What Is The Big Deal About Thai Girls?

[Ijustwannateach]

^to add to that, you are still responsible for your own decisions- even for your decision to accept passively people who 'choose' you. As ElK says, you're perfectly entitled to say 'no' to something that's a re-run of what you've done before.

Saying 'yes' to different types of people means you've got to find them. Really, there's no limit to the number of places you could theoretically meet, greet, & flirt with single women- and similarly it's not a problem to ask around to your other friends if they know any nice available women to be introduced to. If you've just been meeting them in nightlife places- not the best start- change your venues and look for normal people who are awake in the daytime & have jobs and even educations. Doesn't mean you'll bring them home that day, but more likely to go somewhere with staying power.

[elkangorito]

Why is it IJWT, that you, I & many others have a grasp on this?

I've been here for about 4 years & still haven't met anybody with which I wish to have a relationship. This is not a problem for me as the 'proposals' all seem to require some sort of financial benefit. I simply don't do 'financial benefit', no matter how wonderful they look or appear to be.

The word 'No' for me is quite easy to say.

[473geo]

Thank you fellas......for your advice

I will take it on board......just in case my beautiful charming wife changes beyond all recognition into 'something out there' that you guys appear to have in your minds......for which I carry no fear.....

[Ijustwannateach]

Thanks, ElK... I think that a lot of people here have used the 'culture' excuse to give up on normal relationships. Because they hang out with the tourist crowd and never broke away to meet real people, they just assume that 'all' Thais are 'like that' and normalise their behaviour- quite funny at first and then sad to see them deny that any other kind of relationship is possible. I have friends who think that I'm some sort of anomaly because I expect my dates to pull their weight, be taking care of themselves, working, contributing to our shared time together, etc. and then big surprise- I find people who do that. They don't have to be rich or anything, just normal, and it works.

But lack of self-esteem becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy- people don't take care of themselves, don't choose good friends and good places to be, etc.- eventually their negative self-beliefs are a reality!

Not taking responsibility for choosing people means that when the people are bad to them- it's not their fault- so they can be smug about the moral high ground (though quite lonely up there sometimes).

[souvenirdeparis]

I had French, Italian, German, Swedish, Jewish,Greek, Algerian , American, Thaï girl friends, then at 40 Thaî wife for ten years; divorced 5 years ago, still wondering at what happened to me . Nothing in my life had prepared me for such a devastating experience , she sure was in a league of her own. I did alla I could, honest . As a friend happily married to a Thaî once told me : " of course, if you didn't buy her parents a house , it made things difficult for you".

[elkangorito]

As a friend happily married to a Thaî once told me : " of course, if you didn't buy her parents a house , it made things difficult for you".

Was this the case for you? Was it money?

[473geo]

Thanks, ElK... I think that a lot of people here have used the 'culture' excuse to give up on normal relationships. Because they hang out with the tourist crowd and never broke away to meet real people, they just assume that 'all' Thais are 'like that' and normalise their behaviour- quite funny at first and then sad to see them deny that any other kind of relationship is possible. I have friends who think that I'm some sort of anomaly because I expect my dates to pull their weight, be taking care of themselves, working, contributing to our shared time together, etc. and then big surprise- I find people who do that. They don't have to be rich or anything, just normal, and it works.

But lack of self-esteem becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy- people don't take care of themselves, don't choose good friends and good places to be, etc.- eventually their negative self-beliefs are a reality!

Not taking responsibility for choosing people means that when the people are bad to them- it's not their fault- so they can be smug about the moral high ground (though quite lonely up there sometimes).

First you must have the confidence to know if you are oil or water.......they both find their own level but do not mix well. To have the confidence to go with the flow is not a sign of inability, perhaps more a sign of the ability to realise the correct outcome in any given situation. Those who are incapable of such confidence use 'guidlines' and parameters to justify their caution. Why not? what works for one......but I repeat myself......oil and water again!!!

I think smug is more likely to refer to people who deride others for their choices, prefering to concentrate on the failures, thus ignoring the fact that some of the more successful may well have experienced the full sphere of Thai society before making their choice. But still made the same choice!!

Edited May 1, 2010 by 473geo

[hanuman1]

I met my wife in a gogo bar in 1993. We are now married with 2 kids and a nice house, kids going to good schools. People who get stung by bar girls are just poor judges of character. Either that or they've got no balls when it comes to ironing out the inevitable difficulties that arise in any relationship that lasts a long time. If you want a puppet, go stick your hand up a doll's arse.

[elkangorito]

I think smug is more likely to refer to people who deride others for their choices, prefering to concentrate on the failures, thus ignoring the fact that some of the more successful may well have experienced the full sphere of Thai society before making their choice. But still made the same choice!!

To me, 'smug' is all about those who say they have 'followed the rules' & yet, things have still 'fallen apart'.

The only 'rules' to any relationship on the planet 'earth', have nothing to do with an indoctrinated culture but have everything to do with self respect & thence respect toward one's 'fellow man' (or woman). Strangely, 'self respect' & 'respect for one's fellow man' are not rules.

[wintermute]

I met my wife in a gogo bar in 1993. We are now married with 2 kids and a nice house, kids going to good schools. People who get stung by bar girls are just poor judges of character. Either that or they've got no balls when it comes to ironing out the inevitable difficulties that arise in any relationship that lasts a long time. If you want a puppet, go stick your hand up a doll's arse.

So when the kids grow up are you going to break the news to them as to where their mother came from?

[britmaveric]

^why wouldnt he? Nothing to be ashamed of and one should always be proud of.

[wintermute]

^why wouldnt he? Nothing to be ashamed of and one should always be proud of.

Those are going to be some "interesting" kids mentally speaking. Then again roughly half of the halfies I meet come from some screwy backgrounds with usually an absentee farang father. They resent it like hel_l too.

[britmaveric]

If you have two loving parents you will be quite fine.

[wintermute]

If you have two loving parents you will be quite fine.

"Mom was a whore" doesn't take too long to sink in and unless they are down's kids they will figure it out eventually.

[Ijustwannateach]

Not smug myself- can say I've made a fair share of mistakes. But they were my mistakes, and not anyone else's. Also not implying anything is true about any other particular person, so 473geo, if the shoe fits, wear it- but I'm not really talking in particular about you (except for that one bit where you refer to being 'chosen'). I've let myself be 'chosen' before- sometimes it worked out well, sometimes not- but I still acknowledge that I was involved!

[473geo]

I think smug is more likely to refer to people who deride others for their choices, preferring to concentrate on the failures, thus ignoring the fact that some of the more successful may well have experienced the full sphere of Thai society before making their choice. But still made the same choice!!

To me, 'smug' is all about those who say they have 'followed the rules' & yet, things have still 'fallen apart'.

The only 'rules' to any relationship on the planet 'earth', have nothing to do with an indoctrinated culture but have everything to do with self respect & thence respect toward one's 'fellow man' (or woman). Strangely, 'self respect' & 'respect for one's fellow man' are not rules.

Thank you for your example supporting my statement......I notice 'fallen apart'

And for those who did not 'follow the rules' but were successful, and those that did 'follow the rules' and were successful......and those that were just quite simply successful?.......

'Rules' to me are for guidance - written or unwritten - I think you confuse them with laws.

One may accept and respect the right to free speech by a fellow man/woman......respect for his/her words is not a necessity for a successful life. In fact if you give the words too much respect you may well be inadvertantly led off on a tangent......

Edited May 1, 2010 by 473geo

[elkangorito]

I met my wife in a gogo bar in 1993. We are now married with 2 kids and a nice house, kids going to good schools. People who get stung by bar girls are just poor judges of character. Either that or they've got no balls when it comes to ironing out the inevitable difficulties that arise in any relationship that lasts a long time. If you want a puppet, go stick your hand up a doll's arse.

So when the kids grow up are you going to break the news to them as to where their mother came from?

I don't see why not!!!

My mum kept a secret for almost 40 years. She did so because of the perceived 'shame' of her previous actions (no, she was not a prostitute).

Due to self induced emotional pressure, she decided to tell 'us kids' about her past...after almost 40 years of self torture. To her surprise, all of us felt overjoyed with her news. We had a 'new' & previously unknown family member.

The lesson for my mum was simple...& she agrees. Always speak the truth as soon as possible. If 'stories' are told, these stories only create trouble later on in life, which is why 'us kids' never knew a thing about her past (everybody who knew her past kept their mouths well & truly shut).

Here's the 'secret' of my mum (starts late 1950's);

Her first boyfriend was a guy in the RAAF (Royal Australian Air Force). She was 18 years old & he was a couple of years older.

They saw each other for about a year & my mum discovered that she was pregnant.

The parents of the guy were religious zealots & as soon as they found out that their son was 'illegitimately' involved with my mum, they ordered an immediate ban upon them to never see each other again, even though my mum & him were basically ready to get married.

It must be understood that at this time in Australia, 'christianity' had a profound effect upon society to such a degree that the child of any woman who gave birth out of wedlock, was immediately removed from the mother.

As a result & to this day, there are many pending court cases regarding the illegal (religious) abduction of children in Australia.

Anyway, my mum gave birth to a child, who was immediately removed from her sight. She was not even permitted to touch her baby.

For years, she secretly sought the whereabouts of her 'first born' child. As a result of dogged & secret persistence, she finally discovered 'him'.

I met my 'half brother' 4 years ago...with open arms & no talk of the past.

Her 'admission' of her history was very emotional for her...& for us. I'm lucky that my mum & dad were in no way religious or applied censorship to any part of my life or my sister's lives.

I guess it all depends upon how long someone can keep a secret before the pressure becomes too great. The sooner the 'cat is out of the bag', the less pressure & explaining will be apparent in the future.

I wish you, your wife & your children, the best of luck for the future.

[wintermute]

I met my wife in a gogo bar in 1993. We are now married with 2 kids and a nice house, kids going to good schools. People who get stung by bar girls are just poor judges of character. Either that or they've got no balls when it comes to ironing out the inevitable difficulties that arise in any relationship that lasts a long time. If you want a puppet, go stick your hand up a doll's arse.

So when the kids grow up are you going to break the news to them as to where their mother came from?

I don't see why not!!!

My mum kept a secret for almost 40 years. She did so because of the perceived 'shame' of her previous actions (no, she was not a prostitute).

Thanks for sharing but your mother's situation differs drastically from some lady who got scooped up by a punter after seeing her skills at shooting ping pong balls out of her cooch. It's like apples and oranges. Kids have a way of defining their reality through this sort of information.

[britmaveric]

Well it's a job no more no less. Nothing to be ashamed of and I wager that is how any children would view their parents.

[elkangorito]

A secret is a secret.

In the case of my mum, shooting ping pong balls from her 'cooch' was equivalent to giving birth out of wedlock. The 'stress' about this situation back then is probably more than the stress of a 'mums ping pong shooting cooch' today.

One simply needs to equate the situation to the world today. And don't bother talking about 'Thainess'...that 'innocence' went out the window long ago.

At the end of the day & no matter in which society you live, the truth shall prevail. From experience, the sooner it prevails, the less problems there are in the future.

Edited May 1, 2010 by elkangorito

[473geo]

Not smug myself- can say I've made a fair share of mistakes. But they were my mistakes, and not anyone else's. Also not implying anything is true about any other particular person, so 473geo, if the shoe fits, wear it- but I'm not really talking in particular about you (except for that one bit where you refer to being 'chosen'). I've let myself be 'chosen' before- sometimes it worked out well, sometimes not- but I still acknowledge that I was involved!

Don't ever be a cobbler - your fitting is all wrong...

Please can you explain why any person would not be 'involved' in a relationship.....I'm lost here...

[elkangorito]

Please can you explain why any person would not be 'involved' in a relationship.....I'm lost here...

Would you be involved in the first opportunity of a relationship presented to you...without question?

[473geo]

Please can you explain why any person would not be 'involved' in a relationship.....I'm lost here...

Would you be involved in the first opportunity of a relationship presented to you...without question?

My point exactly - it is not a relationship unless you are 'involved'..!!

[elkangorito]

You're not very smart. The word 'opportunity' quite clearly distinguishes between being involved & 'potentially' being involved.

[473geo]

You're not very smart. The word 'opportunity' quite clearly distinguishes between being involved & 'potentially' being involved.

How are you potentially involved? - you are in a relationship therefore you are involved - or not in a relationship so not involved!

You have the 'opportunity' to be in a relationship - until you enter into a relationship - you are not involved

If you require further clarification please do not hesitate to ask.....

Edited May 1, 2010 by 473geo

[elkangorito]

I wasn't aware of this 'you are now in a relationship' line, from which the return is disastrous. Can you please define this level of committment?

Between any two people, there is an understanding of 'in' or 'not in' a 'relationship'. The word 'relationship' means different things for everybody.

How are you potentially involved? - you are in a relationship therefore you are involved - or not in a relationship so not involved!

The perceived depth of involvement is unique & thus 'clear & truthful' communication is very sensible.

There is always an opportunity to say 'no' to something. The sooner this is done, the better.

[473geo]

I wasn't aware of this 'you are now in a relationship' line, from which the return is disastrous. Can you please define this level of committment?

Between any two people, there is an understanding of 'in' or 'not in' a 'relationship'. The word 'relationship' means different things for everybody.

How are you potentially involved? - you are in a relationship therefore you are involved - or not in a relationship so not involved!

The perceived depth of involvement is unique & thus 'clear & truthful' communication is very sensible.

There is always an opportunity to say 'no' to something. The sooner this is done, the better.

Unless you have engineered a position where you would be pleased to say yes.....

[elkangorito]

Sadly, 'engineered relationships' are a recipe for disaster.

[473geo]

Sadly, 'engineered relationships' are a recipe for disaster.

I guess that depends on the quality and experience of the engineer....

[elkangorito]

I'm glad you were not my dad.