Trust In A Relationship

[TheAceFace]

Some guys have given you some good advice and I urge you to take on board, do not jump in head first. most of us have been living here a long time and have seen this scenario over and over.

Its your life at the end of the day........live and learn.

You will soon get bored on a teachers salary, if you are in your 20's....life is to be lived and have fun.

If your mate does get you a job, make sure its khosher with WP and visa.....people make alot of promises over here which is normally BS...

Good luck...........

[mca]

you need to earn minimum 55k as a Brit. So to get a work permit that is what the school would have to pay you.

Teachers are exempt from the minimum salary requirements.

[tartempion]

Jeez, an other one

She has not worked in the hotel since November and has lived on only £500 I have sent her each month

So because she is so sweet you sent her 20/25K baht each month and now she doesn't need to work anymore?

Now I understand the UK is no fun to live, but moving to a country where you have ZERO rights and NO money.

Try to get asylum here as compared to the UK or Europe where we house them, feed them and give money to keep them

This is an other planet here my friend, please open your eyes (hopeless cry in the desert)

[yabaaaa]

I like the bit where you say " she has lived on only the £500 a month i send her"

Oh dear oh dear oh dear so 25000 baht a month arrives on her doorstep for doing what? Would you send your girlfirend in the Uk this every month.......... ok you seem a bit "challenged" you probably would. Good luck with Nok let us know when your money runs out and we can hear the amusing tales thereafter.

[yabaaaa]

Do you normally pay your girlfriends a salary for dating you? I think this is where things will go pear shape mate. However at the end of the day it's your dosh, but keep in mind paying someone doesn't buy loyalty if that is your thinking.

I paid her a salary because I like her. Wouldn't you give your girlfriend some money to live on?

No I'd tell the lazy cow to get a job and if she didnt she wouldnt be my girlfriend but dont worry soon she will be up the duff............ job done!

You know what I think you'd like me too. shall I forward my address so u can send me the £500 a month now or later?

This post has to be the dumbest ever!

Edited March 26, 2010 by yabaaaa

[GungaDin]

Cheers Ding, I'm not rushing anything.

Just because my girl worked on Soi 4 doesn't make her bad. Far from it, I never met such a quiet, sweet and coy girl in my life.

I had one of those, turned out to be the best actress (liar) I'd ever met.

I traded her in for an even better liar...

Is she different?

You should have smelled a rat with the 5000 "gift" request. That's a new slant.

Oh well, a fool & his money are soon parted......... in LieLand, especially!

[patong]

give the guy a break, most of us have done the same, no matter how many times people tell you be careful. love is blind

[yabaaaa]

give the guy a break, most of us have done the same, no matter how many times people tell you be careful. love is blind

Speak for yourself! not me.

[patong]

give the guy a break, most of us have done the same, no matter how many times people tell you be careful. love is blind

Speak for yourself! not me.

i'm not bitter and twisted, i.m very happy thank's

[yabaaaa]

give the guy a break, most of us have done the same, no matter how many times people tell you be careful. love is blind

Speak for yourself! not me.

i'm not bitter and twisted, i.m very happy thank's

I never said you were? , the fact you mentioned you arent makes me think otherwise

[a2396]

Why are you giving her 500quid a month? Also why would you give her parents 5K just because you meet them? (small gift for each is appropriate - dosh is simply low class)

£500 is not a lot to me. So why not?

The 5k I really don't understand, but we can talk about that on Tuesday.

Off to make a call to the Land of Smiles. cheers

500 pounds not a lot to you? And you are a bricklayer with unsteady work? So how much did you or would you make as a bricklayer each month? You must have plenty of savings stashed away. The request for 5,000 bht for here parents at first meeting is a new one on me and I thought I had seen everything here.

[a2396]

Cheers Ding, I'm not rushing anything.

Just because my girl worked on Soi 4 doesn't make her bad. Far from it, I never met such a quiet, sweet and coy girl in my life.

Ya and you learned all that in only 8 weeks! Are you trying to be funny? Who thinks marriage in 8 weeks and even imagines that they have the slightest idea who that person really is. Give me a break.

Certainly "off the wall" in my opinion also. But, not the first I have heard of. I have a good lady friend here, who is 18 and had two offers of marriage (before the man even met her) from guys she met on the internet. Both live in Thailand and are Farang. Both were an itchin' hurry to come up north & meet her parents to "seal the deal" One offered to buy her parents a house and give her 30,000 bht per month. She told them no, because she does not want to get married now and wants to finish university and have her freedom.

[gpdjohn]

Yep, it's the 5K up front that would worry me...

heck, I never paid a thing, not even sin sod to my wife's family.

Choc dii. ( I think you're gunna need it. )

[jubby]

Take the Tefl course. Do the teaching, you'll only get 30ish for sure to start with. Take an Holiday here, long holiday, both of you. Get to know the Girl. why not give a little gift if you can afford it to the parents. Listen your a bricklayer mate, soon to be a teacher, both good earning Jobs in the UK, here they are not. Unless you sold your Business for Millions then your mr average just like me. So don't over spoil her with money. I think your giving her too much, but its up to you. you have to put your cards on the table, make sure the family and friends know you worked hard for your money like they did. Its not the picture they generally see. Also a lot of thai's don't get married or at least have the marriage registered. you can have a Village or local marriage with no strings attached that will allow you to live with the girl and get to know her. you can then share the money, no need for a salary afterall.

Good Luck mate , your still young, on an adventure. you can always go back to laying bricks in the UK if it all goes pear shaped.

A lot of posts appear synical but you have to remember we really have seen it all here. And a lot of us have learnt the hard way. my Village has more than its fair share of stupid farangs.

Some are young Guys but it doesn't stop the wife or girlfirend keeping a Thai on the side or juggling two or three farangs at the same time. Beleive me it really does go on. I saw one guy yesterday. he's a nice guy, likes a drink or two, he's in his thirtys, good lucking chap. We can have a laugh together. His alarm bells are ringing all the time, but he chooses to ignore them. he always says his girlfriend has a Thai Guy. he's seen the photo's. His girlfriend will hover around with her pack of banshees listening in on the conversation. They are all juggling two or three guys. Its unbelievable. but believe me it goes on. what can I say to him ? I'd like to say , only one thai guy, arn't you the lucky one.

saying that, there are lovely girls out there. give it time and keep your wits about you. and enjoy

[stopdarot]

Why are you giving her 500quid a month? Also why would you give her parents 5K just because you meet them? (small gift for each is appropriate - dosh is simply low class)

£500 is not a lot to me. So why not?

The 5k I really don't understand, but we can talk about that on Tuesday.

Off to make a call to the Land of Smiles. cheers

500 pounds not a lot to you? And you are a bricklayer with unsteady work? So how much did you or would you make as a bricklayer each month? You must have plenty of savings stashed away. The request for 5,000 bht for here parents at first meeting is a new one on me and I thought I had seen everything here.

If you had read my earlier posts you would have seen that I have sold the family business. My dad worked hard to build that up and put me through school and 6 years after he'd gone I could see the work slowly fading. A large corp' offered to buy me out.

[stopdarot]

So, nearly every guy on here knows somebody who is or has been cheated on in Thailand, right?

And when you were back in the west, did you know any similar situations back there with western girls?

What would make Thai girls so much worse? Or could it be the guys you know and the quality of the girls they get into relationships with?

You roll the dice and you take a chance.... But if the odds are bad, don't do it. My odds are good and I'm onto a winner...

[Loz]

Good luck fella,

regarding gift. I think if someone tells you to buy or give a gift it takes all the feeling out of it. But Thais can be generous so maybe she was just telling you what is normal practice.

To qualify that. I introduced a lady friend of mine to my parents while they were visiting. She is not my G/F she's actually engaged to an Austrailan chap. She insisted on buying my mum some special local silk as a little gift. It was not cheap! but she wanted to do it. After we had lunch she sneakily paid the bill too! My folks insisted she come for dinner so they could treat her in kind. All in all, not so different than back home, I'd say. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I might well have stopped at a florist back home when meeting someone's parents for the first time as a gift to the matriarch. Just good manners.

So, maybe she is a nice girl who was well brought up and is schooling you on how to make a good impression. As for giving her 500 quid a month. I'm curious, why did that arrangement start? She had a job when you met her... how long had she been working at the hotel? Why did she leave? How do you feel about her lying to her parents? (In some thai culture, family is first. Lying to family is not a good sign. But I Don't know every thai culture so it might be considered saving face in this case... you have to figure that one out with what information you have.

Do her parents work/own a business? how many brothers and sisters does she have? what are their names. Answers here will indicate how well you know her a little more clearly before advice is offered.

Cheers,

Loz

[jubby]

So, nearly every guy on here knows somebody who is or has been cheated on in Thailand, right?

And when you were back in the west, did you know any similar situations back there with western girls?

What would make Thai girls so much worse? Or could it be the guys you know and the quality of the girls they get into relationships with?

You roll the dice and you take a chance.... But if the odds are bad, don't do it. My odds are good and I'm onto a winner...

Stopdarot, yes, I know many similar situations back in the UK. Unfortunately only with Thai Girls.

Its worse mate, believe me. believe all of us. You'll see it for yourself when you stay a while. Its all about extremes here.

We all know very succesful realtionships also.

The vast majority of Thai women/girls are lovely, honest women/girls and you probably have one yourself. great. I have two.

best of luck. don't get all defensive your the one who asked for advice. what would make Thai girls so much worse ?. POVERTY mate. POVERTY. and its drilled into them that its there responsibility to take care of all the family. you also mentioned a Hotel in NANA , you have to expect some negative replies right !?

Go for it, I did. Best of Luck. Honestly

[rick75]

Stopdarot

I think it has to do with the quality of the girls most wind up with, first time round you meet someone from a tourist area, typically She will speak English, so she speaks English because She worked in a Bar (Girl A ) or is well educated (Girl B ), if you meet in a tourist area its likely she will be (Girl A ). Learn some Thai go hang out in Thai nightclubs, stay in a Thai area and you have a chance of meeting (Girl B ).

Its not rocket science, if you choose to ignore all the advice, do it at your own peril, its guaranteed to end only one way, Her a lot richer and you a lot poorer. Squandering your inheritence on a short time romance is not very smart.

Best of luck.

Edited March 26, 2010 by rick75

[GungaDin]

My odds are good and I'm onto a winner...

:D

You're from the United Kingdom of Id, ain'tcha?

[lioness]

To answer your specific question about giving the parents a gift of 5,000. This is not the norm, what you might do if you were thinking of it is bring a small gift from the UK, you know a bit like we might turn up with a bunch of flowers somewhere.

I have to say that you don't know if your girlfriend is still working or not, and it will be interesting to see how you keep giving her money and survive in Thailand on a teachers wage.

I can;t help thinking you are going to be another sad statistic.

[patong]

trust, i have trust in my partner and we are very happy, i have heard all the stories and most of them are ture.

but everyone is different, im sure on your positive out look you can make it work.

but the odds are against you.

Edited March 26, 2010 by patong

[a2396]

So, nearly every guy on here knows somebody who is or has been cheated on in Thailand, right?

And when you were back in the west, did you know any similar situations back there with western girls?

What would make Thai girls so much worse? Or could it be the guys you know and the quality of the girls they get into relationships with?

You roll the dice and you take a chance.... But if the odds are bad, don't do it. My odds are good and I'm onto a winner...

Yes, I certainly know guys taken for a ride in LOS by the lovelies here, myself included. I NEVER saw (not with me anyway) American women playing the deceptive, double-dealing and money driven games that are played here everyday. Never saw one introducing a local husband/BF as her "brother", etc,etc. Some of the basis of this behavior here is because of poverty, but not all of it. I think a fair portion is plain greed and in some ways their view of a foreigner as rich, as well as stupid.

[Loz]

.... I think a fair portion is plain greed and in some ways their view of a foreigner as rich, as well as stupid.

plenty of fresh blood to help perpetuate that impression

[sarahsbloke]

25,000bht a month is a stupendous amount for a young Thai girl to have, you have set her expectations high.

It doesn't matter how long you have known her or what her past was (who cares) but what does matter is her expectations from you which will always be 25,000bht a month PLUS.More than the entire wage you are likely to earn as a teacher in Thailand.

I too had a girlfriend working hotel reception, I too gave her money not to work.

The amount I gave her every month was her wage of 5000bht a month

The reason I paid her was, she worked 7 days a week, 8 hours a day, and didn't have much time for me.

But at least we lived together all the time (not just 1 week in 5) .........

After a while she began to leave the room for some phone calls (in English ....... hmmmm)

After I learnt some Thai she began to leave the room for all phone calls (wonder why?)

But she spent every night with me so at least my money was not totally wasted.

In the end I moved out, didn't like the suspicion that I became plagued with, took my 'stuff' with me.

A pal who was a bit more careless just walked out with his laptop, the clothes he was wearing and 16bht in his pocket (along with some rather nasty injuries as a parting gift from the gf).

You are going to be working as a teacher ....... out all day ........ good luck.

Enjoy yourself, but keep your assets back in the home country, keep your PIN number to yourself.

Never buy anything in Thailand that you can't afford to walk away from and keep the price of a plane ticket home somewhere safe.

PS

The teaching front, I was a teacher in the UK with a degree, PGCE and 10 years teaching experience in a comprehensive school. I don't live in Bangkok so my teaching wage out here would be unlikely to exceed 25,000bht a month. The work out here is hard, I don't fancy it.

Edited March 26, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[yabaaaa]

Why are you giving her 500quid a month? Also why would you give her parents 5K just because you meet them? (small gift for each is appropriate - dosh is simply low class)

£500 is not a lot to me. So why not?

The 5k I really don't understand, but we can talk about that on Tuesday.

Off to make a call to the Land of Smiles. cheers

500 pounds not a lot to you? And you are a bricklayer with unsteady work? So how much did you or would you make as a bricklayer each month? You must have plenty of savings stashed away. The request for 5,000 bht for here parents at first meeting is a new one on me and I thought I had seen everything here.

If you had read my earlier posts you would have seen that I have sold the family business. My dad worked hard to build that up and put me through school and 6 years after he'd gone I could see the work slowly fading. A large corp' offered to buy me out.

So just imagine how your Dad would feel when Mrs Ting Tong takes the lot from you and WISE UP.

[midasthailand]

You seem to think there is nothing wrong with giving her 25,000 Baht/ month? This is triple the amount of money she would have been earning. I understand you not wanting her to work in Nana, but you could have paid her salary plus a few thousand, sent her to the Dusit hotel school and paid for that and then she could have got a decent job in a decent hotel. If she had any real feelings for you she would have refused to accept so much money in the first place. Paying 5,000 Baht when you meet her parents? Ridiculous! Take the old man a bottle of Black and the old girl a nice fruit basket.

Teaching in Thailand is really quite easy but you will only earn in the vicinity of 30k/month which is survival level income for one person so you will have to supplement your income with your savings. It is impossible for a young lady to work in the vicinity of Nana and not be influenced by what they see and hear on a daily basis. I am not suggesting that your girl is scamming you, only that she is aware of the opportunities that lovestruck foreigners present. She may well be on the up and up, but as another poster has already mentioned, she is already lying to her parents, if she can lie so easily to them (whatever the rationale) how much easier is it for her to fabricate stories for you? What does she do every day when she tells her parents she is at work?

Good luck, I think you are going to need it!

[NADTATIDA1]

Good luck fella,

regarding gift. I think if someone tells you to buy or give a gift it takes all the feeling out of it. But Thais can be generous so maybe she was just telling you what is normal practice.

To qualify that. I introduced a lady friend of mine to my parents while they were visiting. She is not my G/F she's actually engaged to an Austrailan chap. She insisted on buying my mum some special local silk as a little gift. It was not cheap! but she wanted to do it. After we had lunch she sneakily paid the bill too! My folks insisted she come for dinner so they could treat her in kind. All in all, not so different than back home, I'd say. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I might well have stopped at a florist back home when meeting someone's parents for the first time as a gift to the matriarch. Just good manners.

So, maybe she is a nice girl who was well brought up and is schooling you on how to make a good impression. As for giving her 500 quid a month. I'm curious, why did that arrangement start? She had a job when you met her... how long had she been working at the hotel? Why did she leave? How do you feel about her lying to her parents? (In some thai culture, family is first. Lying to family is not a good sign. But I Don't know every thai culture so it might be considered saving face in this case... you have to figure that one out with what information you have.

Do her parents work/own a business? how many brothers and sisters does she have? what are their names. Answers here will indicate how well you know her a little more clearly before advice is offered.

Cheers,

Loz

Good post here Loz,To the op what hotel DID she work at? and for how long?

Any girl working(or that has worked) in LOWER SUKHUMVIT i would say be very careful with.

You do not know her history in Bangkok no matter how well you think you do!

If she had a good education .....why did she end up working in a hotel in Nana?

5,000 bt ??? and the leaving home everyday so her parents don't think she has chucked her job for a farang.....come on mate that is not right,...the truth is,she has had a wage increase from you and should be proud to tell her mama and papa that she has got a rich boyfriend taking care.....500 a month what is she spending that kind of money on?? she does not pay rent lives at home! maybe she will have a nice bundle with her on Tuesday.

You say you want to surprise her and turn up at her work,be aware that the the minute you walk through that hotel door asking friends for her address she will know you are here,believe me she will know.

All of the above is an observation of your predicament!

What you are doing is what many many many men have done in the past,i have also and learnt the hard way.

Sometimes when you ask for advice from people who have experience in your exact scenerio the replies you get should be taken as a warning and not taken as insulting or questioning your own personal thoughts.

I hope you take it slow when you arrive in Thailand and have keep your wits about you with your money from your family business and your property in the UK,will you give her 25.000 bt when you are with her?

or will this stop when you can see her everyday.....just a thought.

Trust in a relationship in Thailand.......well it can be hard to find and can take quite a few years for it to develop.

Some old hats would tell you never trust a Thai where money is concerned and most of the evidence suggests they are correct!

Good luck mate,i used to be a bricklayer so i understand the attraction of leaving that trade!

[sokal]

Cheers guys.. But can I add that I've not fallen for any old tricks.. I wanted to give this girl money, for what ever reason it feels like the right thing to do and she has never asked for it nor suggested how much I should give. I know she has saved some of the money I have given her, she has also bought clothes a computer and no doubt given her parents some too. And this pleases me.

I am a young fit guy, if you think that this girl is with me only for my money then you are wrong. I know this girl, you don't. She is an honest and sweet girl.

I will keep my property in the UK, and I will keep my head screwed on. I'm not going to just drag the girl away from her culture, family and friends. I'm going to do what I think is right and go to her.

I will continue to give her money as I would if I had a western gf in a <deleted> job. She will be my partner, my lover, my equal as she would be where ever she was from.

She does not drink or smoke, and she hasn't got a clutch of children living with Grandparents up north.

Life is good..

Does she have a nice camera too ? (The last girl that I was dicking around with in BKK was 23 and she had a computer) Do what you want man but don't be surprised if she cheats on you now and then while you are gone.

[yabaaaa]

On the Trust In Thailand (tit) issue I would say there is very little to zero trust here.

If my wife goes out with her friends all her friends ask why Im not calling her to see what she's doing and think its odd. Personally I think they are the most distrustful bunch Ive ever met.