl worked on Soi 4 doesn't make her bad. Far from it, I never met such a quiet, sweet and coy girl in my life.

[eek]

Just letting you know that "officially" you need both a CELTA (or equivalent) and a degree to get into a decent school and to get a work permit. To my knowledge you cannot get a work permit at all for teaching if you do not have a degree. I dont know if you do, or dont, have a degree, but if you dont, then, like many, you can probably work under the radar...but again, you will likely be looking at less pay than the already low teaching wage.

I dont blame you at all for wanting to pack everything in and come here, but i do think you are rushing things a lot with a girl you hardly know.

I wish you the best though.

The only word of advice i would like to offer is that if anything does go wrong with the girl, dont turn bitter about it, just move on. Sadly too many people become bitter when things are not as rose tinted or paradise-like as they had anticipated. Be realistic.

[Thongkorn]

To put it in prospective,My wife worked in a factory 60 hours a week , she got 6300baht a Month, Need i say more,

[stopdarot]

Why are you giving her 500quid a month? Also why would you give her parents 5K just because you meet them? (small gift for each is appropriate - dosh is simply low class)

£500 is not a lot to me. So why not?

The 5k I really don't understand, but we can talk about that on Tuesday.

Off to make a call to the Land of Smiles. cheers

[ilyelol]

man.. you're in for a life of misery if you want to be a teacher with a family..

teachers are for isaaners or guys who never want a family

[colino]

As a teacher you will not earn much more.

Whilst I was there at Christmas I met a guy, who I am still in contact with, who earns 45k a month.

The Uk is slowly falling apart, jobs are scarce. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting to change their career at any age.

I guess I just wrote my original post to say Hi and introduce myself. I know that meeting people is not easy when you first move abroad and my friend told me about meetings you lot have.

First 45k a month no way not on a TEFL or any other certificate.

Second even at the poor pound rate giving her 500 amonth man your luv struck

Third dont meet ma and pa and give them 5k .

Please mate dont fall for the honey trap.you will end up broke in the pocket and broken hearted

If you are lucky you will end up teaching about 24-26 hours aweek to a class of 35+kids in a class room with no air con just a fan. dripping in sweat for about 30k.and if thats in Bangkok that is not nearly enough to live on , your already giving her about 24,000 baht a month.

what was her wage at the hotel 5-7,000 baht a month.

Think about it for a while and take your time.

Good Luck ,colino

45k a month, wow, do people actually get out of bed for that?

Must be another teacher, the blind leading the blind.

[onnut]

I am not stupid, builder or not, if I train as a teacher then I am a teacher. That's how it works.

I have sold my firm and I'm going to let out my house. All paid for.

So 45k is good enough for me. We can't all be high flyers working on ex-pat wages!!

And what do you mean 45k won't get a work permit? Of course it will.

you need to earn minimum 55k as a Brit. So to get a work permit that is what the school would have to pay you. But for them to do that you will need a degree.

Soyou will not get a work permit, you will earn around 30k. That does not mean you are stupid, I am just trying to tell you how it is. As I said in my first reply to your post, good luck, you will need it.

[ding]

Why are you giving her 500quid a month? Also why would you give her parents 5K just because you meet them? (small gift for each is appropriate - dosh is simply low class)

£500 is not a lot to me. So why not?

The 5k I really don't understand, but we can talk about that on Tuesday.

Off to make a call to the Land of Smiles. cheers

That may not be much money to you, but getting played as a sucker should be. You've been given good advice, take it or leave it. Don't get jaded if Monday goes badly, just let go and the good stuff will come. g/l!

[eek]

£500 is not a lot to me. So why not?

I guess because you are starting the relationship off with some premise of money involved. I dont think thats particularly good to start with in any relationship. Sure, later on, most couples give and take financially. But initially it may be giving out a message that you are willing to provide 100% for her, and possibly her family (possibly her friends..who knows!). You are giving the impression that money is easy. Later on, if you financially struggle in any way, she may come to resent that. Just some random possibilities im running through though, not a given.

[Petesear]

Go for it. It's your money and your life.

I'm not sure about the money you can earn teaching.

The last some of my friends came over they stayed in the hotel you speak of, I think it was Nana Noi or something like that.

They said the girls on reception were very nice and suitably accommodating. You never said what your Nok did there?

Good luck and keep us informed.