Thai Coming Out Stories

[Ijustwannateach]

I'd be interested in hearing some coming-out stories from Thai partners. I'd also be happy to hear what people think about the concept of "coming out" in Thailand- is it meaningful, or becoming more so? Is it different for the "straighter" acting gays compared to queenier types here?

I'll kick off-

My ex- and current flame, O., says that as far as he knows he was straight until he saw the movie The Flintstones with John Goodman. He said he seemed to really like watching that movie for some reason, and had a good warm feeling when he saw Goodman's character (Fred, for those of you who don't know the show, is a rather... large man, as is Goodman). This would've been when he was in junior high school.

He still didn't have any way to articulate his feelings as gay, however, and continued to date girls in his school throughout high school. He came to Bangkok to find work after graduating. At some point a friend introduced him to the Internet; naturally, after surfing awhile he ran into a link which sent him into one of those porn-spam spirals of many windows spontaneously opening. For the first time he saw ads and sites related to gay men, including foreign men who were both older and bigger. Curious and excited, he investigated one of the sites until he finally managed to contact one of the men who interested him, a rather large-proportioned Dutch man. Luckily for O., this guy was very Jai Dee (I've met him) and became O.'s gay mentor- remotely at first, and later through visits as a tourist. Occasionally, he helped O. out of financial trouble.

Before O. met him the first time, though, he had one encounter with a gay man who lives locally in Bangkok. I think O. didn't really know what he was getting into- O. thought he was just going to cuddle and hug the man, but the man took him, um, a little bit further. O. realized he had enjoyed the encounter, and then he was finally out, at least to himself.

When it comes to Thais, especially his friends and family, O. remains deeply closeted. He sometimes expresses a wish that he had been more of a kathoey and less straight-acting, because then he wouldn't have to satisify anyone's expectations that he be straight- he would've been "out" by common knowledge.

"Steven"

[PeaceBlondie]

I heard of a Thai who died, and his relatives finally discovered that he'd been carrying on a double life (straight and gay) for all his adult life. he never came out, but he acted out.

My ex said that he and everybody else in the community knew that he was gay from about age 8 or 9. In my classes, I've had 11 to 13 year olds who were like that, already self-identified publicly as gay/katoey/ladyboy. Others, according to my ex, hide their feelings through the teen years and come out later. I haven't heard those stories.

Just before he died, my best student (an obvious katoey) asked if one of the other students was my boyfriend. Of course not - besides, I couldn't even tell the other student was gay!

[ProThaiExpat]

My Thai has been gay all of his recollected life and his stories are based on coming from being a gay child relating to straight men. While he is quite masculine acting, he now has long hair, employment forbade the practice before and his out attitude makes his identification among sports figures easy.

Since he is "out there" with everyone, but quite manerly and in no way slut acting, he is well liked by all straight men and ladies, as well as hs gay friends. These straights populate the police and government, including the provincial govenor.

My Thai is certainly a "role model" for a well integrated gay, who has been so his whole life, and is very willing to "take on" any misquided straight who tries to push inappropriately, as he was an ameteur Thai boxing champ.

Coming from Issan, he certainly has the cultural bias of hooking up with a falang, as good husband material and providers. His village was very near a US airbase during the Vietnam war, so he has an inherent liking for Amricans, especially big ones, as his sister marrid a GI who was big and carried my Thai around on his shoulders, when he was young.

Thus my Thai feels in his inner heart that he hit the "jackpot" when he found a 188/100 U.S. falang who doesn't have to work and can long stay in Thailand. He says he held out for the "real thing" so avoided all the tawdry relationships formed in bars. He definitely has the "female mystique" for those who know what that means, without being "nelly". His identification with sport figures doesn't permit a nelly mannerism, unless he is "putting on" intentionally.

His Thai friends span the spectrum from "money boy" to government closet case. His polite demeanor and conversational and joking ability make him very popular among most Thais and his English doubles that with falang. You guessed it, I am blessed!

IJWT: Technically my post is "off topic" in that my Thai only "came out" of his mother's womb, not in the traditional sense meant by your OP.

My own story of "coming out" is as complex as any gay who tried to be a "good little boy" in a Christian--Judean dominated culture, even into his advanced years, but that story must await another thread.

[ChrisP]

My Thai bf has always been out... although didn't get on with his father.. and left home when he was 15 to live with his (then) Thai bf. He's definitely relationship orientated.

That lasted 18 months.. during which, oddly enough, he was completely "out" but his older Thai bf wasn't. Hence he was the "invisible boyfriend" and that didn't go down well at all..!

Since then he's had a couple of very shorter-term relationships with farang guys... until he met me. We've been together for 18 months. He's always prefered older men.. (ok, maybe his absentee father has something to do with it too... !)

He's obviously gay.. works as a boy-dancer and does Drag in BKK... (NOT Katoey, or at a Boy-bar) He doesn't hide being gay, and is VERY open, even in public. For a Thai he's very opinionated, and very "I don't care what others think about it.." (displaying being gay in public). He tells me it didn't go down well in his High School though.

ChrisP

PS My own gay coming-out story is a bit complex, too....!

Edited June 6, 2005 by ChrisP