Thai Laws

[havetowelwilltravel]

I live 30 minutes outside of chiang mai, and all my neighbors are thai and I don't speak thai very well

only other neighbor is farang friend who is married with 2 kids both not his

now maybe this is personal and not the right place, and no this has nothing to do will me only the fact i am a concerned friend.

He has been married a little over 2 years when he met his wife she had a 11 year old son now 13 and they have a 2 year he thought was his but a dna test proved otherwise. He is sticking by his wife because he loves his son and can't picture being without him even though the child is 100% thai.

And the bigger problem she is pregnent again and claims it is his, and he has doubts but can you blame him?

she/his wife has terrible temper, and i saw first hand (she did not know i was in the house) her beating the 13 year old with a wire hanger and i looked later he has the welts to prove it. according to my friend over the past 2 years she has beat the kid, threw a brick yes a fricking brick at him, and threw water bottles at both my friend and her oldest son

she also is quick to yell at and spank the youngest son, and then like magic she turns into mary poppins nice as can be.

his/my friends neighbors said she is a bit dting dtong, something the thais dont joke about?

my friend wants the <deleted>.k out but will take care of the youngest son and the next kid if it is his.

his wife hates me and tells him not to listen to a word i say.

now my girlfriend cant stand his wife but i thought it was some sort of chiang mai vs issan thing, my girlfriend called her a liar and jai-damme black heart?

he is afraid if he contacts some sort of human welfare they will take away the 2 year old and i dont think he can handle that right now.

any advice

thanks

[Mario2008]

Are they legally married, at the amphur? Any child born during the marriage will be the legal child of the husband, regardles if the husband is the biolological father or not. The legal father can however deny he is the legal father if he wants to and thus not establish any family ties with the child.

Hitting a child is not acceptable under Thai law, normal punishment of a child that misbehave is.

If a divorce is considered and he wants to get custody over the children he better starts documenting al that is happening as to proof that he is a good father and she on the other hand is not capable of taking care of the children or even a danger to them.

However, if there are 3 children, a judge will not look favarouble at splitting the children and will want to keep them together.

Always look first at options to repair the situation, like theraphy.

[foolinparadise]

I have been through a similar experience to your freind. My wife however was nice as pie for 5 years, an absolout pleasure to live with. Then like flicking a switch she changed.

She abandoned her son, who i Later found out was not mine. She stole our savings and ran off to Thailand on holiday with her new boyfreind.

We where living in Australia, she mistakenly thought she had been granted permanant residency the month she did this. She hadent, and i cancelled her sponsorship and turned of the money!! What a pleasure that was!

I hope your freind has the sense to leave the relationship, most of us dont even when stareing at the obvious we deney it and make excusses (i know i did, after my wife left i would have done anything to get her back after i calmed down). I dont think he should stay in the relationship even if this child does turn out to be his. He should also think practicaly about how hard it is bringing up kids alone and how he will manage it especialy in Thailand. I was unable to do it alone in Australia, not through lack of trying.

He should definataly start documenting things as mario says (Covertly Tape/Video arguments if possible, not sure this is legal?) and take financial precautions and he should keep this to himself. He will have to be as devious as his partner.

People dont change, we are what we are. he should start planning the break up now and test the child at the nearest opertunity. i would have probably stayed with my partner had i know our son wasnt ours, but it would have been a big mistake.

I was left with our son with no choice, if she had taken him i would have fought to get him back...but now i have him and i am faced with the reality of bringing this child up alone (let alone 2 or 3 kids) I wonder if i would do it the same again?. The realities of doing it are different. Your freind has a life to lead too, maybe he should also consider cutting his losses? I have thought about it i am ashamed to say, and i feel guilty but am going to do the best i can for him.

This is just my emotional advice after experiencing somthing similar, most people cant be told i know i couldnt at the time...but he should get out of there with or without the kids, and plan it well before he does...dont let her know whats comming. I was devious and i managed to trick her into signing our house back to me. Tell him to look at doing whatever he can, house in kids name?

Wish him the best of luck and i hope he can salvage somthing from this. Tell him to think carfully about fighting for two kids that arent his, somtimes u just fight for somthing but then once you have it your not sure u want it. I sound terrible, i love my son, but it gets very complicated.

Dave.

Sorry i dont have any legal/practical advice, i am just starting to look at my options in Thailand legaly as i need to return to thailand with him to live. It's going to cost me $500 000 baht a year for schools alone, plus nannies etc. as i have to work away, then i will still not know if he is safe leaving him with a paid stranger, he will mis me terribly and he is in for a rough time. Is he best with me? Hope it works out for your mate.

[foolinparadise]

Just thought it might be worth taking the kid to a private doctor if she beats him again.

At least that way it's documented. you should be able to keep it confidential if u have a word with the doc once the boy is out of the room. Tell his son he's just making sure he is ok and it doesnt get infected or somthing so it doesnt get back to the mum your starting to document stuff.

Good to have paperwork should u need it in future, i've kept everything even though the mothers not interested at present.

[MikeyIdea]

There is one strange rule about abuse/criminal offences and doctors and that is that only some doctors are allowed to do the examination in that case. Also bigger hospitals often only have one doctor who can sign. If you go to a normal private doctor saying as it is, then he will probably refuse to examine, telling you to go to the police and get the special paper needed and go to another hospital.

If the mother beats the child, then I certainly recommend taking the child to the police and make a police report.

There are 2 steps at the police, step one is the standard report (jaeng kwaam) and absolutely nothing will happen because we do it (unless we want to press on)... But you can get a paper from the police enabling the child to go to a doctor allowed to examine for evidence. That's a very good paper to keep as evidence, or to go on and make a court case out of. Step 2 is serious (saab), thats where you have decided that this must go to court, there is no return after that. I would recommend to go through step 1, even one of those would make Juvenlie court interesting in action, a few of them even better. Can be done without the mother knowing even

The 13 year old is old enough to speak for himself in a Thai court, the judges will really listen to what he says and wants in Thailand.

I see it as the 2 year old is the fathers responsibility, the father on the birth certificate and the father at heart, be it not the biological father. I can't see that it matters, only the real feelings he has matters. If the young child shows sign of being beaten, then I recommend make police report step 1 and get the child examined by a doctor and keep the papers. There is no need to act further at that point, but do it to collect evidence. The father will feel so hopeless the day he decides that he must act and finds out that he has no opportunity to collect evidence any longer.

This needs a lawyers recommendation but I actually don't think that the fact that the father isn't the biological father would matter that much if the father takes the child abuse to juvenile court and backs it up with a couple of police reports and doctors examinations, I am talking about documented child abuse and not just a bit of spanking though. It's difficult to get sole custody in Thailand but any lawyer specialising in family law will say that child abuse and "tuu waa benn khan antarai" - can be assumed that the person is dangerous - are very good grounds . Thai courts care about the child first, parents second. Enough evidence about child abuse and the courts will (most likely) decide to remove the mothers visitation rights, at the same time, the courts will need someone as primary guardian, I don't see a big problem in them assigning the loving father to be that person. Thai's are practical, the solution suits the child.

I get goose pimples thinking of hot-tempered women... I have a hot-tempered "wife" myself, I like to call her my daughters mother nowadays even though we still live together. She never dared to hit my daughter, she knew that I would throw her out if she ever did, but she hit me instead. I never acted to collect formal evidence, I became hard and took out her bag and pointed at the door instead - stop or get out. Yes, she stopped hitting me but she didn't change personality, she just tries to hide it better. And she is better but not good, and now I have no way of collecting evidence any longer. I can't emphasise it more: Take the chance to gather evidence if it comes, it may never come back.

Mario2008 writes well. I don't believe in the therapy part though, I spent nearly 200,000 bath on therapy for my wife, the only thing the psychiatrists ever managed to do was to ask me not to put pressure on her and wake up her love for our daughter. Perhaps it would have been easier for all parties including the child if that love had not been woken up... I can confirm though, that even a woman verbally diagnosed with bipolar disorder could shape up a bit, given enough reason. Saying stop or pack and leave and point at the door often enough makes her try to behave. I would think that the mother in this case is the same. I sincerely hope that they don't live in a house in her name... That was the deciding factor in my case, it was MY house and if she didn't change, then...

Good Luck

[havetowelwilltravel]

thank's all

showed these posts to my friend and he will do what must be done....thanks again