Divorce In The Uk

[tripplejjj]

her game at the moment is bring him here so at least my family can see him.

Where is here? And where is your family? You lost me.

Obviously I know her family and her mentality enough to know the result of that would not be pleasant so I am refusing. So one minute its bring him here to live but then she will also say the above. She wants him on home turf basically.

Yes. It would be hard to send your son to live with her if you don't know her address. Tell her that you will send your son to live with her only if you are sure that he will be taken care of. One of the requirements would be to get her registered address. DONE! (Isn't this what you wanted?)

Your are going around in circles for nothing. Like I said, the goal is to get her address.

In regards to the divorce, i might add that I am not filing for this yet, it doesnt affect me, I am not with someone else so I can wait for this a bit later. I will only start these proceedings if I am forced to as I need to build up my financies again before I can go through that, however if my sons custody is taken care of, nothing about the divorce will stress me out, his wellbeing is all I care about.

Usually, custody issues come from a divorce. If no divorce, then no custody issue. A few exceptions are with cases dealing with incarcerations (jail time), legal incompetency, and possibly child neglect/abandonment. (I am not certain on these.) Either way, you have sole custody of your son now because your wife is in Thailand. Given enough time that she is voluntary away from your son, you will have easier time building your case for sole custody and a divorce. If you get stress from communicating with your wife, then take a break and stop communicating with her. No one is forcing you to deal with her.

Edited April 11, 2010 by tripplejjj

[sarahsbloke]

One thing that has been clear here is that you didn't take the basic precaution.

Always take a photo or photocopy of your Thai partners ID card.

Makes finding them later much easier to do.

[tripplejjj]

@MrMooo,

From my limited observation, you are making decisions based on your emotions. (I have been there and done that.) Know this, you wife can only hurt you emotionally if you let her.

Possession is 90% of the law. Your son is with you. You call the shots. You can also tell her to communicate with you via mail only. (How is that for a curve ball?)

[MrMooo]

Where is here? And where is your family? You lost me.

My very last conversation with her she said just bring him here for a holiday so my family can see him then later it was a question of when are you bringing him here to live, there is no consistency. This crys out danger so I have refused this.

Yes. It would be hard to send your son to live with her if you don't know her address. Tell her that you will send your son to live with her only if you are sure that he will be taken care of. One of the requirements would be to get her registered address. DONE! (Isn't this what you wanted?)

Your are going around in circles for nothing. Like I said, the goal is to get her address.

She briefly has mentioned wanting to send him a present for his first birthday in a month so im going to get her to send something. I think she will not include her address if its possible, we're have to see on that. But her rent is only for a month, she will most likely move elsewhere due to the cost. It all depends on how much she brings in and at the moment she is living above her means. She has tried to imply she needs money as well saying I am very sick and when I say go to the hospital she says no money. I am not going to be sending her money however, no chance, I have my son to support. Saying that though she wasnt well when she went, having the baby took a massive toll on her and I dont just mean the normal, she was ill and what she is doing now will more than likely cause her major health issues, but we wont go into the gory details.

Usually, custody issues come from a divorce. If no divorce, then no custody issue. A few exceptions are with cases dealing with incarcerations (jail time), legal incompetency, and possibly child neglect/abandonment. (I am not certain on these.) Either way, you have sole custody of your son now because your wife is in Thailand. Given enough time that she is voluntary away from your son, you will have easier time building your case for sole custody and a divorce. If you get stress from communicating with your wife, then take a break and stop communicating with her. No one is forcing you to deal with her.

This is exactly what I thought until my solicitor said I can go for custody before. I am not sure if I can get all this in front of the people that decide custody and then after a few years of still no contact can then go for sole custody claiming she abandoned him, but who knows thats the future.

As for talking to her I know I should not, but this is where the mental stress and upset comes in, she is not a clever one but is nasty in these situations. When I have had a break im going to try and get her to get her thoughts and things she has said to me in writing. If this was to go to a panel to decide on my child it will be long until it happens so I have time.

If I get no where with the address issue and there is no progress on the case because of that I could at a last resort go out there but not a good idea right now. If they insist on the address, I will get it.

Please excuse my way of writing, its all over the place but this is down to my lack of concentration at the moment.

Edited April 11, 2010 by MrMooo

[MrMooo]

@MrMooo,

From my limited observation, you are making decisions based on your emotions. (I have been there and done that.) Know this, you wife can only hurt you emotionally if you let her.

Possession is 90% of the law. Your son is with you. You call the shots. You can also tell her to communicate with you via mail only. (How is that for a curve ball?)

You're 100% right and I do know it but its so soon after that its hard to act properly. I am back at work next week, which will make the time go quicker and I can get back to normal, I think this will help me a great deal.

I could block her on facebook, and tell her to only email me but ive always thought, how can you prove the email is genuine (I know same with facebook). The fear as silly as it is, is I keep imagining her turning up here.

I am certain the counselling is going to help me lol

[tripplejjj]

@MrMooo,

I could block her on facebook, and tell her to only email me but ive always thought, how can you prove the email is genuine (I know same with facebook).

This is why I said communication via mail and not email.

My very last conversation with her she said just bring him here for a holiday so my family can see him then later it was a question of when are you bringing him here to live, there is no consistency. This crys out danger so I have refused this.

She has tried to imply she needs money as well saying I am very sick and when I say go to the hospital she says no money....

If I get no where with the address issue and there is no progress on the case because of that I could at a last resort go out there but not a good idea right now. If they insist on the address, I will get it.

How about getting her registered address first before refusing it. You have so many opportunities to get her mailing address and yet you let your pride get in the way. You need to swallow your pride and WAKE UP!

I think I'm done here.

Edited April 11, 2010 by tripplejjj

[Boo]

Do you have any of the documentation from when you applied her settlement visa in UK, her registered home address (usually for women in her line of work will be the parental home) must have been mentioned somewhere. I still have all the documents from my husbands application back in 2003 & his tabien baan photocopy is in there still. Maybe have a look through the paperwork & use that to send divorce papers to.?

[MrMooo]

The address used on the Visa was that of her families but they no longer live there.

How I have spoken to her again and she said she will email me the address. I dont know for sure if she will, I will have to wait a see. she did add that if she receives any paperwork and it doesnt say im giving my son to her then she wont sign anything.

[CharlieB]

As I said in my edited post its clear im rushing into things, but its my head strong way, get things done, works in a job but not in personal life.

I think this is down to the fact that within 3 weeks I have found out so much information and now im grieving like someone has died. Before all the problems she was my friend and my wife and I loved her so most its just pure emotion. But it also opens this box, khowing how I wore blinkers for so long, I lost so many friends because if they said anything against her I reacted in a way letting them know I dont need them, so now im left on my own with my son facing this big world alone.

As much as I know you guys/girls are not solicitors the advice you have given me is valid in that its made it clear to me im rushing too fast and it will end up costing me if I dont slow down a do things properly. I am in the process of writing out a timeline and will document any contact I have with her from now on. I will record any telephone conversations and will look into the private detective to back up my claims (my saving grace is this month I get a bonus from work, pure luck it will give me the money to do it). The reality is that she is not fit to look after the child, I wish more than anything that she really loved him and we could be friends but I know so much about her that its hard to still be the only civil one. Whenever I speak to her via facebook or phone I always keep my cool and take the abuse I get but ultimately its breaking me down and thats why I wanted to get things sorted out as soon as I could. But I need to realise, courts, solicitors dont move fast so I need to slow down and build evidence and try and get over the loss ive had.

The residence order is a formality to protect me for the future. I know her enough to know she is looking for that next guy to take her away and pamper her and she loves English guys. She even said to me when I meet someone else and have our son I will make sure he calls him his dad, but I know this is trying to get a reaction from me, just see the other things I said she has said. But this is whats causes me so much distress, all the negative comments are wearing me down, while in the meantime I am bringing up a 11 month old boy who doesnt sit still for a moment. Oh and out of spite she even said he wasnt my son, the most cruel thing she could ever say, although later she retracted that. There is one fundamental feature about me that he has said really makes it undisputable lol.

I look forward to the day where a line is drawn under this and I can move on but you know what, its going to be a months and I can only see worse stuff happenning.

In regards to the divorce, i might add that I am not filing for this yet, it doesnt affect me, I am not with someone else so I can wait for this a bit later. I will only start these proceedings if I am forced to as I need to build up my financies again before I can go through that, however if my sons custody is taken care of, nothing about the divorce will stress me out, his wellbeing is all I care about.

If you are in the UK you should know that you can only record a telephone conversation without the other persons express consent if you only intend to use them for your own use. If you intend to make the recordings available to a 3rd party, i.e. your solicitor or a court of law, you would need the express consent of the other person involved, your wife in this case.

Edited April 11, 2010 by CharlieB

[MrMooo]

As I said in my edited post its clear im rushing into things, but its my head strong way, get things done, works in a job but not in personal life.

I think this is down to the fact that within 3 weeks I have found out so much information and now im grieving like someone has died. Before all the problems she was my friend and my wife and I loved her so most its just pure emotion. But it also opens this box, khowing how I wore blinkers for so long, I lost so many friends because if they said anything against her I reacted in a way letting them know I dont need them, so now im left on my own with my son facing this big world alone.

As much as I know you guys/girls are not solicitors the advice you have given me is valid in that its made it clear to me im rushing too fast and it will end up costing me if I dont slow down a do things properly. I am in the process of writing out a timeline and will document any contact I have with her from now on. I will record any telephone conversations and will look into the private detective to back up my claims (my saving grace is this month I get a bonus from work, pure luck it will give me the money to do it). The reality is that she is not fit to look after the child, I wish more than anything that she really loved him and we could be friends but I know so much about her that its hard to still be the only civil one. Whenever I speak to her via facebook or phone I always keep my cool and take the abuse I get but ultimately its breaking me down and thats why I wanted to get things sorted out as soon as I could. But I need to realise, courts, solicitors dont move fast so I need to slow down and build evidence and try and get over the loss ive had.

The residence order is a formality to protect me for the future. I know her enough to know she is looking for that next guy to take her away and pamper her and she loves English guys. She even said to me when I meet someone else and have our son I will make sure he calls him his dad, but I know this is trying to get a reaction from me, just see the other things I said she has said. But this is whats causes me so much distress, all the negative comments are wearing me down, while in the meantime I am bringing up a 11 month old boy who doesnt sit still for a moment. Oh and out of spite she even said he wasnt my son, the most cruel thing she could ever say, although later she retracted that. There is one fundamental feature about me that he has said really makes it undisputable lol.

I look forward to the day where a line is drawn under this and I can move on but you know what, its going to be a months and I can only see worse stuff happenning.

In regards to the divorce, i might add that I am not filing for this yet, it doesnt affect me, I am not with someone else so I can wait for this a bit later. I will only start these proceedings if I am forced to as I need to build up my financies again before I can go through that, however if my sons custody is taken care of, nothing about the divorce will stress me out, his wellbeing is all I care about.

If you are in the UK you should know that you can only record a telephone conversation without the other persons express consent if you only intend to use them for your own use. If you intend to make the recordings available to a 3rd party, i.e. your solicitor or a court of law, you would need the express consent of the other person involved, your wife in this case.

Thanks CharlieB

Audio recording of a deal between her and someone in person I assume would be covered under the same law? Right now im going to have another discussion with my solicitor as I have more information etc. I will hope she also forwards the address onto me.

Also what you talk about, I assume this is the data protection act? Would she be covered under this considering she is Thai and not living in the UK? I would say if it was heard in any case in the Uk then yes but my knowledge is some what limited, again I will ask my solicitor.

I've build up a fair few questions, I guess I should really make her earn her money!

And in response to tripplejjj

I hope I am now going to get her address, you're right in what you said, I will just add I am not being myself at the moment, I am having great problems concentrating and focussing so sometimes im not reading things correctly and writing responses too quick. I apologise for that. but you're right and as I said I hope to have finally got her address. I do hope soon I will stop feeling sorry for myself and move on but right now its pretty fresh.

Thanks for your help.

[Chivas]

The address used on the Visa was that of her families but they no longer live there.

How I have spoken to her again and she said she will email me the address. I dont know for sure if she will, I will have to wait a see. she did add that if she receives any paperwork and it doesnt say im giving my son to her then she wont sign anything.

Mr Mooo,

Am sure you are a genuine poster but I've never seen anyone panic like you.

DONT talk to the bitxx if every time she threatens you with something !! Ignore her period.

What on earth are you referring to the Data Protection act for ??

You are in the UK-Your son is with you in the UK-Your drug taking wife is in Thailand with no access to the UK.

As I stated before leave it to your solicitor to deal with "no address issues" etc etc and stop WORRYING !!

[sarahsbloke]

If you are in the UK you should know that you can only record a telephone conversation without the other persons express consent if you only intend to use them for your own use. If you intend to make the recordings available to a 3rd party, i.e. your solicitor or a court of law, you would need the express consent of the other person involved, your wife in this case.

Put the phone on speaker, record the room in general, this bypasses this silly UK law, and you no longer need consent.

[MrMooo]

My solicitor told me today, to do nothing....I am seeing them tomorrow I am not too happy. They have said just wait and see if she comes into the country then act. I feel like I picked a real bad one.

Chivas I do panic yes and ultimately I dont know why apart from stress. This is the worst moment of my life I can say that for sure. From 2+ years happy to within 3 weeks completely fell apart its shock and stress that is making me act out of character.

[Chivas]

My solicitor told me today, to do nothing....I am seeing them tomorrow I am not too happy. They have said just wait and see if she comes into the country then act. I feel like I picked a real bad one.

Chivas I do panic yes and ultimately I dont know why apart from stress. This is the worst moment of my life I can say that for sure. From 2+ years happy to within 3 weeks completely fell apart its shock and stress that is making me act out of character.

How can she come into the uk or have I missed something ?

Is her previous visa still valid ??

[MrMooo]

Obviously you want to sort out who has legal custody of your child; it is right and proper that you do so.

I'm no lawyer, but I think that unless you can show that she has in some way harmed him, or represents a danger to him, then getting custody without her having access rights is going to be difficult.

If she has legal access then she can get a visa to visit him in the UK, see VAT23 Parents with access rights to children in the UK . It is also possible that she would be able to obtain ILR in the UK based upon her access rights to the child, Immigration Rules Part 7, Paras 246 to 248.

I don't want to add to your worries, but do feel it's important that you are aware of this.

This post shows it is possible for her. This is very important information, I need to be aware of these things even if they're not a real threat to me knowledge is everything. Thanks again 7by7.

Im chilling out a bit now, it was the weekend, too much time to think, worry and stress out.

[yeesipha]

Obviously you want to sort out who has legal custody of your child; it is right and proper that you do so.

I'm no lawyer, but I think that unless you can show that she has in some way harmed him, or represents a danger to him, then getting custody without her having access rights is going to be difficult.

If she has legal access then she can get a visa to visit him in the UK, see VAT23 Parents with access rights to children in the UK . It is also possible that she would be able to obtain ILR in the UK based upon her access rights to the child, Immigration Rules Part 7, Paras 246 to 248.

I don't want to add to your worries, but do feel it's important that you are aware of this.

This post shows it is possible for her. This is very important information, I need to be aware of these things even if they're not a real threat to me knowledge is everything. Thanks again 7by7.

Im chilling out a bit now, it was the weekend, too much time to think, worry and stress out.

yes but surely in order for her to gain a visa for access rights she would still need to show she can support and maintain herself without recourse to public funds? can she?

[MrMooo]

True she has no job.

I guess this is what the solicitor is trying to say to me, calm down there is no real threat at the moment, they will keep the file open in case its required. Im not researching so much at the moment, worked today played with my son and put him to bed and now I shall as well.

I think I have to leave this in the hands of people im now paying Im clearly not able to do all this being so emotional.

Thank you all for all your advice and help, it has been a massive help.

[Chivas]

Let us know how you get on ??

[bobrussell]

A few of the posters seem to have it right. This is the UK. Her entry to the UK is not within your control it is with UKBA - they will allow her in only if they consider she complies with visa requirements. You have little say in this.

Children are rarely abducted and flown across the world from the UK. Put passports out of harms way and it is almost impossible to travel abroad as a consequence.

Solicitors will do the work for you (at a price of course) - voice your concerns but listen to them.

Do not communicate with your ex-wife-to-be except by snail-mail. Show anything to your solicitor especially if you feel it is threatening in any way. Snail-mail allows everyone time to react after thought.

It sounds as if she is still pulling your strings!

As with all divorces take it one day at a time - enjoy being with your child - they grow up too fast!

Thailand is a very long way away and very few people are rich enough or powerful enough to have much 'clout' from there.

Someone said 'slow down' that seems the best advice!

[MrMooo]

You're right I have slowed down and its help me mentally. I do not speak to her at all now and i spend my time at work working and not thinking about it and when I get home I spend all my time with my son who is at the learning to walk stage so needs attention and keeps me busy.

My solicitor has said get him a passport and store in safe place and to write letter to passport agency requesting notification if a request comes through which I will do within days.

My solicitor has said I cannot go to court to get residence for the child as he is in my care now and that I must wait for her to turn up before I can do anything. She said she can get the case heard within no latter than 2 days on her arrival. I cant say im happy with this but if its the way it works then I have to go alone with it. My ex's temper is so bad that she would not cope well with being interviewed by child services etc so im not overly concerned at this point.

Its songkran she is making a lot of money but I dont want to get in trouble with what I say but its peak time for her kinda business right now. So she will have enough technically to get on a plane within days and she said she is going to be back within 3-4 months days ago when I last spoke to her. I am not sure what she is up to but I know the men she tried to cheat on me with here are helping her get advice but whatever ill deal with it when it comes to it.

I have a long way to go, im still waiting on counselling but ive had some support from people around me and i hope this is the road to getting better but yesterday was my worst day yet, but I come through it and feel good today.

I just hope one day I dont end up posting in this say, she has arrived....we're see..

[Chivas]

You're right I have slowed down and its help me mentally. I do not speak to her at all now and i spend my time at work working and not thinking about it and when I get home I spend all my time with my son who is at the learning to walk stage so needs attention and keeps me busy.

My solicitor has said get him a passport and store in safe place and to write letter to passport agency requesting notification if a request comes through which I will do within days.

My solicitor has said I cannot go to court to get residence for the child as he is in my care now and that I must wait for her to turn up before I can do anything. She said she can get the case heard within no latter than 2 days on her arrival. I cant say im happy with this but if its the way it works then I have to go alone with it. My ex's temper is so bad that she would not cope well with being interviewed by child services etc so im not overly concerned at this point.

Its songkran she is making a lot of money but I dont want to get in trouble with what I say but its peak time for her kinda business right now. So she will have enough technically to get on a plane within days and she said she is going to be back within 3-4 months days ago when I last spoke to her. I am not sure what she is up to but I know the men she tried to cheat on me with here are helping her get advice but whatever ill deal with it when it comes to it.

I have a long way to go, im still waiting on counselling but ive had some support from people around me and i hope this is the road to getting better but yesterday was my worst day yet, but I come through it and feel good today.

I just hope one day I dont end up posting in this say, she has arrived....we're see..

I doubt if you will ever see her again fortunately.

[sarahsbloke]

Its songkran she is making a lot of money but I dont want to get in trouble with what I say but its peak time for her kinda business right now. So she will have enough technically to get on a plane within days and she said she is going to be back within 3-4 months days ago when I last spoke to her. I am not sure what she is up to but I know the men she tried to cheat on me with here are helping her get advice but whatever ill deal with it when it comes to it.

The ladies in this business spend it as quick as they make it, I wouldn't worry too much.

[paully]

My solicitor has said get him a passport and store in safe place

Very sensible advice.

My solicitor has said I cannot go to court to get residence for the child as he is in my care now and that I must wait for her to turn up before I can do anything. She said she can get the case heard within no latter than 2 days on her arrival. I cant say im happy with this but if its the way it works then I have to go alone with it.

Your solicitor is right about residence in the circumstances. If she were to appear in the UK you could alternatively apply for an urgent prohibited steps order - the prohibited step being that the child is not to be taken out of the jurisdiction of the UK courts without your express consent or the court's permission. This can be easier to obtain than a residence order.

In terms of the divorce, you've already hit the nail on the head: you need to provide an address for her in order to commence proceedings and obtain the decree nisi, there's no short cut.

Edited April 17, 2010 by paully

[MrMooo]

Ive been doing a lot of research on everything and basically have done or will do the following:

Done the solicitor part, file open ready for urgent prohibited steps order etc

Letter went to immigration, they do what they have to do

Passport application sent off

Will follow up with letter to passport agency asking to be notified if any requests come in due to family situation.

Have stopped her from messaging me on facebook but still have access to see if she has a status saying she is on her way to UK. Also plans in place to make sure me and my son arent there when she does, holiday or something.

I have the phone number for the office that deals with the letter I sent in and will speak to them Monday to see if I will be notified if she was to apply based on having a child here. Got this by chance calling the police in error funny enough, number isnt listed on the UKBA site at all.

I have build up information on my case, detailing my financies, arrangements for my son if required later so I dont have to go through all that then.

But sadly I miss her and am still waiting for proper counselling to help me get over the life I have now lost. I have no intention of taking her back however as I know I will lose my son and its just all ultimately unfair for him, bless him. Thank god he is too young to really understand.

The divorce, well I want one however right now I dont have her address and she is not prepared to give me it so ill get advice later. Im just not sure how it works in terms of, 2 years down the line, still no sign, can I not do anything. The saving grace is ultimately I know i wont want to get re-married in this time however ifI come into money (I WISH), I dont want her touching it, thats my only concern.